My thoughts stagger, trying to carry hopes heavy as heartbeats.
Two lovers, chest to chest, whispering, “let’s talk soul to soul,”
trying to make sense of a love story that hasn’t been written yet
—a heart-to-heart moment, I keep dreaming of.

I tell myself: stay focused. But I’ve been tiptoeing through
daydreams, because chasing love too fast leaves you breathless
when it runs the other way. Cos everyone wants the highs of love,
but no one talks about the problems on the down low — the quiet
exits, the silent tears, the way loneliness can sneak in even when
someone’s lying right beside you.

Maybe it’s a late-night phone call — a sleepy “goodnight, baby”
before the line cuts out. Or a “good morning” text just to fold into
my memory like a note tucked beneath my pillow. Maybe it’s
wanting to tell you everything — not just the good, but the messy
middle parts too. Like you’re both my friend and my fire. Like you’re
the one who fits the empty spaces between the soft notes of this wild
birdsong my thoughts keep singing.

I want that kind of love. But I know relationships get complicated.
And honestly, I don’t miss perfect — I miss partnership. I miss
the “we got this” when life gets heavy, the “I’m here,” even when
we don’t have the answers. It’s not a complicated thing — just
someone to solve life with me. To laugh when things crack. To stay
when the flaws start showing.

I want skin I can breathe in — not just touch. Someone who sees
my silence as depth, not distance. Who holds my flaws like fragile
truths, not defects to be fixed.

But maybe that’s too much to ask. Maybe that kind of love only exists
somewhere between sleep and memory. I’m awake now — and I
don’t want to fall too deep just to find the woman of my dreams.

I Could Have Been

I could have been—
I could have been your girl.
And not just any girl—
your girl.

The one you come home to,
the one you hold tight.
You wouldn’t have to fight
battles that weren’t yours to beat,
or carry secrets
you were never meant to keep.

I could have been happy—
happy with you.

If only
you could have
loved me
too.

Love is a flame,
a memory of orange
flickering behind the ribs,
a match I didn’t know I struck
just by saying his name.

Not a wildfire.
It’s quieter than that.
A pilot light
that keeps burning
even when no one’s home.

Sometimes I hate it for that.
Its persistence.
Its patience.
It’s refusal to let me go cold.

Because I tried.
To blow it out.
To bury it beneath logic
and long explanations
and “maybe he didn’t mean to.”

But there it is,
in the way I still pause
at doorways,
hoping someone
will see me hesitate
and stay.

Every time I gaze at the mirror,
a storm of doubts rises within me —

Am I worthy?
Am I beautiful?
Am I doing enough with my life?
Am I ambitionless?
Am I being too carefree?
Am I gaining weight?
…and so many more.

But amidst the flood of questions,
my heart gently whispers:

You are worthy.

It’s not the external beauty that defines you —
It’s your self-love,
your kindness to yourself.

Mirrors only reflect what’s visible.
But what really shapes us
is the change we choose
beyond the glass.

Lying down under this beautiful starry night
Fills me with a quiet kind of happiness.
Alone on this silent hilltop,
A glowing lantern beside me,
My favorite book in hand —
It’s the scene I always dreamt of.
For once,
I’ve stepped away —
From responsibilities,
From the noisy world,
From people and their expectations.
Here I am,
Feeling the warmth of the lantern’s light,
Letting it remind me
That a simple, peaceful life is still possible.
This silence.
This natural breeze.
This soft glow.
This time with myself —
It’s all I need right now,
To hope again.

He need not bring us luxuries,
As he never failed to fulfill our needs even without asking;
He need not be taking us on holiday,
As the quality time he spends with us is more than enough;
He may not take us to restaurants often,
As his handmade dosas never fail to taste delicious;
He may not be fashionable and trendy,
As he never judged our fashion sense;
He need not give us valuables,
As he gave us enough value education;
He may not be by our side always,
As he taught us well to stand on our own feet and to face the society;
He may not hold power in the community,
As he earned immense respect with his kindness and ethics;
He may not teach us how to make money;
As he never forgot to teach us how to save it;
He may not work in a reputed organization,
As all he care about is his family and not money or his career growth;
He may not be expressive,
As we can witness it in his actions;

He may not be anything as he is everything for us!!
And admiring his contribution may take my whole life.

I may never express to him how much I admire him, care for him and love him;
But one fine day, I will convey him how much his happiness means to me through my success.

Every time I expect something from life,
A flood of questions rises within:
Don't expect. Accept and adjust.
Be happy with what you have.
Many don’t even have what you do.
And many more voices echo the same.

But what if my expectations are simple?

Simple like -
A homely atmosphere,
A loving family,
A supportive friend,
A peaceful life,
A meaningful profession.

Are these huge to expect from life?

May I meet you someday like this,
may there be no rush of saying goodbye
may there be no fear of interruptions.
may all the emotions be poured out
and every nook and cranny of my heart be emptied.
may I hold no regrets within
may memories not haunt us later.

May I never tire of expressing myself
may I find contentment in listening to you
may there be no constraints of time
and may we be bound together as a single knot
you, time, and I.

May I grasp you and drift into a deep slumber
may there be no haste to wake up
may there be no fear of missing a moment
may I get melted on your embrace, and
meld into your wholeness
just as the soul merges with the Supreme Being

May there be no unfulfilled dreams like this
may there be realities that satisfy me.

Someday, may I meet you
just like this.


- ० -

Fever painted me all over the body
with its warm kisses of love
for a duration unknown

Taking everything aside of my own being
it was a marvelous feel
to be cocooned into the grip
of this thin frenzy from head to toes
it was immensely ecstatic to
feel the passionate warmth over the skin
and was delirious
to be caressed by its softness beneath the shell.

I want the fever to grab me forever
and want YOU
to be MY fever.
..................................

someone once asked me
if i were to describe how my heart looked
in words and not through science.
it left me wondering for ages,
finding the right words—
i realized metaphors worked,
kinda like being tangled in lines,
woven outta feelings i can't describe.

my heart is perhaps a lonely, lonely setting
in a space—void of any lighting.
there's glitter on it though,
and whenever it gets a signal of the memory,
cursed even if it was,
it glows like a broken lamp
flickering to light on an empty road,
like an old cd player stuck on the same song—
or more like, stuck on the default,
going in a loop.

the member of the family
stuck in a guest room.
the little kid, trying to sleep—
waiting for a lullaby or a nighttime story.

a black hole, absorbing its own self,
it's been far too alone, on its own.
a long, long night, waiting for a sunrise—
something the world despised, but not anymore.

a dead eulogy with rhyming words.
a piece of broken ceramic, held up by mud.
pieces of fabric cinched together
with needles and stitches,
pinned across words that once shattered—
on a corkboard, decorated in a fancy manner.

a building that collapsed once
during a 5.5 magnitude earthquake—
rebuilt, but never been the same since.

the perfect interpretation is hard to find.
my heart is like a glass toy
in the hands of a child,
a burnt forest that symbolizes ashes and rebirth,
an old woman close to taking her last breath,
yet smiling to the world.

a home to those who didn't belong,
race of the misfits, who all won.

it's just an *****,
something i need to pump blood and to survive—
and yet it feels like an ironical mess of words,
philosophical in its own existence.

i love this heart of mine.