i see the fire raging
in your belly
&
the steel gunning
down your back.

i will not run from the danger,
i want every piece of you.

you have more beauty in you
than any one woman in the world.
intimate moments lie
in the shape of your eyes.
champagne and roses
fill the air in wake
of your stride.
wonder meets perfection
in the fullness of your lips;
the cutest little nose
awaiting a lover’s gentle kiss.
bearer of heart
seemingly made of stone.
stunner of men
made of only flesh and bone.

imagine a world that would allow you
to see yourself through your love’s eyes;
you’d see the things that make you beautiful.
like the gap between your teeth,
or the scars below your lip.
completely embrace the defects that meet in the middle,
stretching from each side of your chest.
there’s no sadness in your eyes,
that embarrassing trait matters a lot less.
standing before you would be a person that deserves love
and needs to be loved by you.

Tell me your truth
one that few others know.
Allow me to explore the dark parts of your heart
and ignite the fires of your soul.
Align your demons with mine
in time you’ll find they need love, too.
They need love.
Just like me. Just like you.

Don’t be afraid my darling.

There is no false hope in the tenderness of my touch.
I carry the weight of truth in my words,
and I have no intentions to bring harm to your heart.
Your being is safe with me.
You’re free to conquer your fears and take the leap.

We were standing still, you armored in my arms.
The stage in front of us was brightly lit
but the faces around us I could not see;
we danced while the world revolving around us changed.
I whispered song lyrics in your ear and
your body language prompted me to hold you closer.
So, I did.
For a moment I was sure you were in bed with me
because the air around me smelled of you.
Lost in your fragrance,
I didn’t notice the scene around us change.
Even in a new setting the only person
my eyes could adjust to was you.
Beautiful Woman.
You turned to face me and lay your head gently on my chest.
All while I wore a coy smile.
I felt your hand on the back of my neck
as you raised to the tip of your toes to kiss me.
Just before our lips met, I woke up.
You make me nervous, even when I dream.

A collection of brilliance in moving parts.
Galaxies of stars painted green and blue rest in
perfect circles upon the gentleness of her face.
A woman who carries power in her voice,
one who demands your attention upon entering a room.
Her giggle so darling it commands the affections of men pursuing her heart.
You hear intelligence in the way she speaks,
see pride in the way that she walks.
She wears her confidence like a talisman around her neck,
her personality draped along broad shoulders.
The woman has kindness in her heart,
the capacity to bear love in her bones.
A strong spirit, unique, passionate and bold.
High cheek bones with a full smile.
She’s got mystery webbed in the danger of her desires.
The true definition of beauty lay in everything that she is.
One must thank the Heavens for creating a woman such as this.

I may not remember everything that you ever told me,
but I do remember the important things.
Don’t lie, cheat, or steal, don’t ever be afraid to stand up for yourself,
and don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t.

I remember when I was kid I would get upset because I was the last one to be picked up from basketball practice,
I was so embarrassed because it would happen every time.
I didn’t realize it was because you were working to provide a life for us.
Thank you.
Do you remember when we moved to Kentucky?
You were so excited about your new job,
I still have that newspaper clipping from the interview that you did.
It’s in my box of things that I never want to forget,
I’ve had it since I was in the sixth grade.

Remember when I started to high-school?
I gave you hell right off the bat.
Smoking cigarettes, getting suspended, letting my grades drop.
But you never lost faith in me.
You were the only one.

I remember seeing you drink Zima as a kid.
I remember that time I fell off of my bike into a cactus,
you spent hours picking the spines out of my skin.
It hurt so badly but you told me that everything would be okay, and I believed you because you made it so.
I remember when you first got cancer, it was spring and I was three weeks shy of 16. You told me on April Fool’s Day.
My heart knotted when I learned that it wasn’t a joke.
Shortly after you left your job and things got rough
but I’ll be ****** if you didn’t make a way.

Phenomenal woman.

I remember when I came home from the Marine Corps. recruitment office, you cried because that’s not want you wanted for me.
Lucky for you I have a tattoo on my neck and wasn’t able to enlist.
I remember when you kissed me on my forehead and hugged me after that girl broke my heart.

I remember when your cancer came back,
this time in a different spot.
I don’t remember hearing you complain about it one single time.
Around that time your eldest grandson was born and you told us that was your reason to fight.
That boy loves his Gigi.
I remember the Christmas after that, you were so sad that you didn’t get us big gifts, but having you there with us was the only gift we needed.

I remember when you beat cancer for the second time, I made you a cake and hand decorated it,
it looked like **** but you loved it anyway.

I remember your smile.
I remember you being my support system when everyone else questioned my life choices.
I remember how much you loved me.

I remember when your cancer came back, the doctors here at home said they had already done everything they could for you.
They told you to accept your fate.
But you kept fighting.
I remember taking trips to Philly with you,
you were getting treatment there and I was to go with you because I was your primary caretaker, I even withdrew from school
I knew that taking care of you was the only thing that mattered.
Remember when I was a kid, and I was hospitalized with the chicken pox?
You were my safe place and you never left my side,
that’s what I intended to be for you.
I remember your final days, family and friends came from distant lands to say I love you one last time.
I remember the last thing you said to me.
I’m going to keep my promise. My heart of gold will never tarnish.

I remember the high-pitched laugh that would come out when something really tickled you.
I remember your spirit.
I remember that time you had one too many apple martinis, you never drank again after that.
I remember how mad you got because I kept getting tattoos.
I remember how happy it made you to call me your son.
I remember you demanding me to come over every time I got a haircut, simply because you wanted to see.
I remember always having you in my corner.

I remember you.

Imagine meeting someone who wants to learn your past.
Not to pass judgement or use it against you,
but to understand the ways you need to be loved.
Maybe we’ve crossed paths, maybe I have yet to meet you.
Regardless of the circumstance, my promise to you remains the same.

I promise.

There will never be a moment when I don’t love you with my whole heart.
I won’t ever stop choosing you.
Your happiness is priority number one;
I’m sure your smile has the ability to make me weak in the knees.

I promise.

To continue to challenge you to challenge yourself.
Together we will work to become the best version of we, that we can be.
You won’t ever feel alone.
I vow to be your strength when you can’t find it in yourself to carry on.

I promise.

You will always be protected.
God as my witness I will not let any harm come on to you.
Comfort and safety is what you’ll find wrapped in my affection.

I promise.

To love you the best way I know how.
And tell you how beautiful you are, every single day.
I won’t ever stop adoring or learning about you.
And when we’re 80 I’ll still look at you with the light of love in my eyes.
Our conversations will never come to an end.

I promise to love you, even when you hate me.

I promise to stand by you, until my dying breath.

I wish to see the way your eyes beam before the morning sun.
Rest my hand in the small of your back,
pull you closer for the day’s first kiss.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful?
Your head lay just beneath my chin, snuggled up close.
So close strands of your hair get trapped in my beard,
tips of wild ones tickle my nose.

Beautiful it would be,
to feel the warmth of your hand lying gently on my chest;
the tip of your ******* tracing tail feathers of a phoenix.
Increasing vibrations of my heart.

Simply gorgeous, your smile.
I wonder how it looks during sunrise after a full moon.

Can you see it too?
Me running my fingers through your hair,
gently working through tangles while you tell me about your day.

It could be so sweet,
blasting jams by big bands while dancing in the stars.
You ask to hear ghost stories about my tattoos and scars.

You say you feel it too?
A desire to be close and place your hands in mine.
Waiting for the moment you touch your lips to my collar bone.

Imagine you and me.
Wrapped in one another,
stretching moments between time and space.

Just think of how easy it would be.
I’ll fall for you while you fall for me.
<3

Her legs opened in the fashion a flower blooms,
proper and poised.
She exposed to me a rarity, the most exotic of fruits.
She offered herself to me and I gratefully accepted.
There is something so beautiful about a partially tamed woman.
The thickness behind her hips rested gently in my hands.
I kissed the tender flesh of her inner thigh,
all while teasing her with my fingers.

She’s soft as snow but warm inside.

Her skin tasted of sugar and spice,
my fingers like candy.
I was hypnotized the moment her pearl touched my lips
and I tasted the sweetness of her desires.
She had me where she wanted me and I didn’t let up.
Her pit wept upon my chin while I devoured the surrounding fruit.
I felt her body shake and I knew she had nothing more to give.
I leaned back to lick the spot just below my lip,
I marvel at the flavor of you.
Delicate and sweet.
I surrender.

I set myself up for failure.

My hand got heavy and I was a much too liberal pouring bourbon into my coffee.
I took my first gulp, the essence of oak barrels and rye devoured my taste buds:
coupled by a warm comfort that settled in my chest.
I lifted the mug to my lips and drank more, this time faster.
With no more than bourbon and coffee in my system I stumbled up the stairs to seek refuge in bed,
to no surprise I was met with the warmth of another human.
With my left-hand high and my right-hand low,
I rediscover my sense of touch and identified the ample ******* and wide hips with a woman to whom I once made love.
What have I done? How did she get here?
She felt the weight of my hands when I touched her,
rolled over to face me then lifted her hand to stroke my beard.
It was a moment of ecstasy.
Scenes of past affairs are recalled from memory and I’m instantly ready to dive deep into her sins like I had several times before.
I lift my finger tip to trace a map of where my lips would press next.
I started at her right ear lobe, moved my hand down and across the course of her torso, worked my way down her legs and wrapped back up to meet the middle of her thighs.
She gasped,
she knew what was coming next and begged for me to kiss her.
The moments to follow were simply exhilarating;
mind-blowing, heart-pounding, earth-shattering, exhilaration.
Soon she’d peak.
All at once her body became tense and she melted into the sheets.
Every lie we had ever told came to light when we engaged the flesh.
She tasted of uncertainty and deceit,
black coffee and bourbon.
Some of my favorite things.
I felt like dishonesty and mischief,
she knows I’ve been up to no good.
I lay facing the ceiling while she gathered her things and dressed to leave.
Neither of us spoke a word because we knew the severity of the mistake we made.
If anyone knew what we had done, they’d believe we had gone mad.
Maybe we had.
Neither one of us were sure but we did know that we could never see each other again.
We’re toxic as friends and deadly as lovers.
Nothing good can come from this.

I remember the first time I shared a dance with the devil.
We cut lines and spun circles until we couldn’t feel our feet beneath us.
Our bodies so close I felt the sweat beading on her neck.
She fed me venom from her lips,
a searing pain set in my flesh and I lost feeling in my mouth.
I felt a drip and my throat went numb, the energy was electric.

I pulled her in and kissed her harder, our lips so chapped they cracked under pressure;
iron crept to my taste buds but I didn’t care,
we just kept dancing.
The only thing that mattered was that we found comfort in one another’s demons.
Our bodies moving in unison was the closest the world would ever get to magic and I knew I would never be that free again.
Dancing with her gave me a sense of power,
like nothing would ever hurt me, like I could do anything.

She made it okay to feel.

I’d heard of her eyes before our unforgettable encounter;
they were known to diminish the character of a decent man.
Warned not to get involved I naturally did the opposite.
All I could think about was those piercing green eyes.
She had a peculiar smell,
the chemicals in her perfume so prevalent that my eyes watered as it made its home in my nasal cavity.
I knew then that she would change me,
to be frank I didn’t too much mind.

We went on many adventures together,
she was my first choice for music festivals
my only friend on a non-stop flight.
Each time she was with me my heart would tap-dance when I heard hers beat.
I fell further in love when my heart tapped so hard it nearly danced out of my chest.

My energy levels set in a constant high all because of the carelessness that traveled through the sway of her hips.

This woman won control of my emotions,
so much so that I hated who I was without her.
Her embrace was my happy place and I’d be willing to give my life to be wrapped up in hers.
Lost in her I knew I couldn’t live this way much longer,
I had to escape the curves of the white dress.
I hit the pavement.
I noticed the world start to fall the further I got away from her
nothing was as fun as it was before
Life without her is drab, but I’ve got to do what’s necessary to keep myself alive.

She was never good for me.

She asked me the strongest drug I had ever done,
I responded with your name
Not MDMA, LSD, or *******.
You kept me up
Intense heartbeat, face red, cheeks flush
sweat pouring, teeth grinding, actions rushed…
Bursts of color invade my visual receptors,
the sights are fluid movements through the lens of a kaleidoscope.
Music takes command of my limbs, now I’m putty in your hands
You have your way and we dance.
Left, right.
Left and right. In and out.

Breathe.

I take another hit of you.
Chemical energy circulates my veins
chills crawl down my spine and ice overlay my lungs.
I know I can’t get much higher but I’m addicted to my sins.
I take another hit and breathe you in again.
My eyes start to wiggle and roll towards the back of my head,
I should’ve left a long time ago,
before you killed me and left me for dead.

Overdosed.

I have a hole in my life where my love should be.
Every time I meet someone they take from me when they leave.

I’m beginning to become fragile.

Had I known love would be this violent,
I never would’ve allowed my vessel to enter this war.
Too much has been lost building memories with the enemy and there is no way to return from the heartbreak of defeat.

I’m not weak, just broken.
My sails are tattered and weary,
the cannon in my chest was once able to fire at will but now its battered condition has rendered it almost useless because it’s so heavily guarded.

The darkness that surrounds my heart is a protector of sorts,
it’s a heavy blanket of fog that keeps me hidden from the sadness in the world. It’s a reminder of the blood that was shed when I went to battle with her;
it’s the cover I need to rebuild the hull and set sail to reclaim the depths of the oceans that belong to me.

I Captain this ship and I will not be overthrown by the hands of women and I will not be defeated by those who betrayed me!
I refuse to drown in sorrow,
searching for treasures and trinkets that can only be found on a map that no man can read.

I’ve taken heavy fire but I will not surrender.
My ears will not burn by the cry of a siren’s song.

I was sentenced to a life of moving through galaxies of resentment,
cursed to bear the punishment for crimes committed by those who came before me.

I will not be punished for another man’s sin.
I will no longer give in to temptations set in the figure of a dishonorable woman.
Evils will no longer forsake me.
I shall never falter.