The first thing you should know is that he doesn't care
He shows up randomly and doesn't wipe his feet off or help around the house
He whispers to me how much he loves me but then he turnes his back when I need him most
He wants me to eat and then tells me I'm fat and ugly
He keeps me in bed way past when I should have got up
He forces himself apon me and makes me swallow him down
He screames at me and then when I try to tell someone about it he gags me and won't let me leave my house
He tears apart my life
He tells me about all the things my friends say about me,
That they think I'm worthless,
That I'm nothing
He said that he is the only one who loves me
He gives me little presents of cuts and scars,
bruises along my les and arms
He kisses me goodnight and wakes me up in the middle of the dark to scream about that stupid thing I said to the guy at the store
He uses me for his own pleasure and leaves me broken and lost
He lurks over my shoulder and scares off my friends
He pulls me to the bottom of the pit and kicks me,
Ribs snapping like twigs,
Flesh and skin tearing like paper,
Tears flowing like a river.

I'm so ******* sorry
After 3 months I could not take it anymore
I failed you
I lost the fight
There is blood on my thigh
I just wanted to be better so bad
Please anybody
Help me
And if you can
Forgive me
I'm so ******* sorry

Its not over till the fat lady sings.
Well what if I'm not done?
What if I want to stay?
What if I don't want to listen to the curvy angel?
What if I want to stay shining?
I don't want to leave,
I want to sing my own song,
I will live my own life,
On my terms and not some lades.
Thank you but,
Its not over till I say so.

I wish I could help you
I wanna help people
I wanna help you
I wanna help my big brother
I wanna help my mom
And I wanna help me
But I don't know how
I wanna learn
How to help you

I would give up my sight,
So you could see how beautiful you are.
I would give up my hearing,
So you could hear all the nice things people say about you.
I would give up my heart,
So you could love your self.
I would give up my voice,
So you could say you love your body.
I would give up my mind,
So you could think about the good things and not the bad.
I would give up every part of me if it would help you.

i should be asleep but instead I'm up
i have been painting and drawing
i am happy
that word sounds strange in my mouth
i havent spoken it in so long
things do get better
you just have to hold on
i wanted it all to stop
and i almost did
but now I'm happy
you can do it too
i know its hard
gods do i know
but i believe in you
and if you ever need somebody to talk to
and to listen to you
I'm here
so just hold on

I'm naked sitting on my bed
Wrapped in an old leather jacket
Bad thoughts running through my head
I lay there and think **** it
Maybe I'm not ment for this planet
So I let the tears frame my face
My body as cold as granite
As I quietly slip into empty space

you tell me I'm smart
that I'm strong
that i can do it

but how can i be smart when i can't do simple math
how can i be strong when some days i can barely drag myself out of bed
how can i do it when i can't eat my breakfast

you tell me I'm pretty
that I'm fine
that it will be okay

but how can i be pretty when i look in a mirror i see someone who is not me
how can i be fine when life seems grey and dull
how can it be okay when the days drag on and on and i just want to sleep

you tell me you love me
that I'm safe
that I can live

but how can you love someone as broken as me
how can i be safe when I'm with myself
how can i live when i can barely survive

you tell me that you'll be there for me
that you'll always be here
that no matter what ill have you

but how can you be when you don't understand what going on
how can you be here when i can say the same
how can i always have you when I'm afraid of scaring you off

you tell me lies and i can't tell you that i don't believe you
because it would hurt you
and i can't do that
im so sorry
but i just can't believe

You can't be lost if you have never been found,
You can't fly if you've never walked upon the ground,
You can't be broken if you you were never whole,
Because that's what life is life takes its toll.

I'm sorry I couldn't help you
I'm sorry I feel like I failed you
I'm sorry I feel helpless
I'm sorry but you didn't tell me
I could have tried
I could have been there for you
I'm sorry
You can tell me anything
I will listen
You don't have to be afraid
I love you

Every girl wonders who her one true love will be,
While the only things on boys minds are video games and TV.

Love
I'm sorry
I couldn't do more
Love
I hope
That I can help you
Love
I wish
I could kiss all your scars and fix the pain behind them
Love
I want
To help you but I can't if you don't tell me what's wrong
Love

You make a mask over time,
Slowly working it to perfection,
Smoothing out the bumps and wrinkles.
Fixing the cracks and adding to the paint.
When you wake up the first thing you do is put on your mask,
When you go to sleep you take it off.
Some days it feel heavy.
Sometimes you take it off when you are alone and let the tears flow,
But then you hear someone coming closer and you quickly put it back on.
Under it your about to break,
About to crumble and fall to the floor.
But on the outside you smile and laugh.
Some people can see the mask,
But most don't bother.
Quickly put your mask on or they might see you!

I used to think I was different
special
weird
but I'm not
I read and paint
I sew and write poetry
I look after little kids
and I love
I'm a gay 15 year old with a girlfriend
I watch anime and read fanfic
I roleplay and cosplay
but so do my friends I am just like them
I'm not different
I am a cookie cutter
just like everybody else
and after telling myself I was weird for 15 years
its hard to be normal
I don't know what to do
I want to be different
but I'm not

life
no
maybe
flowers and sunshine
light green trees
why? because life is one big spinning wheel of happy and sad
the flowers shine in the dark glowing softly against the green grass
i don't know what I'm righting but oh well
words scribbled on old paper drawn with an old crayon
life death nonononono yes? no
okay
I'm fine
I'm fine
I'm fine
just kidding
I'm not  
time to bow and leave the stage with a fake grin plastered on my face
goodnight

My Dear
I..
I don't know

youre just a **** up*
a nothing
a no one
no one cares
she didn't really love you
just one cut
just one
Shut up
do it
Shut up
there. Like that
No
good
No
*good girl

My new weapon of choice
I have it because I don't have a voice
It is narrow
And swift like a sparrow
It seems harmless
But is full of darkness
It can damage souls
And fit into keyholes
With it I will draw patterns in to my skin
As a wear a foolish grin
I hide them well so none will see
The art exhibit
It's a sneak peak into my spirt
It's not on display
So go the **** away
My new weapon I say again
Is a red pen

No I'm not doing it because everyone else is
No I'm not wrong
No I'm not worthless

No I don't want your pity
No! shut up!
No I'm not "sad"

No I'm not broken, I'm just different
No you don't know me
No! *******!

No I know what I am
No! ***** you!
No I don't want to be perfect for you

I have no reason to be "sad"
I should be fine
I've been around friends
And my sweetheart
But I'm not happy
I'm down in the dumps
I'm at rock bottom
I just want to go home
And curl up in a ball and sleep
Watch supernatural
And snuggle my baby girl
Please let me go home

My heart just drove away in a purple/red car
And now I think I have a new scar
I should not have let it affect me as much as it did
But now I feel like crying, who am i trying to kid?
Oh well
I'm just swell
I love you so
But I had to let you go

I just wanted to see her,
But you had to say no.
I just wanted to smile,
But you made me cry.
I just wanted to be happy,
Is that to much to ask?
She makes me happy,
Maybe if i saw her more then,
I wouldn't cry myself to sleep every night.
You don't know what she does to me.
She helps me.
She is my light.
She is the color in a world of grey.
Why do you have to be so cruel?
What did I ever do to be so hurt?
Oh well,
I guess ill be crying myself to sleep,
Again.

Some poems are hard, I just don’t know what to write
the words stick in the back of my head
and refuse to form sentences and lines.
I sit and wait and hope for the words but
they are lost in the jumble that is my thoughts
like a tangled ball of yarn I have to untangle it piece by piece

and hope it is usable and not just a pile of ruined thoughts.
it reminds me of knitting a sweater
stitch by stitch, word by word, it comes together
and after work and some time it makes
a beautiful thing to be worn and showed off,
but sometimes it fails and falls apart

it unravels in my hands and the hard work
that I have put my love into is lost  
it crumbles like a cliff into the sea
making waves that crash and wreck my body
leaving it helpless and crumpled
like the ball of paper I threw on the floor.

a small white ball on a grey floor,
the beauty of it hits me and I find my inspiration
it’s something simple but isn’t all beauty simple?
the curl of hair on a lover stretched out like a cat in the sun
moonlight floating through the window
falling on a pale white limb so much like the paper

with scribbles and crossed out lines
the paper is beautiful, damaged yes
but beautiful none the less, like a body
with curves and waves and endings and beginnings
scars and stretch marks pail in the dark
shining like tears on the cheek of a girl who lost

lost a parent, or a love, or lost the part of her
that cried “you are beautiful
“you are loved, it’s okay not to be okay
“as long as you rise up again and what ever
you do, do not forget who you are”
it is beauty plain and simple

and as you read my piece of paper
with the lost poem of the girl who fell apart you’ll see
its simple the floor is the sky and the word are stars

My poems are like night and day.
One happy the next sad.
One full of hope and light.
The next one dark and depressing.
Night and day.
Light and dark.
Hope and agony.
There is no in between.

We fit together like puzzle pieces.
And when we are apart,
I feel like I'm missing a piece of myself.

when you ask me: how do you feel?
what i say is: I'm good, how are you?
when i really mean: I'm scared. of loosing the fight,
i  feel hopeless, i almost lost last night.

when you ask: do you want to eat?
what i say is: no I'm not hungry. i had a big lunch
when what i really mean is: yes. i haven't eaten in days.
please tell me to eat because i will if you tell me to.

when you say: you look sad, are you aright?
what i say is: yeah I'm fine. i just finished a sad book.
when what i mean is: no. I'm not. please help me because
i feel lost. and alone. I'm scared.

when you ask me: why don't you smile more?
i say: i don't know
but i really mean: i feel to alone to smile.
and i don't have the energy to.

when you ask me: what wrong?
all i say is: nothing
but inside I'm screaming: i feel like i can't breathe.
the sun is to bright it hurts my eyes. can you help me?

so listen to my words and if i ever say: I'm alright
know that I'm most definitely not alright.
its okay its not your fault you didn't hear
i hid my thoughts
but i live in fear.

Words    
                                                                ­        on
                                            a            
                                                                ­      white
                                              screen    
                                                                ­          .
                                                how      
      ­                                                           do
                                    you            
            ­                                                              eve­n
                                                 know    
                                                        ­           I'm
                                           real        
                                                                ­     ?

I wanted to draw in silver
But it came out **red

I will never be able to look at red paint the same way after that night

The world has this way of righting it's self
When everything has been turned upside down
I know its hard
Life ***** sometimes
But you have to keep your head up
And your shoulders back
And the world will right its self once again

Tuesday the 26th of April
one of the worst days of my life
I woke up and felt the dread of the day
hanging over me like a dark cloud
I cried till my head hurt
and refused food
I ran away from my problems  
and now my *** hurts from all the walking
but the good part came after the throwing up
after the sobbing and screaming
it was when the sky was turning dark
and the stars where coming out
I ended up as a broken mess
at my big brothers house
sobbing and shaking
begging for it to be over
he held me close
and helped me get to the other side of my pain
I was fed and washed
and by the end of the night I was better
I was clean and full
and I got to see my sweetheart
so I thank my big bro
I love you so much

I'm sitting on my bed
shivering with cold or sorrow
i do not know.
a warm cup of tea
a soft blanket
and still i cry.
i just can't stop
the tears continue falling.

Saving myself,
Can't do it,  
All alone,
Remember me
Smiling.

It's like I'm stuck in slow motion
Trying to catch up but unable to
Trying to be like everyone else
But I can't

With all of that family
How will I survive?
I just can't do it.
How will I stay alive

I love my family
Don't get me wrong.
But two weekends
It's just to long.

I'll do anything
Just tell me please.
I'm begging you
From down in my knees.

Just one week is all I ask
I'm sorry I can't do it.
I'm not up to the task

Some nights I can't bring myself to turn on the bathroom light because I don't want to see the scars.

Some nights I can't sleep because the pain of the day is heavy on my shoulders.  

Some nights I cry and sob because I feel like I can't do it and I'm not enough.

Some nights I pick up the blade and I can't bring myself to put it back down again .

Some nights I just want to sleep and never wake back up.

Some nights I gasp and shake from the cold and fear.

Some nights I hum softly because I can't stand the silence.

Something's gone horribly wrong
I'm not really sure what it is but Something's gone horribly wrong
I was okay just a few minutes ago but now
Something's gone horribly wrong
I feel empty and alone I don't know what happened but
Something's gone horribly wrong
I felt like jumping and running and laughing but
Something's gone horribly wrong
I don't understand what happened it's just that
Something's gone horribly wrong
Something's
Gone
Horribly
Wrong

Winds in the east  
Calling my name
It is so sweet
Singing again

I want to run
Away from my life
Away from the sun
Away from the strife

Deep in the dark
The spirits glow
They sing hark
They sing hello

The night is deep
The sun will come soon
The moon gently weeps
Deep in the gloom

I hold my head
Up in the clouds
My hair is deep red
But I wear a shroud

The river is swift
The river is quick
Deep down in a rift
Carful don't slip