My mind can not express my amazement of your beauty, the way you break me down to my simplest parts and make me new with feelings of love. The small magical minutes in between memories I once only thought old books and dreams were made of

Our love was an open book

It got dark and we lost our page

I really wanted to finish our story

She was flawed, completely; but not in the way she though.

She was flawed in the way an artist ruins a white canvas with a beautifully colored sunset.

she was damaged, in the way the night sky is broken by the dawn.

 An orchid appears as another plant unworthy of a second gaze, yet it produces the most spectacular bloom. she is this bloom, complex and mysterious, but unquestionably sweet. Valued for her differences from others, and unmatched in my heart.

She is a pain killer, she took me to the highest highs

Then abruptly she said shes through and left me to die

Now in a different time in my life, old me, new wife old thoughts creep into my life

I take painkillers but they dont help the pain in my heart

I wish I knew she was a pain killer from the start... but I'd probably still follishly give her my heart

Two years and 17 days ago we had our final words. She struck me down like lightening directly to my soul.

She was found in a strange place by chance but matched my soul like I had never felt before.

My other half complete I felt, but I didn't know she was a mirror, matching my moves, playing a game.

Just the same in the end it hurt to hear her name. I had drank love's elixir deeply and been only seeing a reflection.
In love to my soul those are my recollections

It is electric, she is passionate from a far, conversations all night, making our future plans daily until the early light

She took my heart completely sent me large amounts of love so deeply

Then we were there the truth was on the ground, life changes made us each our love to be realized and truly found,

It was good I will not lie on it, new realities some take your breath away some make you cry on it.

Changes made, loves been found, realities realized how does this go down

She packed up her life, changed her pose, she gave me back my heart like a wilted dried up rose

Left me with empty promises unfulfilled back to her chaos my feeling love and heart totally killed

I see her from time to time, passing by I think to myself shes dangerous lives lie uses hearts like thing to be had, gives them back broken bad...

She could be both a colorless tasteless poison or the elixir of life it was how she felt that decided your drink.

Stinging souls to their core,  with her way she could both capture hearts or release them to her fire as she desired.

Damaged ego, too much pride, and a victims heart helped her slip past happiness to find fault in the other half.

Always running away but going nowhere, putting things behind her only to weigh her down, a victim of her own deeds, blameless.

She's blissful in her isolation, a prison she wishes she could break however that requires more than a glance in the mirror of honesty.

I lay here and think to myself

the most beautiful words have been written forgotten and learned again

Whispered through time to embrace the moment for a thing that is not a thing; love

A broken thing often is hidden, discarded, replaced.

People, we reset, repair, rebuild seemingly we're refaced.

I see beauty in these broken things, see them repaired.

Because every dent, scratch, or Nick reminds us of our bond and the times we have shared.

Is there peace in love lost when love is found again

It's not the same as the other was but just as real

The feelings are there but not like before

Did my heartbreak somehow break how I love

Did my heartbreak give me this cancer and lead me to my grave so soon

How can I love the one I do but still think of her so often

When I met her they was not obvious

As we grew closer she showed me

Her scars, each one had a unique story of disappointment, pain, or fear.

She hid them in the tiny minutes between happiness and everything else

They spoke silently but couldn't be ignored, the unseen damage inflicted from the past felt today

I tried my best to sooth the pain,  heal those scars, with all my heart

But I was too late, they over took her and now we are forever apart.

Scars of the heart are the hardest to heal

Yet the greatest you can feel

To give yourself freely

To be released just as easily

Scars of the heart are the hardest to heal

Yet the greatest you can feel

To give yourself freely

To be released just as easily

Seeing you hurts me
Tricks my heart into old ways
Makes old scars new now

When a man crys for her it is no ruse

It means his heart is broken not bruised

He may struggle silently in plain sight

He may withdrawal from all light

At any time it is for sure, she has has damaged him for ever more

In the magic of love discovered like treasure unearthed, she was a diamond amongst common stones.

Polished, cut by time and events, she had a unique sparkle, like nothing experienced.

Her shine became cloudy, as if the light no longer bounded through her.

A diamond no more, he was fooled by a stone that pretended, capturing his hopes but ultimately being just another rock.

it might as well have been thrown at him....

I've got nothing to write

She took my words like she took my heart

Left my things on the porch and moved on to new problems

No more beautiful a soul could I touch, no better woman would find, whenever she is not near she is on my mind. She is my match, my equal, my partner for life, so short lived, so completely, she will complete me.

I closed my eyes and spoke to you in a thousand tiny ways.
I loved you so deeply your memory plagues me to this day.
I cant escape these thoughts of why we lost our way.
It was a certainty laid clearly the way it would be.
Then one day to my crushing heartbreak inside of we it was just me.
No words, no it been nice just a box with some things and the remains of my shredded heart.
You destroyed me and tore into my core.
My safe guarded places where I never let any before.
Diagnosed with not long to live, will I ever hear your sweet words or is that just a wish to give.

Her soul cried tears for a past none could see

They were transparent to everyone but me

Held as close as I could trying to ease her pain

She broke my heart as if nothing to gain

Simply so she could remain suffering in silence

sometimes she is hard to love and makes you question yourself. she can be a riddle talking of the future, but only living for today. she is amazing in so many ways unexpected and beautiful. with all of that she sets my heart a blaze and captures my soul.

Sometimes memories wear a sore spot onto my heart

The sounds not heard are the most precious we can understand; a heart breaking, a glare thrown, a kiss blown.

They place us in very different feelings and sometimes leave us beaten, and battered... but also in others hopeful.

We wouldn't be who we are without that past and it helps us move forward to better sounds; the sigh of contentment, and the giggle of new love.

With so many people in all the wild world at once it would seem that none are special. But it is your time, so precious you spend with the ones that makes them important to you. You spend your time, limited by your life that you might tame the ones you choose from their wild world. When they are tamed they become unique to you in all the wild world, and even when they are invisable from you it is only with your heart you can see them rightly.

Tears are words that my heart can not speak
The pain felt are the cracks of my heartbreak not seen
Years later and everyday they feel fresh to me as a sunrise not shared

If there is another thing beyond this one I shall meet it

Seeing beyond the futures of tomorrows not yet lived

There is a place I feel it I'll meet you there

A small string of memory a connection to the soul still pulls at my heart

With each year that passes it recedes and reclaims space in my mind like the rise and fall of the tide

She left me to drown herself in tragedy and the tears of her childhood  looking for more of what broke her

We would've been a beautiful struggle a dysfunction to last a lifetime ironically I write about longing for what broke me.

We are the same

Realizing my time is short but my love is deeply engaged, in owning only sadness will be made.
The eternal struggle, my love was real, to her it was fun, a folly not to keep and feel.
When I am not present draw her near, I've come to the conclusion of my time here.

in the maze of your soul I discovered the center was a beautiful garden, wild, unrulely and begging to bloom in the light of another. I have fallen in love with it and am happily lost there for eternity.

Five seven five you know
Tells you secrets for real
Or a game may be

Happy was a life
Intensely lived for a time
Changed to the end

if you show me your soul hidden deep inside I will admire it. show me the worst parts, the broken pieces... so I will know where to start. show me the most damaged parts and I will show you they are still lovable and more valuable than gold.

There is for every soul, a kiss to wait a lifetime for. It can happen in a mere moment, but it can last for an entire life...

now I lay me down to sleep, I promise you have my heart to keep. the sun rises, sets, and the moon is up above and all the while it is you I love. if I should die before you wake with you my soul will remain for no one else to take. this is promised completely because if you should die later in time you will have all you need to meet me

I'm mining my heart

To understand my future

All I see has past

A mystery to us all, we all have it or not enough of it
Always saving it, but there is nothing to be saved
We all spend it daily sometimes spent wrongly or too quickly

All time is the same, trade it for memories to last a lifetime

Love the light in the sky, moon on the clouds, the wind tickling your hair, the rain licking your skin. In a life being lived you have these things, whether you take them in or believe you are waiting, for the right time is now because time can not be saved

She is the the reason that my sun comes up in the morning, the cause of many sunsets with colors abound, only seen in my minds eye. I know with everyday we are closer and she is dearer to my heart. no matter the space no matter the age she is my love, my life, my everything.

a girl so clever, prideful, a ego so large to fool you into thinking you were at fault and undeserving, the one mistreating her.

She'd have in the corner as she told you your feelings and how you were to be,  and all you wanted was more.

Blind to the fact she was drowning you with her presence,  walking you to deep waters of sadness, and twisted truths.

She smashes souls and closes the door without a mere glance back, to bait another into the fog of disfunction

Sadly she had my heart completely, she opened it, filled like never before and crushed it because she could in a matter of years

Hearts mend, but the scars are permanent

Volumes of silence dampen a heavy heart and bear a weight of epic proportion measured on the scales of eaches, valued in the eye of the beholder.

Effortless perspective of future become tomorrows' yesterdays. Dreams of now and times to come shared are blurred in the muddy waters of misunderstanding.

An invisable thing touching so deeply as completely as to sap the strength of your soul and your willingness to be.

If ever there was a riddle she was it.

A puzzle that you were never certain you had all the pieces to.

Now to be honest, that is the most unique thing in all the world, unduplicated.

The uniqueness is a mystery we want to solve, but people are not for solving they are for loving.

Each on to their own a snowflake, cut only once, but only ever seen crashing downward to the surface.

Mysteries, puzzles, riddles, people; they are unique, just like everything else we experence.

if you show me your soul hidden deep inside I will admire it. show me the worst parts, the broken pieces... so I will know where to start. show me the most damaged parts and I will show you they are still lovable, unique in all the world unduplacated and more valuable than gold.

stuborn is the sun rising and setting, bringing forward time whether it is welcome or not. a cautious word, don't be so empty as to live in an echoes range hearing the past talk to as if it were present. Don't be so full not to be able to swallow your own pride.  do not wait for the right time, it is unsavable, time.

Twisting turning through life sometimes seen through others eyes

Living in recovery, injuries that can't be seen, but felt so deeply, crushing my soul and deflating my heart.

Forgiving, feeling, thinking clearly, seeing light and its warmth touching every part.

To see you pains me like I was right at the start, thoughts creep in weaken me like fall leaves under a strong breeze.

I tell myself I'm better now far from those days when you had me on my knees begging and pleading like everything's my fault.

That's over now.

When you're told the end is soon and feel as if you have been spending your time like a child unconcerned with the world around.

I look to life lived and the things made and destroyed hearts and lives, lost and saved ran to ground

People discovered shared and loved all around some now and some then never really knowing if on the other side if you'll see them again

My heart crys of the past so broken memories seeing her face her smile reliving what was spent.

A warning to all you never know when it could be through when they discover something growing killing

Spend your time well because its key and I say I hope in the other side they'll see me.

What is real but now

What was real is not anymore

Chasing ghosts is pain

I was worn like canyon walls shaped from generations of weather, just a shadow of what i once was
All I had was hope like the faintest of faint light distant stars provide on a moonless night
To me she was bold like how the dawn breaks though a dark sky.
We were suns burning brightly together Hope's of a life a family
She extinguished the light and dashed my dreams with her scared past and disfunction
Like a poison she had infected me to my core.
Two years later bad new not long to live I'm dying and I never got to tell her what she was to me.