A sweet symphony,
Is booming in the middle of the night,
Making itself known in my head.

Sleep is no longer important,
Listen to the different tunes dance around you.
Everything is pounding against your skull,
That you can't help but hum along to.

Vibrating notes that leaves bittersweet taste.

Leaving nothing misery in its wake,
Till you finally can drown it out,
But its to late, 3am flashes on the nightstand.

Sleep shall never come easily,
Not with my 'Symphony of Bittersweet Paranoia.'

My sleeves, they hide all of my fears,
They keep me and others from seeing my mistakes,
That always put me to shame.

I'm ashamed of all of my flaws,
That always put me to shame;
Making me feel depressed and out of place.

The cut of broken friendships,
That I believed were going to last forever;
Are now hidden by my sleeves of shame,
So no on we'll never ever have to know of my sorrow.

The mind,
Is a clouded thing,
With to much happening.

One stops to take a break,
Then smoke rolls in and takes control.

Tired souls;
Now are full of energy and seem a knew,
They are no longer recognized by their loved ones.

Lost in a smoke filled mind.

There is no longer a clear mind,
Brilliant and once bright with health.

But now there is only smoke,
And the sound of a up coming beep.

At times I forget,
Sometimes I need a little reminder,
That I am worth something to somebody.

Moments in my life I need someone to nudge me,
To push me onward onto the right path,
So I don't find my way onto the depression path.

Sometimes I need some help,
Someone just to take the time to give me advice,
So I remember that I am not alone even on the loneliest nights.

Soaking up self hatred,
Ignoring kindness,
No more self love to dip oneself in.

Allowing the positive to fade out,
As the negative sinks in.

Elegant love,
Misinterpreted into elegant pity.
Taking in ravishing hate,
Turning it into a new idea.

Dancing among despair,
No longer interested in the light,
That was always to bright.

Take in the negative,
Spit on the positive.

When I speak with tears a streaming down my cheek,
I simply tell you;
"These are tears of joy."

While these tears keep dripping down my pale cheeks,
I sing;
I sing you a lullaby that is so bittersweet,
I think the night's heart skipped a beat.

Dear when I kiss your forehead and tell you;
"I love you"
I am telling you the truth.

So when I leave you for good tonight,
Do not think those last words I told you were a lie,
Because I was telling the pure truth.

These tears I state that are made of joy,
That is a simply lie.
And they are the reason why I shall be leaving you behind tonight,
Because the burden is only mine to take on and plummet into.

So my dear when I told you they were tears of joy,
So you know when I left;
I was truly happy.

"I like the games I play,"
He confessed, trying to impress,
To make the questions come to a standstill.

He twirled and twisted the truth,
Making little white lies become poisonous butterflies.

"The boy was never perfect,"
Is what they say, as comfort,
It makes him want to scream,
But all he does is smile, and agree with them.

"I'm proud of being such a good actor,"
He states with assumed pride,
But its more of a sad confession.

The howled sound that let loose from his throat,
It sounds more strand then it should be,
But no one questions;
His quick silver tongue catches their attention away.

He has to keep his image up on stage,
So he keeps up the delighted look as the cameras flash.

"We have so much in common,"
Another states, and the boy thinks he going to be sick,
He just wants to take a remote, and click!

I feel the claws digging,
I know that its trying to claw away at the skin;
That locks it all away,
What is it trying to get at, I will never know.

I feel the inside of my chest wanting to ripped apart,
I can feel the aching numbness in the pit of my heart swell.

Something wants to be set free from within my fragile frame.

I wish for this feeling to be no more,
I do not want to cave into the craving,
I cannot destroy my appearance of "Normal, or "Just fine,"
I cannot be "Strange," my mother said.

So smile and laugh even if it hurts to move,
The stitching will soon heal all wounds.
It was your fault anyways, for giving in.

I cannot try to claw away at the feelings deep within me,
It is unnatural to react upon these things,
"You must not be so strange,"
Mama will say.

The unknown feelings will soon turn into aching feeling,
Its likes a scratch that you must never scratch at,
Because people have told you that it will just make it worse.

So these feelings deep within in my chest,
I must ignore, I must be actually how society wishes me to be,
"Perfectly fine."

Locked behind caged ribs,
Left to destroy just the inside,
Left to be my secret; mine to hide.

Buried in but tearing at its prison walls.

Lied for my pride,
Not wanting to be supplied with aid,
No need for some peace of mind.

Little ripples of discomfort,
Form spasming as it slither under my skin,
Leaving a sensation that brings agony in its wake.

Little creature that lives within my chest,
You bring me to my knees and curling into my own frame.

None shall know of this little being,
It cannot be seen by another eye.
All that is known is the sensation and state it leaves me in.

Skin charred,
As the flame got to close,
Your flesh was not prepared,
For the intense heat.

She takes another step,
Blindly burning brightly.
Expecting you to latch onto her back.

She touched you,
Intoxicated by the feel of touch.

The flame that surrounds her always,
Stretches onto your own body,
Consuming you and leaving you boiling and aching.

Her needy touch is a flame,
And she mistook you for a moth

Putting on that false hope,
Smiling wide for the crowd as the curtains open,
Starting the new day to life’s story.

Pulling all those face muscles,
Just so I can pull threw till the end of this show.

Lies are like memories,
I can’t stop creating them.
All these lies are spilling out of my mouth,
I wish I could just stop creating them.

I am standing up as I fall back down,
But no one can see those invisible chains around my feet,
Weighing me down.

I keep on putting on that false strength though,
I keep pretending I am enjoying playing my role in this show,
So the world can keep turning and everyone doesn’t have to be weighed down by my own self-troubles;
After all the show must go on.

You can hear the children secret cries.
You know what the adults have done,
But you don't utter a word.

The children have no clue why they run,
They just know never to disobey,
"The superior one."

They silence their words,
Allowing themselves to leave them in their throat.
While they choke on the wild thoughts,
As words are throw like daggers at them.

The superior ones,
That's what they call themselves,
But the children see them more as the monsters under their beds.

They children don't understand,
They just want to make the cruel monsters proud,
But their trying just gets throw back at them,
With insults as the bonus.

The children never utter words,
As mentally bruises are put upon their innocent minds.

They stay silent as they get bullied away by the superior ones.

They say your a nuisance,
And you'll always be that stupid little kid.

They call you all those awful names,
Making you want to not feel anything;
Your wanting to be hollow forever.

Your heart is hollow but at the same time its heavy with dark thoughts and desires.

Your all alone,
Your mind a racing with those words of venomous hate,
Making you feel dead inside.

They insult you,
With those words like;
"Disgrace".

They keep repeating all those nasty things,
Making your mind a bit hazy with foggy thoughts of bitterness.

I can’t hang on,
I am my own demise,
I have fun with making a wreck out of myself.

I cannot stop myself from making a bunch of mistakes,
I try to fix everything by myself, only to have it blown up in my face.

I’m fighting a battle that I started,
I made without clearly thinking about the consequences,
I’m ****** because I wish to bleed and suffer.

I can no longer hang on,
The lies and the truth are now both the same,
I am no longer able to stand on my own,
So now I let myself fall freely down to my own demise.

Empty once again,
Drinking nor eating is enough,
The void soon consumes me whole.

I am used to being half empty or half full.

I keep trying to hold onto my old chips;
All the old information on how I used to tick.

Taking the medication will never get back all the pieces I need,
But I think they all disagree because they keep saying:
"Give him the medicine" They'll say,
Because that's what messed up disappointments get.

Cannot halt the isolation that consumes all of me,
The emptiness has already won,
Now its just the waiting game.

Sooner or later all will find out, I am far too gone.

Daddy and mommy told me,
"Don't be so idiotic,"
So I kept all the strange behavior to myself just for them.  

I'm too far gone, but that's okay,
"I'll get better someday," That's what my therapist says anyways,
So I put it on loop inside of my hollow spaced mind,
And maybe it'll become true someday.

My heart aches with agony.
Everything is spinning around me,
My mind is racing and my brain is being picked away by these thoughts.
Its troubling me terrible so.

My lover have I lost you to the monsters in your closet?

Why are you so willing to let me go,
And hurt all those innocent people?

I am diving in deep,
Scratches and bruises are appearing upon my tender skin,
But I am willing to dive deeper, and deeper,
Till I reach you even though I am in great discomfort.

The injuries to my heart never stop it from loving you so,
I never can despises you or think ill of you,
Even though you pass around that poison like its a medicine that will save.

It stings you know, my dear one.
I tear up every time I think of you and your twisted doings,
But I some how forgive you,
And fall into this fake mind set that you are truly a generous human being.

My troubled lover, please put your attention on the issues at hand,
Stop your foolish judging and giving everything the knowing glimpse.

You feel so superior to the rest, never looking back once at your destruction,
Calling it a master piece; a fine piece of art.
Please stop this ridiculous game and playing everyone like a pawn.

My troubled lover, oh how I wish you would notice how all these burns affect me.

I wish you would just glance back at least once,
And notice how much I love you so.

My troubled lover,
You are a monstrosity that brings depression and illness,
To those that already weak.

My lover you aren't the person I once loved,
You are now a troubled soul that spreads the infection to others.

One kiss left my breathless,
It left me more lost than loved,
Losing my mind over this.

She brought sweet lips,
That spoke none of innocence.

Each hug was like a serpents grasp.

She brought my what she called love,
And it indeed was an addiction,
But for all the wrong reasons.

Let my eye's flutter closed,
Watch as my muscles finally relax;
No longer tightened and strained like they usually are.

I no longer hold my breath,
Knowing that I shall be in peace;
When I drown in the black ink of my words.

I can feel the world stop just in a few seconds,
As my hand and pen dance on the paper;
Like a beautiful duet.

My spirit is wild and free,
As I take those words from my heart,
And drain them onto the pages.

When I write,
Everything stops and I can finally get my peace.

Hello,
Do you know where my confidence went?
I’ve been looking for it for a long time,
And when I almost find it,
It disappears in my grasp,
And hides once more.

The last time I had my confidence,
Was so long ago
I have lost it because of a person.
That person didn’t think,
She didn’t think,
That what she said and did
Hadn’t have huge impact on my life
But the truth is it did.

Where?
Where did my confidence go?
Someone, please tell me
I don’t know where my confidence has went.

The tears keep on dripping down,
As the words keep on repeating inside my mind,
And I am lost and ashamed.

My heart is heavy once again;
As I am reminding that I shall never be excepted for who I am.

I hear the words that people have said,
They haunt me every where I go;
While they tell me that what I am is not real.

So here I go again questioning everything,
While I hold my head down in despair.

Here I am staying silent and not speaking anymore about who I am,
Because I will never truly be excepted.

Venomous words burn my skin,
Crawling into my mind, seeping into my soul and heart,
My desires and hopes no longer seem meaniful.
I’m tearing up but I am wearing a mask;
Never allowing others to see them fall down my pale skin,
I refuse to be seen as “weak”.

These names have made their way into my memories,
Never allowing any silence to be heard.

These silence screams will never be heard in the dead of night,
As a crawl in my own skin and beg to be someone else.

Fear has a grip on me,
Those nightmarish words that people speak have made a nest inside of my hollow body,
Feasting away at my innocence’s and emotions.