In the land of Gods and Monsters I am a fallen angel living in the garden of evil
Every creature there is ruled by needs that are primeval
With broken wings, broken heart, broken life
Living on the edge of a knife
One wrong step will be my last
Long ago my die was cast
Every night the monsters attack
Of my soul they make a snack
The Gods look on and laugh and point
I cry, I plead, but they will never anoint
I'm lost, I'm scared, but I'm trapped I can go no where
And there is nobody that loves or cares
And of all the wrong to me that's been done
Being left all alone is the most tragic one

Days like today
In my darkened way
I just sit,rock, and sway

I rock to the rhythm of my lifes sorrowful song
This feelings so wrong, so strong
In this inky state of mind
Any minut goodness is hard to find

There's hatred and self doubt
I HATE THE WAY I FEEL...I just want to shout
But there's no one here to hear anyway
So I sit and I cry and I sway

My thoughts bleed all over the place
You can plainly see them on my face
I'm such a disgrace
To the whole human race

This depression is heartless
Bringing only darkness
On days like today
My body and soul cry
It just leeks out my eyes

The sadness and darkness intertwine
It makes living feel like a crime
I'm so utterly clueless
Fighting it seems so useless

This is a bad one
I don't know where it came from
At lest with a trigger I know where I stand
Today I just feel like I have a brand
That tells the dakness to fall
That I don't belong after all

The stars are falling from the sky
The moon no longer wains on high
It's grown dark and cold
For the sun has been sold
Darkness reigns
The demons run free, they're the few that remain
Human life is over
The Jinn dance on the clover
The lion will eat the lamb
The light no longer stands
The cloven hoofed one rules this world
The one with the horns that curled
The Banshee no longer screams
Everyones already dead it seems
The shadow men walk to and fro
With no particular place to go
Only the creatures of the night thrive
Eating off of the dead one's hide
Vampires slowly die
With no human blood supply
So demons, ghost and Jinn
Is all the company the cloved one has with him
What a sad creature he has grown to be
How he begs for the light to see

The pain was there to stay
So she took the drugs to make it go away
The shadows danced and played
As on her bed she laid
There will always be a price to be paid
When numbness was what she carved

There she sets with her head down in her hands
Life sure didn't turn out like she planned
The autumn leaves have got her thinking
This life of hers doesn't have much meaning

She never thought she would be alone this far down the line
This life of hers feels more like a crime
All her friends have come and gone
It all just felt so wrong
I know the thought that is running through her mind
She's afraid it's all been wasted time

To wise for this world, they have it all backwards
Am I the only one that can see it's headed for disaster
I don't want to be here when they set the world on fire
I know this situation is very dire
Before it gets worse I want my life to expire
To get out of this hell, this awful quagmire
They all worship their possessions
Never seeing the great deception
That all that really matters is love and compassion
Soon the world will burn with their hatred and greed
The warning signs they don't heed
And soon the earth it's self will bleed

Demons walk this house of mine
They do it at night from time to time
They frighten my guests
And startle my pet's
My cat just sits and stares
My dog her teeth she bears
They just push her aside
She runs and hides

They walk last night again my floors
So I got up and shut the bedroom door
Of course they do what they alway do
My door they pass right through
I tried to ignore them as on my bed I sat
But not tonight they would have none of that
They were there to chat

What do you want, I asked with disgust
They spoke with the tongues of cosmic dust
We are here to watch and savor
Your situation will soon be much graver

Three shadow men in front of me stood
Glowing eyes stared out from under their darkened hood
One pointed at the table, one at the razor, one at my hand
Time it slowed, the hourglass lost it's sand

Then they said, we are here for you our dear friend
My hand started to shake, and then extend
I gave them a determined look
And pulled my hand back although it shook

You can make me cut, you have many times before
I know it's the smell and taste of my blood you adore
You can even make me take my life
They laughed so hard at that, We only want to bring you strife
You silly human child
It's not you blood we desire

Although we do like to watch your blood flow
What we want is the pain to grow
It's just a plus to make you bleed
But it's on your human soul we feed
And your agony makes it all the more sweeter
So your life we make sure it's so much bleaker

I ordered them out of my room
I demanded they take their gloom
They swiftly moved, pinned me down and entered my head
And now I'm wishing that I was not food but dead!

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night
With panic gripping your heart tight

Have you ever seen the shadows walk the halls
Or seen the black marks they leave upon your walls

Have you ever heard their growls or hisses
Or felt on your skin their dark kisses

Have you ever shut your bedroom door tight
But they still pass through to give you a fright

Have you ever felt the fear dripping from the ceiling
Have you ever had that awful feeling

Have you ever had your demons play
Outside your head that way?

I promise to mislead, deceive, and begial
You can continue to live your life in denial
Pretending everything's great
As your lies you spin and create

I'm the one that comforts you in the dead of night
Not your so called friends that are so up tight

I calm your nerves
I'm what you deserve
I chase the memories away
I make everything seem ok

But somedays I make them stay
I make everything in disarray
You know on those days you just need more of me
On your back I'll always be
With the darkness always closing in, always there
I'll by the only one who truly cares
You are my favorite ******
                        
                      Sincerely
             Your Loving Money

My dad was the greatest of men
I wish I would of gotten more time with him
Time has sure done it's shading
I hate to say his face is fading
His voice has long ago slipped from my memory
The sadness of that is sheer agony

I miss you as much today
As that sorrowful day you where taken away
You left this world way to soon
I still remeber that hospital waiting room

I was to late, death had already greeted you
I was only fourteen I didn't know what to do
I stood there crying in my sisters arms
I knew I would forever miss your fatherly charms

As I stood beside your open coffin
Tears spilling onto my dress, I felt like an orphan
Knowing I would never again see you smiling face
Your death was so hard to embrace

It was a gray rainy day you where placed in the ground
Setting under the cemetery tent no comfort to be found
Thinking even the angels on high
Could do no more than cry

You had been my hero, I was a daddy's girl
And my life from this point would do nothing but unfurl
I was, and still am so lost without your presence
I missed you at so many of my lifes great events

At all of my children's births
I thought of you first
And how you would of beamed with pride
At the thought I just cried

But as my memory, with time harshly shades
My love for you will never fade
I carry you forever in my heart
Like I was in yours from the start

Sit right down let me tell you what we serve
You might think it quite absurd
But we only have just one dish
And it might even be what you wish

But apathy is our only course
I hope that is your choice
It's very easy to prepare
And everybody can have their share
If you don't like it we don't care

Empathy use to be our greatest cuisine
It really was quite supreme
But serving it was such a pain
And to admit it we are all just to vain
It took to much time
And it didn't pay a dime
We had to layer in the flavors
Of truly caring, love, patience, and of course life savers

Who has time for all of that, not us
We don't need all the fuss
For we only care about our own
To care about strangers we're not prone
Your tears we care nothing about
So just sit over there and pout

For we only serve one thing here.......apathy
We are to self-absorbed for.......empathy

Why is it the stars and not the sun that makes me feel as small as I do
Maybe because thy cover the sky like twinkling dew

I lay under them and watch the light of millions of dead
Most not realizing that their gone, no tears are shed

Is it the night
Because our thoughts turn to frights
Is that why I feel so small under their light
To weak to put up a fight

I don't really know the reason, but here I am
Smaller than a grain of sand
My place in this universe, just a fleeting moment
A dying ember with not much content

Yes it's the stars that make me feel so small
Like lost memories down the minds empty hall

Little baby Abel
Rocks in his cradle
He doesn't know his fate yet
But his killer he has met

Little boy Cain
Standing in the lane
He doesn't know his fate yet
Wonder if he'll feel regret

Abel always did what he was told
Cain was adventurous and bold
Abel was the baby, apple of his parent's eye
Cain could see this and it made him cry

Look after your younger brother he was told
And with that anger was sowed
Cain couldn't go and do his own thing
To his brother he was chained

And the day at the alter was the final straw
Cain was filled with jealousy by what he saw
Even God loved Abel more than him
So he committed his first sin

A split decision was made
And soon on the ground his brother layed
Abel's blood soon soaked the ground
And from heaven came an awful sound

God spoke to Cain for the very first time
"In this land that is mine"
"You can no longer stay"
"You now must travel far away"

Now their parents lost two sons
They had showen more favor over one
And in return they lost both of them
Abel killed by his brother's hand, Cain by God himself condemned

You gently hold my head and look into my eyes
I can feel you searching for what I keep deep inside
I try to shift my gaze, trying my demons and monster to hide

It doesn't work, you hold me tight
My body stiffens, I want to take flight
For what resides within me is a horrific sight

I try to keep you at a distance, I don't want you to close
I don't want to scare you away with my many ghost
It's because I like you a lot more than most

But still you insists on peering in
To see what dwells beneath my skin
I know this is the begaining of the end

For no one that sees inside, stays
It just happens to be that way
They are always scared by the gray

They don't even see the very bottom, the dark
They just leave another scar, another mark
I'm to shattered, my life to stark

I had a golden heart, that long ago was beaten and crushed
I think is was because I loved to much
All those that through my life rushed

But I don't want you to go
So please don't look into my eyes to see my soul
After all theses years it's to black, to cold
I don't want the empty void to show
I want if only for a few nights, you to hold

I don't want to kick the hornets nest
But I am felling quit depressed
And begaining to get awful distressed
There is things I need to express
Because my chest is really compressed
I know it's from all the stress
It will be hard for you to digest
But I have to get this off my chest
This problem must be addressed
I think it is for the best
That all of it is confessed
I know after I tell you, me you'll detest
But maybe that's for the best

Oooh never mind
I'll just keep these hornets in their hive
And stay in the shadows and hide

Tears fall
For no reason at all
Tears rolling
There is no consoling
Tears cascade
Everything fades
Tears never ending
For there never was a begaining

Take away the pain
Take away the strain
Just what would remain

I am held together with the struggle
I am held together because of all I juggle

I am nothing but agony
I am nothing but depravity
I am nothing but blasphemy

Question's on my mind weigh
If you could take that away
Do it right here today

Would I cease to exist
Would I still be here in the midst
Would I be missed

For I am nothing but self loathing, agony, and pain
If it could magically be taken away, would anything remain

Poor little fly
Fighting just to survive
No one saw it's demise but me
As he struggled not to freeze
First he flew in little hops
But to soon that stops
Then he walked in endless circles in the Sun's rays
But soon that too gave way
Now he lays frozen stiff
I wonder if me seeing made a diff
That this little flys last moments on earth
Didn't go unnoticed, and to a little poem had given birth

This poor little flys fight
Is a lot like my own sad sight
Wonder if anyone sees my slow decent
How this life is leaving me bent
Wonder if when I finally freeze and die
Will anyone notice and wonder why
Or see how I fought to survive
Just like that little fly

Laying here with my arm's across my chest
Just hugging myself
For there's no one here to hold me
Tears cascading, I can't see
No one here to comfort me
No one here to care
Only me to pick myself up, when
I fell
When I fall
When I hit the wall
No, no one here at all

For my original sin
I'm paying again

For a choice I made long ago
When I was young and did not know

I did not know, loving someone
Could keep you under that gun

Let me set the scene
Of how he was so mean

I endured all his beatings
The only sound, my pleadings

Years spent in his prison
Under constant supervision

Found the key
Set myself free

It was years and years ago
But he still finds where I go

Moved towns and home
Trying to end his syndrome

His mother manipulated my kids
Now he knows where I live

Doors and Windows bolted down
A waiting game till he comes to town

Last time it ended with me in the woods
***** and bruised, because he could

This time it will end in blood and gore
Only question is, which end of the knife I will explore

Standing on the cliffs edge
One foot over the ledge

Good intentions lay around us like unopened books
We thought we might, but we never even took a look
We thought we might, but our actions where null
We just stayed in our lull

Our intentions where grand
But we never took that stand
We know we failed
We are on that paved road sraight to hell

The sun was shining very bright
In that very darkened night
He loved me with all his hate
Light as a feather under all his weight
Broken into pieces, he left me whole
I was blinded by the light in his black hole

God doesn't love me he never did
Even from the start as a little kid
I was so innocent
Or maybe just ignorant
I don't know which
But stepdad threw the switch
And I was neither this nor that
My soul just went splat

I hit a wall so hard and strong
I would forever always be wrong
No matter what choice I made
It all ended up so decayed

This life is no fun
I live it far from the Sun
But I could never hurt anyone
So why is it so
That upon my soul
That the sorrow it grows
And the stale wind blows
How could God hate me so much
That my life would turn out as such

That the agony just grows
In the memories that it's sows
Makes me wish this life was no more
I'm hollow to the core
I don't want to hurt any more

So take this living corpse of mine
In all of its great decline
Do with it what you wish
For it never will see any bless
So use it up and spit it out
Because after all isn't that what love's all about

Because that's all I've seen
In the 47 years that I've gleaned
So use me now, or use me latter
You'll always be just a hatter
In this mind of mine there is no doubt
That this thing called life I want to bow out
And forever be no more
And settle the score

I want to stand on that judgement day
And hear what God really has to say
Let him look me in the eye
Let him see me cry
From all that he did not save me from
And why he left me here so numb
That all I can do is shout
Is this what love is all about!

I live my life in dog years
And I'm afraid the end it nears
For every year of man, I suffered enough for seven
And I fear there is no way I'm going to heaven
Dogs are not allowed, for me it's Armageddon

Little boy blue, for you I blow the horn
I wish you was just lost amongst the corn
But the monster came and snatched your hand
Lead you off to an angry foreign land
I can see you, but can't touch your frozen heart
You was such a loving child at the start
But my little boy has grown into an angry man
Now in this empty field I stand
A trillion tears I've cried for you
Of the loss of my little boy blue
Who's eye's use to look up to me with love
You are my only son sent from above
But now you've gone into the void
Your innocence and ability to love destroyed

Why did you want to hurt me again
Why do you want to twist that knife in
Your words cut worse than any knife
And I'm the reason for your strife

I swear I did the best I could
I thought I was proticting you like I should
I'm sorry I didn't know
But I'd ask you everytime you would go
But your answer was always no

But I know little kids can be frightened
And I'm sure that noose he tightened
And I don't blame you for hating me
For I am mom you see
I was supposed to protect you from the mosters
But I didn't know it would be my secound step father

I didn't know my mom would marry a another one like the first
This nightmare was the worst
I just wish you could see
I tried my very best to be
The mother you could always depend on
But now your gone

You hate me for what was done
But I want you to know if I'd had a gun
He could of never hurt anyone
And tho you hate me I'll love you always
I'm mom and I'm to blame anyways

Buried alive in a worm box
As he smuggle stood on top
"***** I'm burying you alive"
"No one will hear your cries"
The worms wiggled around behind my back
I struggled there in the pitch black
The smell of freash earth was so overpowering
And on top he just stood there towering
I clawed at the lid
Of that old frig
But he was to heavy it did not give
My oxygen was soon depleted
I knew then I was defeated
Buried alive in a worm box
Who would of ever thought

As you can see I survived that day
But when at last on a cold slab I lay
And when they put that tag on my toe
It's off to the crematorium I go
Because being buried once is quite enough
I really am not all that tough

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... in your grave
No more children will you crave

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... shot in the head
For your sickness that you fed

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... and at Hell's gate
No more monsters can you create

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... you won't be missed
Maybe my nightmares won't exist

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... with all your sin
It'll be cursed ground you sink in

Like a white bird in a blizzard
I'm invisible
In middle is where I'm delivered
Battling the freezing storms
No one notices, but that's the norm
The battles I wage are as silent
As the first feathery snows at night
This world is cold and cruel
There is no golden rule
One of these days when you finally look, I'll be found
Lying frozen to the ground

God's off his meds again
Guess he was tired of trying to fit in
Now he stands at the corner of 44th and vine
Screaming all the time

The end is coming soon
And it's gonna be a monsoon
Of catastrophe pain, and death
Because you mortals aint seen nothing yet

God is off his meds again
And he doesn't have any friends
It's apparent he's all alone
I think he's becoming an old crone

He's *****, and he's angry
It's apparent he's gonna let fly the fury
He looks just like a homeless ***
He screams at all that to he's corner come

The end is very near
Does no human on this plant fear
He keeps screaming night and day
But no one want to hear what he has to say

God is off he's meds today

The jingle of keys makes my skin crawl
I could always hear them as he came down the hall
I knew my bedroom door he would breach
I knew soon it was me he would besiege
These are my early childhood memories
Now you know what started my disease
And why my blood runs cold and I freeze
When I hear the jingle of keys

She was just sitting there cigarette between her fingers
The smoke curling up above her head, it lingered
She was just contemplating the universe, and her place in it
She felt like a round peg trying to be pushed into a square hole, she just didn't fit
She was far more beautiful than she knew and her spirit was a wonderful kind of wild
Her loving generosity was always reflected in her gorgeous smile
It was heart breaking that it was not flashed more often
But what else would you expect when all of her dreams had died and had all but been forgotten

Her Grandma had taught her as a small child of a loving, caring God
She inhaled deeply from her cigarette and thought if He was so loving why had He only punished her with the rod
She exhaled and let the smoke rise above her, maybe her Grandma had been wrong
Her faith was waning because of all she had lived through all she had seen, her faith was almost gone

She snuffed out her cigarette, stood up and took a long look around
She was completely alone, her broken heart beat was the only sound
Her eye's was filled with the tears of a lifetime of pain, anger and sorrow
She was terrified of the uncertain future and what was to follow

If only she had relized how many other's lifes she had touched and changed
She had so many times sacrificed of herself, let her life be rearranged
She had that rare type of heart that could always see past the surface, to see their lost beautiful soul
What an agonizing tragedy she was blinded to her own amazing, loving, unselfish beautiful soul; she just didn't know

The view from Hell is the most gorgeous of all
Brightest most vibrant blue sky above the fall
But in my ears is the demons call

Leaves of every autumn color fill the trees
If only I could feel the crisp cool breeze
Maybe then my burning flesh could ease

What I wouldn't give to feel the energies of the season's changing again
But I'm falling further into Hell, much to my chagrin
And against these demons there is no way to defend

So I'll enjoy the view
With all of it's diffrent hues
Till I'm blinded by the darkness, left without a clue

Here I am in the darkness again
Realizing it's my only friend

I just want to walk in the sun
Like I did when I was young

But that dream is dead and gone
Just like the last note of a song
It simply fell away
Into the gray

I try to convince myself I will be just fine
Here in the dark where the sun will never shine

Alone in my maddness
My terrifying sadness
In time that's so timeless
This deafening silence
That all leads to self violence

To judge another is really not your place
You never know how it feels unless you live inside their space
But maybe your just stupid, ignorant, or dumb
Please enlighten me tell me which one

There is an emotional graveyard in my back yard
It's for all the feelings that die, and I discard

Innocence was the first to fall
But isn't it always that one for us all

Happiness fallowed soon after that
Because my life quickly turned to crap

Trust was the next to bite the dust
For self preservation it was a must

Ignorance was the very next one
I swiftly learned life's lessons
Under the gun

Love has entered and been dug up from the ground
But each time I bury it a little father down

Sympathy can also out there be found
It's right over there it's the biggest mound

Desire and all the stuff I crave
Is right here in this shallow grave

Lust that I mistook for love one to many times
Deep is it's hole it was such a vicious crime

Joy also has it's place among the markers
It couldn't be saved by the therapist or doctors

Anger was the last that went underground
I just couldn't take any more of it's horrific sound

You'll notice pain, agony, and strife
Very much still have lots of life
So also is fear and my darkness
I have placed their markers after all I'm heartless

And that last little plot way over there
Under the Weeping Willow dug with such care
It's stone only has dates and dashes
That's for my shell when it finally crashes
For it will be hollow void of all emotion
To lie in that grave will be such a promotion

He is an addict
Pain on others he never sought to inflict
He was only looking for a way out
And this was just another bout
Of self hatred and doubt

He took the drugs to ease the pain
He took the durgs to ease the strain
He took the drugs to try to stay sane
In he's place I might have done the same

In the midst of all the carnage
You'll find him there spoon and rig
As he cooks it down
A slight quickened breath is the only sound
Eyes wide and bright with the thought of relief
With hurried thoughts of release

He thumps his arm to find the vain
It's the path straight to the brain
With that needle the monsters of the past are slain

But other monsters soon are made
They are just a diffrent shade
For the candle and the spoon
With the needle creates an awful hewn
The tracks are laid
No one can save
There is no way
So I just pray
I'll never turn my back to a friend
Even when his given in

The heart has no bones, but I heard it shatter
The day you turn and walked away, I heard the clatter
I heard it plainly over the,"I still love you"that I muttered
Now I'm left with all this clutter
Where did your fiery love go
I'll never understand, I'll never know
I shut my eyes to my new reality
Because behind my eyes, you with me is all I see
I don't want to live a life that your not in
So I shut my eyes for the very last time,I will never open them again

I can't fly without  feathers
So why are you putting me in tethers
I can't swim without fins
And still your sticking in the pins
And pulling off that little dolls limbs
Like right out of the fairytale grimms'

Your vicious as hell with that voodoo doll of twine
You made in my image so it would be mine
I constantly feel the shivers run down my spine

I don't understand why you keep me here entrapped
And leave all of our potential so untapped
Instead you think I must be kidnapped

It's trust that you're so desperately lacking
Wish you would just relize it's not me that's been slacking

I nearly forgot my broken part
Till you took a blowtorch and cauterized my heart
You devastated me, with your art

Don't think of yourself as smart
In love my brain from my heart  departs
I always put the horse behind the cart

Her eye's cast down like a beaten pup
She didn't dare bother looking up
She watched the ground, her every step
The anguish over her face just crept
The wind from her lips swept
The agonizing moans as she wept
What woeful sounds of regret
Her closet is bulging where the skeletons are kept

She had years ago, locked it up tight
Really late in the black of night
For even she couldn't stand the sight
She had already paid the price
So she figured she had the right
With those skeletons she could no longer fight

So every day she can be found
With her head firmly pointed down
Eyes forever fixated on the ground
Wearing her darkness like a shroud

A cookie cutter version is what this world wants
So my wild messed up ways I flaunt
You can try to figure me out
As in your face I shout
I'm not like the rest, I never will be
You look but don't see
The uniqueness in me
Theres no other that comes close
No one can make that boast
They ask why can't you be like the rest
Well.....I really don't want to be secound best

On the other side of my bed is a galaxy
This is sadly my stark realty
No shining star, such a sad travesty
No colors in the dark exploding brilliantly

I'm waiting on the planets to align
To bring me someone that's divine
Someone that's true and kind
To save me from this darkened state
That knows my scars and can change my fate

The one I found that's sweet and kind
And really speaks of words divine
Is to far away to touch, and hold
So there is still this darkened hole
This galaxy that's void and cold

Maybe one day he will transverse
Space and time and enter in my universe
To reach across the atmosphere
And find him laying next to me here
He'll chase away all my fears

But for now I float in this cold dark space
And dream about that handsome face
And his arm I long to be engulfed in
Oh to be his lover, his friend
I want to hold him before my sorry life ends

Put me in the night
Hide me out of sight
Put me on an island
Or in an asylum
Put me a hole
For my wretched soul
Put me in the tallest tree
So no one can see
Fling me in the ocean
So they haven't a notion
Paint me camouflage
So I'm just a mirage
Put me on a boat
That doesn't stay afloat
Put me on a cliff
Send a wind that is stiff
Put me in a ravine
Where I'll never be seen
Put me on the moon
So I won't come back soon
Put me in the sky
We know that I can't fly
Put me in a car
That takes me very far
Put me in a shack
Where I refuse to come back
Put me in the rain
So I might become sane

I've slowly came to the realization
Of what makes me so craven
I now know what is killing me
It's not what I thought it would be
It's not the pain, agony, or strife
That is so ******* rife
That's been there all my life
It's not the monsters, demons, or tragedy
No it's not any of the things I thought it would be
No, I thought I was killing time, but I've realized time is killing me

Will we meet upon the green grass hill
Will you come and sit with me still
Underneath the old oak tree
We can sit and gaze at the sea
We can watch the white top waves
As it beats toward the caves
The sea foams frothy white at the wide open mouth
And when the wind blows from the south

You can almost hear the pirates song
When they use to visit the cave, but those years are long gone
That's where they use to hide their treasures
But now only the waves laps in at it's leisure

You once asked me,"why don't you explore the cave by the sea"
"To find diamonds and the gold that there might be"
I only shot you a smile
Because I knew all the while
I had all ready found my diamond
And around you my arms I tightened

But that was many years ago
And the winds of time did blow
It aged our bodies, and took you away
So I made that climb up hill today

To sit up under that old oak tree
To reminisce of what use to be
To hold tight the ghost of your memory
For that's one thing time can't take from me

I'm tired of feeling this way
No matter what the day
Tired of feeling conjointed, disfigured
With my missing parts scattered on the ground
Knowing not all the parts are there to be found
I am only deconstructed, not reconstructed
I can never again be whole
I'll never be myself of old
Someone tell me why I should go on
Only a piece of a person, most of me gone
I just want to lay the rest of me down, how can that be wrong

Death looks very handsome today
Wonder if he'll dance my way
Hold me in his arms as we sway
To the rhythm of the dance
Maybe just by chance
At me today he'll take a glance
It would be a fine romance

Maybe today he'll give me a date
Save me from this wretched state
I patiently wait at his gate
I'm hoping he will take my hand
Lead me into his land
Where he stops times sand

Never to be sold
Never to grow old
Never to be cold

Death is looking very handsome today
I hope this is the day he takes me away

The moon beams glistens and bounces off the cold gray tomb stones
I glide silently between them, I let out a few soft moans

The moon's so bright it throws shadows off all the leafless trees
Their bony fingers reach out and dance in the breeze
At every stone I carefully read each name and date at either end of the dashes

Everyone of them, their lives where nothing more than flashes
Like the flickering flame of the lanterns glow
Their life away from them just flowed

My midnight stroll was almost over
Knowing they where all at peace under that cover of clover
I looked on their last resting place with wistful eyes
This feeling of wanting couldn't be disguised

As the wind whistles and dies
The north wind crys
A cold chill runs through my spirit
Voices surround me, although I don't want to hear it

For I'm just a vapor, a mist
Miserable in life I slit my wrist
Now I'm a simple ghost
More restless than most

I lift my head to watch the midnight flight of the raven
I feel so cheated, death did not even offer me a safe haven
Death would not let me lay peaceful in the ground
But pointed it's bony finger, and said "go roam around"

Sadness is still my existence, just a different plain
Still the same old sharp dull pain
I'm a restless ghost, flames being held to my feet
Now when you catch sight of me among the stones you'll know why I weep
Because for me there will never be that eternal sleep

With clockwork precision
You made your incision
You planned with perfection
All of your deception
You never wavered in your disguise
That made for my immanent demise

You played the part of victim
But it was my heart that was missing
You must have a gift
You were so sweet, but swift
With a flick of your wrist
My heart from my chest was dismissed

But you insisted
You didn't leave me bent or twisted
You didn't break or shatter
What really mattered
You said "I didn't leave your heart broken
I took it as a token"

You placed my heart among the rest
It was quite a collection you possessed
****** and still pumping, they sat on your shelf
They were all for you, nobody else

For I found out to late
My feelings would abate
For you let them lay and stagnate
Because what was beneath your breastplate
Was an empty chasm
The depths of which I couldn't even fathom

I guess you took them to fill your own void
I supposed thats why with others you toyed
Maybe you thought with enough hearts
It might be like it was for you in the start
You would feel something more than dread
But look how many you left as the walking dead

It didn't matter how many heartless victims you left in your wake
It was always about you, for Heaven sake
After all you was the victim
With heartlessness and hatred you were stricken
Now you spread like a disease
Just to bring the world to it's knees
One heart at a time
For you, love is the crime