One day
I will stop looking at your photos
I can finally delete them
Forget about them forever

One day
I will stop looking at places
I can stop romanticizing them
Stop thinking about dates

One day
I will block your contacts
Your socials, your emails, your texts
So I can stop checking everyday

One day
I will smile again
Laugh with friends and family
No need to fake it anymore

One day
I will throw away your things
Toss away the gifts, the letters
Clearing up my home

One day
I will meet someone new
Who will love me, accept me
Better than you could ever have

One day
I will stop loving you
I can finally let you go
So it can stop hurting

One day
Someday
Just
Not today

As my world is engulfed in flames
Do you still burn for me?
Raging fires, roaring so loudly
Do you still feel me, hear me?
As my heart burns for you
As my love erupts 
Do you not see my passion?

Or am I doomed to be a waste?
All that heat and passion and love
An explosion of emotions, searing my skies
Do I not light you up?
Ashes upon ashes, dying to embers
Do you not want my warmth?

Burned out, cinders and gray
All those feelings and connections
Did it disappear like smoke?
What was once lit now smoldered
What was once passion is now blackened
Was our fire ever real?
Or was I the only one burned?

He may love the best parts of you
Just as much as I did
But I also treasured
The broken parts of you
The jagged pieces you feared
The shards you cut me with
He may love the best parts of you
But I loved all of you

I refused to let you go
I know that if I did
You'd be gone forever
But you promised
Always and Forever
And I don't want a life
Where promises didn't exist

I punched that mirror
Over and over and over again
My knuckles bloodied
Hundreds of shards on the floor
Yet no matter what
Even as I kept smashing it all
Each shard is still
A reflection of a broken man

I refused
To listen to friends and family
Who warned me what will come
I refused
To look at the signs and flags
That told me to go back
I refused
To make boundaries and lines
Out of self-respect
I refused
To stand tall and put my foot down
When I kept getting hurt
I refused
To give up what we have
Even though you were long gone
I refused
To allow myself to process
To let myself break down
I refused
Even though time has passed
And the pain settled in
I refused
Despite all the heartbreak and pain
To stop loving you

I screamed 
"I WOULD HAVE DONE EVERYTHING FOR YOU"
"I WOULD HAVE DONE EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING"
I screamed at the top of my lungs
My fists clenched white as tears fell down
I screamed at the world
Until my heart gave out
I screamed
For someone who isnt' there anymore

I have heard broken glass before
I have heard the cracks and snaps
Echoing in an empty room
A deafening accident
But not even that
Can be as loud as a broken heart
Shattered on purpose

I knew it was a dream
I knew you weren't real
But I hit snooze for the tenth time
Because I wasn't ready to say goodbye

I called you my soulmate
Not because of your beautiful smiles
Not because of the heat from your heart
Not because of your lively laughter
Not because of your flowery scent
Not because of your sweetest kisses
A soul doesn't need any senses
To know when it is in love

You gave me a list
A million reasons to leave
But the only reason I stayed
Was you

I can't forgive you
I can't forget you
So I will wait
Until you crawl back
I will yell at you, be furious
Shout, cry, be stubborn
Until it's all out
I want it all out
Take it all
So I can take you back

I tried some classic Scotch tape
Of course it was cheap, so it tore so easily

I bought some painter's tape
It covered nicely but was easy to rip

Medical tape was ordered
It would have been nice if it actually worked

I had some packaging tape somewhere
That didn't even last for a day

Next was electrical tape
Stronger, but it couldn't handle the job

Then I tried duct tape
I was so shocked that it failed me

I mixed and matched all of them
Frustrating, crying as nothing works

I don't know what could help
Putting a heart back together

You wore your tattoos
Just like your heart
On your sleeves of wonderful art
Each tells a story, a reason
Each admired and seen
But it was your heart
That wanted to be seen, heard
It was your heart that had the reasons
Of why you were art itself
Your skin adored
But it was the heart that yearned
A canvas for black ink, worn proudly
An uncolored heart, worn openly
You loved the pain of the needle
But you feared the pain of your vessel
Despite it all
You wore your heart on your sleeve
Aching to be filled, colored
To tell its story, its love
Your most beautiful tattoo
Is the empty outline
Of where your love should be

Tell me that you hate me
Say that you find me upsetting
Get angry, get spiteful about it
Block me from all of your socials
Erase the photos and my number
Tell me that you'll never come back
Throw it all back to my face
Please tell me that you hate me
Otherwise
I would still have hope

What were you thinking about
The night before?

Did you hold me as we slept
To memorized the touch?

Did you look at me
To remember my features?

When you said goodnight
Was that a prelude to goodbye?

Was the night before
The last time you loved me?

What were you thinking about
As you kissed me goodnight?

Was that kiss
The last we'd ever shared?

Were you thinking about
Our final night together?

Did you feel my heartbeat
Felt it whole before breaking it?

The night before
Were you mine?

The night before
Did you wish it was different?

Did you look at the clock
To count the last hours of us?

Did you feel asleep
Still thinking of me?

What were you thinking of
The night before?

What were you thinking of
Before you whispered "no more"?

Did you wait all night
For the sight of dawn?

Did you dream instead
That it would never end?

What were you thinking of
As you saw my resting eyes?

What were you thinking of
As you cried for the last time?

The night before
You said goodbye

"If you truly love them, let them go"
But what about me?
I did the right thing
Yet here I am, hurting and crying
Wondering when it will stop
They say that time heals all wounds
But so much time has passed
And the wounds are still there
I did the right thing
But I am punished for it
I let them go so they can be happy
But they left the pain with me

The voices that I used to hate

That berated me, hated me

Filled me with doubt and fears

Depressing, anxious tones

A chorus made of a broken soul

At least those voices of mine

Tell me that they love me still

After what you've left me as

Those soft, delicate hands of yours

That once held me with such love and care

Wrapped me with such warmth and safety

That felt small and fragile when held by me

Those slender fingers fitting perfectly in mine

Tracing my face and lips with eagerness

Tapping me to wake up for a morning kiss

Caressing me for our nightly love

Those soft, delicate hands of yours

I can still feel them after all this time

Wishing that I held them a bit longer

How could you ever understand
The pain that you inflicted upon me
The dreams you left me with
The rerunning of shared moments

You walked away with a smile
While I stayed in the same place, empty
Stayed in the same feelings, hopes
Stuck in place, wondering why

You laughed, you soared, you ran
While I am paralyzed, trapped, clipped
Weighed down by the memories and emotions
You gave it back to me when you were done

You made new friends, new memories
I withdrew from mine, from myself
I hit replay every hour, every day
Holding what was left in vain

You looked forward, head held high
Mine dropped low, looking back
I called you my everything
You called me a steppingstone

How could you ever understand
When you can't even empathize
How could I ever understand
When I can't even let go

All of my demons stayed quiet
Because we all loved listening to you

If I am not rage, then what am I?

I tried love, trust, patience, empathy

They were accepted out of courtesy

But discarded like an inconvenience

If I am not anger, then what am I?

I tried so very hard, so much time

Just to receive little effort and no time

Just to be abandoned and misled

If I am not anger, nor am I rage itself

Then I am the pain you gave to me

What I hate about myself
That is so pathetic and weak
That I despise so much 
Is that you can yell at me 
Call me names, throw lies
Throw all the trust back at me
Even hit me, scratch me 
Make me hurt and cry
Make my heart beg 
Make my voice loud
You can do all those things
Yet I know **** well
The moment we both 
Finally grow quiet and calm
The moment your golden eyes
Look upon my eyes, my soul
What I hate about myself 
Is that I would still love you
I would love you wholeheartedly
Through the pain and anger 
The guilt, regrets, wounds 
I will still love you through it all
Even through gritted teeth
Even through running tears
Even with a broken heart 
I will still love you through it all

When the scent finally fades
From the pillows and covers
When I can't find strands of hair
On my clothes and carpet

When I redecorate the place
To fill empty spaces
When the profile is deleted
From all of the subscriptions

When I buy fewer groceries
Just to make meals for one
When I change the locks
Carrying the only key

When I stop checking
My phone and socials
When I stop saying goodnight
Because there's no good morning

When I stop hoping
For a dream long gone
When it finally hits me
Of how different life is

That's when I will realize
You are truly gone

I wished you yelled at me
Strike at me, scream at me
Curse me with all the words
Look at me with hatred or disgust

Instead

You stayed quiet
And you let go gently
Whispering those words again
With eyes of hope and heartbreak

Why?

Why did you still love me?
Why did you make this harder?
Why was ending this so **** difficult?
Why did you not end up hating me for it?

Oh

Now I understand
It was hard for both of us
But you were able to live with it
While I can't live with my own choice

The greatest lie you ever told to me
Was sealed with a kiss
That passion, desperation, clinging to mine 
You lied fiercely to me 
You pressed it to my lips as I believed it all
Lying to me repeatedly 
But my heart begged for more of your love 
Lie to me more, please
Because every time we do, I gain some hope
That this wasn't the last
That we had so much more in store for each other
We held on for so long
Both wanting to make this our permanent truth
Once again
I fell for the lie, the promise, that you will always
Come back to me

When we crossed paths again
The only intimacy that was shared
Were our shadows overlapping
And even then
Yours was the first to leave