feeling  
a million miles apart

where do i start  
when all my thoughts  
are clouded by nightmares  
and daydreams  
of a world  
that feels like a fantasy?

how am i supposed to know  
what's ahead?  
where do we go from here  
when we both have different paths?  
how long will this last?

it tears me apart  
and i want to tell you everything

i want to tell you that

i missed every opportunity  
but i became yours  
when i met you first

all i am  
and who i've been  
through the worst

i don't want to spend my life  
afraid to hurt.

separated by town and city,  
a million miles apart

a journey, bittersweet  
from the start.

i want to tell you everything,

and i'll let you in,  
even if it feels like  
we're drifting apart.

Ruthless, a little
cynical, hellbent on
suicide

It's over before it
even begins tonight.

Cause a scene and
simply explode,

Hurt the ones around you,
the ones you already loved,

Lose them like dominos, falling,
one-by-one, it's almost
appalling.

Place the blame, but you know
it doesn't work

You've tried everything
and they already know,

This shade of blue doesn't
look good on you,

What is your true calling?

Do you know what you want
out of life?

The signal never connects,
and blood rushes to your head,

Alert the others, tell them
you've reached the end.

It's over before it even
begins,

You begin to cave
and shamble

Can't hold it together
So you explode and
explain to them

How much you
fight.

How much you try.

Nobody cares.
And you're in denial
Again this time.

It's hard to believe,
that at the end of the day

No one cares and
no one will believe you,

They'll only see
You when you
make an effort and

See the other side.

always the same
and never the better

you run a fool’s game,
always playing with
the lever.

ready to pull down,
ready to go,

the deepest
pockets of your mind,
an ebb and flow.

misery loves company,
at least one more
this time

always cyclical, and round
and round you go,

emotional chaos
that you hope to
control

but the storm’s ragin’
and you’re comfortable

with a little rain
sometimes

because you know
stories aren’t told
without a little
suffering sometimes.

When you’re too afraid to speak up,
Too scared to reveal the hidden
Emotions that haunt you day to day --
That’s when you know,
you know you’ve got to do something quickly.

You’ve kept it all in for too long,
Abuse, neglect, torture, and regret.
You’ve got a long life ahead of you,
But in your eyes, it seems you’ve reached the end.

The scars on your wrist,
the blood on your hands,
the tears in your eyes -- they all tell a story.

I can tell how much you’ve been through on the outside.

On the inside, I can’t help but only imagine
if you’re actually holding back the real motive.

I can tell that you long to die.

Before you decide to take that step,
I want you to close your eyes and imagine a world without you.

Imagine all the people who genuinely care about you.

What will happen if you decided to take your life?

Think about the people who love you.

Think about your friends, even relatives who seem not to care on the outside.

In the end, they’ll all feel the pain.

Your friends wouldn’t be the same,
Some would become distant.

Your family would be mourning the loss: especially the ones closest to you.

They’ll all change.

Not for the better,
But for the worst.

You can roll your eyes all you want.
I know I’m getting through you.

I know, deep inside, you’re listening to what I have to say.

My point is...
Despite all the bullying,
despite all the harassment,
despite the beatings...

You have people that care about you.

Put yourself in their shoes.
What would they do without you?

why does it feel like
everyone is moving on

and here I'm stuck in my
head, falling?

it's a crash course in life,
that's only left me broken,
a man with no calling.

dwelling on the
past, torturing myself

regressing instead of
progressing

fallin' in a deep
depression,

unable to escape this hell.

i keep looking for a
way out, but there's no
end in sight,

and so, I find myself.
alone and barely
alive.

I used to see
the world in  
black and white

Always thinking of  
the best or the worst,
falling apart.

But here I am, surviving  
and I'm hoping to save myself
first.

Always followed
by my footsteps,

I’m haunted by a
never-ending dream
that puts reality to the test.

Haunted by the ghost of a
past state  

I hope to never
become again.

I’ve hit my lowest  
of lows, and all I  

Need is some reassurance,
that everything will be  
more than fine

Because I don’t  
want to fall apart
anymore.

I used to see
the world in
black and white.

Always thinking of  
the best or worst,

But lately, it feels
I was handed a lifeline

and my world suddenly
opened

When I met you.

I used to see
the world
in black and white

But together,
we'll color the world,
one hopeful brush at a time.

Before we even met,
I wondered if it was

Wise to make the jump
And be led
On and fall in love,

When all that was
On the table was
Lust, entangled

With words that
Made me believe
you wanted more.

I tried my best
To open these
Doors,

And
Make the best
Out of something

Because you didn’t
Want more.

I tried to give
Myself every reason

To not believe
In love again

And now I’m certain
It’ll be awhile,

Because I’d rather
Be lonely than

To have my heart
Led on and broken
With you.

Two years ago,
and it felt like

I failed from the start.

I didn’t know where to go,
I didn’t know who to believe,

nor did I have the foresight to see

when one heart bleeds,
there’s another in need

from falling apart.

I spent every day wondering,

will love find me and set my soul free?
Or is this the life I’m destined to lead?

All I’ve wanted is to love someone,
and keep myself from falling apart.

But time is a long-winding road
that leads me to doors from yesterday,

and it’s up to me to get up and make my way
to a door filled full of brighter days.

Two years gone by, and my world’s in a haze,
I can slowly see through the smoke

when I hear you call my name.

Step one,
Get in their
Head,

Make them
Believe love
Is real

Before you
Leave them
For dead.

Step two,

Love isn't
What you
Need.

So you cast
Them aside,

Only looking
Out for yourself
And failing to see:

Nothing's
Permanent.

Toss and turn,
Watch it burn

Because
Coffins aren't
Just for the dead

Lay them down,
Lock them in,

Because
Broken hearts

Never win.

Void in a world
Where everyone is
At their own throats

Tearing each other
Apart, visualizing

That
They're the only
One that's suffered

And you're the
One crying

In a twist, they
Twist and take
The knife

And stab
Themselves
Right back

They just want
To see who
Can bleed more

And see
If you come
Running back

With your
Heart

Bruised and
Under attack

You try to lift
yourself up

But you forgot
How to feel

And you've reached
critical mass

You just
want to break down

From all
the surroundings

And what
brought you hell

Don't let them get closer

Because
You can't be too careful
Anymore

i’m hopeless,
and restless,

stressed and
senseless.

nothing makes
sense and

i can’t help
but be careless

falling head
over heels for
you.

nights blur into
days,

time eludes me,
once again

and i get carried
away.

but when i see you,
i’m frozen in place,

i don’t know
what to do.

just like the wind,
you take my breath away.

cliché and typical,
i’m hopeless but hopeful
to spend another day

with you.

it's not,
too late
to feel again

even the broken
can be restored
and given a second chance.

just sit back
and relax.

good things will
come to those
who patiently wait for fate.

you thought that
was the end
of your world

but the end,
is just the
beginning

and those
good things
are never-ending

it's not,
too late
to feel again.

change your
heart and
mind

and don't
drown in the
depths of time sublime.

compromise,
separate

take the time
to realize

there's a point
of no return.

there's no reason to

drag this out
and dig yourself
a deeper hole

compromise,
separate

rationalize
and grow.

there's no sense
of urgency

but you need
to know

broken pieces
always shine,

you're not alone
in this anymore.

it's a bittersweet
moment, to leave a
page in the making

a hopeful, beautiful
story

filled with
confessions
and life's lessons.

haunted by a
tragic story
from the beginning,
to the midsummer's
end.

you caught me
right at the moment
when i felt
a little less than.

there's weight in
these lines,
and sometimes
it's hard
to take in.

the words,
just out of focus,
but clear in my
head.

it's a bittersweet
moment,
to leave a page
in the making.

i can't wait
to see you
again.

I spent my life,
Dancing around
Tragedy.

Tried to claw
My way back
to the surface,

But the light
Never showed
itself today.

I wake from
My dreams,

With a heavy feeling,
Haunting me

Heart breaking,
And a deep sadness,
That left the very core
Of me frozen with the reality

A stark realization
That love was
never meant to be.

Miserable as can be,
I accept some things
never change,

But I can’t will it away.

Tragedy is here to stay.

if you stay in
your own head

the memories,
faded, might

leave you
in dread.

consuming,
just torturing
yourself

simply feeling
hopeless, and
angry instead.

it's not worth
putting yourself
through this

even if life's
a little complicated.

look with your
eyes, not
all hope is lost.

even in the
darkest places,

the light will
shine bright
when you need
it most.

Dear dearly beloved,
It's me, again.

I'm sorry for the
Pain and sorrow.

I just want to let
You all know that

There's only
So much lower
I can go.

There's a bullet
With my name on it,

But I don't want
To pull the trigger.

I promise I'm not a quitter,
But I'm far from
Being a winner.

I'm always pulled in
Every direction,

And I feel I fail
Every time, stepping
In the wrong direction.

It's hard to compartmentalize
And section my emotions,

I'm always one step away
From jumping off a ledge,
And it's getting harder

Just to hold on.

Dear dearly beloved,

Pray that I make it through,

So my soul doesn't get
Crushed by the weight
Of the world,

And delivered to the underworld.

The world around me is revolving slowly
While the people surrounding move faster & faster
As I am caught in between the fibers of time

Why am I here?
Do I even belong?

My only therapy is the songs I hear in my head.
My only medication is the drugs that make me wish I were dead.

I'm just a shell of my former self.
I'm not what I used to be.

It seems there's no resolution,
only an empty cell waiting for me in this institution.

Dear diary, please help me now.

There's only so much abuse I can inflict upon myself.

The cuts on my wrist, the empty bottle of pills
The lacerations on my fist, shaking from the anger still.

I've got my fix, each line getting me higher.
The only answer getting more apparent, as my lows keep climbing to the ladder.

My sanity escaping.
Depression creeping
As the ghost of death takes over me.

Oh diary, it seems it's goodbye to you and me.
It seems no matter what I do, the world isn't going to accept me.

I'll never belong.

I'll always be different.

Goodbye and goodnight.

I'll see you on the other side.

----------------------------

Dear diary, I'm an addict.

Yesterday was proof of concept.

Tomorrow is a death wish.

If I don't do something now,
I may never get to see the light of day.

Dear diary, please help me now.

Because I can't do this alone anymore.

I said I won't let my demons haunt me
And every day, I lie to myself
Saying I'm getting better.

I address the problems
That only seems to affect the surface.
I ignore the underlying issue,
that I refuse to bring up from my inner hell.

I'm ignoring a part of myself,
That monster that wants to destroy
Everything in its path.

I'm ignoring a part of myself,
The monster, who's an addict.

I try to keep the beast away,
And somehow, he tempts me.

I've been sober for years,
Yet there's one voice in my head
That tells me to stop resisting temptation.

The monster in my mind,
Tells me, "Just one more time."

I want to run away.
Yet I can't seem to escape him.
Not this time.

The monster is always there,
In my head, haunting me.

I won't let him win.

Dear diary, it's been two years since I last wrote to you.

I'm still an addict,
at least in my head.

My self-destructive tendencies,
Fed by the monster who wants me dead,
Will lead me down a dark path,
If I don't do something now.

I'm treading a fine line.
One misstep and I lose everything
I fought to live for.

One misstep, and I lose the ones I love.

I can't let him win.

Dear diary, I can't take this anymore.
I'm finally admitting that I need help.

Just when I think I left the past behind,
My demons finally caught up to me.

Self-destructive tendencies,
Manic, mental, inability
To overcome this disease that plagues me.

It's cyclical,
It's haunting,
And it's exhausting.

I want to feel whole again.
I want to be happy.
I want to feel okay again.

I don't want to head down this road once more.

It seems I'm following a self-fulfilling prophecy,
Because all I seem to do is crave a substance,
That I know will only bring temporary happiness.

Dear Diary, I'm here to say,
I'm back once again, my thoughts in disarray.

I promise I'm trying.

I'm trying to overcome this years-long battle.

Dear Diary, I have to be honest with myself,
And honest with others,
Otherwise, what's to say I am trying to get better?

This writing is a testament, a statement,
A promise.

Dear Diary, this will be my last letter.

I was looking for
emotion,

But all I got
was something
broken.

I tried to let
my heart open,

But I had to close it,

Before it got ripped
From my soul.

I mistakened
Vulnerability for love,

Thinking I would find
devotion.

Instead, I found myself
lost again,

Drowning
in the deep blue ocean.

Like a one-night stand,
I knew it wasn’t going
to last forever,

I thought there was
something there,

But I was looking
in the wrong place,
at the wrong time.

And that
was when
I realized,

I was never
going to be

together with you.

if love is the
last thing
on your mind

then why do I
have to suffer
time and time

again?

I thought I
made the right
choices

but mistakes
were made and
I've fallen

in a pit
of despair.

self-pity,
and feeling
so worthless

that nothing
can ever
compare.

I thought this
would be the last
time

my heart
would be broken,

but it feels
like you
don't even care,

I'm forever
stuck in disrepair.

I hate to admit
That dissociation
Is a friend of mine.

Putting myself on autopilot,
Just so I can survive.

Separating from reality,
Because simply living
Is all I’ve got this time.

I wish you could
See me in the state
That I’m in now

Broken, bruised,
So critical.

It’s absolutely pitiful.

I’m tired of feeling low,
But I keep dragging myself
Down,

Sinking and
Caught in the undertow.

Someone wake
Me from this
Mental charade

Because I’m tired
Of all the games,
And the iron bars that
Keep holding me down.

It’s hard to thrive,
When I can’t figure
Out how to figure
Myself out.

Happy anniversary,
Trauma, guilt and
Doubt.

The past is very
Critical and I
Just want out.

I keep waiting
For an answer, but

I know I’m the only
One who lets myself
Down one more time.

I hate to admit
That dissociation
Is a friend of mine.

And I’m sorry,
If I disconnect
Sometimes.

Please don’t give
Up on me now

I just need someone
To make me feel alive
One last time.

Welcome to the home of the free,
The land of the divided

Welcome to a land filled with greed,
The one-percent who have the need
To silence dissent, keep those below them
Complacent in a system that favors money
Over ethics and honesty

Welcome to a nation full of deceit,
Land of misinformation and misery.

Welcome to a nation where the wheels
spin propaganda for a leader.

Welcome to a nation where a leader  
Forgoes democracy and takes a page
From a communist and dictator,
Crowning himself King of the ages.

Who needs dignity when you've got vanity?
Who needs honesty when you're a liar?

Welcome to a nation where truth doesn't matter
Welcome to a country on fire.

Divided, we stand, divided we fall.

America the Beautiful, America the tall.

Who will be there to save us all?

Tired of feeling
so down and sick

Tired of having no
hope,

Time has done nothing
but break my soul

For once,
I’d like to take
control.

Spent the past year,
Spiraling down and falling
flat on my face

Reliving the past,
Life in disarray.

It’s time I
pick myself up
and figure out

How to conquer
My life and shake
this doubt.

Your life’s story is haunting,
Filled with the worst memories imaginable
How can a soldier like you deal with the trauma?
The experience? The witness to the killings and suicide bombings?

You’re out there, fighting for what you believe in.
Not knowing if you’ll ever come back home,
Knowing if you’ll see your loved ones again.

All you do is hope for the best, stay on guard,
Gun fully loaded, waiting for an unexpected target to pass you by,
While you oversee others and step over land-mines.

You wish this was over with. Six months may not seem long.
But to you, it feels like you’ve been here forever.
You keep your head up, no matter the circumstances.

You can’t help but go crazy, in moments where
The enemy steps over the line without a glance,
You lose your mind, lose it so fast.
Pulling the trigger out of instinct,
You label yourself as a criminal,
Killing only being politically justified.

Your comrades say it’s out of defense,
While this may be true, the guilt hovers over you.

So tell me, soldier: How does it feel.
Fighting for a country you love,
Feeling remorse for carrying out the deed,
Receiving honors for a mass killing spree?

How have you kept up without shattering to tiny little pieces?

are you listening?

can you hear me?

can you hear,
can you see
what's going on
around us?

Do you hear the sirens
that are going off
in every direction?

Everyone is leaving,
Everyone except you.

For you,
the sirens
fall on deaf ears

and you stay,
right where you are
watching the disaster unfold, in awe

The embers begin to flick and flare out
travelling down this stretch of road

and here you are, without a care
Blissfully unaware, the fire
is already taking hold in this town.

can you hear me? are you listening now?

You feel a tug of the arm,
Signaling it's time to go.

your reluctance is telling
But you know you can't stay.

You know that
you have to go.

Memories last forever.

But for you,
You know
the hardest part

Is starting over.

For far too long,
I kept my emotions bottled up inside.

I kept telling those I love I’m okay,
Even though I’m falling apart.

When I got that call on a Sunday night,
I did my best to keep it all together.
But the cracks in my heart started to bleed
And I couldn’t take it any longer.

I’ve lost my sister,
My friend, my father and now my brother.

I went my entire life not telling them
I’m sorry or how much I cared about them.

It seems life has a way of reminding me time is short.

I don’t want to go through life regretting everything.
And I don’t want to lose anyone else without telling them
How much they mean to me.

My whole life is filled with regret
And I know I can’t change that.

All I can hope, and all I can do
Is to be a better person
And right my wrongs, tell those around me
How much I love them.

It took losing someone
…to make me feel again.

there is chemistry
in everything

even love
and loss

has purpose
and meaning

it was no accident
(maybe it wasn't
meant to be)

the bond
tried to hold

but a guilty
conscious lead
to a total collapse

and you never
fully recovered

it's wishful thinking
thinking of
keepsake memories

always fearful
of what's to come,
maker of misery

there is chemistry
in everything

even hopeless lovers
can find their peace

maybe one day
you'll learn
to live

maybe one day
you'll make amends

but for now

you've got to
stop living
in the shadows
and forgive

don't let your
past regrets
seal your fate

forgive yourself
before it's too
late

We’ve traveled for a long while now,
And I don’t regret each moment...
Spent together with you.

All we have is each other these days,
And to be honest, I’m perfectly OK with that
Who am I without you?
(Who are you without me?)

You helped a fragile heart,
Unlocked it from a keepsake treasure box
Kept it living, kept it breathing
Kept it pumping, kept it bleeding

You helped push me forward when I was too scared to move.

You gave me courage,
You gave me strength

Something I could never feign

_________

Look at me,
A hundred miles away
From home, from friends
From family and loved ones alike

You say it’s a big jump.
While I agree; I’m willing to take the risks

What’s life without boundaries?

However, I’ll be the first to admit: It’s not easy.

I will miss them dearly.

I know they’ll be in my heart,
As I will be in theirs.

But I need to move on with my life.

I need to take that final leap of faith
And let love guide the way to a better life

the past caught up to me
and I

couldn't run away
from it this time.

a fork in the road,

decisions to be made
and I'm waiting, wondering

is life just one big show?

the outcome,
nobody knows,

we're all in it for the ride

trying our best
to keep our heads above water

and not get swept in the undertow.

it's all a game of chance,
and survival

the final destination,
a to-be-determined arrival.

a fork in the road,
decisions to be made,
and I'm waiting, wondering

how long it will take

to break this cycle?

Little lonely ghost,
Sitting there all alone

What's got you in
Your head?

The world may be
Burning, but know
I'll be your cover

And protect you from
Burden.

Little lonely ghost,
It's okay to feel
Less than okay.

It's not your whole life.
It's just one day.

Little lonely ghost,
Don't be afraid.

Just know that
I'll protect you until
The end of my days.

It's been since October,
Since I've last heard from you

The cold wind blows,
And sometimes,
I hear you calling my name.

The ghost of you following me.
Everywhere I go.

The sun comes alive,
Giving me hope
That in the end,
Life isn't so bad
after all.

I may fall.
I may have my moments,
When I feel like a loser.

...Deep down inside
I know that's not true.

My life has a purpose,
This, I know.

This purpose I've yet to find,
But it's still a long way down.
The road less traveled.

All I ask is that you
walk with me
And stay by my side

Be my guardian angel,
Be my compass.

Guide me in the right direction,
because I don't know
which way to go.

I've been lost for so long,

It's time I step out of the shadows,
It's time I start living my life.

Gimme a moment to breathe,
I can’t take it anymore.

Gimme some space,
so I can break down
these walls.

Tried to fake it,
and tell myself
I’m over it,

But you come back
when the rain’s pouring,
ah-hah.

I’m back in the corner,
Once again with

No reprieve,
no space to breathe,
and nowhere to go,

Just tragic and lost,
without you.

Your memories continue
to haunt me and

Remind me of
what we used to be.

Chaotic breakdowns,
screaming at the void,

I wish you would listen,
listen closely this time,
to me.

All I want is to be loved,
I’m not trying to hide.

This isn’t a vague poem,
I wouldn’t lie to you,

I’m just a tortured soul
writing words until
my heart stops bleeding.

I’m forever lost,
Forever lost without you.

So gimme a moment
to breathe

I can’t take it anymore.

This push-and-pull
tug of emotions,
almost like clockwork.

Nothing can compare,
It’s far worse.

Gimme a moment
to breathe,

This torture
is not worth the cause
to me.

Woke up late with
blood stains on
my face.

Don’t know what
the **** happened,

and I don’t even
care anyway.

Getting up and
getting around,

work is all I know
in this pathetic town.

It’s all the
same sh*t,
different day.

Who the hell
is still around

here anyway?

Stuck with a crazed
roommate,

who reminds me
of an ex

who just won’t

get the ****
outta my face.

I’ve had enough,

and man,

I give up,
like wow,

I’m getting
out of
this place.

There's no
simple explanation.

It's such a
waste of time.

I'm so tired
of talking

When you
don't listen
or try.

Exhausted from all
of the catastrophes

You've created inside.

I've had all
that I can take.

And so let's make
this short and sweet:

It's time to say goodbye.

As the seconds turn to minutes,
The minutes into hours.
I move along the fibers of time,
Hoping I'll make it through the day.

As the days pass by,
It's getting harder to
Convince me
That I'm okay.

I tell myself:
It's only temporary.

But this sinking feeling
Comes in like a tidal wave,
Crashing over me.

Some days I feel
I can conquer the world,
Other days I feel
I'm not good enough.

Sometimes I feel I'm not fit for this life.

Everybody makes mistakes
but all I do is ***** it up.

Just when I think I'm okay,
There's a constant reminder
I'm living under a guise.

I'm not happy.
And I'm not okay.

I crash under the stress
And crawl back in my mental cave.

I feel like I'll never be good enough.

I feel like I'll never succeed.

I hope one day I can break free,
Of this mental torture consuming me.

Emotions are
Hard to express

But you’ve got
To move on
And reset.

Living like
You’re in hell

Damaging no
One else but
Yourself.

It’s not complicated
But it’s harder than
You’ll ever know.

Sometimes you
Have to face
The truth

And sometimes
You’ve got to
**** it up.

It’s not easy,
But persistence
Is key

You can’t do
It all for show.

You’ve got to
Put the effort
In yourself

And grow.

Look behind you,
What you may see may disturb you.

What you once were
isn't what you are now.

It's not the physical appearance; the way you dress
Not the tone of your voice,
the change in your character –
But the difference in your demeanor

You've developed from a carefree soul
to a figure you never imagine yourself being

The lines on your face,
developed from years of hardship;
days in which you endured, prevailed
fell back down, got back up again

Weeks in which you worked day to day,
Just to make ends meet. Months in which
You struggled to keep up on your feet.

Your past self imagined the world would be cold and dark.

In every way, you see it's worth it.

Worth each waking morning.

This may not be what you wished for
When you were younger...

...It's all a part of living life.

We eat, we drink, we live, we die.
Pay our debts to survive.

We have to live through hardships,
To make it throughout life.

making my way past
the hurt and the skeleton
remains,

desperately wanting to
let go of this pain.

watching the sun
rise as the ghost
hide in the shadows,

reappear at dusk,
haunting me again.

I know that heartbreak
is just another memory,

and I’m trying not to
give up now.

I want someone to give
me a chance, and finally

break free from this chain,
that I can’t free myself from.

Heartstrings frayed and  
weathered.

Scarred, and afraid
to weather the storms.

But to heal,  
you know you’ve got to swim
to better days ahead.

All you can do
is all you can,

A push comes to
shove,  

and within time,
the feeling of
love

saves you from  
being buried within.

hello, old soul
it's nice to see
you again

did you come to
haunt me, and
remind me of my
sins?

it's funny how i
keep focusing on
the past,

and here you show
up, maker of the dead.

will there be a truce
to this test?

or is violence the answer,
and this is the end?

self-inflicted and
brought closer to
god

wrong heaven,
a quick detour
with no regard

barreling faster
towards the gates
of hell,

asking,
'what have i done?'
as i'm put in a mental cell.

The months fly by,
And my heart longs
for your touch again

Something as basic
As human interaction,
Now gone right before our eyes.

Hindered by a pandemic
We try our best
To keep each other safe
and to keep each other alive.

It's like our life is playing by like
A movie on the screen.

Separated by choice,
Out of necessity,
We fight to stay alive,
In a world taken over by the virus.

The pain cuts through every day,
And I fight hard to rise above the waters.

It's getting harder to stay away from you.

My heart still longs for you after all this time.
And I miss you terribly.

I understand we must stay apart for now,
But I don't know how long I can last.

My emotions are like a sinking ship.
I'm fighting to stay afloat.

Without you, I'm doing the best I can,
To keep me from drowning in this sea of despair.

You want to know the real me.

Be my friend. Be my crutch when I need support.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...

I'll let you in. All you have to is ask.

I'm no stranger when you see what's inside my head.

I may be confused, delusional, and a little dangerous.
Look closely, and you'll find the better part of me.

You may like it, you may not, but if you don't cross that barrier.
You'll never get to find out who I really am.

Unless you take the invitation, you won't get the chance to discover that:

I am weak, I am strong.
I am talented, I am wrong.
I'm a paradox; I'm part of the demented.
I'm both optimistic and pessimistic.

I am extraordinary; I'm blessed with an altruistic heart.
I'm able to attentively listen with an open mind, open arms.
Able to discern what's really bothering you before you start speaking.
Able to make you smile without purposely meaning.

I am everything and all the above, not quite human, but well enough.

I could be the most incredible person in history.

What you see is a sample,
A taste, an example.

If you want to discover more,
Press onward.

I am incredible.

Lately, I feel
Out of it these
Days

Life seems to
Drag me down
And I know

In the end,
I’ll be fine.

I remember those
Winter days,

Nearly ten years ago,
When we met in a haze.

Lust turned to love,
And over the years,
we burned out,

Just like the flickering of
The flames in a silent film,

Never making a sound.

Now I live with
The memories,
That plague my mind,

Playing track-by-track,
Just like a CD, singing

The good and the bad times.

I look around
The corner

Between St. Louis
And the town that
I live in,

Remembering how I
Used to drive past

The city lights,
Months after the crash.

I remember how it
Haunted me,
Every single time.

Now I’m stuck
In an endless cycle,
Far from fine.

It seems life
Likes to drag
me down,

Just like the
Memories that plague
My mind.

I’m doing everything
I can to be more than
Fine.