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3am
TheStartOfMyEnds Feb 2017
3am
Dear Heart breaker,

Why?

I want to ask you
I have wanted to hear it from you
Who do I belong to?

Why
Are you hopping around telling others;
"I do not know which of these lads, she belongs to"
when you, of all, clearly do

Nightmares haunt me by the clock.

Why deny me? Why give people the idea that I, am a *******'s daughter?

You have called me by many names, improper as they are meaningless. Hurt me too many times and then said "A child can never unlove a mother. She will always be perfection in her child's eyes"

Which is **** true...
So why did you?

I have to know Ma...
Why hurt me...
when you know already...
that I will always love you?

That I will always wish you back, for us to be together again, like old times. Why hurt me with all these lies and unforgivable gestures when you know that...
                            hating you
                                               hurts me more
                                                                         hurting you
                                                                                             kills me too


         Why hate me Mom?
                                           What have I done?
                                                                            Please give me answers.

         **I know you always have them when it comes to me.
(C) StartOfMyEnd Jade.***
TheStartOfMyEnds Nov 2018
Once again
Twice too many
I'm ****** by that smile
That boyish grin
Probably just meant
'Hello'
But I better quit this awful dance
Adoring you from afar
I'm starting to hear the soft chime
Of wedding bells
We both know it ain't gonna happen
TheStartOfMyEnds Nov 2016
We are nothing but empty vessels
Eyes mirror nothing but the truth
And Our lips speak lies
The stories that created us
Will remain untold
Our misfortunes,
Manipulated into a fantasy;
A happily never after in disguise.
We are not always as we appear to be
TheStartOfMyEnds Mar 2019
Greedy Heart made peace with an agitated Mind
So comes easily
Acceptance
TheStartOfMyEnds Apr 2017
When all it took
For me to erupt in flames
was just a tap of sound
escaping his lips

It took the whole world
to keep this heart from stripping
down in all it's glory
and swallow him with bare temptations
to make him mine

And mine alone.
Copy Rights Reserved
"Don't ask for my love if you don't want the whole package"

~just something I came up with whilst dabbling with my laptop. I'm lovesick. It's becoming a disease. Lol
TheStartOfMyEnds Sep 2016
Searching for yourself, hoping to find your complete.
A place to call home,
too impatient to wait
for a miracle to knock down your door
Eyes strained and lips stained of loss
Engaged to cupid's bow and lonliness is your mistress
Neither your shadow cares enough to appear
but little do you know
fire has no shadow
So be the light my love,
be the fire
burn me
Edited version.
TheStartOfMyEnds Jan 2020
My name
Because our names mark our beginnings
The Start Of My Ends
How I yearned for freedom
to break free from his shackles
But a single touch of freedom
left me empty
I lost too much
it became meaningless
that is how it came to
The Start Of My Ends

Fortunately my Name
is like a piece of paper
when you've destroyed a side
you flip it over
and start again on the clear page
God showed me how
he heard my heart cry and took my hands onto his
I glanced down to see
I was silenced
by His light and the warmth of his touch
No measure of time can be told
but my losses can be seen brought back
into my arms
and that is how it came to be
The Start of My Ends

With my Name
and on behalf of all other Names
I thank the Lord for not giving up on
those who gave up
for listening to every prayers
said and unsaid
for wiping away tears
shed and unshed
There is truly no word
big enough to Express the joy
happiness
that is wrapped around me like
my favourite blanket

To all the bad days
this is how it came to be
The Start of their Ends
Life does get better
TheStartOfMyEnds Dec 2018
Dreams do come true
Nightmares
Are dreams too
TheStartOfMyEnds Oct 2017
Deciding to halt my steps
Give my past a chance to catch up
She pats my back
A cold self loathing greet
Swallowing up my pride
Beating down the shame that crawls up my knees
It takes every ounce of strength
To mutter up enough courage for my eyes to turn
Face my reflections
And acknowledge the person I once was

There she stands
shoulders slumped and a smile so pitiful
In her eyes mirrors all my mistakes
painted in permanent colours
How I wish to befriend her
Thank her for the lessons
and kiss every one of her inglorious scars
For allowing me to become what I've became

Returning her the same smile
Doubt feels like acid in my throat
We have yet to meet the face of our future
Will she be disappointed?
But taking comfort of the present fact
However humiliating my past turns out to be
I will never wish to change anything of what she is and for what she was
For she and I, both aspire to be a one simple but 'good enough' thing
And the me of the Past shapes the future I've fought to attain
Before
and Still
I just scribbled this up right at this moment, so I apologise if my poet-grammar is a bit tedious. For some reason, I'm feeling somewhat 'lightweight' and there's just this unclear vibe of letting go... and I'm just gonna embrace that without giving much question. I'm really exhausted with all the negative energy I've been giving off for the past days, weeks, months...years maybe.. ***! Some people call it a case of "bipolarity"..?? Idk but I prefer a big cup of self-control in my life so... f*ck bipolarity!! Hehe ...and no I'm not high, I am not on drugs
TheStartOfMyEnds Aug 2016
Peeking over my shoulders to see the dusty roads in your eyes.
Lowkey, stabbed me hollow with your sausage fingers, Holding a bucket full of holes
Saying it's a reflection of my soul
But Little you know
That I'm the type of girl
Who will crack your perfectly white teeth, smiling
And your queer's behind I ain't lying
Just to patch my bucket soul
And crown myself queen in my sandy bridge to hell's door
TheStartOfMyEnds Jul 2020
One not an ounce of fear
she crawled out of her pupa
evolved so clamorously
flaunting such aura
delicate beautiful wings
so small and thin, of great fragility
but an appetite for the world
larger than a king's hunger,
greed for power, wealth, gold..

"Stay! - just a second longer"

But she had to know, had to see
      ...had to explore
                 ...had to have it all

strayed away too far from thee
little wings
remoulding colours
in memories of her valour; her ambitions;
forever etched in one's mind
a harrowing flight
let them bewail such occurence
let them seek consoling thoughts
who believes in metempsychosis
she found home in the lights embrace
TheStartOfMyEnds Nov 2018
Darkness decends
and the people howled
as they each came out of their caves
Resting underneath the moon
The glow, our only flicker of light
Silence fills up empty spaces
Boredom sets
Strangers no longer
Every breath a welcoming company
Secrets begin to unfold
And when the power comes on, we're all back to our own devices, becoming strangers again lol
TheStartOfMyEnds Feb 2019
It's an ongoing battlefield
Right here
Between my *******
Torn between two desires
and I'll be ******
If I strangle his beautiful neck
And kiss his lips
All at once
with all the rage
I have to erupt
TheStartOfMyEnds Nov 2018
Wedding bells!
A fool's fantasy for entertainment
"They're actually Warning bells for my funeral" I thought
Gender-zoned!?
I couldn't be more woman
So I'm one of the guys
"Go talk to him" she says. "Trust me he likes you" she says.

"I like you" he says. "You're like one of the guys" he says.

...well she's not entirely wrong lol
TheStartOfMyEnds Oct 2016
I'm a married woman
I've cheated on him with Death
Twice
But he burned our divorce papers
Strangled me with love
And ****** me alot of misfortunes


I married a ******* by chance
People call it luck
He's obsessive, possessive and inconclusive
But my parents call it a miracle
This man with endless demands


I made love to him
Gave birth to anxiety
But Life expects too much of me
Whilst I lust after his brother
Dreaming of mothering Death's child
TheStartOfMyEnds Jan 2018
With a mouth that only breathe lies
And hypocritical eyes that sees
But chooses to be blind
She possesses the grace of a painter
Manipulating the world in grey
But dotes on herself with impressive colours
let my words be the picture embracing her features
Beautifully deceptive; a charming woman; two faced sister; a sheep as a wife; a daughter that disappoints and a failure as a mother.
Nonetheless she is weakened
Sold so much of her strengths
To the wrong buyers and a price that does her no justice
An art she never fails to meliorate,
I'd gladly name
'A befitting Fault'
Foolish as she is loving
My Darling painter,
You're almost, just as bad as the man you married.
I wrote this, admittedly, thinking of my dearest mother.
TheStartOfMyEnds Dec 2018
Uncover the mysterious spell in reading
Once you've truly fallen in love
For such a hobby
I've been to Paris, Barbados, Australia
Who knew getting lost in the Sahara desert can be quite sizzling
sparks of romance
I've travelled through time
From the modern to the ancient
I've fallen in love
Dragged from one relationship to another
Some with happy endings
And some without any
I've lived so many lives
Sitting on my bed
With a barricade of my new purchases
Reality fades in the background
As I let myself be taken again
By a new chapter
And more pages to come
TheStartOfMyEnds Dec 2018
I yearn for Control; for stability for one's self worth
As bull as it may sound, the light of every cigs granted me just that
A trick of the mind some may say, and true it might be however, Fire Away
I yearn for Freedom
The freedom to imperfections
To be released from such binding chains of expectations
To be released from the images people painted, in their minds a portrait
A portrait of a person they'd like me to be; a subject to their delusions
I yearn for Liberation
from all the anger, the frustrations
the faults I never committed
the ghosts too stubborn to leave
the sadness, the loss
EVERYTHING
mixed in one oversized flask like a bad case of chemistry-gone-wrong
just waiting to explode

Guess what?

Every swig of every **** liquor
The lulling sweetness
The bitter taste
The burn
Granted me just that
The illusion of freedom and limited taste of Liberation

Alas, both grantors became difficult to part with
If I'm to design imagery of all that said
It will be a dancing silhouette of my *******
Filling up the entire vicinity above heads
At the break of dawn and by each
Setting sun

To serve

As a quiet but clear Statement to my devoted audiences;

"Perfection. Is far beyond me. Expect the worst, give me chance
to eff up too"
TheStartOfMyEnds Dec 2018
Funny how the one most important thing
Destroyed me to little bits of pieces
But is also the one thing that
Glued me back into whole
My biggest loss
Giving me a better one
Driving me to move forward
TheStartOfMyEnds Feb 2019
My heart has forgotten how to swim
And suddenly...
Air isn't enough to breathe anymore
I miss him
TheStartOfMyEnds Nov 2018
Funny how we speak of humanity
But consistently forget what it meant to be all human

We forget the beauty of our imperfections

We forget the real definition of individuality, far too busy pondering over competitions; a comparative analysis of class

We forget what miracle we could've made happen..

If only we could all just fothermucking ditch the dodgamned hate

Funny... hilarious...

How WE boast of humanity, hearts screaming with pride

But tis mother nature's tireless tempermental embrace..

Without fail, reminds us of our forgottens;

OUR capability to unconditional love
To create, to cultivate
Reflect and Regulate
We can cause, We ****** well can change
Test the waters
Break
Mend
Govern
To evolve
Let's not forget our vulnerability as individuals
Our distinctive attributes

The Power we'd obtain as ONE
Integration over Segregation
TheStartOfMyEnds Sep 2016
...And so she cried,
drowned him in despair
Strangled him with pleasure
A kiss that ate him alive
he died, at ease...
As his heart changed its course
Screaming for another beating
TheStartOfMyEnds Feb 2017
A thick bottle of wine
Emptied and then abandoned
Soon filled with these Shards of Broken Glass

              
And so Trash it may seem
but with a little ray of light
                                         the glasses
                                                        beautifully broken glasses
                                                                                                  will shine

                And fill the room
  Stars with their own screaming colours
Going through pretty tough times, truths finally uncovered though not very surprising as there's always that part of me that knew it all. Knowing who you really are and knowing where you really came from, the truth makes you feel whole yet left empty... I'm sure that I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way and so high five to the ones who made it pass their own storm. This poem is inspired by my own feelings with the help of a thick glass bottle washed ashore by the beach of my home, soon filled with broken sea glasses that I've collected.
TheStartOfMyEnds Dec 2018
Like a wall of China in layers
Held together by the bricks of broken dreams
And never ending prayers
Surrounds "I"
The mind mothered the heart of I
As I sought for love
And found home in Writing
Dedicating this piece to all. Thank you for all your support and love in Writing. Hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year. I'm ever so grateful to have found HP and able to be part of this writing community.
TheStartOfMyEnds Nov 2018
A war of words
More than a quarrel
A Conflict of happiness
Call it anything you wish
Compromise was not an option
Consideration used to be a choice
But when you love enough
It becomes an obligation
You'd feel at loss
A lump of emptiness
But at least
You're giving someone
Something to look forward to
You'll be giving someone Christmas
At the cost of yours
TheStartOfMyEnds Mar 2019
I don't know
My mind's trying to find the answers
That my heart couldn't
Myself is sad, worried, angry..
About everything!
about nothing
Water dripping from the faucet makes me want to cry
The sweet smell of my freshly laundered clothes...
I love it but I also want them to burn
I don't want anyone to see me
I don't want to see anyone
But I also don't want to push anyone away
A pen slips out of my fingers at work
And that honestly broke my heart
I find myself unable to breathe
I feel a thousand emotions I couldn't name
Half of them I don't even know what they are
I hate myself for hating the things I love
I hate myself for not knowing why
I'm tired, I'm tired of being tired
My mind tells me to read my books
Books make me happy
I love books
Heart says NO!
You don't
I guess you can say in this situation
Stereotypically...
My mind is the man in this relationship
My heart, the indecisive woman
Yes, No! Wait! Yes yes...no nothing!
I DON'T KNOW!
.....i'm fine...
Everything hurts so very much
But really... they're both trying
To be just fine
TheStartOfMyEnds Jan 2019
Something felt different
The pawns, the chips and my deck of cards
Lost somewhere in the backyard
This time
I'm gambling with my heart
And my life on the line
TheStartOfMyEnds Jan 2020
There was this story about a butterfly
how she can never stay in one place for too long
she'll soon spread her wings
exploring
a journey with no fixed destinations
but this butterfly I know
wandered too far and too close
she never landed
captured maybe but her wings...
her wings never pinned or clipped off
no they were as beautiful as ever
this butterfly decided to stay
wrapped around his little finger
It found me
TheStartOfMyEnds Oct 2017
Blank pages
That! Was "the" flash
Clear sheets of bleached pages
Blown by some outlandish light
My heart didn't miss a single beat
I wasn't afraid to die
Wasn't afraid of the hurt that would come
I calculated and imagined
a couple of broken ribs
and a lot of dismembered limbs
But with these relentless hands with minds of their own
They slowly slid off the steering wheel, already decided
I was ready to let go... (like...totally ready)

And face whatever reality awaits
Blastin' over 80 on gritty-soiled roads
Melting grounds
Sudden headlights beyond each steeps and turns
Would soon but consequently present

Surprised as I was
to realize I had nothing left lose
Nothing to leave behind
Either my life was already done for
Or a new chapter hadn't even started yet
It was an amusing thought
Even more so insane
Was the fact that
I laughed at my own jokes
Despite me being (...in deep ****...)
In the face of ...(idk)... death?

But the only worry that penned it's way
On my blank pages
Was the fact that my dear friend
Buckled next to me
Though the fault was both ours
She wasn't ready to meet the end of her story
Clenching my hands on the wheel
I prayed for no dents on the ride
I prayed for her life
And hoped the cupcakes sitting in the backseat
The ones with extra chocolate icings that her father just gave her a few minutes ago
Would make it just as fine
After a few aggressive twirls and dances
And subsiding close calls
Jesus gave me another chance


...And that is the story of how my mistakes almost killed my friend



Thanks
It's a lesson learned that's going to be real hard to forget. We're both fine. She's fine. But the cupcakes didn't make it.
TheStartOfMyEnds Jan 2018
I thirst for the blazing sun to touch my lips, as the moon had done to my heart. Find me at ease, once the cold erupts from my fingertips and what I hold, no longer burns, and my feet cease to freeze.
TheStartOfMyEnds Feb 2017
Brown eyes that sparkle
became hollow at my presence
she floats pass by me
letting the silence
swallow my existence

Swollen heart
A river of tears
I've questioned the past
doubted the future
and pleaded death have mercy
cease my breath

Before the hate
a mother has for a daughter
overtake what remains
in this empty space
deep in me where I retreat...
...as now
I've come to despise
my own reflection
seeing the woman who loved me once
a love that costs
nevertheless, graced my birth

*So forth
the road seducing my feet
fragments of bad choices
where I may have tempered
a new shape
new form
a disfigured shadow...
stripping off the face
that once was but no longer mine
that reminds...
and precisely belongs
to the woman
who loved me once
I find writing about thoughts, feelings...  a great release. I miss my mom but weeping about it won't mend us back together. If it is to be, then it will be ...lol yeah?

Thanks for the support fellow poets
Copyrights
All Rights Reserved
TheStartOfMyEnds Mar 2017
A distance less than a metre

Yet I can no longer hear your voice
nor can you hear mine

Why is it that we have to scream?

Just for our hearts to touch...

Why is it that we feel a shrill of victory?

When our eyes began to rain...
TheStartOfMyEnds Mar 2017
Gowned in deliberate inveracities
wielding a double edged blade
Aggressive...
                       Sentimental...
A fool that I am
Accepting the inevitable betrayal
After both blood...
                                shed before the very eyes of
a humiliating truth!

Rather I be dead now!
... 'fore long we tear apart
farther than our shallow hearts!


Denying love
the warmth of others
For you have denied me
You've deemed me unworthy of affection
and I... ever trusting of your judgement

*But the thirst still remains
slowly stripping me naked
an unwelcoming gesture that I have failed to refuse
Unveiling deep secrets
that I have masked with colourful lies
I do dream of it, to love and be loved. But everyone's different; the past designs some of us into what we've become, others the present and some by the hope of what the future holds... even all three at the same time.
I don't think I'm deserving of love, after all, how can you expect someone to love you when you can't even love yourself?

In my case, as narcissistic as it may sound... I'm trying too hard to appreciate myself that I don't have time to love another (romantically speaking) ... the longest phase in life that I have ever encountered. "Self Rehabilitation" But first must come "Acceptance"


hehe please excuse the blabbering
TheStartOfMyEnds Apr 2017
I thought of it, I thought of us
And dreamt of you

Never will I ever
Though wished I may
Admit that you've won my heart

Smile for me
Even in the arms of another

Let me hear you
Allow me to drink in your happiness

For am
Dangerously addicted
Too intense

the passion,
the intimacy in these tiny palms
Afraid I may suffocate you

I crave you all too much
it's not good
This heart beats for one
You own it

I love you
But tell not
Or you'll give up your dreams

For a maiden such as I
But with such an indiscreet mind
Not as pure as you'd expected

Such a sweet sweet catch
Always seeing me in nothing but white

Dare I say I love you
Have you give up on your dreams
For a lady that lacks above all
Discretion!
Because that is the kind of man you are

No
I can not
Go and Dance with another
Live on with enough love to keep you soaring
Because my heart bursts with much fire
And you own it
TheStartOfMyEnds Feb 2019
The high
Had been the closest
Taste of perfection
To the reality
I sometimes loathe
Until I try to find
And bring back the me
I just tried to ****
TheStartOfMyEnds Nov 2018
Life's everything
Bittersweet
Unpredictable
No
Too vast for any pretty words to describe
Full of surprises
Full of everything
Funny even
Life goes by
Hand in hand with Time
Life grows
They grow
The little ones
They grew
Bigger
Taller
Smarter
Wiser
Than me

But nothing
Nothing can take it all away
The joys of the past
The memories
Struggles
Fights
And celebrations

They'll always be the little monsters I wage war with back in the days...

When we were kids

     A long debate everytime
I tell them to go take a shower
TheStartOfMyEnds Dec 2018
Skinned alive
With her hands tied
She was left exposed
Pay attention to her eyes
You could see the ongoing war
Between her defiant mind
And her generous, foolish heart
You could hear the words left unsaid
TheStartOfMyEnds Oct 2016
SILENCE isn't defeat,
if your mind chooses to make peace with your heart.
It's VICTORY!
TheStartOfMyEnds Nov 2018
Blessed with a sky of waterfall
I let my thoughts run amok the greedy raindrops
The beats, the trickle and the gush
  Resting on concrete sand
With nothing but thin fabrics that clung to my skin
It's a silence of pleasure
Being caressed by the cold
Surprisingly peaceful
To let the wind slowly, at a leisurely pace
Invade your body's temperature
Humming in your ear
A songful of promises
That faith never fails
And patience rewards
Tempting you to stay seated
Wait out the storm
The clash of waves a raw entertainment
And a rumble of applause
Somewhere beyond those thick clouds of uncertainties
Words unspoken
I let myself listen instead
Letting the mysteries solve themselves
Unanswered questions
Offering crystal answers
And found it rather enjoyable
TheStartOfMyEnds Nov 2018
As stereotypical as can be
I'm just a girl in every sense
His name
A new found for me
I've hunted for those two syllables like a hunteress to her prey
Starts with a 'K'
I'd find a lot of things I like that starts with a 'K'
Kindle, Kangaroos, Kisses...

Ever so curious eyes
Burning with anticipation
OH!!
There it is again
A small gesture
A quite, subtle acknowledgement
An innocent greeting
The smile that's going to be
The death
of creepy lil' me
It's just a silly crush, Novemeber Fever, it'll go away...or so that's what I'd like to say
TheStartOfMyEnds Nov 2018
**** that smile
Reminds me of the beach
Bright hot sand
And clear open waters
Gets me swimming with butterflies
And delusional with heat

The uplift of his lips
Something so simple as a boyish grin
Wraps my thoughts around beds!
Beds and blankets...
                  Doritos and a series of comedy shows on screen

Just to hear him laughing

That would be ****** illegal for my heart
His laugh
His star fire eyes so full of life

Like a deer caught in the headlights
All so new
That's what he does to me

And I don't even know his name
He's real, but he's like a dream, my little secret
TheStartOfMyEnds Feb 2017
Natural events cause natural damage
they call it “The work of God”
All the promises an insurance policy has to offer
just as many as those obstinate ads claim day to day
now have no power to bring back what is lost

*See how it is...
when people have no place to call home
a place to string families together
in the same warmth
the same beauty
of an intertwined web


Becoming who they are
they become nothing
  but easy prey...
funny how we define ourselves
clever creatures
standing tall at the very top
of the food chain


Mother Nature
possibly feels the same ordeal
the same heartache
An unnecessary one sided battle
of dislocation between
man and wildlife


Underneath the same stretched out sky
enough for all to explore
but yet people greed for more
There will never be enough land
for any population
without even coming to realise
that an abomination
of certain species
may occur


We destroy
with good intentions
Fixing mistakes with ignorant hands
The desire to feel needed
We ****
to revive



*Heaven rumbles
in absolute disappointment
ready for another round of applause
a storm to surge.
An old piece, written by me of course, at age 16 in school. Second attempt in poetry writing. Graded C ...lol
All Rights Reserved
TheStartOfMyEnds Jan 2018
Being called 'easy' for the fact
I ready myself to accept
Changes in whatever shapes and sizes
Being called 'easy' for the fact
My language consists of 'Yeahs' and 'Why Nots'
and a few 'Okays' here and there
Being called 'easy' for the fact
Smiling comes so very naturally
and I, proudly am, a human chameleon

Then, being called a '*****' for the fact
To compensate my flexibility
My mind is my own blacksmith
And My tongue is the sharpest sword I've forged
My heart, the strongest shield.
TheStartOfMyEnds Jan 2018
They speak of labels
like it's the new fashion trend
Or as if they're all down with OCD
These restless little aliens
Absolutely love the Idea of categorizing
Then moved in, the new issue in town
Ms Gender Barrier
And these pretty aliens fail to give warming welcomes
Despite accepting Ms Gender Barrier's visa
To settle among us
and become part of our colourful society

Before I used to be just ME
My Identity is my Name
But now that we are practicing the art of Acceptance
We're pretty diverse in all aspects
And these self proclaimed scientific aliens
made it their life goal mission
to Analyse my life and ofcourse
Yours
Some people are really addicted to putting labels on people, I've no idea what kind of drug they're on. I think I ran out of chill pills.
TheStartOfMyEnds Feb 2017
Fear settles beneath these eyes
Taking colours not in distant forms of night
Plain as day, a generous cup of wishes
but easily an indecisive storm
For the clouds to spread, for the rain to have mercy, a chance all I seek
Ease this heart that ceased to beat
A mind that refuses peace
And ease this spirit that trembles endlessly
A chance I plead
Fail me twice, please not again
Turn for me and lift
So I may see
The face of the stranger
A father I have missed but never knew exists
What are the odds of children growing up, not knowing who their real parents are? Abused by their stepfathers (or stepmother) most of their lives, thinking they're the real deal and wondering why they were so despised by him. Only to find out years later, (when you've just graduated "teenage years" and now a full fledged working adult), that the reason he hates you, is because  to him... you're a ******* child.

Suddenly I'm a little girl again, letting curiosity get the best out of me and reach back to a stranger who failed too many times to grab my hand.
TheStartOfMyEnds Aug 2017
I'm so worn out
So ******* torn
I can't comprehend
What it is that needs to be done
I become irrational
So carelessly unpredictable
I just want it to end
Though I know I ain't alone
People struggle and keep
Living with their own daily dose of ******* pains
But this is mine
This is my pain
And I just can't
No I can't
My head feels inflated
Like it's about to explode
I've forgotten how to breath
So why am I still alive
For ****'s sake is anyone out there
Sleeping on the same bed as I
A thousand knives underneath the bedsheets
Hey please do me a favor
Touch my shoulders
I don't feel them anymore
Close my eyes
Before I do something stupid
Something I'd never be able to take back
I'm not afraid of death
I just don't want to face tomorrow
It kills me to stay alive
Hush these words
My own double edged sword
Venting my heart through this kind of approach takes a good amount of weight off me
TheStartOfMyEnds Nov 2018
Like a storm surge
But of blood
Rushing up to the temple
Melted veins
Hidden underneath thickened skin
Bruised swollen lips
Between clattering teeth
Anger seduced the racing beat
Of a trampled heart
But the mind exercised
Self discipline
Coerced the flame
Erupting out of a bleeding heart
To submit
A hateful battle between
Sensible mentality and defensible emotions
Where neither wins
Tears
They threatened to rain
but refused to fall
Refused
to be ruined
as the rest of you
It's alot easier to give in to anger, when you've been scarred too deep, letting it call the shots... than to stand against it, let it go even if it'll leave you dry and open wide for more wounds. But with anger comes revenge and with revenge... a double edged sword
TheStartOfMyEnds Nov 2018
With so much passion coursing through his body
a spark of the unpredictable
shot out from his fingertips
Words he couldn't form with his lips
now took shape with each stroke of the pen
Few pieces of papers tore in agony
as each pages endured the abuse he so far believed in
Haunted..
traumatized by a past
and saddened
by an unexpected outcome of his own doings
he aggressively wrote a song about a hellish present
an awful unforgivable treatment
from a woman he thought was hope

He felt imprisoned
Everyday she'd remind him of the harsh reality he lived in
robbed him off his freedom
soon his own identity
his future
and left him to wallow up with regret
depression and insanity

This was his TRUTH
It was everything he had ever known
Ever learned
Ever taught
It was only natural to dream
For something different
Something Better
But the unfortunate
Seemed to have attached itself onto his shoulders
He became blinded with his desire to live
So afraid to die
He'd grown desperate
to breathe an air he longed to breathe

His truth however, was a LIE
A lie that broke hearts
A lie that brought doubts into the minds of children
A lie that placed families
under hateful eyes of scrutiny
Families not of his

The Truth he wrote
The truth he convinced himself to believe in
The Truth he kept singing to another woman
was given to him by a mother
A mother he'd forever love
A mother he'd never forget
A mother he'd learn to forgive
But no longer his home
no longer where his mind may run to
for a day's rest

He left as a grown man in search
of a new start
A new home
A new love

But came here as a child
Throwing tantrums
and lost counts
of the many more baffling demands
in need of a new playground
Here he could never find happiness
For the woman who bothered to take him in
Could never be who he wanted
She was not who he dreamed of
Through his eyes
He saw no thread of beauty
No future
But just an island mother
Imprisoned by a vast ocean of isolation
Here, he could never find happiness
What man could ever?
When his heart was already set for another
But despite of his animosity towards Mother Isle
Despite his lies
Of which distressed her families
With shame
Heartache
Stress
Challenging their island pride
Isolation was her peace and purity

He will come to know life as they had
her children will show him what it meant
to be part of an island family
Her children will teach him
what they were taught;
Her children will share his pain
his distress
considerate of his situation
A feeling of empathy, if not sympathy.

They'd stretch their boundaries for him
They'd bend their rules
Gave him privileges only her children
were entitled to have...
They'd do
Only what they were able
If it may ease his troubled mind

Last but not the least

Her children will
Protect
Her children will Defend
We will honor our Mother Isle
As any child would
Our own way

The Nauruan Way
All countries have their own set of problems, we (the locals of our own) learn to live with the imperfections of our homes. It just isn't fair, nor is it right, to enter a foreign land and demand your needs and wants to be met, and then curse other people's homes when they failed to meet your expectations. I wrote and posted this, feeling the need to do something for my homeland. Writing in poetry form is the best way to get these feelings out without violence. I write, longing for nothing but peace.
TheStartOfMyEnds Apr 2019
The rain sung her a lullaby
As she slowly drifted off into the dark
Floating with the stars
TheStartOfMyEnds Oct 2017
A floater
As my only life line
The only safe choice
Is to be patient
Despite being thrown into the mass
Of nothing but unpredictable waters
It is involuntary to keep my heart at bay
And never stop kicking

It is a given fact that
Everything will be so much easier
If I'd just drown
But what fun will that be?
I am too prideful to give up

And even at the end
If I am to meet unfavorable outcomes
I might trip
Everybody trips at one point
Question is...
Which of us will keep on standing?
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