In this world
I have no control over

Everything is in chaos
With my future unsure

And I've done all I can
To find something worth doing

But to no avail
I found nothing

And in the end
I turn to Him

When He should have been the one I turned to
In the first place

I sit here by my bedroom wall
my back on stone, cold concrete

I stare at a future as bleak as the white wallpaper
peeling off the edge

Why is my worth
based off of a single sentence
the only referral to what I can or cannot do

I have plenty to offer
beyond the lines of A4 paper

And yet society scan these things
with cold eyes and cold minds
drawing a line to what I can or cannot do

And in the end,
I conform to those lines
tucking away the other sides of me

Feeling as though I have nothing to offer
for I do not fit within the boundaries
of those lines

Skip on forward
Go back one song

Repeat
Repeat
Repeat

Live life in mundane drones

Losing a phone doesn't also mean losing access to the internet

It meant losing feelings
That I had written down

It meant losing words
I had transcribed

It meant losing contacts
And the evidence of late night talks

It meant losing memories
Of piano room privacy

It meant starting over again
When I still had things left
Unsaid

Lethargic

As you lie on your back and close your eyes. The gentle breeze caresses your skin. You smell the air, and it is scented with nostalgia from memories past

Each minutes passes by. 60 beats. Heartbeat. Your heart beats in rhythm with each breath you take

Gentle breeze

perfection is something
I cannot attain

and so here I sit
procrastinating

watching time tick away
the hours I could use

but they've all
wasted away

Whenever I stray from classical music
He brings me Bach

Hop on a plane
Leave the past
For the skies above

Would I keep sane
Would unfortunes last
In war and peace and love

Watch out for rain
In accurate forecast
The world comes in halves

It waxes and wanes
The moon in skies vast
The light I cannot have

Untouchable
memories
are
haunting me

You
took the
love
away from me

I know that we're over
But it still ******* hurts

I know I should move on to others
But my heart still lurks

At the thought of you

I'm torn in two

Like a heartbreak

On Valentine's Eve

Sunshine days come and go
So I'll enjoy today a little bit more

Sunshine days come a little less
And more rainy days I do confess

Sunshine days are precious little things
That flitter and flutter and has wings

Today is one of those sunshine days
So I smile a bit more just in case

I won't find those sunshine days anymore

It's
been
a
while

I've been
crying about
you for
so long

That the pain
had already settled
in my bones

To think that I'd
meet the day that
I was losing feelings
for you

It's as scary as thinking
that you hadn't lied to
me that day when I
selfishly cried and said goodbye

XI.
Mornings delude with a false sense of awakening.

Nightmares don't disappear by first light,
They haunt you like shadows until they blend with the dark.

And so I grew cold
And ran away
And ignored
You

And I closed my eyes
And shut my heart
And rejected
Me

Sometime in the future, people might ask me, "Why don't you ever write love stories like you did before?"

I can write about love. I can write stories. But to write love stories...I guess I left that with you.

I don't write love stories because maybe I've broken hearts before I've had my heart broken.

I don't write love stories because maybe I've seen the magical illusion of a happy marriage shatter before it could cast its spell on me.

I don't write love stories because maybe I've seen the falling out of love before the falling in love.

I don't write love stories because maybe all it would be is a sadly ever after.

I don't write love stories because maybe all I'd write about is you.

Because you will live forever.

You will exist inbetween the pages of a private notebook.

You will sleep under the pillow with the handwritten poems.

You will live as a black art in the form of words.

But your name will never be mentioned.


Your sideways smile is etched in the mind and cannot be erased.

Your stolen, yet steady gaze is burned within the heart.

Your fingers that produces music from the tips are longed to be held.

But you will never be drawn, only written.


Your voice is the most precious music ever heard.

Your spoken words are poetry decorating the air.

Your laughter sends vibrations through the soul.

But you will not be heard, only imagined.


Despite all these,

You are real. You are here. And here you will stay.

Do not make me fall for you. For if I do, you will live forever. Not only in me, but in others as well.

And if this story will ever be done,

I will close the red, leather-bound notebook

and say,

Until Another Time.

And I was a fool to think
You had loved me too

"I only see you as a friend"

There was nothing there
You were never there

And what I thought was true
That something between me and you

Was just as it was
A once upon a dream

Okay

So apparently

All the poems
These letters
These words

Hoping you would read them
Were all for naught

And I wonder
Whether I am
A good person or
A bad person

I wish no harm in anybody
Yet I have caused harm to them

And I live with the guilt
Of my conscience
Of the sin of a betrayal

And despite the efforts to do good
Am I going to be stuck making mistakes that hurt people

If so..it would be easier
For everyone If
I cease to exist

But that would be running away

I look back at my poems
And I laugh to myself

How sweet they were
My feelings then

Only lasting a moment
An hour and a day

A time so precious and dear

We've finally met
After not seeing each other for so long

And yet here I am
Pushing you away

From my heart, my mind
Hoping not fall in love

Helpless that I will have to fight
Against feelings I don't want to have

And I walk on this earth
With footsteps light
Like butterfly legs

And I love you
With passion that soars
Like butterfly wings

And I bid you farewell
With my lips on your cheek
Like butterfly kisses

I don't deserve what I have

1. I don't deserve to be alive
    So can I trade my life for
    Someone more valuable than me


2. I don't deserve to be loved
    So please give your heart to
    Someone who can love you more


3. I don't deserve happiness
    So direct your smile to
    Someone who will smile back at you


4. I don't deserve me
    So to myself
    Find someone else to be

Artists are we

Of words
Of space
Of sound

Late Style is

A metaphor
A contradiction
An aesthetic

Minds would be

Abstract
Analytic
Apathetic

Heart beats with

Rhythm
Rhyme
Romance

Of
reasonable
irrationality

You were a lonely soul
Dark and deep and mysterious

But you were also kind
Brave and strong and loving

But your love was lost
To the one who was oceans away

And so you turned to me
Who was too naïve to know

That romance was not love
And love was not always true

And rebound wasn't just a play
In a game of basketball

And so I broke apart
A fragile soul too broken

To piece together something
worth loving

You've gotten silent
You don't reply anymore

What could lead to hours of conversation
Ends with just a sentence or two

Just because you found someone new
Does that mean you'd just leave the past behind

Poetry is a lighthouse

For the broken hearted
For the chattering minds
For the lost souls

Poetry gives comfort

Filling in the crevices
Of the empty chambers
Of a labouring heart

Poetry gives peace

Stringing out words
Into coherent sentences
For one who's mind is against them

Poetry is a lighthouse

For a soul who's lost
In the ocean of one's insanity
Depression being the sirens
Luring one into false sanctity

Poetry is a lighthouse
Giving a little guidance
To hope a little more
For this world

It's near 2am

I'm thinking of you again
It's not how, it's when
To get over you

It's near 2am

Memories are flooding
Like a tsunami of unwanted
Feelings

It's near 2am

I close my eyes but I see you
Your eyes, your smile, your voice
Are clear but not true

It's near 2am

Time slows down after midnight
And mind replays the past
Of love that's not quite