Creak
She froze in fear as
The floor boards beneath her feet threatened to crack
Her eyes darted from left to right
Looking to see if he was near
Before walking down the passage

She was extremely light on her feet
As though throughout her life she had nothing to eat
Her protruding ribcages confirm that
For someone who was shaking with fear
For someone who was malnurished
She seemed to be doing alright

Step
Creak
Freeze

Step
Creak
Freeze

She could see the door
The reflection of the door handle shined towards her
The light seeping through gave her too too much hope too soon

She began to sneak faster without freezing
When all of a sudden
She feels an ice cold breath on her shoulder
She froze
And that would be the last time she could freeze again

Yelling
Argueing
So many people
So much going on
I can barely think straight

You may enjoy the madness
Strike for chaos
But peace and order is what makes me feel safe

School
Home
Town
Wherever I go,
Everything has to be a show

I love people
I really do
But I fear chaos
And that's what crowds of people are
Chaos.

It's weird how you can miss someone, even though you see them everyday

What if every wish you made was countered by every bad thing you've ever done ¿

I want people to look at me
And see someone strong

See someone funny
Beautiful
Graceful
Radiant
Happy
Loving

Instead I dont know how Im seen but I know at least they dont see someone beautiful.

When you smile at me its like you've shot me but with medicene instead of a bullet

Feeling completely and utterly drained

Outside lives a girl with a smile that will brighten up the room, yet inside hides a girl with a frown full of despair.

Outside lives a girl with eyes of joy that brings you to ease, yet inside hides a girl shedding tears of sadness.

Outside lives a girl with a beautiful laugh that's contagious, yet inside hides a girl screaming her lungs out in unwanted anger.

Outside lives a girl with the personality everyone envies, yet inside hides a girl full of insecurities and shame.

Outside lives a girl who is fearless and tough, yet inside hides a weak girl who lives in fear.

Outside lives a girl full of life, yet inside hides a girl full of pain, wanting to die.

Outside lives a girl with a perfect image, yet inside hides a girl with regrets and mistakes.

Outside lives a girl of innocence, yet inside hides a girl with tremendous guilt.

Outside lives a girl with goals and aspirations, yet inside lives a girl lost in confusion.

I see the way you look past me
Through me
Over me
And around me

As though I don't exsist

But thats typical
Of course I don't exsist
The only girls that catch your attention are the ones that catch your eye

Im not pretty
I get that
But sometimes I just wish that I was

Have you ever seen yourself
Have you ever actually realised how beautiful you really are
Of course you haven't
You've only seen captures
Glances
Relfections and fragments
Of who you really are

Maybe thats why you find it so hard to believe that to me
You are gorgeous no matter what you see

At least nature doesn't need make-up or photoshop to be beautiful

Good night marmite
Sweet dreams sugar beams

Have a good sleep lady bo peep
See ya later alligator

Hope to see you soon pretty moon

This world is like a beautiful nightmare
There are flowers that bite
Kittens that swipe
The prettiest things can be the deadliest
I guess thats the same with love

Sunsets remind me that there is still such thing as a beautiful ending

"I've lost track of the amount of times I've given up
But im still here
So don't ever call me weak"

I used to be so bubbly
I used to be so happy
So carefree
So free of misery

Now
Laughing is a struggle
Smiling is a mask
All I seem to do is choke up and fail

I used to be so smart
Such a bright girl
Such a clever girl

Now
I can barely think
Stress and disappointment seem to be the only things Im smart enough to know are a problem

I used to feel pretty
I used to feel loved

Now
I see eyes glance over me as though Im nothing
I see stares and glares
And if I am so loved then why I am so alone?

I used to be enthusiastic
I used to be the first to volunteer

Now
Im too scared to even get out of my chair
Anxiety eats me alive if I even draw the smallest attention to myself

I know that you don't care
But maybe you can relate
To old me
That I could appreciate

Beat me
I'd rather you beat me with your fists
Than talk at me with cursed sentences
Because your punches would'nt hurt nearly as much
As the pain you've caused with those words

It seems like I have noone
Noone to back me up
Noone to trust anymore
I feel alone dispite being around people 24/7
All of my friends just seemed to fade into nothing
Noone asks about me anymore
Noone invites me anywhere anymore
And if I am invited my family will sure as hell ruin that too
All I want is at least one mate I can rely on
One mate that understands
But I guess thats too much to ask for.

Its 9.45
I could'nt feel less alive
I seem to be falling, sinking
In my own bed
And I hope that maybe
Just maybe
The mattress might swallow me whole

I will drag you down
I will steal your crown

I will break your heart
I belong in the dark

I will make you worry
I will make you stress
Even if I think its for the best

Even if I want to cry
Even if im asking why
Even if Im in pain myself
I will always been an inconvienence to everybody else.

It's actually super annoying that I think about you all the time.

But its weird
I'd never date you
I'd never kiss you
Yet somehow I seem to miss you

Because it's like I've lost a best friend
Because it's like I've lost so many memories
Because I feel guilty for hurting you

You have no idea how much I care
Its kind of pathetic when you think about it
You probably don't think about me at all

I guess thats my fault though
Because once upon a time
We used to be something
But I got scared
And fear controls.

Broken windows
Shattered dreams
Fragments skattered
Its not what it seems

It may look like I want an easy life
It may look like I want a hard life
It may look like I'm a coward
It may look like I'm a super hero

It may look like alot of things
But at the end of the day
Its not what it seems.

Its getting more and more difficult to breathe
Maybe its just my mind
But something tells me Im not as healthy as I seem.

My chest tightens
I freeze
I get scared and cry easier
If you really understood what anxiety
Felt like
Then you wouldnt be so mean.

The key to happiness:

Healthy eating
Getting enough sleep
Having supportive friends
Having kind friends
Having something to challenge you
But not something that will
Stress you out

At the end of the day
If you have all these things
But are still unhappy
Then it may be time for a change

Do you ever just feel empty?
As though your veins are hollow and insides are nothing but air?
As though you look at yourself but you dont see any colour
Like you are feeling so much that you've just stopped feeling at all?

Because thats how I feel right now
Hopefully it wont last for long

I feel ugly
I feel horrible
Im honestly such a mean person without ever wanting to be
I want to smile
I want to be kind
But honestly Im breaking inside
I honestly want to fling myself off a bridge
At least then Id stop hurting people
At least then I could join my nana and grand dad

But I couldnt and wouldnt
It would hurt too many people

So I guess I just have to continue waiting until my lungs take me
Which shouldnt be too long v.v

Another one
Another person dying
Another story
Another smile
Another tale
I dont know if I can cope
I feel as though Im not even drowning anymore
More like allergic to oxygen.

All I need is someone to lean on
Im sorry if that drags you down
Maybe you could lift me up
Well if your strong enough
We could even take turns
I just want to know someone cares
It may be annoying
But ive been told im worthless my whole life

Im just scared
That one day
You really wont care
You will realise im worthless
And leave
Just like everyone else did

Im dying
Emotionally and physically
I dont think I want to live in a world without her
Shes my bestfriend
I remember sitting in her kitchen for hours just listening to her life
She would tell me of black and white tvs, ehen you had to scrub floors on your knees
She taught me that hard work is worth it
If she leaves
Ill miss her hugs
Her talks
Going to her house regularly
Her "i love yous"
Her baking
Ill even miss the thick fog of smoke that clung to the walls slowly turning her own home into a haunted home.

I guess all you can do is hope for the best

It wouldve been easy
Quick
Done
But I couldnt bring myself to do it
Not when its not only my emotions at stake

It'd be great if i wasnt on the verge of breaking down 24/7

Sick of being the ugly friend
Sick of being the friend noone cares about
Sick of being the friend that has to try because noone else makes an effort
Sick of trying to help but being taken for granted
Sick of being the friend that always walks on the grass
Sick of being the friend thats last to get invited
Sick of being the friend that gets mad fun of constantly
Sick of being the friend that gets chosen last
Sick of being the friend that gets walked all over

Sick of being
Ignored
Invisable
Talked over
Pushed away
Used

Because I can only take so much
Soon I wont even be your friend at all

But I guess you wouldnt even notice

I cant seem to keep my eyes off you

I hate you
Yet I like you
You're mean
you're selfish

And you couldnt care less about yourself
Let alone anyone else

You are
Dramatic
Mean
Weird
Loud
Annoying
Messed up
Selfish
Rude
Egotistical


Yet somehow I still find myself looking at you, smiling at you, waiting for you to arrive, wondering what your thinking and laughing at your jokes

Because even under all that
You are
Kind
Funny
Protective
Innocent
Caring
Talented
Different
Unique

I think thats why I cant seem to stop thinking about you

Because you annoy me yet make me laugh
Because you are unlike noone ive ever met
No matter how weird you are
You're my type of weird and even though I know I cant have you I'm akways going to care.
If you ever need me
Ill be there.

Take one for this
Take one for that
Your mind isnt in bliss
Yet as flat as a mat

You cant think clearly
Everythings in a blurr
I almost fainted nearly
I thought pills were meant to work?

Rush in
Rush out

My head is felt feeling dazed and confused
As though drugs are my only muse

Cant think
Cant write
Cant listen
Cant fight

Feeling like a vegetable
But people dont understand
Because to them
They just think its all in my mind.

I miss you so much
You dont have a clue
Yet, when you talk about her
Im never jealous
Im never sad
Only do I ever wish you the best
And It makes me wonder
Does that mean I really miss you?
Maybe just as a friend
But then again
If you were to chase after me
You would'nt have to run very far
Because for you
Id stop running
Even if I was running from something that terrified me the most.

The world is slowly changing
Can you feel it?

The wind is slowly shifting
Can you hear it?

The earth is slowly turning
Can you see it?

Of course you can't
Because all you care about is yourself.

Creating sympathy off someone elses pain bugs me

You claim to be friendly and caring
But theres a difference
Between disliking someone
And being a bully.

I dont know if i can do this
Which is selfish
I mean
I have everything most people could want
A house
Friends
Family
Food
A bed

But even with all this
I just feel numb
Like my chest is caving in
And I cant breathe
All the time
I feel myself slipping away
All the time

But noone seems to notice unless I tell them
Yes I want attention
But only because I feel so trapped

I want help
Not ******* sympathy.

Falling apart
Emotionally
Physically
Mentally

I work so hard to please everyone
To help
To give
To smile
To be positive for other people

Yet i get nothing in return
A few extra hugs and aqquaintances maybe
The occasional thanks
Dont get me wrong
I dont expect anything in return

But i do expect that people would at least
Try
Because im sick of always putting in the most effort
Sick of being the one to pick up the pieces
Sick of the one walking in the shadows of others

I just want to be cared for
Not just cared about.

Long hair
Tan skin
Pouting lips
Bright eyes
Perfect skin
Right face shape
Nice curves
Big *****
Tons of makeup
Popular brands
Loads of cash
A designer waldrobe
Killer smile
Cruel humor
Cold shoulder


What you need to be a generic girl with alot of facebook likes and a popular ******.