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9.6k · Mar 2018
I'm kind of stuck
At least... I think I am
Somewhere between telling everyone I know to *******
And "just please come hold me friend"

Some place in between an uneasy heart and hectic mind

"I'm depressed"
Can't I just say it without having to explain why?
Sometimes I don't even know which reason to choose

Short replies

"You seem like you don't want to talk"

You're right, but I also want to reach out
I want out
I want to let go of everything
And capture it all in my arms

like a fire fly in the palm of restless hands,
Just let me hold on to your light
Atleast, just for tonight

Because I'm feeling stuck.
I'd like to write words that
shine like
with lines of meaning
like planets
that live in the cold dark part
of my

let's call it

be the hero who brought peace
to a nation that deemed me equal
Who's ruler saw
in me
a way to build a galactic empire

Instead, my words are simple
the meanings are hopefully clear
I just want them to be great
So I can capture your mind
and submit ya appeal
Because I think I once cast a light
that definitely puzzled your eyes

I just want to show you
I've become a better
Utter nonsense.
The feeling of my intention was clear.
At one time or another.
"Find a place to share what's inside."
"Maybe, maybe it'll fade, at least for awhile."
"Mix it up a bit, shine light where you spread the dark."

Suffice it to say, I'm worried this won't turn out the way I had hoped.
It's not to say I'm on the brink of the end,
But at the moment in this lifelong battle, when my eye flickers to a detail I missed.

There's a ***** in my armor.
A small sliver.
As that unwanted passenger swings it's blade once again, sparks fly, and in that second of light, revealed.

The sliver is now a *****.
I can't seal this and sooner or later it'll spill out.
I just wish, one day, it'll stop.

Until then, I'll burn away and rise from the ashes like a phoenix to continue this infinite cycle.
Sorry if you're reading this. I actually wanted to mix my post with positivity but I'm definitely at a low point more often nowadays. It happens and I'll bounce back. I just didn't want anyone to think this was about self harm. It isn't.
1.5k · Apr 2018
Inspire me beauty.
She looks gorgeous, and I sit here
pen in hand
  forever wanting.
Just a thought
912 · Mar 2018
You can't comfort this
"It wasnt the same as they describe it in the books.
Its not like watching a movie and getting teary-eyed because it connected with you in some way, shape or form.

There was a deeper sort of pain, beyond the physical spectrum.
A feeling they don't describe.
It was akin to those weird feelings you get while listening to music.

And Ill tell you this. It wasnt easy to get over.

It didn't go away fast.

It HURT.....

It hurt every **** day."
Trying to somehow capture the feeling of love lost. (Think back to that Twilight New Moon scene where Bella sits in her chair for about a year as the seasons go by. Corny yes, but that was a really good scene.)
785 · May 2018
The thing is
It takes a certain type of moodset
To create anything worth catching the eye
And sometimes....
Sometimes I just don't wanna dive too deep
Because the depths are where the treasure lies
And the darkness is terrifying.
The doctors gave me a pill not to feel
You place hands on me to heal
I try not to make this a big deal
I try not to make this a big deal

I'm trying not to deal
But I live in a casino
and the currency
is my sanity

I deal in sin
I deal in skin
Please don't take your hand away
I want to cash out

I want to let go of all of this
and tear up the deed
I want to sell everything
I want to go out of business
I want to wake up and whisper
Here once stood Casino Depression
The many words that come your way when explaining isn't so simple. But don't ever believe it's up to anyone else to save you from yourself. Support is great the end, you make the final decision to help, you.
307 · Mar 2018
1:13 in the Morning
Each step, feels like shes walking in
Last chance, it feels like shes got nothing

She was once the ocean...
You were a sailor at sea
Alive with excitement of her mysteries
Till you finished your chart and took your leave..

A song, was the thought of your voice in her
A demon, you've left scars buried deep in her

She was once infinite space
You were an astronaut exploring
One small step for love, one giant step for the bed
Once your flag was planted, you packed up and left.....

Looking back on the past
Your mind not allowed to rest
You had forgotten all the reasons you fell
And years after the end you remember it all...
Seems like you've fallen again...
What a *******.
304 · Aug 2018
The way she looked at me
you couldn't capture that in a picture. It was like secrets shared that brought countries down quicker.
304 · Feb 11
Anyone can lie
You're only as real
as the amount I see if your soul.
279 · Jul 2018
Personal explicit thoughts
Don't be just **** or *****.
Trust, **** gets old real quick.

When you wonder why nobody wants more than that.

Especially when there's options and people always have them. Morals and Ethics delay that.

Be more.
Have substance.
Switch the norm up.

People are fickle and there's always someone out there with either completely better qualities and skills or unique skills you are unable to obtain.

Dont stand at the shore and not make waves.

Be the kindling that makes that fire burn bright, you know?

And if you don't understand what the fire is, that could be another reason.

Because it's possible for any light to go out.

Don't let it get to the point where you have to cup your hands to keep away the final breeze that takes it out.

If you get it, you get it.
250 · Mar 2018
Bitter Breakup
Look at me again
with those guarded eyes,
freckled with bitterness
like glitter, and the forgotten love you can still taste on your tongue.

Do you breath a sigh of relief, now that you're gone?

My want is an ungranted wish
Since my words shot down all of the stars
That you once cast your gaze upon.
237 · Nov 2018
Under the Influence
Judge you when we're high
Judge you when we're high
You're a creature you're divine
You're my comfort love you are fine

I will judge you in my mind
I will judge you in my mind

You're a story you're a lie
Educate me when you smile
Beauty thank you I'm high
Darling thank you that I'm high

So I could judge you
in my mind
So I'll convulse you
In my mind
So I could love you till I die

Fully in my mind
hope you like it, wrote this today
I never said I was - she said
on hitching breath
while two knuckles deep,
can we go three with three

Guttural moan

Against this, so don't - she purred
A lick of fire against my lips
In a moment like this
I want more
Can I at least
for once
just a random thought of being in the moment
212 · Mar 2018
Twisted Break up
Through your tears
And my actions
Our fire went out
Our fire went out
your voice echoing
we're better than this
you've broken down
you've broken down
Though I have found
A life without love
is no way, to be found...
In a home without doors
I constructed your decor...
Out of memories
Out of memories
Guilt, blame, and shame
A spell left behind to keep
you locked away.....
Maybe someone can release you
Just had the urge to write.
Something along the lines of a break up, where a person knows they've put you in a place emotionally where you're cut off from others.
201 · Mar 2018
Social Meter on E
Hello , how are you
What would you like?
No problem, that'll be $2.67
Yes , the prices go up without us knowing
Here you go, have a great day
(are you ok? You good?)
(I'm fine)
Where do you want me?
Ok, I finished, now where?
I just put out milk, are they just guzzling it?
(are you ok, you good?)
(yeah, I'm good)
Hi. Yes. Iced or hot?
ICED or hot?
Have a great day.
Can I clock out now?
See you tomorrow.
(Im so tired of saying "I'm ok." Because then I think about it and realize, I'm not always okay. I'm The only way I know how to.)
Work, can be draining.
Just wanted this out instead of keeping it in.
194 · Apr 2018
Simple words from the past
Poured my heart
into the cup
you hold
Pain in my chest.
Drink it
my love
you'll feel.
182 · Oct 2018
I laugh
I laugh until I feel
I won't break anymore
And then I laugh some more.
Humor is coping
Broken, battered and bruised but still
walking down this path , of course you'd choose....
Yes, you came for some advice
I faced you away from that abuse
Yet you'd rather be a tool
Instead of treasured, only used
Reached to save you once again
But you slapped the hand I lent

Pity is a fools reprieve....
Naivety is a strong belief
Your god was never heaven sent
A false idol by which you've bled
Your god was never heaven sent
You've wasted life on a broken wish

Every time you told me no
Every time you stayed, I failed
It was in the way I loved you
In these wasted steps I took, I felt
That I would always burn in ****
The promises that you would leave
Were always my fool's.... reprieve...
For anyone who's ever known a friend or has been in an abusive relationship and either never listened to the chances to get out, or ignored them until you listened.

Inspiration : Sober by Tool
I see the sun
I see the sun......again

When the wind blows
When the wind blows, I smell you

Overcast, my emotional weather
I thought it would always last
I thought it would never pass
Couldn't break free,I was stuck in the past
And all the advice I was given
I crumbled it up like wasted flyer paper
Fell out​ somewhere between my hand, pocket
And garbage cans
Couldn't move these clouds if I tried
Shadows and rain falling only on and around me
Kept my head down to keep the water out my ears...

Just kidding, they were tears

Cuz who am I kidding
If I wasn't overthinking my next step
I was contemplating sui...sin...

Till a light.....
And then

I could see the sun
I could see the sun again...

I looked up and saw you.
A lyrical interpretation of swinging from a dark mood to a lighter one.
165 · Jul 2018
When a Habit turns to pain
I raise my hand up to my ear
Empty without my phone
Maybe it'll happen tomorrow
is what I said about yesterday's tomorrow, because

This is when you would call
This is when you would call
Was told of the end that comes to all good things.

Have you dialed my number only to then take your hand off the latch
of a door where something made of be us
Grunts and screams and moans and pleads

Who do you say "Hey there",  to now?
Did their day make you smile?
Laugh in sync?
Did you pause in mid sentence as your eyes saw the time?

This is when you would call me
This is when you would call me
Why can't you ******* call ME?
***** when what you're used to doesn't exist for you anymore
165 · Apr 2018
Telephone nights
Across the lines
the sound it traveled.
Unto me
your voice unraveled
an audio frequency
Miles apart
but still you feel near
a spoken
"I love you"
is as if you have whispered
into my ear.
Accepting what you can get from time to time.
158 · Mar 2018
A story with a bad ending
"It wasnt the same as they describe it in the books.

Its not like watching a movie and getting teary-eyed because it connected with you in some way, shape or form.

There was a deeper sort of pain,beyond the physical spectrum.

A feeling they don't describe.
It was akin to those weird feelings you get while listening to music.

And Ill tell you this.
It wasnt easy to get over.

It didn't go away fast.

It HURT.....

It hurt every **** day."
146 · Apr 2018
A light in the distance
I fell into discord
got used to this hole
But when you sang, your song
I realized
I could never go back
oh no no
no no no no....
I don't want to be here anymore.
Sometimes I find old things I've written and present them.
141 · Mar 2018
Until my face eased back
from the form of a smile
due to a memory
of you.
I never would have believed
it could happen,
even if you told me.
139 · Mar 2018
A crowns worth
If I had known
would I still be on a throne?
One created in which I held such,
A beautiful world in the palm of my hands

I've turned everything to sand
this is the home on which my castle stands
My actions have become the waves creeping
up the shore
washing it all away

I'm too stubborn to make things better on a re-do
There'd be so many memories to lose
A good decision for me, is like searching for a needle in a haystack
Regret is an emotion, you cant take back

When you regretted your love for me, that's when I knew I went so far, I couldn't come back.....
131 · Aug 2018
Without all is lost.
Nothing is attracted, just always subtracted from the equation
With too much, only an equal amount in turn, can balance out the scales.

Substance,in many I find lacking
Staring into the mirror
it becomes more evident
that I myself,
may even be without.
Old ****.
126 · Mar 3
Real friends
We're bonded not just by words
but by the truths
we keep for each other
Absence is a way to remember me
I wonder if that's just what you think

Your actions tend to get a reaction
Shocked when it isn't what you expect it to be

Think about it all
Before you blame it all
On me
Can't see you're in the wrong
Thinking it's okay for this to be

Contrary to popular belief when I speak on these things
I know the world doesn't revolve around me
Just kinda tired of the come and go folks.
123 · Nov 2018
Self Reflection
Night time was my life and I didnt care about anything outside my room

All that existed was me and my loneliness, and I didnt care about anything.

You couldnt see me

I was a shadow, a ghost in this world and I had lost my voice from never having to say anything
I was by myself and nothing else mattered.

I would see the outside world but I was so inside myself, that nothing else mattered anymore.

My stare was devoid of anything you could understand.

I was nothing that you could want, nothing that you would need

Slipping through the world as all my feelings were bottled up, everything

bouncing off the corridors back and forth in my mind
I was hidden in my mind

And now that Ive opened up, all of me, it overflows

All I can say is, from what I was, all I need is my mind and my heart

And ever since I got a taste of what Ive been missing, I cant go back

Ive tried but, I cant go back...
Words, they're stuck and stumbling, from the tip of my tongue
numb lips unfrozen
when your image runs across
My tear stained reddened eyes!
Can I call this love a cancer?
Can I call this love a cancer?

Cuz I breathe in your laughter and smiles like smoke!
And I'd happily smile and choke!
If its the last thing I see, before I croak!
Can I call this love a cancer?

My heart its been so cold!
If I had a dollar for everytime someone told me they loved me, Id be broke!
What makes me so special, an abundance of self-doubt
Can you rip out your eyes and trade with me?
Ive ripped out mine so I could take yours
and see what you say you see
What you seem to believe
you see.....
In me!
Sometimes I like to write my own lyrics to songs, that I listen to.
This one was written a few years ago, while I listened to Dance Gavin Dance's "People you Know."
108 · Jun 2018
Something from 2016
I'm the kind of ****** you would be if you didn't have distractions, see?

A dedicated glutton
as the feast is always full of things that make it hard to breathe
and sleep.
I really, don't know.
107 · Jul 2018
And for a moment, you were shining, and you never saw it.
But I did.
Its been long, since Ive seen that shine.
I think you lost it, when you lost yourself.
When you got stuck in a rut,and I had to move.
You knew it right?
That I couldnt be the one for you and I had to move.
But for a moment in time,you shined.
Did you glimpse mine, when I turned from you?
I missed mine too, right?
Yeah I think I did.
My light.
Seeing something special in someone
103 · Jun 2018
I've walked miles in these shoes
Not many destinations were places I'd choose

Hard to say exactly who I was back then
When footsteps disappear in the sand

A mirage of an oasis in the distance
More like a long ago wish

I can never shake this feeling
That I'll ever truly obtain an outlet

So I just type out confusing puzzles
In order to get out feelings in words

Just to explain who I am in a world like this
It is what it is
98 · Jun 2018
My love
My love is.....skeptical.
My love is warm.
My love is the sun behind the clouds. My love is a drizzle before the storm.
My love is the breeze in the air.
My love is that wave of nostalgia.
My love is the boom of thunder.
My love is what makes your heart beat faster.
My love is an explosion on a race track.
My love is a 10 car pile up with hours of delay. M
y love is war. My love is peace.
My love is icy winter.
My love can melt.
My love is yours.
Clearly about love. Lol.
97 · Aug 2018
After the loss
You provided all the serotonin I needed
To say I had become dependant on you,
was an understatement.
Now its back to pills and lesser things
night time visits with regrets and memories
I think it explains itself.
97 · Mar 2018
My soul is set on
I'm in
the shower.
I sing in the shower. XD
93 · Nov 2018
Questioning Love
What exactly, is love?

A flickering candle that can be snuffed,
or a volcano that can only erupt when there's too much pressure on it...?

What is true and what is pure?
Does it count if it's out of hate or spite?

Does the spoken three-word saying, actually mean anything?

Can you have it and so easily take it away?

If that is so....then whats the point?

If you know it to be true in your heart, if you want it, then why avoid it and pretend it never existed?
87 · Mar 2018
You ain't see nothing
You ain't see nothing
How could you even say that
How could you even say that

There's no one better
There's no one better
How could you even say that
How could you even say that

If I ,could see through your eyes
Well then I, could live a life

You ain't see nothing wrong
With me
There's no one better
than you

Something makes you
Something makes you
Repetitive, but so is thought.
75 · Aug 2018
Night thoughts
Lay awake and sing along to the songs you like to sing
Hit repeat

Feel a sting, unexpectedly
Which it makes you think
about how such a beautiful thing
fell and crumbled at your feet

Looking in a mirror
I can only blame the one looking back at me
I need to sleep, I need to sleep
But Im too scared
to dream
The faults of men (males)
And the sadness they create
With the words on their tongue
or tone in their voice

The way he touched her hair
how his hand lingered there
as nostrils flared
and you knew when he was close
It wasn't the scent of you he inhaled

The sin in his eyes
and how you could see it begin there
Before anything awkward began

The fault of man and how his soul glittered in the back in his eyes as you wept and stared
and let you know......

You were no longer mine.
64 · Nov 2018
A raindrop from the sky
A cruel mimic
of what happened to my heart
How far it fell when you left my heart

Im slipping away,
I just hope you're going through the same

The same way
right to the bottom of the sea

Like a raindrop from the sky
Old feelings and old things
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