Oh, if only you knew
What I saw in your eyes
If only I could tell you
And touch your very soul
Perhaps the skies would clear
Perhaps the Angels would not weep.

i never had the chance to say goodbye.
i didn't even know she was going to leave
leave me here to deal with her problems.
it seemed selfish at the moment
incompetent
rude.
i couldn't understand the reason she left like this.
i couldn't comprehend it; i was frustrated.
why?
why'd she have to go without a word? why'd she leave as if to think i'd be okay with this?
it always brings me to tears just trying to remember her when
i can't.
i can't remember how she smiled
how she laughed
how she talked
how she used to be
before she became me.
the me i am now, today, and forever more.
the me that was influenced by those who are insufferable.
a selfish, ugly, good for nothing ******* who can barely hold herself together.
i want her to come back.
i want to be happy again.
but what's the point of wanting something that has already ceased to exist?

i see love and light and cringe
at its generic quality, all the same
all beautiful and endearing and encouraging
and i can't help but feel the cynic in me laughing
at the mawkish displays and efforts
and at my own generic skepticism

just one charming quality of my
self deprecating form of narcissism

people are prone to telling me the same joke over and over again
though the only thing that i find funny is that i can't remember its punchline
maybe it's because i try so hard to forget
what i've become.