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Nathan Squiers Aug 2015
I hear the trickle of fickle murmurs as they tickle past my ear,
Their intent is ill, but to what extent should I indulge such a thrill?
Fickle tickle, still the clock's tick-tick-tick 'til time stands still,
Leave it all behind me, but never stop lest it catch me in the rear.

I'm here to remind you there's more than just time out there to ****.
You strive to stay alive; others die--what's left for them to fear?
They're escaping all the hassle you're then left to commandeer,
So can you really celebrate when there's chaos for you still?

The fickle murmurs of their vocals squirm about my ears,
They tickle--sure--but nothing greater than a trickle 'cross the gills.
All their malice could fill a chalice (but no room for fuss or frills).
So while the dead are free I'll trickle on as a tickle in your ear.
Something that started off as playing with sounds that quickly became something more preachy than I was expecting. C'est la vie, right?

Enjoy ^_^
Nathan Squiers Dec 2014
Ring around the rosie,
We ripped off all their tosies.
Run all you wish; all the more delish.
The idea of your ****** gets cozy.

Row, row, row your boat,
To the sound of screams.
The body in the bag is starting to sag,
But by morning it'll feel like a dream.

Jack and Jill went out to ****,
To **** their abusive father.
Jill got drowned when Dad was found,
And Jack forgot all about her.

Mary had a little lamb
With a secret in its wool;
See, it fed upon its owners' souls,
And with Mary he'd be full.

Rock-a-by baby,
On the cliff's side.
We see now you're not human,
There's no place to hide.
And, though we are scared,
Our armies will come,
And, one way or 'nother, this horror be done.
You ever find yourself trapped listening to something over and over and over and over again until you're driven so totally bat-**** crazy that you'll go out of your way to warp and perverse the source into something terrible and nearly non-recognizable??

That's not what happened here. I just wanted to be morbid :-p
Nathan Squiers Mar 2014
I hear their heart beat
Sound drives an eternal thirst
My fangs... how they ache!
In the end, I'm a vampire author first :-p
Nathan Squiers Jul 2014
A tortured killer and his guilty victim strode into the ravine.
A single shot disturbed the calmness of their scene.
Now, both dead, a killer's slain and a victim's hands: unclean.
Just a little ditty inspired by my favorite poet, Stephen Crane.
Nathan Squiers Feb 2014
I watch the world turn; it turns to night--
My masks wear burns; I scorn the fight--
Night bleeds and away it dies.
Then day's reborn with a rebuilt disguise.

I watch the skies go red through dreary eyes,
My flesh feels fake from all the lies.
Dusk creeps in and peels to truth,
And I take to the night with jagged tooth.

There's little left to pray or beg for,
Not when your face is not your own.
There's little hope when you're their *****,
Not when your skin's gone cold as stone.

I watch the clouds burn in crimson skies;
My real self trembles behind my eyes.
I'm left as less a man, though more a god;
One who, though so perfect, is so flawed.
Nathan Squiers May 2014
The world was stunned as the a Dark One fell,
His legacy blooming like a black-petaled rose.
The thorns pierced through the eyes of man,
And the Devil cried with me.

He showed the frozen skin of morals--
With gaping pride and ******* strength--
Adorned and caressed by machinery.
And the Devil cried with me.

There was babies in the barrel,
And an alter upon the horns.
******* cries far-and-wide.
And the Devil cried with me.

Harmonics perching on twisted limbs,
And darkness bursting from our chests,
Our greatest nightmares echo His sinister sight...
And the Devil cries with us.
I was truly crushed to hear of the recent passing of one of my favorite artists, H.R. Giger. Though this is a belated homage to the man that brought us the creatures from the Alien movies and KoRn's mic stand (just to name his most recognized work), I felt the need to offer something up in his honor. I didn't want to take this too literal out of respect for the surrealism the man inspired, but, at the same time, credit was most certainly do.

RIP, Giger. Your legacy will rage eternal.
Nathan Squiers Feb 2014
She left me on the wharf
To follow unseen tracks.
Creaky planks and rusted nails
All told me to go back.

"The Lighthouse you see is meant for you.
Come here, young man; come here.
We call to many, this be true,
And the time has come again."

I hadn't nerve enough to ask
How they knew of my plight.
She'd left me on the wharf,
and it didn't seem quite right...

"How do you know my troubles, folk,
How have you come to know my shame?
Since I've been left I barely spoke;
I've uttered but her name..."

"The name you speak is who we serve.
We're all of us unique.
Like us you're dealt not what's deserved,
But all we do is speak.

She sends many to our cold embrace.
Young man, she does this to ease her thirst.
She weave herself through time and space;
You haven't been her first.

We can't tell you that you don't belong,
You're here because you do!
We all of us--the weak and strong,
All walked the wharf like you!"

She left me on the wharf that night;
Left to dwell upon my pangs.
Her vision serves our only sight,
As new victims find her fangs...
Nathan Squiers Feb 2014
A grunt-fueled ******--the initial plunge--
Sinks the length in to the hilt.
A startled cry.
A breathy groan.
And not a single ounce of guilt.

A pleasured quake travels up my spine,
As I sink it in again.
She twists and writhes;
Contorts and sighs.
This is my moment of Zen.

She whimpers now! She's almost there!
And the wetness begins to pool.
I touch my lips onto her own,
Then wipe away the drool.

Her eyes go crossed; a drawn-out sigh,
And she lets out her final breath.
My ****** strikes as I withdraw the knife;
Drinking in ******* death.
Nathan Squiers Sep 2014
In this world I cannot hide;
All the monsters are inside,
And they eat me alive...
But I survive--yea, I get another day--
To see all the ways I terrified,
And victimized (it's in their eyes),
In my haste to survive...
Yea, I get another day...
Another day to waste away
So I can claim my own today,
When there's no two ways to say today
That I'm no further than I was yesterday.
The monsters inside who live to prey
Are praying I'll plea for another day;
They're laughing--they're jeering--when I say,
That I'll treat their gift some other way...
They laugh and jive while I'm eaten alive,
Because it's my self-deceit on which they thrive.
They wait inside--I cringe and hide--
And swear that my new day will be new.
But we both know it's not true...
Yea, I get another day...
Another day to waste away on ways to stay;
Ways to stay away from just another day.
So I tell them now--I tell them how--
I'll be someone different...
How I'll strive further,
Push harder.
How I'll love myself like my mother--
How I'll show truer love to others--
And feel a greater bond with everyone and everything...
Yea, I'll tell them the same old thing;
A regular circus; all three rings...
A jester I digest to puke up lies just to justify
Why I somehow deserve another day alive...
Yea, I get another day in this world
From which I cannot hide,
Because the monsters I blame--the monsters inside--
Are just pieces of me consumed by pride.
So what outlet do I have from me?
What chance is there for dignity when all of me
Hungers for misery from the rest of me?
It's those parts of me that haunt me--
What the **** do I want from me?!--
... ... ...
... ...
...
Unless it's not to be in misery.
Unless it's not in me to berate me,
But, instead, to motivate me; liberate me.
What if the monsters in me are torturing me,
So that the lies I feed them become reality?
It's not deceit, I see; it's the truths in me
that push me to push me each day, I see.
Just one more day...
I see.
Because it's in this world I cannot hide,
That I've been hidden to who I am inside;
Hidden from the oaths that I commit,
Just to waste away and then forfeit.
Just one more day...
I've been begging--feeding--for another day; another bore.
But now I'll beg and feed for something greater; something more:
Another day.
So I'd recently fallen into a rather deep depression that ate up a few of my days with a bunch of stupid, morbid questions that, to be blunt, I'd already answered to myself years ago.

But that's sort of what the whole clinical thing is, ain't it: being snagged in a self-inflicted mental net over and over while you feel yourself and others staring in thinking "The hell is wrong with this person?"

Well, I finally pulled myself out of it (with the help of some truly awesome support from my colleagues and readers <3 ) and I've decided to focus more time and effort on my writing.

So here's a fresh-from-depression poem. I'll also be sharing a bunch of new content on my FB author page at https://www.facebook.com/Nathan.Squiers (including updates on the book-to-movie process for my Crimson Shadow series). Many thanks for all the support & comments from my HP peeps; I do what I do 'cuz y'all keep me motivated.

Much love <3
Nathan Squiers Feb 2014
There will never be any like you,
Who can do to me what you can do.
I'm sure of this, Miss,
With your crippling kiss,
Which is why I'll put an end to you, too.
Nathan Squiers Jun 2014
With slink-and-slide, they wink and glide,
But offer not a growl or purr.
The shift and sift of stripes alight,
As sinewy grace takes to the night,
And all the forest dares not stir.
All that's left to do is hide.

It's a matter of pride that carries the stride;
There's more to the fury than just the fur.
It's not just of claw or of jaw that leaves us in awe,
It's the grace and the pace that they carry their paw.
That, while there's power enough to be but a blur,
It's with a stoic grace that these creatures betide.

You can call me a dreamer--that I pine for their life--
But I'm not the only one who seeks freedom from strife.
And while they're out there, burning bright,
There's no shame shared in the forests of the night.
So call me crazy for wanting to be free,
But I'll say with pride, "A tiger's life for me!"
In "celebration" of getting the second half of my dual tiger head tattoo (making that three tigers I have tattooed on me... thus far), I wanted to do a little something-something in the marvelous creature's honor. There's a few references that I'm guessing a few of you will pick up on (no harm/foul if you don't), but--all-in-all--I'm just hoping it's enjoyed.
Nathan Squiers May 2014
There's so much praise and adoration,
Plaguing those across the nation.
But I can see what's behind that pained face:
Just rotted meat packed on a scorned disgrace.

Oh, what a wretched situation,
When to not be flawless breeds condemnation.
But when they're gone they won't leave a trace,
Just flesh-toned pastels and overpriced lace.

We must finally see there's no correlation,
'Tween real beauty and commercialization.
There might actually be hope for social grace,
When we all can see behind that painted face.
My dear friend Gianna offered me a theme in my time of need (gotta hate those moments when the drive to write is there, but there's no foundation in mind). Anyway, fake beauty/false reality offered up in a playful AABB scheme.

Enjoy ^_^
Nathan Squiers Jun 2015
Another day, like any other, left to wonder "Why?"
A mother, guilty as any other, left alone to pray and cry.
Smothered beneath the covers as I recite "I wanna die,"
Brother, it's just another tortured storm cloud in my sky.

Lie; I'm spewing nonsense like it's going out of style.
"Hi," I'll force a smile, "I haven't been down in a while."
By and by I'll buy the lies and just force myself to smile,
Try to fake the same old high as I'm just adding to the pile.

File my condition under "hostage;" forever bound...
Vile: forced to smile while the echoes still resound.
"I'll be fine," I tell myself, but it all comes back around.
While a tree can rise to new heights, it's still anchored to the ground.

Pound a blessed coffin nail into another wasted day.
Found another breath of life that still won't go away.
Confound the demons pushing me--holding them at bay--
Astound the very Fates, I have, so still in this life I stay.

Pray for the best, but I'll forever be transfixed.
Pay it all to the Piper, but he still plays his tricks.
Days, yester- and tomorrow, always feel affixed.
Lay still and listen for the call of Death; I'm betwixt.
Been trapped in a rather lengthy bout of depression. Figured I'd breathe life into some of the thoughts (air out the proverbial ***** laundry) while playing with a dual rhyme scheme (both in the beginning and end of each line).
Nathan Squiers Nov 2014
You were quick to calm--
To see things my way for once--
When you saw the bits.
Nathan Squiers Dec 2013
There were times when I forced myself to rise--
To climb above the torment and turmoil in your eyes--
Only to see that soaring was the worst thing I could do,
And I was forced to try to find the truth beyond the lies.

There were times when I had hoped we could begin anew;
I'd pray and bide both time and mind that was something we could do.
But the torment and the turmoil became a tough act to follow,
And I was forced to cast aside all dreams of the untrue.

You dropped me when I needed you.
My skin chipped and fell away.
All my weakness flaked aside.
And only strength was left to stay.

Now you're beneath the hammer.
Now you're under the knife.
Now I'm your source of chaos.
Now I'm your source of strife.

Though you might find my purposes difficult to swallow,
I assure you with all I have become that what I say is true.
And when you fall don't wait for me to follow.
You'll come to find that--unlike me--inside you're blue and hollow.
Nathan Squiers Apr 2014
(I've become cuntrolled; unrolled)
I am just a cog.
A rusted gear in the shady mechanics of your whim.
(I'd better do what I've been told)
The key with which you wind away my time.
Your eyes are now a bog.
An abysmal oasis of regret that I must always swim.
(You paid with lies, so now I'm sold...)
But I suppose the punishment fits the crime.
(Just a slave being cuntrolled)
If the asterisks in the title weren't enough of a heads-up then any offense taken is deserved.
Nathan Squiers Aug 2014
It's like a holy war
When the masses march upon me.
The whole scene leaves me sore--
A hole seen by those who soar--
And, broken and bloodied,
I grin up at them and ask for more.

It's like a holy war,
And its when those holy *******--
A horde, a mass, of masochistic masters--
Hone on me like a holy task, there's
No greater sight for my eyes to see.
When they're still so certain;
Certain that the unholy one is me.

Twasn't me that drew this curtain,
And I ain't the one that's hurtin',
When they make their deals with devils.
See, it isn't standing up to rebels
When your convictions tremble;
It's your morals that need sortin'.

In this war of a devils against devil,
It won't be the youngbloods left to revel.

Come at me with your holy war--
I've fought before and demanded more--
But you'll come to find that what's in store
Will be far greater than what you're aiming for.

I don't see why you can't admit it:
That you've become demons, just like I did.
Yes, there's a darkness within me,
But, as the villain you want to see,
I'm afraid that I just can't take credit.
When the greatest sin that I've committed,
Was shedding light on all that you all did.
Been a while since I busted out anything new, so I figured I'd hit the scene with a bang (hello again, HelloPoetry <3 ). I've been writing a lot lately, so a lot of the rhythm here is inspired by some of my favorite J-rock & Visual Kei bands (the music that makes up my writing playlist) as well as the lyrical flow of rap/hip-hop (a genre I've found myself increasingly drawn to lately for whatever reason (I never fight these things  lol).

As is the case a lot of the time, this is hardly illustrating JUST a personal struggle, but offering some support to so many others who face a similar struggle of their own. To those in such a situation, this poem is for you, and let me remind you that you not only have strength in numbers, but your own untapped strength, as well.

I find myself--either for my religious or moral/ethical views or any other reason that people see fit--often targeted by a person or persons who see fit to villainize me, and I find myself growing suspicious that the only reason for this is so they can feel like the heroes when they take me down.
Sadly for them, I've yet to fall, and I wish the same strength and track record to those out there facing the same situation.
Nathan Squiers Jan 2014
I’m baptized in my tears as your hands keep us apart,
And through the rippled divider I still succumb to your force.
But this is hardly how we start…
We’re so distant from the source…
The ache in my lungs has begun to match what you've been doing to my heart.
The salty waves of separation have begun their frigid course.

Your expression looks so gleeful,
As your fingers find my throat.
Your rapture reached its ******,
As your rage keeps you afloat.
I can see your life-force growing,
As my frozen body dies.
I can see you becoming me…
Through my drowned eyes.
Lyrics for the upcoming sequel to my Death Metal novel
Nathan Squiers May 2014
I've trekked across the deserts 'til there was sand beneath my skin,
And I've swam under the oceans 'til I started growing fins.
I've found myself in perils from which none before could escape.
From frozen caves to scorching skies; from rolling sands to sinking mud.
And, after all my travels, I've decided to go back into the Blood.

I have scaled so many mountains, my hands began to take their shape.
I've fallen victim to the dangers of all natures of landscape.
But through it all there was not a single war I couldn't win.
You see, I was born of far worse; birthed from a visceral flood,
And, after all my travels, I've decided to go back into the Blood.

A product of the darkness, I am proud to wear my sin,
Like a badge to prove my source to every place I've been.
And, though I am immortal, I'll wear my cape upon the cape,
When the End of Times arrives to carry all into the Scud.
But on this day my travels wish me to go back into the Blood.
I was inspired by the late & great Robert Frost's style of feeding the following stanza's starting rhyme in the prior's body. Utilizing this rhyming "bridge", I decided to focus on trying to convey a brief-yet-eternal story that takes my love of vampire lore into account with classic, Odyssey-style grandeur (somehow a Nordic-like concept with "The Scud" came into being--I might play more with that idea in a future piece). In either case, here's a hodgepodge of nomadic, vampire-driven, Frost-inspired gnarliness.
Nathan Squiers Apr 2014
So...
Here I go:
Glaring back at the angry face
That's matching pace
In the mirror.

So...
Here I go:
Shrieking 'til my throat's a mess--
Coated in blood--dressed in distress.
It's not clearer.

So...
Here I go:
Waging a war  now;
My mind's an inferno.
The need to let go now won't--
Stop.

So...
Here I go:
I ****** the razor
My god, you've gone crazed, sir
YOU DON'T HAVE A SAY HERE
It's time...

So...
Here I go:
I'm tracing old tracks of attacks from the past,
And though it's been years it still seems to last.
There's adrenaline surging,
My system is purging,
And my heartbeat is going so...
Slow.

So...
Here I go:
They tell me to do it--to man-up; go through with it--
And there's just too **** many to say that they're wrong.
I've waited too long.
I've waited too long...

So...
Here I go:
My salvation's at hand,
They might not understand,
But it's part of the plan, so I...
Breathe.

So...
Here I go:
My hand is still shaking,
How much time am I taking.
My mind must be breaking!
It hurts...

So...
Here I go:
My head's filled with locusts!
So hard to stay focused!
I know I can do this! I KNOW!
And so...

Here I go:

Taking the razor I once held so dear
As an instrument that once made it all clear--
A tool that would purge me of hate and of fear--
I see now it made none of that disappear...
And that's why I've kept it all of these years.

So...

Here I go:

Just one more goodbye,
As I sever the ties. Letting
The strands break away as I...

I cast it aside...
And then comes the pride.
All those years that I'd lied...
Loved ones planted the seed:
I don't need to bleed
To know what's inside.

I've got a whole life
Outside of the strife.
Now here I go...
For all those who suffer and feel the torment of self-loathing: you're not alone, and you never will be. There is hope and life beyond all the pain.

Hold on to hope <3
Nathan Squiers Jan 2014
They say their souls are saved,
That they've been blessed 'cuz they give praise.
Oh!
Their dreams all seem so handsome,
But we're holding their God for ransom.

They will send negotiators,
Protesters and lippy haters.
Oh!
It will be so grand, son!
'Cuz we're holding their God for ransom.

We'll hold back their End of Days,
As long as they abhor the gays.
Yes, we'll deny eternal bliss,
If they can't ditch their prejudice.
To condemn then throw a tantrum?
THIS is why we hold God for ransom!
'Cuz it's about time the deity haters hide behind starts answering for their crimes.
Nathan Squiers Dec 2014
Twas under the brightest silver moon,
That I witnessed true perfection bloom--
Her hair like silken petals; her figure strong and proud--
And all this beauty blossomed five full months from June.

Just as frail as flowers, though, her splendor was painfully brief,
And, though many said I must move on, I could not contain my grief.
I could not bring myself to so easily sway!
I just did not have it in me to turn over a new leaf.

My mind's been a flutter with floating blossoms of her face.
A cloud of radiant spores I'm forever forced to chase.
This wasn't just a fish occupying a vast sea;
There were no other flowers that could occupy my shattered heart-vase.

And now her name's like perfume foreign to all other noses,
I've found a simple remedy that alleviates my pain.
But, as the garden of my heart festers and decomposes,
I feel a little better every time I burn the roses.
Nathan Squiers Mar 2014
Oh, I can't be held responsible,
For all the veins I've robbed!
It's just that I'm insatiable,
And lord knows this world is mobbed!

No, I won't be held responsible,
For all the pain I've caused.
Look at what I have to work with!
You're not the only one who's lost!

I won't take all the blame!
I won't bear all the shame!
I'll take my share with love-and-care,
And nail it to my name!

Just mutilate my life's portrait—
Just **** in my cosmic pool!—
But when, in Hell, our paths do cross,
Just know that you're the tool!
These are song lyrics that are woven into a nightclub scene in a cross-over novella, "Crimson Metal" (wherein the main character from my Crimson Shadow series meets the main characters from my Death Metal books). This piece can be found on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Crimson-Metal-Shadow-Death-ebook/dp/B00IGF37AG/
Nathan Squiers Jan 2015
Who can say just what it is,
That has me on my knees.
Be it you or me...
Or the ghosts of yesteryear.

It's beyond all frame of thought,
Just why I'd be so weak.
Be it rapture or pain...
Or the memories of you.

Even still...
I crawl away.
Even still...
I cannot stop.
Though the past may be behind me,
A new ending yet awaits.
And so...
I crawl away...
And so...
I cannot stop.

For who can say just what it is,
That I'll crawl from come next year.
I've said in moments of darkness that we cope with that pain because the mystery of what new pain awaits is more intriguing than nothingness. Thought I'd play with that concept in a free verse piece.
Nathan Squiers Aug 2015
I've always been one for the dimly-lit halls,
The mysterious passages and the potential falls.
I'm not about the risk, though; it's not about the danger.
It's the hope that in the depths I might come upon a stranger.
A stranger with an eye that's seen something I have not;
A stranger with a hand that holds something I haven't got;
A stranger with a rope that will show a new knot.
It's about finding a stranger who can teach me a lot.

I've always been one to seek the lesser known,
To look within the shadows where no light has shown.
I'm not about the darkness; I'm not hoping to get lost,
I'm just hoping for a stranger who will be worth the cost.
A stranger with a pair of lips that tell me unknown tales;
A stranger who's succeeded where many others failed;
A stranger who has navigated all the unknown trails.
It's about finding a stranger who puts the wind in my sails.

My tendencies have earned me a great deal of concern.
I'm told that, should I stray too far, it's unlikely I'll return.
They tell me that my obsession is a danger in disguise--
that seeking out the unknown can lead to one's demise--
But they can't see something new with their old-fashioned eyes,
So while they look down at their feet I'll keep my gaze upon the skies.

What they do not understand and what drives me to my doom,
Is that one should never find themselves the smartest in a room.
One cannot learn all there is; a life can be bettered or it will worsen.
So getting lost isn't so bad if you get lost with the right person.
A good friend of mine inadvertently inspired this with the line that became the title. Based on that (and the desire to prove to them that poetry can stem from any source) I rolled with it.

Hope you enjoy ^_^
Nathan Squiers Oct 2014
You may not know me, but I want you to.
It's not vanity; I'm just warning you:
My life's a party, but there's pity too.
'Cuz I've been naughty, and the victim's you.

You see, it's a sea of blood rising to the ceiling
--see me there kneeling?--
Your heads reeling and a-reeling,
But you still think I'm so appealing,
'Cuz the feelings
I've got you feeling
feel like something
from a time that
feels like sometime
back when you used to bask in the sunshine...

BUT IN MY HEAD IT'S NIGHTTIME
And the sun sets in mine, too

You may not like me, and I don't want you to;
Though you know you do!
Your hate sustains me, and that brings pains to you;
You know it's true!
My life's an ****, and I'll ******* too;
But not like you want me to!
'Cuz the world's my plaything; and I'll break on through;
With or without you!

It's high-time for a time rift
--a thrift rhyme in a prime shift--
When my crimes make for signs
in the prized eyes of the beast inside.

Check the hour--see my power--as
you come to grips with what rips
you from the inside-out.

Your eyes drop to your watch...
and you watch eyes drop back.

Yes, I'm a monster; not just a spawned cur,
Not 'cause I'm a murderous beast--
not just that, at least--
But because I can see the beast in you,
Then coax it through.
I'm a loner, sure, but to endure eternity alone?
I'd rather spur a fellow cur; to breed more monsters!

And leave the zombified husks in the dirt.

You ask if I'm a monster.
Have you killed?
A ton, sure!
But show me one who hasn't.

It's unpleasant to say the least,
To admit that we're all beasts,
But which one of you has not entertained a murderous thought?
You see that sea of blood
--feel the feelings rising up--
And you dream of all the ways you'd just love to make them scream.

But they were only thoughts, sir! Surely I'm no monster!
Ah, but is harboring the thoughts so much more pure?

The thought's a plot from A-to-C; not felony,
but still... you see?
You see yourself from A-to-C--it's not insanity--
It's humanity; the monster lives inside of WE.
And the scene at C's the essence that they need to breath.

The C-scene you're seein's keepin' you sane, see?

Sure it's off track, but there's no denying solid fact.
It's not wrong to sing along with what's keeping you intact.
Say it with me now:
**I'm a monster.
Nathan Squiers Apr 2014
Caught somewhere between my vision of Hell and yours,
I was shown the truest meaning of the place.
Where an eager mind and playful soul is forced to all fours,
And told that they mustn't wear their true face.

They manufacture devils in the name of social grace.
They'll strip you of your pride and **** you to your core,
And it isn't done until you've been cast to the rat race,
Just to be reminded that your life's become a bore.

But I won't be a cog within their cold and ****** machine;
No, I'll never let them chip away who I am for their fair trade.
They manufacture devils, yet have the gall to call me mean.
I say I'm every bit the demon that you ******* made!
Nathan Squiers Aug 2015
I know I'm not an orange, but I feel like one at times.
My heart feels encased until someone peels the rinds.
Now I'm open for the tasting, but something in me dies--
I'll be left as bits of scraps; left to feed the flies.

Yea, I know I'm not an orange, but I'm rhymeless all the same.
To most wanderers I won't fit anywhere; I just can't be framed,
Though, perhaps, some may see challenge for another day...
At least that's the way I think everyone feels, anyway.

Look, I know I'm not an orange, but I feel acidic just like one.
The farmer's hand can't leave me be; the chaos is never done.
So I'm stripped and sectioned off for all the world to own.
I know I'm not an orange; I'm just a citrus fruit with bones.
My soon-to-be wife made a point that any poem called "I'm not an Orange" probably wouldn't do well with any sort of rhyme scheme. Because I'm me (and not an orange :-p ) I took this as a challenge and made the **** thing work ;-)

Enjoy ^_^
Nathan Squiers Dec 2013
Your death’s still fresh!
Like a newborn,
Everyday
Emerging into my mind!
Blossoming!
Forever here to stay!

Recollections of your ******—
Oh! What a blessed time!—
Keep me warm at night
As I relive that treasured crime!

Memories of that moment;
Of your long awaited demise
Always are a part of me,
And replay in my eyes.

I remember how you cried.
I remember all your screams.
I remember when you died.
I relive it in my dreams.

You twisted ******* *******
I hope you rot in Hell.
And when I die and descend
I’ll torture you as well!

I am what you made of me.
You were the birth of your own death.
And the monster that I’ve become
Was born of your last breath.
This is one of the songs I wrote to accompany "Curtain Call: A Death Metal Novel" (now available on Amazon). This was the first novel I'd written that incorporated any sort of poetry/poetic attempts, and though the narrative (nearly 80,000-words) took only five weeks to write, the songs (each less than a page in length and totaling to about 25 different "tracks") took a torturous three weeks.

I gained a whole new degree of respect for song writers with this project.
Nathan Squiers Mar 2014
You chided and misguided--
Sighed and chided snidely--
While I stood there and deified:
Your opinion was once so sanctified
That it petrified and putrefied
'Til I was drawn to suicide.
And I won't lie,
I doubt that you'd have even cried.

Now this patricide's not emblemized;
Not glorified nor a source of pride.
It's just that I've been rectified;
I'm satisfied and verified.
You see, old man, your claims have been denied.
I stride beside a stronger pride,
We're unified, not terrified,
And, were you here, I'd just...

Laugh.

Sure,
We simplify and vilify,
All that we fear, but I--
I can't bring myself to cry;
I'll no longer will myself to die--
Because, in the end I'm just too high
To even look you in the eye.

I've modified and purified.
And, while you're compelled
to sit and hide,
I'm glorified--self deified--
And your podium's is now occupied
By the one who you once toxified.

And NONE of it's been for you.
No, old man, it's not for you!
Needless to say, my father and I aren't on the best of terms. Jotted this rap-style piece a while back as a means of creating some closure and satisfaction.
Nathan Squiers Sep 2014
"Let me make one thing clear, hombre," The Suited Man spoke in a low, purposeful voice as he rolled a cigarette, wetting the corners with a serpentine tongue a moment before passing it over his upper lip, "I have watched--with great joy, I might add--the nature of death." Then, pursing the cylinder between his teeth and offering a wicked grin, he punctuated his upcoming point with an audible flick of his lighter. Exhaling a pungent cloud in my face, he rapped his left ring finger across the length. "Everything is aware of its mortality; everything. The rich, the poor, the holy and the sinners; the birds, the ***** bees, all those saved whales and every single one of the hugged trees. Every squirming, writhing, wiggling, wicked little creeper and crawler that has ever existed and may ever hope to exist... all of them. Even the ******* atoms in the air! All things know that they're doomed--it's why even the single-celled beings have all those defense mechanisms; all those..." he smirked, flicking an ash, "adaptations, yes?--and yet, from the massive to the miniscule, none of them face their mortality with near the greed nor the total lack of grace as your kind. You've known since you were a wee lad that you'd die, hombre, so why resent it now; why fight for more time? Another hour; another day--hell, I could hand you a written guarantee that you'd have another decade to do whatever you wanted..." he shook his head and pulled the cigarette from his mouth to flick the growing ash and admire the ghostly trail that ascended to the mist-swirling ceiling fan. As the contemplative moment passed, he returned the cigarette to his mouth and leaned closer to me, bringing his cold, black eyes so close to my own that my vision knew nothing more. "What would that decade mean to you? For me it is nothing--those like me do not worry much about trivial human fictions such as time and... well, all of this"--he waved about the room with his index finger--"So I hope you'll forgive my skepticism; understand that it's just my ignorance to your pervasively infantile beliefs." He rattled three of his bony fingers on his jutted chin, "Tell me why I should sympathize with your plight over all others who have pleaded with me before you. Explain, if you'd be so bold, why I should adopt your urgency as my own."

It took me some time to find my voice. Between the smell of his herb--something that, in all my years of debauchery and romances, I'd never encountered--and the fierceness of his presence, there was a sort of little death that had wormed its way into my thoughts. I fought to sit up, but did not have the strength. I struggled to clear my throat, but could not command my lungs to work as I wanted. I worked to wet my own lips, cursing the dryness of my dated mouth. Finally, I gave up; succumbing to the reality that my body was useless for the soul occupying it. There was nothing left of me but my wits, and it was my wits that I needed now more than anything.

I shut my eyes against his overwhelming stare.

I held my breath against his foreboding aroma.

And I let the soul say what it needed to say:

"Let me make one thing perfectly clear, good sir," the voice I heard barely sounded like my own, "I have watched--with utter disdain, I'll admit--the passing of life. I believe you when you say that everything knows it will die, and I also believe that almost everything deserves to die. Not because almost everything is wicked or evil, nor because I feel some contempt or hatred towards almost everything. As I lay here I'm certain there are many eager to see me go, and I not only respect their right to feel that way," my lungs abandoned my speech's momentum and I paused to take a rasped inhale, "but I agree that I deserve the mortality that's haunting me."

"Do you understand you've already wasted more of my time than I typically allow?" The Suited Man asked, aiming his pointer and middle fingers--and the smoking cigarette pinched between them--in my direction.

I nodded, finding strength enough to hold up my hand; silently begging for a moment longer. "Please, I won't be much longer... and once I'm finished, I'll accept whatever fate you decide with dignity."

The Suited Man chortled at that, "And silence, I hope."

"Yes," I sighed, "and that." With my company motioning for me to continue, I succumbed to the voice of the soul: "You deal in death, so you must have seen enough to know that, while those like you care little for time, it is what defines all those who perish. What, if not those minutes, those hours, those days, years, and decades, are we to value? You deal in death, so I can't ask you to understand why we fight to live. To you, a book is not worth reading because it has an end, and that end represents a lack of substance; but that book, like each and every soul, has a story to tell. And the only thing greater than the limited time each and every soul has is the stories we leave behind."

The Suited Main rolled his black eyes and flicked another looming tendril of ash, "You bore me with your rant, hombre, and my smoke, like you, is running out of life. Get to the point or accept mine." He took in a rattled breath to fuel a dark and hollow voice, "Why should I let you live?"

"Stories are the most important thing for anything that fears death, good sir," I fought my growing aches to move my hand to the stack of papers at my left; the stack perched blissfully beside my old, dusty typewriter. Patting the pages--taking a certain satisfaction in the nostalgic feel of the stock I'd long since grown loyal with--I cocked by quaking skull towards the desk and its contents. "And while I await the day you'll finally escort me from my desk, there's a story that I've yet to finish."

The Suited Man narrowed his black gaze at me--the two orbs shimmering like obsidian beneath his timeless lids--before the glow of his pupils shifted to the desk for a long, tortured moment. Without looking away from the stack I still rested my hand upon, he returned the dwindling cigarette to his lips and inhaled before letting out a long stream of smoke.

Though I didn't see him stand, he was on his feet then. I took in his height with the same terrified awe that I'd received the rest of him--his sudden appearance in my late husband's chair across the room; his impeccable awareness, or my unwavering understanding of his purposes; everything that made him who and what he was--and allowed him to continue his long, tortured moment in gazing at the desk that had, just as much as the hours and days and years, come to define my life.

Then he was gone; him, his smoke, and the terror he radiated.

Letting out a labored breath, I struggled to turn towards my desk, trying to recall where I'd left off in my manuscript. As I settled in, I caught sight of a clean page secured in the feed of the typewriter with the only evidence that I hadn't been alone:

"YOU HAVE YOUR DECADE, HOMBRE. SPEND IT WELL, AND SAVE ME A COPY OF YOUR STORY."
Not really a poem in the traditional sense, but the overall theme was more poetic so I figured all you lovely HP folks would appreciate a little more ;-)

Hope y'all enjoy ^_^
Nathan Squiers Aug 2014
They told me to not go silently to that good night,
That I should never give in without giving a fight,
But I've bathed in the beams of the silver moonlight.
And I'm here to tell you that I went with the night.

It's not out weakness, nor desperation nor fright,
And I'm not here to tell you that it's not worth a fight,
But there's much worse monsters that occupy light;
Ones with far more malice, and a far sharper bite.

It's all about heart; not what's wrong or what's right.
You're judged by your merit and by your insight.
We're led by our spirits; we're not led by our sight,
We--all of us--who have joined with the night.

So slip free of your anchors. Let your true self take flight.
Shed away all regrets--you're held down by contrite--
And bask in all that represents your delight.
I come not with demands, you'll choose what is right,
But I'll confess to you now: I went with the night.
I was challenged to do a rhyming piece with a solid A-A scheme all the way through.
Nailed it! :-p
Nathan Squiers Jun 2014
They flap in the breeze just like streamers:
The strips of flesh and ribbons of guts.
All the residual chunks of the screamers;
All the bits of the ******* and *****.

They flap in the breeze just like streamers:
The memories of all that they said.
They crushed all the hopes of the dreamers,
So who cares that they ended up dead?

They flap in the breeze just like streamers:
The lingering shreds of remorse.
A legacy built atop skulls, ribs, and femurs;
A mission of evil I've come to enforce.

I, like mankind, have lost all control.
I now side with the sinners and schemers.
You ask of the tattered remains of my soul?
Why, they flap in the breeze just like streamers.
A little diddy 'bout a dark & demented anti-hero. Found myself contemplating a new comic book series as I jotted this. Let's see what comes of it ^_^
Nathan Squiers Jan 2015
Just what do you believe you see when you think you see clearly?
Is it the same for those around you? Do you think they would agree?
Can you define reality? Can you give me a description?
Welcome to my world, now let me write you a prescription.

With teeth as white as doctors' pads, they'll drug you with their lies!
Their speech won't teach but rather breach the scene seen by your eyes!
So tell me now just what is real; please offer some conviction.
Or I can lend you some of mine; let me write you a prescription.

There's nothing real but what's really in your mind.
There's nothing true but all that you are able to define.
You say it's your reality, but I'm pretty sure it's mine;
An uncomfortable notion though it is to get behind.

Can you stick within my world for now, just coexist with me?
Though sad, I swear it won't be long before you return to slavery.
The pain you feel--what you claim is real--is a voluntary affliction,
So bear with my reality, and let me write you a prescription.

You can be free of the terror of your ordinary life,
Just by letting go of all the thoughts that bring you strife.
I've seen your world! A world where pain and fear is rife!
But in my world the pen can cut much deeper than a knife.

I cannot make you take this simple-yet-complex cure.
It's the kind of thing that works only if you're sure.
Though there exists in us a mind, in every ma'am and every sir,
There aren't many who will use them, of this I can infer.

So I leave the choice to medicate solely within your hands.
I'm not the type to give out orders; I make no harsh demands.
I simply hope to rid the world of this misery-driven addiction,
So please, my friend, do come in, and let me write you a prescription.
Drawing nearer to the time when I need to start writing the sequel for my Death Metal novel (current working title, "Encore"), and I'm trying to shift my mind to more lyrical-driven poetry (anybody who's read "Curtain Call: A Death Metal Novel" will know it's saturated in that stuff; by far the hardest part about writing the **** thing). However, as with most things, my philosophy-driven mind took the reigns and it turned into this.

Hope y'all enjoy ^_^
Nathan Squiers Aug 2014
Fade to scene--pallet: blue and green--wide shot; mood: serene.
Establish view; a stock or few; pan right to view a distant two.
A hazy rim; we cut to *HIM
--so *clean and prim--just as we hear the hymn...
A tear rolls down his chin. The brightness dims; music shifts to grim.

Cue the screams; cut the scene.
We're back in the now and the mood is mean.

HE'S back in a view--pallet: black and blue--the shot askew.
The mood's muted; sounds of shooting. Cue dialog:
"Look what you did..."
Camera jerks; extreme closeup: a smirk; let the ANTAGONIST work.
The wire crew's here. HERO sheds a tear. Signal stuntman on the tier.

Orchestra on my mark...
Deliver line then cut to dark.

Light's back to reality. The view won't change, you see.
There's no crew or doubles. Just a wide sea of troubles.
No second shots; no calling "CUT"; it's all open-shut.
It's not like a filmmaker's lens; it's not just pretend.

Let me script this out what you're all about:
An overconfident lout, but backlit with doubt.
All part of a cast, direct you like I did the last.
I see that you're furious, but you're hardly fast.
Now I'll produce the fear as the shoot draws near--
I've got the schedule set; we're not finished here!--
You're calling "cut," but I'm just cutting you more,
And then I'll edit you out on the cutting room floor.

I appreciate that you feel you've come so far,
But never forget this is MY movie, and I'm the STAR!
Just a lovely little piece using filmmaking jargen as a metaphor of putting the hurt on somebody (prior to becoming an author I was studying to be a scriptwriter & director ~ though recent events are steering me back into scriptwriting once again).

Content and details are purely fictional.
Nathan Squiers Dec 2013
To all the fractured nobodies of all my shattered yesterdays,
I'll shed my tears and offer blood from wounds I've yet to wear.
And though they bore into my soul in such excruciating ways,
It was the hurt they offered me that made me shift my gaze.

But are the weapons that I wield really mine to bear,
Or just another borrowed gift I cling to in a haze?
Surely they won't work against the ghosts I've come to share,
But those from my shattered yesterdays cannot be made to care...
Nathan Squiers Dec 2013
Winding!
Weaving!
A whirlwind of a world!

To be one,
Then the other.
Both…
But Neither.

Fang and nail;
Tooth and  claw.
The constant pain of the exchange.
Fur and flesh;
Grunt and growl.
But worth it all the same

A wolf in sheep’s clothing,
With malice in his grin.
A bone-deep bane.

Horror… Terror

When Beauty
Is
The beast!

Know thyself: a monster…
Nathan Squiers Dec 2013
I reach behind my eyelids,
And tear my demons free.
I demand from them the answers--
Just what is it that makes me me?

"We don't create your Karma,"
"We know not of your cause,"
"We haven't built you--blood nor bone,"
"We don't define your flaws,"

"You are who you've decided--
Structured from your strife;
Erected by your actions--
These are what count in life."

"We cannot claim to who you are,
We dwell solely where we're grown.
It's only because you let us in,
That we call your heart our home."

And so, with eyelids opened wide,
I could gaze deep within my soul.
I found no ghouls or goblins,
It was only I who held control.

I welcomed back my demons,
Seeing no fault in their claws.
It was not they who bred the dark within,
It was my own dark that gave them cause.
Nathan Squiers Jun 2014
Between you and I: eternity,
An empty space that weighed a ton;
The silence howled like a banshee.
I had hoped that you might run--
Might sacrifice your dignity--
But you stood firm; what's done is done,
And we held tight our weaponry;
My grip was white around the gun.
We couldn't bring ourselves to see,
There there was only room for none;
That was the end of you and me.
Nathan Squiers Jan 2014
A half-filled cup,
What do you see?
A horrid life?
Or serenity?

Now what if some cruel ******,
Came and drank the rest?
Can you still find the good inside?
Does it even exist?

And this is the mindset,
That we teach our young:
Enjoy all the potential,
Before it is all gone.

And all the laughter we once knew,
Has become a painful sin.
All that's left is all the tears,
That we fight to keep within.

And so we take that empty glass
And smash it on the floor.
We let the shards into our lives,
So we can finally feel once more.

Fight for the right to live!
Fight for the right to laugh!
And when someone gets in your way,
Empty their ******* glass!
These are song lyrics that I wrote for my award-winning novel, "Curtain Call: A Death Metal Novel"
Nathan Squiers Jun 2015
I
can
SEE
that no
other man
WILL ECHO IN
your eyes. i can see that i
STAND ATOP THIS PYRAMID.
but i can't see over the peak just yet.
AND I CAN'T STAND ON THE BOARDS
of your pier any longer. it's not a question of my place
in your horizon, but a question of how you perceive my climb.
Nathan Squiers Apr 2014
She looks so gorgeous hanging there:
Her eyes like glass and silky hair.
The bits of skin that still remain,
Make me think of porcelain...
But it's her bones that speak to me.

The wind eternal kicks up then.
It swells and drops, and back again.
The perfume of rot calls it near,
And it's only then that I can hear...

The wind whispers through her frame,
That's when it tells me her true name.
They call me sick, and though it's true,
I can't stop doing what I do.

There is no love without a name--
We say the words; it's not the same--
And none can speak quite like the wind.
Now what's your name? Shall we begin?
Nathan Squiers Apr 2015
We’ve totaled all our totems just to glower under towers;
Handed in our scrotums; douched away our feminine powers.
We’ve traded in our lifetimes in exchange for prescribed hours.
We once basked beneath the heavens; awed by meteor showers,
But now we’re fed our heavens via signals from the towers…

We’re the antennae squatting upon the set,
So the gods in the TV can tell us what to fret,
But do you ever stop to regret
What they’ve forced us to forget?
We paid for this, but what a debt…

We felt infected by a plague known as freedom,
But the antidote… my god, what have we done?

Totaled all our totems…
Traded in our lifetimes…
Ignore meteor showers,
Just to stare at radio towers.
Nathan Squiers Feb 2014
There it is--rage!--knocking at your door!
Let it in--rage!--and then hit the floor!
It's here now--rage!--forevermore!
There will be rage dwelling in your core!

Rage! Because they don't care anymore!
Rage! Because to the world you're just a *****!
Rage! Because there's misery galore!
Rage! Because you'll be forced to ask for more!
Was given a challenge by a buddy to work an ongoing word/theme into a poem with an ongoing AA rhyme scheme that didn't rely on the word/theme (I chose the "-ore" rhyme because it felt like the furthest sound from "rage").
Nathan Squiers Nov 2014
Go now to the second stair;
I've hidden many wonders there.
No gold or jewels or gems or cash.
But, rest assured, there is your share.

You'll perhaps think me brash,
When you happen 'pon my stash.
But, rest assured, there is your share,
So at the stair, go be abashed.

You'll find tufts of matted hair,
Clotted flesh, both dark and fair.
Now all these deaths are mine to claim.
But, rest assured, there is your share.

I cannot say it was my aim,
To turn the stair into a frame.
But, rest assured, there is your share,
So I'll not be taking all the fame.

So go now to the second stair,
First comes joy, then despair.
Past that: regret, then who knows?
But, rest assured, there is your share.

And just like the old saying goes,
I will admit, my blood-lust grows.
But, rest assured, there is your share,
So go to the stair and claim your throes.

Now go on to the second stair,
Fret no more; you've no right to care.
'Twas your goading put them there.
So, rest assured, you'll find your share.
Nathan Squiers Nov 2014
**** yea...
The ***** let me out: heart and soul!
All mine now; just me against the world.

(But we'll worry about the Apocalypse later)

For now? A kiss? A caress? A tribute; I demand it!
Been too long since I tasted the honey of a woman--
Locked away from ***** like a celibate ******--
It's ******* barbaric!

(But we'll worry about the Apocalypse later)

In the whole-wide-word
There's a world of holes made to be wide.
Ripped loose...
Ripped loose...
Ripped loose...

*(But we'll worry about the Apocalypse later)
*shrug*
Nathan Squiers Mar 2014
She dances on the rooftops.
The tar and cobblestone: her truest stage.
She'll never fail her public; the stars gaze with adoration,
And dance for them until the curtain calls.

She dances on the rooftops,
The ledges drawing near.
The storm clouds utter their applause.
The crescendo drives her on.

She dances on the rooftops,
Wielding a pistol and her pills.
The sky demands she take a bow,
Before the pavement-curtain falls.
Nathan Squiers Mar 2014
Her eyes are dying embers...
Her skin's cracked porcelain...
Her soul's a spring; she's coiled tight...
Oh! Where do I begin?

She's dying from the surface-in,
But there's a danger lurking there--
Betwixt the hunks of rotting meat;
Beneath the mounds of matted hair.

Her hands are crooked razors...
Her ******* are melted wax...
Her womb will bear only darkness now...
But her heart holds out for more attacks.

Her spine's a fuse in dynamite...
Her bones are all but dust...
But there's still malice in her mind;
A mind that's caked in rust...

She's decaying from the outside-in,
But there's a monster 'neath the husk.
A being built of horrid things;
Of claw and hoof and tusk.

Her voice is winter windstorms...
She draws in her toxic breath...
Her muscles crack like autumn leaves...
She is a sight of withered death.

She'll score your flesh with talons...
She'll strip you of your flesh...
She'll bottle up your insides,
In an attempt to keep them fresh.

She's a curse that comes from inside-out,
A plague that yearns to maim.
A rage that yields to only one,
But no one knows their name...
Nathan Squiers Jun 2014
She was pale--
So much so that it hurt to stare--
And her hair
Cascaded like a fluid curtain over her slim shoulders.
Her eyes
Were large and brought about memories of childhood wonder,
But with a darkness that sent a cold shiver down one's spine.
Her lips,
Seemingly the only part of her that was still alive and vital,
Were the color of overripe raspberries,
And as they peeled back one witnessed their doom...
Ancient (and, by that, I mean about 4-5 years old) poem that I dredged up from the deepest darkest regions of cyberspace from way back when. Really had no idea what to do with it or whether it was worth anything more than sentimental nostalgia, but here it is :-p
Nathan Squiers Nov 2014
When it all boils down to it...

We truly are a momentary blip on a cosmic radar;
A momentary cluster of elements
Blessed with an incredibly limited-yet-inflated programming.

Now define "reality."

But we waste our time with fear and hate;
We concern ourselves with the mundane and the fleeting;
We invest in indulgences that leave us feeling more and more empty.

You are a single drop of water floating in a vast infinity of the cosmos.
The timeline will perceive you the very same way
You perceive that 1/10000th of a second that happened last week
(When you remembered a funny joke and giggled at nothing)

I see hysterics in the world;
Find the same thing when my escape goes digital.
I see people who think too highly of themselves...
(as though the end of their journey will represent a different death than our own)
I see people who think so lowly of themselves...
(that they're willing to throw away the splendor and mystery of tomorrow just to escape the hells of today)

When will we accept that we are human?
Wonderfully terrible, terribly wonderful;
Brilliantly stupid and idiotically ingenious;
Generous degenerates; selfish saints;
Complex-yet-simple humans!
Nothing more and nothing less!

Live not to be immortal,
But to show what greater gift limitations offers us:
Greater appreciation of what each moment represents.
Live for yourself,
So that, when you find yourself at he end of that road and looking back,
You can say "**** yea; I made that fleeting moment my own."

This is not said to scare or intimidate;
It's said to INSPIRE!
You ARE brief!
You ARE insignificant!
So stop concerning yourself;
Anything and anybody can waste that already precious time.
Rid yourselves of the poisons
That would turn the beautiful translucence of the water droplet representing you into a putrid blot of poison that the Universe would sooner forget.
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