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5h · 32
Not Alone
Someone listened.
Someone cared.
And I was not alone
With my fears and tears
And emptiness
For one night.
Thank you Liana
Thank you Lyle
I love and appreciate both of you so much ❤
5h · 26
Life
One who can never die, and
One who has a day left to live

Will both live
Without regard for their future
Just a thought. If you're immortal, nothing matters cause you're desensitized from the years and no nation's consequence can **** you. And the latter has no future.
6h · 161
Watch your mouth
Measure every word,
Every use of punctuation,
Every emoticon and emoji
Down to the smallest gram

Think twice. No--
Thirteen times,
Before opening your mouth.
And dont talk too much or you're self centred

Check every message, comment.
Nothing too harsh
Nothing insensitive
Nothing that might scare them away
Or tarnish their view of you

Write
Delete
And rewrite
Then quickly send before you chicken out
I love chatting and interacting with you guys but sometimes I overthink
4d · 173
What a pain
The puppet said to the sun,
“Never shine upon me.”
And then it said to the clouds,
“Do not hide me from the light.”
And then it gnashed its teeth at the sky, saying,
“I never asked to be seen
I never asked to be hidden
I only asked to be free.”
Freedom is hard.
Jun 27 · 171
New friends
Lostling Jun 27
I treat new friends
Like one night stands
Convince myself that they,
Like so many others,
Will leave.

Give them a glimpse
Of who I am--
Pre planned parts of my heart.
Never too much,
Never close enough
For them to take root and stay.

I take the thrill
Of someone new;
Their taste sparks on my tongue
Until I throw it all away
When the morning comes

I treat new friends
Like one night stands
And leave before they do
I'm a very social person and have met a lot of people whom I could have been close to had I not run.
Lostling Jun 27
From young, we play--
Tiny hands, big dreams

Then they hand us books,
And say, study hard.
Why?
So we can work in the future.

Why work? To enjoy.
Then work more
To enjoy a little more.

A loop,
Endless and spinning

So I say good riddance!
I denounce this life and laugh in its face.
It has no meaning.
Not unless you give it one.

The world can give you a hundred reasons.
But none of them are yours
Write your own answer.
Life is a tool. What will you do with it?
Jun 26 · 197
Dreams
Lostling Jun 26
When I sleep,
I no longer dream.
If I do dream,
It fades with the rising sun.
Unless it's one
Where you lay in my arms
Sleeping, because I was too late.

Who could forget such a dream?
I had another nightmare last night. I wish they'd stop.
Jun 16 · 413
A Poem For My Father
Lostling Jun 16
Birds fly
So do I--
Lifted by your hands.
Paper *****,
Wrestled falls,
Laughter with no end.

Scars earned,
Lessons learned,
Gearing me for life.
Always here,
Support clear,
Pillar of my life.
He gives so much it feels like I'll never be able to repay him. One day when I get a stable job, I wanna get him a motorbike =))

Happy fathers day!
(Yes I am a say late T.T)
Jun 14 · 94
Those are my socks
Lostling Jun 14
"Be flexible, the flexible ones are those who survive."

No.
We are the ones who get taken advantage of.
They see us bend once--
Heart stretching, limbs folding backwards--
We don't break.
Instead we always fix ourselves
A smile stretched across our faces.

And so they pull
Push
Twist
Yank
All because we're flexible
All because we can handle it
My sibling took my socks while we were packing for our trip, leaving me with less socks than needed. I found them and took them back. Then we got into a fight. Our mom told us that "flexible people are the ones who survive in the world."
Maybe she doesn't know what it's like to always give in, to be a pushover. Anyways so now I'm wearing shoes with no socks about to hike up a mountain cause I'm too ****** to unpack my luggage.
(I can reuse so I have enough, but she took what mine and I feel like no one cares)
Jun 8 · 682
Too Much
Lostling Jun 8
Ping
4 unread messages from contact: Cookie Monster

Ping ping
173 unread messages from group chat: cat gang

Ping ping ping ping
392 unread messages from group chat: secret society

I'm drowning
In the words
Toomuchtoomuchtoomuch
Shutting down...

Mute chats?
Yes
Mark all as read?
Yes

Click
If I leave people on read, this is why.
Jun 2 · 215
Unsent III
Lostling Jun 2
Dear Ela

    I wish I could put into words
    The way you made me feel—
    Loved and worthy, proud and strong.
    You helped my heart to heal

    So many times you held my hand,
    So many times I fell.
    So many days I’ll miss your voice
    When we’ve finished this farewell

    Thank you for all that you’ve done
    For choir (and for me)
    I wish you success, good health too
    And that you’ll be happy

With love, that one junior who always cries :P
This senior has been ridiculously kind and understanding to me, and I've been so blessed to have known her. Still, I can't find the courage to send her this, I dunno why.
May 31 · 350
Sheltered Walkways
Lostling May 31
As I walk down the path well well-worn
I find myself
Missing the caress of droplets
On my arms,
The quiet murmur as they reconciled with the ground--
sha.... sha....
The cold puddles slipping into socks
And the memory of your umbrella
As we danced in the rain.
I love walking in the rain. It's hard to do that when everything has become so sheltered...
May 25 · 102
Post-It Notes
Lostling May 25
2016
You're hurt.
You might not have registered it, but he hurt you.
Many more people will hurt you in the same way.
They will make you feel worthless and replaceable, but you will find friends who stay.

2017
For the first time
You’re mourning for someone you never got to know.
Your mother is hurting—
You feel everything but you won’t understand until till you’re older.

2018
You love him,
But not in the way you think you do.
It won’t stop you from writing letters and holding his hand.
You'll spend many nights humiliated by your actions
And the next six years running away.

2019
You’ll understand sacrifice before you understand suicide,
And realise that everyone becomes orphans
And feel guilt for not paying rent to your parents.
You are not a burden.

2020
You feel trapped and scared
Feeling your fear rise along with the numbers.
But the storm will pass and it will be nothing but a common flu.

2022
For the first 6 months you’ll say your goodbyes
Then you’ll start public school in the middle of the year
You’ll learn profanities you had previously been sheltered from
Papers will pile on your shoulders and you will scream and sob as your soul is shredded over and over again.
You will learn of self harm. You will learn of insomnia.

2023
You will finally be able to name classmates
And race against the boys in PE. You will become class monitor.
You will have demons who shriek lies but also friends who will cover your ears to protect you.
You will wake up everyday with the knowledge that the death of your class is coming.
You telling stories, and stopped writing them too
You will finally talk to him about your mistakes 6 years ago, and leave the scout group in his hands

2024
You will watch as the group chat falls apart.
With you tearing yourself to try and keep the rotting bonds together.
You will tear your throat open screaming, because no one understand why at it's like to feel everything through the screen.
You will try to replace them with your new class, only to be let down again and again.
You will start to write all the hurt in rhymes, spilling your blood over the paper.
You will finally understand suicide, and why people want to die
You will also realise that a friend tried to jump two years ago, and you knew nothing about it.
You will find a find a friend willing to be the harmony to your melody, even if both of you tend to miscommunicate

2025
You've will meet will want to leave school, but also want to stay
You've will meet wonderful people on this website
Listen to their stories; cry for them, fear for them, pray for them
Want to know them better but still be too scared to do so
You will be insecure and distance yourself from friends.
You'll be scared to hurt them.
You’ll hold back because you feel like you’re too much. Don’t go silent.
But the year isn't over yet, so you've got time
If I could write a note to each year’s version of myself

For those who actually read the whole thing you have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you, I appreciate you so much <3
May 22 · 177
Dawn
Lostling May 22
I heard her today, you know—
A ghost of my past

And for a moment I forgot.
I forgot what life was like without her voice;

Clear, high, wavering yet confident,
Beauty slowly reclaiming attention from the inky flaws.

She wore a smile that wasn’t made of porcelain
But still fake, cause it wasn’t really real

For she had long faded, like cotton candy slowly melting in humid air,
Along with the wisps of my childhood.

But for the first time since the fall
The little boy began to dream of skies again
:)
May 13 · 221
Fading
Lostling May 13
I’ve faded into the background.

But it was done so slowly, like salt dissolving in water,
That don’t notice my silent ghost.

I wonder if they think about the sunny person I used to be.

The weird rowdy kid who hung out with both the boys and the girls

The one who eagerly answered questions in class,
So much so that the teacher had to ban them from answering

The confident one who could lead
Without self doubt drowning them

Sometimes I wonder
If they think of me at all
I suppose I only have myself to blame
May 13 · 225
Piano
Lostling May 13
Mind forgets
Eyes slip past notes
Paper retains, but is lost
Only fingers remember
A lone melody.
And maybe that’s enough
Every song forgotten but Cannon In D
May 12 · 508
Unsent II
Lostling May 12
I love you
Perhaps one of the greatest tragedies
May 10 · 910
A poem for my mother
Lostling May 10
Your guiding hands are always there
To catch me when I fall.
Soft combs through my tangled hair
Hugs, a protective wall.

Your strength's a roaring lioness,
Your heart burning so bright,
Fighting through the crushing stress.
You burn away the night
Happy Mother's Day!
May 9 · 119
What is Poetry?
Lostling May 9
Is it the words that flow and rhyme
And dance in rhythm, keeping time?

Or is it a line
That breaks when it wants to,
Not when it’s told;
A thought
Spilling without apology?

Or 5-7-5
Secrets whispered by the wind
Words, though few, sing true?

Perhaps it is found behind coughed petals,
Fourteen lines aligning to pave a stage
Where lovers for love charge into battle
And hearts are found pierced or tangled in rage

Or ten words, though short, a poem for the world

Or the sun spilling gold across the sky
Painting clouds as the sea drowns its light.

To me, poetry is emotion;
Memory,
Ink spilled where the heart leaked
And it is not meant for everyone
Someone told me something I wrote wasn't poetry. Maybe they are right. But it got me thinking: what is poetry? What makes a poem different from words scattered across a page?
May 9 · 200
Fragile
Lostling May 9
So brittle
That a single word (or seven)
Could pour salt on my opened palms
And break
My short sense of happiness
Another late night write.
I wanted to get angry. I still do. But I got a poem that I'm happy with (the other one)
May 6 · 2.0k
Insecurities
Lostling May 6
I try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
But still
I'm not
Enough
Sometimes I catch a glimpse of the person in the mirror and wonder what anyone sees in them
May 5 · 309
When the music dies
Lostling May 5
When my tears dry
And my sobs cease
Do not mistake it for me calming down.
I've simply realised that you cannot hear my screams
And will say everything but the words I need to hear

When my tears stop
And my sobs fall silent
Do not think I'm doing better.
It just means I've changed the locks
And will continue to break where your gaze won't wander

When my tears shatter
And my sobs lose breath
You will hear everything in that silence
For the ending will be laid out before you
In a casket that will echo my story
Just having a bad day. I'll be fine.
Apr 28 · 83
28/4/2025
Lostling Apr 28
Some days I find myself reading through past messages, trying to remember how I felt back then.
A part of me thinks that maybe, just maybe, if I’d reached out for help instead of gently closing every door, I wouldn’t be like this;
Chewing on paper clips for the taste of blood on my tongue instead of my fingers so my parents would stop complaining about the bite marks on my hands.
I think I’m just glad they never look beyond the jackets I wear 24/7 or the number of cat scratches I got recently or the ghost that paces around our house on sleepless nights.

...

.  .  .
Sighhhhhhhhh....
Apr 28 · 849
Streak Broken
Lostling Apr 28
It's funny how
It's easier to open my skin
Then to open my mouth
And ask for help
=/
#sh
Apr 22 · 155
Just leave
Lostling Apr 22
It's not that I want you gone
I appreciate you
I really do
But it's hard to believe you're sincere
When you're also scrolling through shorts at the same time
Got yelled at by seniors awhile ago. I couldn't keep myself together and ended up breaking down (again)
A friend comforted me, hugged me, told me it wasnt my fault. But she was on her phone the whole time.
Apr 22 · 152
Liar
Lostling Apr 22
The girl in the mirror
Is a liar
Even with the people she trusts
She lies
Even in the place she’s most bare
She lies
Even when its just us
She lies

And I’m too tired to figure out the truth
Or put anything I feel into words
Apr 21 · 127
Drafts II
Lostling Apr 21
There’s an incomplete poem
Sitting in my drafts
Titled “Maybe It’s not So Bad”
Last edited: 7 April.

I don’t think I’ll be finishing it any time soon
Or maybe never
Apr 21 · 215
Blood Thicker than Water
Lostling Apr 21
Water listens, acknowledging the pain
It washes and cleans the wounds lightly,
Soothes and calms,
Like a burbling brook to sit next to.

But blood…

Blood is thick and heavy.
It leaves a taste of copper in my mouth
Even after my head resurfaces and I can breathe again.
It stains and flows from cuts, tearing my stitches
As much as I love my parents, I’d rather go to my friends so I won’t get lectured and/or  scolded
Apr 21 · 252
Returning to the Father
Lostling Apr 21
Like a sheep
Following the shepherd
He left this world
And returned to Heaven

May he rest in peace
21 April 2025
Pope Francis passed away
Apr 20 · 248
Child
Lostling Apr 20
There is a child
Who follows everywhere I go.
Late at night I hear him crying,
Yet my family stirs not.

When he cries,
I’m bound in a straightjacket,
stitched with silence
and the things I don’t know how to say.

I tell him to stop,
But he never listens.
So I muffle his sobs with a pillow
And hide him beneath my blanket

Sometimes he comes out during the day
Wailing for all the world to hear.
I tape his mouth shut
And wait until his tears won't be seen
Crying too much these days
Apr 19 · 148
Age
Lostling Apr 19
Age
When did age start feeling like a countdown to death?
Just a thought
Apr 18 · 470
Midnight
Lostling Apr 18
Tick... tock...
Tick... tock...
Silent, the world sleeps
Tick... tock...
Tick... tock...
Stars observe the veil of days
Tick... tock...
Tick... tock...
As child watched from bed
Tick... tock...
Tick... tock...
Can't sleep
Apr 17 · 135
Sacrifice
Lostling Apr 17
How beautiful a love so great,
So pure, so vast, so full,
That the glass in which it was poured into
Breaks so that it can spill onto the world.
It quenches crops wilting with thirst
And waters lands cracking with dust
And descends upon helpless fish
In a flood that saves them,
Takes them home
Back to the sea
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son," --John 3:16

Blessed Good Friday =)
Apr 16 · 224
Murderer
Lostling Apr 16
And the child cursed the sun
For killing the moon and stars
(-.-)
Apr 16 · 81
Doubt
Lostling Apr 16
If you doubt yourself
You start to doubt others
And if you doubt others
You’ll start to doubt everyone
Til there’s no one you can trust
Apr 15 · 119
Panic Attack
Lostling Apr 15
Chest
Tight—gasp
For air
Eyes
Burn—face
Numb ******
Thoughts-
WORTHLESS
EXPENDABLE
PATHETIC-
Loop
The lies/TRUTH

Holding
my breath,
My body
becomes
a trap
too tight
Just when I thought I was doing better too
Apr 13 · 263
Seashell
Lostling Apr 13
Seashells hold echos
Of life beneath waves
Hold one to your ear;
Listen, can you hear their story?
I used to think seashells would whisper secrets to those who would listen in the language of waves
Apr 10 · 336
Heads or tails?
Lostling Apr 10
Flip a coin
Was it heads or tails?
I bet it didn't land on its edge.
Too much, too little. Never just right.
Apr 9 · 169
“Improvement”
Lostling Apr 9
“Now you won’t be distracted.”
You took me away from my friend
“It’s for your own good.”
He was the only one keeping me sane
“You don’t talk in the middle of class anymore!”
You triggered my depressive days
“It’s only temporary.”
To think I actually believed you
“Are you okay?”
The audacity!

“Yeah, just tired.”
Overreacting to seat change =/
Apr 7 · 284
night talks
Lostling Apr 7
just you and me,
tucked in midnight's fold,
sharing the day
in murmurs only we hear
Short poem
Apr 6 · 316
Unsent I
Lostling Apr 6
Dear Friends,

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for my apathy
and empathy, my lack of words. I'm sorry
for thinking of you as r-
replacements for... everyone
and everything I lost.
I'm sorry for
being
the way I am, that I'm not
what I used to be

I'm-
I'm sorry
Apr 1 · 184
Drafts
Lostling Apr 1
Ideas
Pile up

Thoughts—unfinished
Left unsaid

Fear.
Doubt.
Uncertainty.
So much uncertainty
Apr 1 · 108
无 (Nothing)
Lostling Apr 1
Do you ever wake up at 1am and ask yourself
“Why do they care?”
“Why should they care?”

Why do they listen
To things I say?
Constant rambling—
Everyday.

Why do they ask
‘Bout the tears that fall?
It’s “pick me” nature
After all.

Why do they care
If I shine or rain?
Always too much
Always a pain.

Why do they care
When my hands start to shake?
When my voice cracks,
When I bend til I break?

Why do they search
When I vanish, withdraw?
Worried voices calling
Frozen walls thaw

Do you ever wake up at 1am and ask yourself
“Do they really care?”
Mar 26 · 135
Appetite
Lostling Mar 26
Breakfast passes
Recess passes
Lunch passes too

It’s been twenty-something hours since I’ve eaten any food

I probably should.


But I’m not hungry and I don’t care.
Mar 26 · 117
Mourning You; Alive
Lostling Mar 26
And suddenly I’m at your funeral                                              
                                                                ­   again. Your body is

          bloodied, laying in the little, black, box.        
  
                                                             ­  Your face is marred.

Or maybe it’s my tears                                                            ­              
                                                  ­     that make me                                    
                forget
   ­                                                                 ­                        how you look(ed)
              You shouldn’t be there.               I won’t be there.
                                              Unless you call for me.         But
                                                             ­                 dead people don’t speak.
And then I’ll climb down to your bed
Just to make sure you’re still breathing
Mar 21 · 140
---
Lostling Mar 21
---
A name
Replaced by dashes
Who were they?
And where did they go?
Mar 21 · 289
Procrastination
Lostling Mar 21
The call has fallen silent                    
                               My pen must rest
I will return          
                     Perhaps later
If only homework could be done the same way
Mar 20 · 191
Pinpricks of white
Lostling Mar 20
I never knew
The beauty of light
Until I was surrounded by darkness
Only at night can you see the stars…
Mar 17 · 239
Resignation
Lostling Mar 17
The darkness is coming,
You know this all too well.
You can see the drowning sun
Feel the breath of the icy wind
As the night stretches its claws across the sky

The darkness is coming.
And there's nothing you can do
But watch as the last rays of light shatter
And your fragile hope flickers,
Fading into ash.

The darkness is coming
You wait with dread
As ink bleeds into the sky,
And shadows crawl from the cracks
To dance upon your fears.

The darkness is coming
You fight for your life
But the shadows coil around your lungs,
Dragging you down,
Where your screams are swallowed whole.

The darkness is coming
And you almost welcome it,
Letting it pull you under,
Where broken dreams and forgotten prayers
Linger in the void.

The darkness is coming.
So you surrender,
Eyes closed,
Heart still beating—
Waiting for whatever comes next.
Mar 16 · 164
Anther Year Passes
Lostling Mar 16
I remember
The days
I grew up
Beaming,
Laughter threading through the halls
Like echoes that knew my name.

And when I left
My only regret
Was never hearing them sing
The ode to me.

Still,
I knew
I mattered to them.
Their words I'll keep
In the folds of my heart
Or tucked away in lines of code

But this year
They're silent.
And I stand outside,
Face to the sky,
I pray for rain to fall
So I will not weep alone.
Taking care to remember everyone
Only to be forgotten in the end

God I was so happy last year...
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