you are a prisoner
and everything beautiful
is missing.
everything is insanity

i used to have this skill
of writing beautiful words
it developed through my misery
it resounded in my nerves

i had rhymes in my head
and i put them together
i made people feel things
with an assortment of letters

but now my mind is too full,
too scattered, too broken
and all those words have slipped;
my thoughts have come unwoven

absolutely unraveled,
solidly unfrozen,
fantastically shattered,
an organized explosion.

those beautiful words
lost in the blast
i used to wish my mind would die
and it happened at last.

My body
is scarred
and bruised
and breaking

My brain
is scattered
and lost
and buzzing

My thoughts
are deep
and painful
and groaning

My smile
is
the same.

you said you used to believe
that i was the same as the rest.
"And am I? Now that you know me?" i asked you.
"Not at all."
i took it as a compliment,
it made me proud that you saw
the things that set me apart from them..
my accomplishments.
but get this;
you are them.
there are things that set you apart from the rest, yes.
but you are just like them.
and your heart is chained just like theirs.
you are not who i thought you were.
you let me believe you were different
but when it came down to raw,
unfiltered sentiment,
you
didn't
care.
i will always, always care
but not like this.

When my joy is lost, I smile because life has a lost and found.
When the power goes out, I smile because it's an adventure.
When I almost crash my car, I smile because it was just an almost.
When thunder crashes and I'm petrified with childhood fears, I hold my blankets tight and I am thankful the thunder is only a natural occurrence and not bombs crashing on my house.
When I get 2 hours of sleep because nightmares kept me awake, I laugh because I can always sleep another time.
When I forget what hope is, I smile because it's woven into my being so tightly that I can always feel it, even if I've forgotten what it is.
When I can't breathe and my world is spinning, I smile because I know I haven't died yet.
When I can no longer get out of bed because I am so sore from the pain of life, I smile because being late to school isn't the worst thing that can happen.
When everything is lost, I smile because I am lost too.

stains on my heart
from profanity

blasphemy or
obscene language
or actions that took place
intangibly

actions that leave me
panicky
this insanity equals
pure calamity

but isn't that
formally called
bedlamity?

I look up
From the bottom of the ocean
For I sunk a long,
Long time ago.
I see the sparkling surface.
I can almost feel the warmth of the sun
Creating those magnificent
Waves of light above me.
Almost.
Every time I kick off
From the sandy, dark bottom
I simply sink back again.
I'm tied to the seaweed;
Tangled helplessly.
So I struggle helplessly.

You shouldn't dive this
Deep.
For you will sink, too.
It would be nice to have
A bit of your company,
But you still deserve to be
Free.
So it's okay.
I'll watch you float
In the waves above me.
I'll watch you be happy.
I'll watch you soon swim
Back to the bright, crowded shore.
I'll stay here and hope.
But I can't help but wonder-

What is a prisoner supposed to hope for?

day by day
i lose myself more
to the other half of me
beckoning at the door

every day i step over
the threshold of my life
into curiosity
beyond fright

sadness makes us curious
fright makes us careful
the night makes us see
the different people we cannot be

forty days and forty nights of rain
that's what happened in the Bible days
but its been months of pain
how many more
before
the sun breaks through the haze?

i am gone
i am gone
i am gone
i am gone

it had been too dark
in the middle of the night

i was choking with fright

surely we can
reward
the streetlight

shaking hands
clutch them tight
don't let your eyes
show the fright

stand still
don't be seen
clench your jaw
contain the screams

flickering eyes
shallow breaths
try to blend in
look like the rest

i give up
i'm letting it out
don't run away
listen to my shouts

i'm telling the truth
the world is my jail
there's no time to live
only to fail

so i'm done trying
to walk this rope
until the world figures out
there's no hope

i could feel
the unbroken
line
of our eyes.

i thought maybe
i could disappear
in the wave
of feelings

but no,
i am still
living
in the moment

strings were broken,
in the end


but
no one is dead as
long as
we suffer

i am nothing.
don't say i'm not
because i know the truth
the mirror is my proof.

i can't look at myself
straight in the eyes
because it breaks my heart
to see all of the nothing they hide.

i used to be fine
i swear it's true!
but now i'm very much not.
you can tell if you listen to my thoughts.

i
am
nothing.

i use pain
to relieve my pain
and it's all my fault
that i have nothing left to gain.

i am worthless.
i fake my smiles
i fake being okay
i'm faking, all day.

who even wants
someone like me?
there's likely a mistake
when each day i wake.

i don't deserve
to be alright
i deserve to be alone
every single night.

i
am
nothing.

i hurt so i can be okay
but it hurts.
it hurts to hurt more.
it hurts me to the core.

i

deserve

to

be

**nothing

There are holes in my hands
from clenching my fists so tight
I'm feeling the non-stop misery
The memories haunt me every night

I've been defaced
I am a vandalized brick wall
Once full of beauty,
now I'm nothing at all

You took me in,
made me feel safe
Now I can't even be alone
without seeing your face

I can feel your hands
wrapping around my heart
These memories of you
are tearing me apart

This process is a long one
It's grueling, painful, and rough
Don't you realize what happened
has made my life impossibly tough?

When I'm in the shower
surrounded by white tile
I can feel your hands, see your face
And my throat burns with bile

I'm not allowed to tell
I can't talk about how I feel
Because it's your secret, too
But silence never helped anyone heal

Terrified, hyperventilating
Hands won't stop shaking
Light-headed, sobbing
My whole world is quaking

There's no way out
Because what happened was real
I have to share our secret
Because silence never helped anyone heal

Traffic jam on the highway
cars stopped
one hundred percent gridlock
heat waves off the asphalt

people rushing to see relatives
holiday weekend; a few hours till they see them
two hundred engines humming
flies buzzing

five hundred people waiting
wondering what they're waiting for
waiting for their wheels to turn
waiting for someone they've never seen before

their lives inconvenienced
by a traffic jam
******* up their holiday plans

when their cars finally move
and they see what made them stop
"oh dear, look at all those cops"
and an overturned tin can of a car

telling their kids to look elsewhere
shielding their eyes from the array
of a wrecked life
of a blue tarp on the highway

Their lives inconvenienced
by a traffic jam
******* up their holiday plans

but who is beneath
the blue tarp on the ground?
nobody even thinks
about what could be found

and what a disgrace
to simply be
an inconvenience
lying in the street

because humans are heartless
whether they are young or old
when their lives are inconvenienced
by a little girl's body gone cold

and for these reasons
i pray to never, ever say,
"i wish we could hurry through this traffic
because it's ******* up my holiday."

Running away
all life spent, running
waiting for you to beg me to stay

running brings a sweat
shin splints, calf cramps
but it helps me to forget

I don't want to remember
my warm, safe bed
because memories of you haunt me forever

the smacking of feet
the breathing surrounding me
but this air starts to feel like concrete

because no matter how far I run
I simply cannot escape
because I'll love you forever, and then some.

Turning, turning, turning the handle

Hoping, begging, praying Jack won't escape the box

Turning, turning, turning the handle!

Hoping, begging, praying this fear is only in my thoughts

TURNING, TURNING, CLICKITY-CLACK

WATCH OUT! MOVE AWAY! GET FAR, FAR BACK!

T U R N I N G , T U R N I N G


..............false alarm
Turning, turning, this is tiring my arm
Turning, turning, clickity-clack
Don't worry, this has happened before,
It can't possibly be ja

The importance of friendship is infinite.
So often, people use each other for memories and fun times.
But it isn't supposed to stop there, is it?
We are supposed to lean on each other when times get hard.
We can't let fights get between us, we can't let relationships distance us.
For there are bonds that can be created; bonds stronger than any you can see.
Just one talk with a real friend can set your worries free.
And friends are not followers, that is obvious to me.
They are treasures and gifts from God.
They are a shoulder to cry on when times get hard.
They are laughs when you want to cry.
And wings when you want to fly.
They are secret keepers, and dream believers.
They are motivators and personal cheerleaders.
But it is most important to realize that friendship isn't one-way.
Because we are all human, and the world doesn't revolve around you.
Friendship is about caring and loving unconditionally.
It is about giving not to receive, but giving because you believe.
Believe in love and friends and fun and laughs and crying and deep conversations past 3am.
Believe in relationships deeper than any with some cute boy.
Believe in a lifetime of care and joy.

I'm having these changing feelings
I don't know where I stand
That smile stops my heart;
It diminishes my steady hands

You have me under this spell
Like no other I have seen
It confuses me like crazy
And makes me feel unclean

My brain says it is wrong,
My heart says it is fine
You have me wanting nothing more
Than for you to be mine

Your endless love is inspiring
I just want to be you
But I can only try
From such a distant view

My whole life I've been raised
To be a different way
But everytime I see you
I have no words to say

But I will have plenty
Of words from here on out
Because you're gone forever
Gone, without a doubt.

I loved your green eyes.
I loved your laugh and lips.
I loved your hair and nose.
I loved your hands and your feet.
I loved what you thought were flaws.
I loved every single bit of you through and through.

But there came a point when it wasn't all love.
It was no longer butterflies.
It was lies.
It was insults that were funny at first but I began believing them.
It was insecurity.
It was mistakes and crying and peer pressure.

I became so confused.
I didn't know where to draw the line between the good and bad.
The love and hate.
I never meant to lead you on because I believed the love as much as you.

But you didn't see the pain I felt.
You didn't feel it until I walked away.
The pain you feel when I leave?
That is the pain I feel internally when I am hurt by you.

I can't trust anyone anymore.
Because I trusted you and look where I am.

But the love is not gone.
I can't forget it.
I'm not heartless or using you.
I cannot let go of the good feelings you showed me.

I can't quit loving your green eyes.
I can't quit loving your laugh and lips.
I can't quit loving your hair and nose.
I can't quit loving your hands and feet.
I can't quit loving your flaws.

But I can't love the pain.
And that is what is keeping us apart. And I'm sorry.

A week with me and you.
No distractions, no pain.
No rumors, no liars
Just us two.

Sharing the purest feelings.
No hurt, no false love.
A pure love.
A week that makes us cry when we're leaving.

Because we know when we get back
We have to deal with the pain,
With the distractions,
And it will be love that we lack.

But this is our week
That can't be ruined.
Not by moods and drama.
This week, happiness is all that I seek.

What were you thinking
Telling me like that?
You didn't have to scar me;
I knew all the facts.

Don't say you know how I feel
When you were the one
Who ruined it all
And said we were done.

Don't be sorry,
Don't be sad.
Lying was the thing
You always ****** at.

I can take the tears,
I can take the dark,
I can live with the fact
That we are now apart.

You hurt my feelings,
You broke my heart,
But it's easier to live
Now that we're apart.

So pack your bags,
Throw it all in a box
It's time to turn back
All of the clocks.

Turn back to the days
When we were happy,
When we talked for hours
About all things sappy.

Turn back to the times
When we were alone in a huddle
And could stay for hours
In our own little tunnel.

The memories we hide
Deep in our minds
Buried beneath time

They form us to be
Who everyone else sees
They're what make me, me

We don't remember them
We can't recall them
We can't see them

They are buried so deep
But in our personalities they peak