your dark is so different than mine
mine is welcoming and safe
my dark is home
you said once that you are afraid of your dark
and what it lets you do to your self
I hate that I can't wrap you up in my dark
and hold you,
safe and warm

I'm empty again
All emotions and feelings
Drained away
Leaving me empty
Its nothing new
I'm used to it now
But still it feels wrong
What should I do?
How can I make it stop?
Empty again
I hate it
But hate is just a word with no meaning
Nothing behind the words
I love you is just a thing people say
It doesn't mean anything to me
I hurt my friends because I can't understand the things they are feeling
Empty again
Again
Again
I am
Empty

Im falling so fast
I'm spinning out of control
I can feel the blood rushing
I'm falling into a black hole
Why can't I be happy
I just wanted to smile
Say hello to my blades
It has been a while
I'm falling to quickly
Sorry love I tried
But the dark is back
Its time my light died

for you
I will hold on
for you
I will fight
for you
I will smile and laugh
for you
I will sleep at night
for you
I will put down the knife
for you
I will sing again
for you
I will...stop
I promise

**** I miss you.
It's not fair.
Your so far away.
I just want to go home.
**** I miss you.
My body aches for your touch.
**** I miss kissing you.
I long to see you.
I miss your eyes.
And your hair.
I miss you so much it hurts.
A deep ache I can't stop.
Only you can help me.
Only you can satisfy my beating heart.
**** I miss you.

the world is grey
and dark
I don't like the grey
its boring
and plain
and then
you come in to it
and the world is
full of color
and light
and its...
beautiful
and bright
but then you leave
and it goes grey
I see friends
and there
is a bit of color
but its faded
and dull
but then
the rain comes
and washes
the grey away
and color returns
but then
the puddles dry
and its grey again
I'm
alone
help
me
no sorry
I'm fine
really I am
I'm good
its grey
so grey
I hate grey
and thats why I draw
and paint
so i can put
artificial color
in the world
when i go
to museums
i see the color
in the art
but outside
its grey
i love books,
stores
its warm
and filled with stores
and stores have color
thats why I read
thats why i dance
because the
movement
fills me with
color
thats what
this world  
has come to
people looking
for color
for light
all there life
sometimes
we don't find it
and so the world
is **grey

hiding from the ones that would do us harm
stealing quick kisses when there backs are turned
hoping they will not see the way we glance at each other.

hiding from our parents
scared of what they would say.
of what they would think.
of how they would react.

hiding in the dark
warm kisses when we are alone
the quickening of breath when someone walks by the door
the rushed attempt to calm our racing hearts.

hiding the hurt
I feel when I can't see you.
or when I found out about he pain
you where hiding from me

hiding the tears I want to shed
because I want to tell my mother but
her words hang over my head like a dark cloud
"if you where in love with someone" she said.
"I would never let you spend the night at there house and vice versa".

and so I hide in tell I know
I'm strong enough to tell her
in tell We are  strong enough to tell Them.

If you knew
That I draw on my skin so I don't cut.
That I'm more broken than you think.
That I hate my body,
My scars,
My brain.

If you knew
That I've cried myself to sleep for the past week because I'm scared of myself.
That I don't trust myself with a knife.
That I just want to sleep,
And never ever,
Wake up.

If you knew
That the only thing keeping me going is the thought of seeing my sweetheart.
That I wish I wasn't born sometimes.
That Im not okay,
No matter,
How manny times you ask.

If you only knew
Whats going through my head as I wright this.
Would you take me to see a therapist?
Would you want to help me?
Or turn your back and tell me that I'm "fine"?

If you knew
That I'm tired of living,
And I just want it to stop.
**...