The steam from my tea rises up into the sky,
Like an angel, small and white
I wish I could rise with it
Up into the grey sky
Never looking back to the cold dark ground

you say "you'll be okay"
"your not small and alone"

I want to scream "stop lying to me"
but I don't want to hurt you
so I keep quiet
and cry softly

I wish I could say someone broke me
But that's not the case at all.
I wish I could say that someone dropped me and watched me fall
But that would be a lie
The only one to blame
Is me, myself and I and my stupid ******* brain.

When somebody asked me what superpower I would like to have
I had to think.

Maybe......healing powers so I could jump off of a tall building and make you watch
I wouldn't tell you that I would live
So that you feel the pain I would feel if you did the same thing

Maybe.....knowing everything so I can know just what to say when you are falling into the dark.
So I can know what will help you

Maybe......flight so I can catch you when you fall
And fly you up to the clouds

Maybe......time travel so I could go back in time and tell you not to go down the path that will tear you apart
So I could take you forward in time to show you that everything will be okay

Maybe......the ability to take anybody's pain and make it my own
So I could take all your pain away from you
So you could sleep at night
So you could smile all the time

I would do all that even if it killed me
So please know that even tho I can't do those things I'm still here for you

Tears trace their way down her cheeks
The pain in her heart is to much to take
She sits in the dark and lest the pain take over
The pain
The throbbing pain like a wild beast in a too small cage unable to stop its pacing
Claws digging into tender flesh
She weeps and wants to let the poor beast out
She wishes for a way for the trapped animal to escape

She understands what she must do
But she is scared
Her body shivers at the thought
But it's the only way
She picks up the blade and slits her wrists
Her blood pooling on the bathroom floor
The beast inside screams in pain and then calms down
Sitting and waiting to see what's next
Her blood red like fire and as deep as the dark gushes out of her slim wrists
She is fading life slipping away
And the beast is closer to being free
As she takes her last breath a tiger orange like sunsets with red marks around his eyes appears before her
He looks her in the eye and bows
Acknowledging her pain and torment
All of the dark days she has endured
Every night of tears
He stands upright
And starts to fade
Her vision is going
Her life is gone
She closes her eyes for the last time
Never to be opened again

That night the neighbors heard a sound
Like a great beast morning the lost of a friend

Me: I love you
I typed it out on my phone
I was about to hit send
But then my brain exploded
With a million different voices
do you?
are you sure?
why do you even bother? she doesn't love you
I sent it anyway
Biting my lip
Waiting
You: I love you too babe*
And a different voice piped up
See? I knew she loved you
you had nothing to worry about

She assaults me with words and feelings I can't deal with and then says I should thank her more often
Sure let me thank you for breaking my clean
Let me thank you for making me want to cut
Yes please I would like to spend my day looking for razor blades
Thank you for making me throw up
Thank you for the nightly tears
The yelling
The fighting
The blaming
The self hate
Thank you mother for giving me my depression on a silver platter
And then asking me to thank you

Why does the little bird try?
For he trys in vain,
He trys to fly but he will fall back to the earth again.

Have you ever felt like your in a pit?
A deep dark pit
That absorbs all light and hope
And you try to climb out of it
Up and up
Towards the light
Towards the happiness
And your almost there
And you can feel you spirit lifting
Stretching for the bright day
But then you misplace your hand
Or the rocks give out under your feet
And you fall
Back down
And you hit the bottom
And you feel like you can't do it again
And all you want to do is curl up in a little ball and cry
And so you lay there and sob
But after a bit you feel stronger
And you try the climb again.

Sometimes you will fall and slip
And sometimes you will reach the top
But no matter what you have to try
You have to climb
Because if you don't
Then you'll be stuck there forever
So try to the climb
Because you can do it.
You are strong.
And I believe in you.

Whats the point of waking up,
If you aren't lying next to me when I do?

The Rose silently grows up high,
Stretches reaches up to the sky,
The moon up in the dark blue sky looks down with pity in her eyes for the passionate Rose.

If you feel like you can't survive
Simply ask yourself if you can survive the month
And if you can't do that ask yourself if you can survive the week
If you can't do that, the day
Or simply the second
And live in that second in tell the next one starts

The threat that I'm gonna relapse is hanging over me
Like a dark cloud
I shiver knowing that I could fall
Off the small ledge I have made myself
At any moment I could take up
The blade that has done so much damage
I'm okay
For now
But will I be a week from today?

And so you see that I must go
in to this wild abbis
Where the dark swirls and the light shrinks away.
I'm sorry my love
But the night is calling,
calling me away
The bird song means nothing
And laughter is all for naught
Because I must go dancing,
Dancing to the hill and
to the sea
where the butterflies spin webs of love and the tiger is my friend.

I woke up to find you standing
The sun had not yet risen yet
And I wished it never would
I looked at you and asked you to come back to bed
You did
I held you close
But not close enough
I fell asleep though I did not want to
The sun rose
The day started
You stood there flushed with a fever burning your body
And I wished you could stay
That I did not have to leave
But I did
School waited for you
The unknown for me
We got in the car
And a song played in my head
"Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,"
I was going to sing it for you
But I could not get the words to pass my lips
"Tomorrow I'll miss you"
I said goodbye in the parking lot of the high school
And then you walked away
And I wanted to run after you
So I could hug you one more time
To share one last kiss
But I didn't
I got back in the car and drove away
I'll kiss you when I get back
*"And remember I'll always be true. And then while I'm away I'll wright home every day. And I'll send all my lovein to you"

bored
so ******* bored
tick
...
tock
...
tick
...
tock
I want to smash that stupid clock
time drags on like a dress caught in thorns
pulling at the soft fabric
tick
...
tock
...
tick
...
tock
thats it
time to die
******* clock

sun shine
blue skies
bright days
laughter
happy
for now

Your words came to late
The damage was all ready done
The cuts all ready made
The tears all ready shed
The rope was to late
I'm sorry I falled you
But I couldn't hold on
I was slipping in to a dark abyss
And I have yet to return
You where to late to save me
Just go on without me
You can do it I know
The sun shone on me to late
I was all ready consumed by the dark
It was all just to late

It's too loud
Too bright
Too much
Too many people
Too much noise
Please shut up
shut up
Shut your stinking mouths
Your lips moving
And blathering on
Spit flying
Toung working
Words spilling out like a leaking pipe
I don't care about your stupid problems
Can't you ***** just shut up?
Pounding head like a hammer slamming into a nail
Aching
Hurting
Sore throat
Like sandpaper on smooth stone
I had to stay quiet
I was talked over
No one heard me
No one would hear me if I screamed for help
Or if they did would they care?

The watchmen sits at the darkest hour waiting for the morning shower.

A shadow kneeling at my bed,
Can it mean that I am dead?

It's like waiting for the  executioner
Or your prison sentence  

I hate waiting
Because all you can do is worry and fret

It's like waiting to hear the bad news you know is coming
Or for the men to show up and take you away

But all it is
Is my mom picking me up From my dads

I paint my walls because I think maybe it's the blue that I grew up with that is making my feel so awful
I cover the walls with pictures of better times and brighter smiles because I think that maybe if I put up memories of happy times that maybe I will forget all the blood these walls have seen
I hang things up and cover the celing in stars so I will stop crying myself to sleep every night
I put up pictures of you to remember that it will be okay
I put up fairy light to hide the scars on my leg
I open the window to air out my sorrows and release my deamons
But it doesn't work
Nothing does

We are one
       My dear.
         My love.

We are one
Stumbling over joined sentences
Finishing each other's jokes

We are a ball of yarn that was once two,
So tangled and convoluted that we don't know where one begins and another ends.
I know your habits back to front
I know exactly what will make you feel better

Too many nights I have stayed up taking care of you
Too few have you done the same
When I need you most you're not there

I want to believe that I am fine
That I am fine with you
Being just like me

We love the same things
We laugh at the same jokes
We are one
But I lose myself in them
Maybe being one isn't a good thing

I wish you knew
How many dreams
I crushed because I wanted you to have them

I complete you

But sometimes
                It feels
                     like you
                           don't complete
me

forced words on paper
scratched nails on chalk bored
stiff caned laughter
smiles to mask a wound
stitches to hide a broken heart.
this is what the world is standing on
but we can change
we can rebuild
we are strong
WE CAN DO IT.

What can you say?
When you love someone
Who hurts themselves

            I'm here for you.

                I love you.

                    It will be okay.

why does it matter anymore?
what is the point of struggling?
why do I even try?
the happiness eludes me
there are no more bright days and warm nights
only the heavy heat of depression
the dark shadow just behind me
lurking
waiting

I wished for so long that I could kiss you
That you would see me as more than a friend
And now you do
I hope this love will never end
When I see you the day gets brighter
The dark clouds lift
And life gets lighter
How I wished this day would come on wings swift

I wish I could tell you how much I love you
I wish I could be with you forever
I wish I could dance the day away
I wish the dark would consume me
I wish I could stop the sharp kisses
I wish I didn't rely on something so painful
I wish I could take your pain
I wish I could heal you
I wish
I wish
I wish
Quick wishes along with swift kisses
I wish I could throw it away
I wish it never existed
But I did
So I wish
And wish
And wish
For bright days
And clear nights

I want
to wright poetry that makes you cry and think about thing that you aren't comfortable with
but I'm not that good
yet

you are my heart beat
you saved me
you are my light
and I know its cheesy
but you are my world
you are my everything
I love you
you are my sky
you are my moon
you are the warm sunshine on a summer day
you are my love

you deserve to be happy
to be loved
to smile and laugh
you deserve every happy moment I have ever had
and that is a life time of happy moments
if I could I would take all my happy and bottle it
slip it into your tea when your not looking
just so I could see you smile
because you deserve to not be afraid of your dark
of what you might or might not do
because I love you
I want to help you
please let me
you deserve to get better

You made me feel,
Better about myself,
Happy and safe,
That I was loved.

You made me see,
That my body is beautiful,
That the stars shine brighter if you are with someone,
Just how alive I really am.

You made me want,
To be with you all the time,
To climb the highest mountain just to see the sky,
To really live and not just survive.

You made me believe,
That everything will be okay,
That even tho the clouds will cover the sky sometimes the sun will always come back,
In myself,

You made me strong,
More than I could ever be without you,
So I can hold the fear and dark away,
By just being with me.

You have made me who I am now,
And for that I thank you,
My beautiful, love.

You say I do it for the attention
If I was doing it for the attention I would cut where you could see the scars
That I'm just doing it because its "trendy"
I'm doing is because I was so sad I wanted to feel something other than my breaking heart
That its not me
I may not like it but it is just as much me as my hand or leg

You whisper behind my back about me being "sick"
I am not ******* sick I am hurt. I need help but heaven forbid you be the one with the out stretched hand
All the things you say when you think I can't hear you
I can hear the whispers, the murmurs, the tiny little things you say about me affect how many cuts will be on my arm the next day
You say I'm ruining my body
I am hurting myself but if you can't look past the scars and love me then *******.

Yes I cut.
I am not proud of the fact that I pick up a blade and put it down on my thigh.
I want to get better
But I can't if you won't acknowledge what I've been doing.

Please help me.
Why won't you listen to me?
I'm screaming please help.

You where my first kiss
My first love
My first life line  
After the convention, when I found out I was happier that I had ever been, you are always there for me.
You where my first song
My first thought this morning
My first wish that came true
A melody that last hours, I wanted you to be here to wake up to, I wished with all my heart.
You where my first dance
My first prom
My first laugh in the face of fear
The first time I had a reason too, well not yet but soon, I'm scared you'll leave but I know it's true and I don't care.