He hated open doors
Less to hide behind, he felt
And more for them to charge through,
More to use...

Walking past the spotlight eyes
He broke his sunglasses on the daily
And the burning light of the dim bulbs lit the school
Hurt.

Spaz They whispered
But they might have shouted
What feels like a whisper hurts like a knife
When the names are for you

He walked home out of breath
He never wanted to breathe again
He saw how breaths had been used to hurt
As much as punches.

And she hugged him

Carpet feels soft when you know the feet that tread it
Mum
What a feeling
Coming out of the plunging terror.

Darling
The sweetest word he knew
More syllables, more mind behind what he was used to
He ****** in the cherry hugs through his nostrils

And threw down his books.

She looked in at him enjoying
Time spent away from that
And smiled
He will get through it

Closing the door quietly,
She dried out a tear
Moving a sleeve over her birth-marked face
Which had earned her such identity.

Digging through a chest,
Long ago she had named "Weapons"
She pulled out her old school sword
Hello, Courage. she said.

Next morning she gave her boy his lunch
Of potions of strength and fortitude
Made magic
By her note telling him she loved him

Next morning she wrapped her boy
In an armour raincoat
Made iron by
Her hug compressing it to metal

Next morning she filled his tender hand
With her sword
Made courage by
Her own pain hammered into it

And she sent him back on his way.

As she watched him go
Feigned eagerness in his step
She could not hide his pain ahead,
But she knew what came at the end;

Ah, it has a thousand names.
But I shall call it Beauty;
For when he slays those demons
He shall know what he truly is.

And what they are.

He loved her
For she's only ever been amazing
And she liked herself
For her strength forged in the fire.

The boy knew.

Match the sleep up to the fire,
Words alight in bareface glow.
Take your knees and hold them tight,
Tonight's the night that Dragons fight.

By the river lives are woven;
Fabric soft and hugs the skin.
As the shadows dance about,
Throw their arms and scream and shout.

Froth at the shore - take care!
Who'll hold you back from the tale?
Don't lose any grief.
Each story's a thief.

There is a place I think of last
Before each night and day,
Where night is green and never black
When all else turns to grey.

Here the river flows as if
Each gurgle were its first
And bamble sleepy insects might
Adance, alight, athirst.

The moss-hugged giants curl their toes
And lead them down to shore.
Ta-woo, Ta-woo, the tawny goes
Before he hunts for more.

The fullest moon, or thinnest yet,
Contented with its fill,
Grows fat on sight of river night
And lets its bounty spill.

And, lo! Take care! Don't scare it so...
The pearl of heaven falls
And leaps about the laps and waves
While the 'hopper calls.

Sparkling droplets take their rests
By friends lost in the day.
Chatter, chuckle, laugh they will;
Happy, oh so gay!

They wind around my feet, aflare,
Carrying their gifts.
Given all to waterfall
As my mind becomes the drifts

As my breath becomes the wind,
As my eyes become the deep.
As shadows o'er the shallows skip
I shall live and never sleep.

Joy, what will you do if there is a heaven?
Love it like a son.
And what will happen if I am not there?
Then the family will be broken.

And what are we?
Going to die.
When?
When we will.

So who should we be?
Heaven.
So who is our father?
**My love, I would have no other, but you.

Someone to hold
And keep us alright
******* a thumb and
Holding blankets

She'll tell you you're special,
Though she knows you are not
To anyone, but her
Special, little boy.

And when you grow up
Someone to listen
When the whole world
Is jumping on top of you

And really
You're still that child
And she's still that perfect face
Bouncing you on her lap.

Want to know true loneliness?
Lose your mother,
But then,
Who would ever want that, really?

And we dipped in the pool
Slowly, rolling, wholly,
The frozen heat fell like icicles
Smoke hugging our bodies

And we shivered
Jagged, razor, haggared,
But the cold went
And my mouth, open, pulled

The pain may have gone
Or not, maybe, matters not
But we froze together
Feeling space and liberation

Our bodies shook
Our minds, spoke, unwind,
Knowing beyond the cold
There was only mystery.

There was a man of pilgrim's might
Whose feet would hound with real respite
His head hung low, but thoughts gave flight
To smiles he flashed out through the night

And on he came to seeped well
And burned with petal thirsting smell
He cupped his hand to pool to tell
Of washed brows in walking hell

And then he saw a girl with hair
Of yellowest sunlight's bounty share
And told his heart its meal is there
The meadow grasseed blew nowhere

She cooled his brow with gentle hand
She ushered back the gourd's demand
And though the dirt gave way to land
No borders had her goodness banned

He woke beneath the willow tree
In cradle of arms' ecstasy
And she joined him to join the free
With daffodils afore their glee

Yet still they walk, but tell me this,
What is the road, but wartime bliss?
What is the sea without the hiss
Of beauty's scent and midnight's kiss?

The campfire crackled,
Shocking, burn
And all my breaths were frosty
I took my mind behind to learn
Whatever the campfire told me

I stoked the flames
I poked the flames
The logs, they spoke, and 'lo
They told their ember and their names
And asked me what I'd like to know.

'I may teach you solitude.'
'I may teach you spite.'
'With me you shall never be alone.'
I saw but one give out pale light
And so I knelt before spark shown

'I may teach you learning
I may teach you teaching
With me you shall never be alone,
For when we are together reaching
Knowing, living love is thrown'

And there we sat and he took me
Dancing among the stars of hope
Our waltz, our gay jig, what it was
A golden cord, a golden rope
Wrapped 'round the stars of hope

They pulled together, planets born
Words written, bodies struck
No, not me, not I, please
I was too ready, took my luck
And spent it for my knowly ease

I left the fire, heady, heavy
Not so happy, not so ready
For I knew all, and I knew many
Telling me what life showed steady
Never taking pearl nor penny.

Wiser now and wiser still
My head hanged lower than the deep
And all my days were spent so cheap
For all I knew was weighted sleep
Knowledge should not fly, but creep.

Don't let me swirl
Old thing, help
Me stay within
This tomb of myself

I'm falling away
Don't you know
Freely gliding with no wings
Down into something darker

I should shatter
Wouldn't you think
Like paintings might
Were they made with dagger eyes

A toast!
To falling ill
To being swallowed
To never seeing light again!

Cheers!

I leapt from the breach
And found cold the fire
Alive in the creep
Of haunted desire

And there I would see
The pillars of hope
From those who could not try
To relish or cope

Imagine my horror
When, looking on their faces
I saw not their moments,
But dark, empty spaces

Their mouths curled down
In the strangest of sneers
And shivers and aches
And horrors and fears

They told me their name
They showed me their ways
But I won't live longer
Than their empty days

And their mouths turned up
Weak muscles unused
To frowns turning over
And mind laugh bemused

I came home, but I
Found my mirror's deceit
Shown plain to my eyes
The new me to meet.

It's not that I'm new
But maybe you'll see
What I saw out there
Is shown now in me.

Let me have this
And I can face tomorrow
Forget I'm here
And I'll cuddle your honesty.

Tell me no one cares
And there's no point in wanting
Tell me holes picked in all things
Grow.

For now
I'll curl up alone
Because at least I'm not
Without in the face of nothing.

It is a strange tide now that takes me,
Blank and floating like so much sea foam,
And all I can be is quite scary
A drop in the seas that make up this grey dome

And walking away is so hard
Feet don't find water but land and deep space.
It's not worth it to keep up your guard
When you trip between gaps poorly patched in their place

I don't want to sink or be broken,
I'm happy to float and feel sea and the sky,
For both have their gifts and their tokens,
But both too are cold and their glory a lie

For now I'll just be on my back here,
There are no waves all is still and replete,
But the storm's not too far, nor are you dear.
We are the clay and the storm is the heat.

If I twist my form I'll be safer.
The light will not reach what the water may take,
But the depths are no place for adventure,
Though the storm clouds are dark they are dark for my sake.

Loving is strong but hate is all knowing,
Ripping a heart is much quicker than sewing,
It's harder to see what is painful is growing
When you know what you find home has skeletons showing.

Keep enemies strong and all your friends weaker,
He who sees gunshots sees candles the meeker.
It's not those who drink blood from marvels and beakers
It's what we may find when we call ourselves seekers.

Tell me your secrets but keep hidden your dreams
For what I may say may speak not what it seems.
I live you, I love you but we are the gleams
In the truth of all things when you find what each means.

Don't wait 'till the end for the lock and the key
For dying is nicer than living as me,
Break out the ice and watch it freeze free
Too quickly you'll see that there never was we.

I chanced upon a crow
Abandoned in a hedge
He did not move before me, lo
Left aside by roadway dredge

I knelt before his plume
And saw his eyes were took
I asked him, Crow, what is our doom?
He told me with a look

It is the sky and so the sea
To the spirits of the deep
It is the pillow to the free
Eyes weary for their sleep

It is the moment when the herd
Won't notice that you're gone
For I may be a dying bird
But it's the world that's wrong.

I took his pain off with a knife
And he said with his free breath
Grateful I am for my life
But I live much more with death

The man was truly strange
Hiding cards behind his clever fingers
Cleverer than me.

He winked down my hood
And laughed
Who he was was not important

In the circus tent
Nothing held power like the cards
And he said

'I deal in cream and grey,
Put a cross in my hand and
I am what you say I am.'

And now he has a roguish smile
His feet turned up and
The bell rang

I put down the pencil
And he froze
Never to move again

He dealt in cream and grey
He delved in graphite and imprints
Nobody told him otherwise.

He smiled,
And the lines on his face were dug anew
About his mouth,
To the girl with lines around her eyes.

She shut them tight
And thought of worlds of sun and stars
Where men flew and birds watched in envy
She was watched by the man with lines on his brow

For he frowned
Head of liquid knowledge hung
Heavily over the page
And the lines of his thought marked deeper

A joke, a dream, a book
All this and more to these different ones
Many more with lines from all their lives of spleandour or squalour
I thought of them and the lines wrote themselves

Deep in thoughtful ink.

Howl, dread wind,
Howl your dread loss
Of times when ruddy lords danced merry in candlelight
Of low halls strung with the forest's skeleton
Of the high hills holding beast and other wonders of the night
Howl
For that corner of a peak trough
Catching the rain and cupping it
To the thirsty mouth of the beast within
To the sword of the proud beggar
And his honour in the sky
Which he looked upon from a hill
Quiet on his cold brow
And as he listened
He heard the howl
Of the times long passed.
Howl, dread wind.

I can't stop drawing her
Though the ink stutters from my pen
Are no form of the lines of her face
She humbly takes them anyway.

She has no place in my eyes
But for the gentle push of her petal hands
On my page, while I sit and
Let my mind take the toll.

The still morning is pulled in
Or the night claiming the light
But I am still here
Drawing her,

Her poise
Her smile
Her attentive eyes
And the knowing, the truth

It's with her every time.

I walked to the desert sun
And found my days were not ill spent
For
On its halo words were writ'
A script of firm hand on the fire itself

"I have the strength of iron,
The shine of steel,
I am the flint in the cliffs and the venom on the tongue.
No man shall fear me more than I
No man shall shiver like the cold set in me."

I looked about for the author,
But saw only mischevous stars twinkle
And the pen in my hand.

The boy came back from school
'My head hurts, I think I'm ill!'
He said, clutching his knowledge.

'Not so,' said his father
Bearing his own like a banner
'You're just learning.'

'Every book read is a weight on the soul
Every word spoken is a scar on the heart
Each pencil held is a sword broken.'

The boy stood taller, but faltered still,
'I can't bear this curse, take it away, please.'
And the father looked down.

'If I could I would try a thousand times more than I have,
If I could I would spare you the pain,
Knowledge is a tunnel and,
There is no turning back.

Feel the crushing certainty of
Our hidden world in flames
And weep
You're a martyr to the truth my boy.'

From that day on
Books bore poisoned pages
Words were as vinegar
Pencils were heavier than the lead within them.

But the boy kept going
For, his head held high,
He knew he would die with the truth,
Rather than live with the lies.

When I was five I learnt that wide eyes weren't wise eyes

When I was seven I learnt that tears are just wasted water

When I was nine I learnt that love is as dead as life

When I was eleven I learnt that rings can be broken

When I was thirteen I learnt that friends can only speak for themselves

When I was fifteen I learnt that death is a holiday

When I was seventeen I learnt that people can be used like tools

Now I'm 19 I realise that nobody is alive like you.

It's easy to leave dead things behind.

All these odd numbers find me loving them, out of empathy, not patterns.

But the sun shines through.

When I was four I learnt that there is no warmth like two arms around you

When I was six I learnt that laughter is mighter than the lie

When I was eight I learnt that it's easy to ignore what hurts you

When I was ten I learnt that everyone wants to smile

When I was twelve I learnt that my solitude was strength

When I was fourteen I learnt that we all will forgive

When I was sixteen I learnt the flush of lipkissed smiles

When I was eighteen I learnt that scars give words more truth
And the dawn came

The sun is beautiful

Do you fear the night,
And not the rain?
Do you fear the flesh,
And not the pain?

You're not human,
Clattering like chattering teeth,
It's not you and I,
But I and it
When you're around.

What's the spell
To the faith?
What's the candle
To the wraith?

Don't fear the dark, my dear
For I am near
And you and it
Can't stand my leer.

Try to see one man
On the street
While the other
Is warmed by the fire he sets in others

Try to see people
Ignored
Because of where
They are from.

Try to watch as
Your life slips away
Under some minute decision
Of a man miles away

And not do anything.

The state is above us all
And we cannot pretend
That it is "made of oak or iron
Instead of the human spirits who make it."

Don't call politicians evil
Don't call them men of spite
I know some are hollow trees
But the forest remains green

Don't call all of them greedy
When most would sooner
Take death than a bribe
Don't confuse the few for the many

For they are the few
And we are the many
And we are getting in the way
Let's stop.

He kicked off his trainers in defiance
It's warm in here, I will stay.
His home danced its subtle dance
Seducing him with fluttered window panes.

No, darling, mummy said
You will go out there
And face the harsh winds
And the hungry frosts.

Why? You did, mummy
And you have the scars on your beautiful face
Why should I, a handsome boy
Offer my face to the elements?

She sat him down and smiled
Yes, I am weary, the world
Took it's toll, but
The warmth of comfort soon becomes fire

You will stare down the frost and
Let it gnaw all it wants
For that's how dreams are made, my boy
That's how wishes come true

This one, she said, finger on a scar
Was from those summer months
When the grass became the bed
To clumsy, tragic love and I

This one is from your grandmother
When she left me all alone
This one, from my career,
See, it is the deepest.

All of them, all I would have again
For canvas I may be to brutal paint,
But happy I am
That I was painted.

The boy looked up and said
I am a scar on you
She buried him in her eager arms and said
No my dear, you're too soft to leave a scar.

The trainers went on
The boy went outside
And shivered as
His mother watched.

The broken clouds and cluttered mounds
Of the castle dark and grim
The straying woes of bootstruck hounds
Flew fast from deep within
And though the trees shed leaves and weep
While winter takes its grip
Still the grounds will never sleep
On those sullen earthly strips.

When came a knocking hard and fast
Urgency and haste
A figure tolling on the door
Tall and wooden, chaste
The simple portal opened to
A simple hallway bare
But of paintings, deep and clean
'Is your master there?'

Within the shadows of the night
The man spoke to the dark,
But saw no person, now he might
Perplexion left its mark
Peering through and searching in
The figure broke his tact
He took himself out from the wind
Door closing in the act

He called out soft and gently
Silent came the reply
The man looked in and then he
Searched down and up and by and by
The hallway stared in harder
The lounge looked on and dealt
A whisper to the larder
His footsteps on the boards were felt

The man, nonplussed, but guaranteed
His pay upon the meeting
Of the lord of the castle's deed
But he was paid no greeting
Not a soul to meet him there,
Though he searched the room
Of men he found no hide nor hair
Save the marks of a duster broom

And the spot of ***** pots in the kitchen
The soot at the foot of the chimney
The sound of hounds from about the grounds
And a meal to steal out on the table

The man looked from the window
And saw to his surprise
Some beast awalk without its tow
Of a master's watchful eyes
The wind blew strangely heavy
On a door that swung ajar
The man went down there, ready
To greet the host, but from afar

He saw the empty darkness fell
And heard the moan of the floor
He smelt the musk of rain as well
Pass by him from the door
The dining room mumbled to the hall
And it passed its message down
The cellar murmured through its wall
Creaks and groans from all around

The lamps behind him all were lit
The house was bathed in light
The fire took life within its pit
The man grew cold with fright
He shut the door and heard the roar
Of the wind break 'gainst the knocker
Thump, thump it spoke up more
Keys firmly in the locker

The stairs creaked under the feet
Which ne'er were seen to move
The man still followed achance to meet
The house's master so to prove
His duty done, his quest relieved
He followed up the stair
But a shout he passed, you'll soon reprieve,
For what he glanced on there

The doors aswing to beds and baths
With moanings and low crashes
The house alive with joyous laughs
At this venturer who passes
He looked in after shrieking
And saw a bedroom bare
But for the snores of the man he's seeking
His body lying there

The man asked not of his health
As he saw the stiffened white
Of the skin of the face apart from self
Aghast and dead from fright
The venturer looked 'round
And heard the cellar speak
It's booming sound from underground
Bade him leave below his shriek

The man abed had moved and walked
His taught face moved not, still
His teeth slid and their rotting talked
Breathed gas as his breath came shrill
Our frozen friend did not contend
With his meeting of the master
The castle changed him by the end
He fled there all the faster

He was not found till late that fall
By boys who played in the grounds
They'd crossed a wall and found him all
Near pawprints of the hounds
They saw his hand clasp round a sheet
Of paper, the castle's deed
On the page he'd told his meet
Of the lord of the castle and he'd agreed

By his signed name on the dotted line
To give to all who claimed it
'This castle which I have called mine
For a thousand years.' for he saw fit
To give to the man who spent a night
The castle they'd keep company
But for the men who died of fright
The castle is still empty.

I stuck on the label
My shirt capped with snow
I smiled as I was able
My voice my words could show

All who came to me
Read quickly and ran more
My label was not picky
Of who should fear my tooth and claw

I looked down unto its face
And it looked back into mine.
Not one who found themself in place
Could speak quite like my label's whine.

'Not you, not me, not anyone
Is free to be themself
While I am here you're already gone
For words make rich those ones with wealth.'

I clung to him and ripped him forth,
But horror thudded and with it, tied
My heart stuck to the paper and its morph
Was into a label as I died.

And die I did, but still the words
Stayed until I faded free,
Though I sleep the men in herds
Will speak the mind they have of me.

I feel all kinds of guilty
When I think of those who never got to cry
Those children who weren't so
And know my envy

For in all things I see
Nothing hurts more than
Feeling the child in my mind's womb
Kicking against me

I'm not fond of jealousy
But I think it would be better to know
That you never got to be safe
And you can't miss what you couldn't be

Fear would lose its plea
For it is your mother
And you know it better than pleasure
Each smile is a new land to see

Why does he..?
Why?
Why does he sit at books and read them.
They should sanction him,
Let's go and play football.

Why has he..?
Why?
Why has he not come to the pub?
We're waiting to get drunk.
Let's go get drunk.

Why is he..?
Why?
Why is he the boss?
Did you not hear that he didn't have fun?
Didn't he?

This one knows
Sadness is short,
But so is happiness.
Don't flood your brain with chemicals, he said,
Satisfaction is my drug.

And then they saw him,
Wise to all who were,
Pale skin,
Scarred skin,
Satisfied.

Can you laugh at jokes about ***?
Good, you pass the test.
Can you sit and not grow sore?
Good, you're perfect.

Can you be pumped full of *******
And not choke?
Excellent,
You're our kind of superhuman.

Don't look outside.
You're with me now,
And with me
You never have to think.

We're behind the box
Putting no effort in
And leading your lives
With jokes and yokes.

I respect
Something...
It's not simplicity
It's not silence,
But it's something,
I'm sure.

I expect
Something...
It is simplicity
It is silence
And it's a little,
I'm sure.

I reject
Nothing...
It is hatred
It is pressure
It is the growing fist in your stomach
Save me
Because I'm nothing,
I'm sure.

Roll like a stone
Alone in the stream
Find you're alone
Alone you can't scream

Meet someone's eye
Smile and they say
'Now you won't die,
For with me you'll stay.'

Wait 'til the end
It's over you know
But you can't contend
The way all can grow.

In the city of hatred
Love is currency
In the town of the belated
Not all the eyes can see

Smile on the tramway
And watch the eyes adance
Glare at the luckless
The ones without your chance

Chuff down the street
Coffee your coal and steam
But don't ever try to meet
Those with less esteem

The thief sat before the telly
And ate his sandwich of white bread
I told him brown was better,
'My mind can't get healthy.' he said.

'If I allow it to think, it hurts me,
It doesn't like to be woken up,' he joked.
'If I think I know what I am...'
He ate some and choked.

And I watched him do it
And came to his aid
I cleared his windpipe quickly
And he smiled as he laid

'It's good not to let it breathe.'
He tapped at his head
'For thought is more comfortable
When thought is long dead.'

I watched him get up
And take some of my things
He explained as he stole,
'It's sadness life brings.'

'For when I am with you
I can talk like most won't
Society's less pungent
When I've done what most don't.'

He walked to the door
'Who are you?' I said.
'Just another aimless person,
Who was easily lead.'

He turned off the telly
And said to me slow
'Do not wish to travel
Where you cannot go.

We're of a generation
Who's lives have been taken
By dreams that hurt more
When we suddenly awaken.'

'I want to be a princess!'
He mimicked and smiled
'I want to be a rockstar.'
In the voice of a child.

'Me, I am happy,
for at least I know true.
We live in the shadow
Of the things we can't do.'

'Don't dream, my friend
For we are all forsaken.'
He held up my things.
'And our dreams are oft' taken.'