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26.3k · Feb 2018
three a.m.
Lyda M Feb 2018
It's 3am

I'm on the phone
No one's awake and I'm alone

It's 3am

The radio's on
Songs are played on lonely station

It's 3am

I'm in my bed
My eyes are open and sleep has fled

It's 3am

I'm on the balcony
The sky is dark and just quite scary

It's 3am

Some windows have lights
Could they also not sleep tonight

It's 3am

I'm still awake
When will life ever give me a break
Insomniac nights are the worst. And it's been going on like this for quite awhile.
3.2k · Mar 2018
Remember Me to Forget
Lyda M Mar 2018
They asked me this question in class one day

"What do you want to be remembered by?"

I wrote down the answer of what they wanted to hear

But to be honest

I just want to be forgotten
So no one has to hurt when I say
goodbye
1.6k · Feb 2018
Little box
Lyda M Feb 2018
Don't cross the line,
Stay in your little box.

It's dark outside,
Stay in your little box.

Monsters will eat you,
Stay in your little box.

A protection, a barrier, a prison.

Keep close to the corner of the room.

Close your eyes , maybe they won't see through you.

Put on a smile, you're nearing breaking point.

Sleep it off, maybe you don't have to wake up anymore.
And sometimes, self-defense mechanism backfires
1.3k · Apr 2018
Please don't read this
Lyda M Apr 2018
And I thought I had gotten better. Until a voice spoke up inside my head.

"Wow you ****"

"You were nasty. Why would they stick with you."

"You think you deserve this?"

"Your parents are tired of you. They can't afford you."

"Why are you still alive. The career you chose just burdens everyone."

"You don't even play that well."

"You think anyone would ever keep you? Get off your high horse."

"no one likes you."

"You don't belong here. You should just keep on being a person who *****."
Please make it stop. Go away. I don't know you. Where did you come from. I just want to cry. I thought I was better. And you came like a torrent of nasty words that runs through my bloodstream.
1.2k · Feb 2018
a better place
Lyda M Feb 2018
"How can you make this world a better place?"

They ask.

She smiles sweetly and says,

"A world without me in it."
1.0k · Jul 2018
A Musical Gift
Lyda M Jul 2018
And doubts have dashed
And murmurs gone
And frowns have turned downside up

To smiles
And heart
And laughter
And newfound friends
And applause
And gratitude

As miles of
Blood
Sweat
Time
Heart
Mind
Hard work

Have rewarded the sweetest
Not of gold but of

a musical gift
Written after we won a music competition. Some people were salty about losing. I'm just glad all my hard work didn't go to waste.
991 · May 2018
Peas in a Pod
Lyda M May 2018
And I write poetry
With you as my muse

And you write poetry
But I was never yours
I thought I was over you, but apparently not
660 · Feb 2018
hypothetical life
Lyda M Feb 2018
Hypothetically speaking

What if I never existed?
Mistakes would not be made.

Hypothetically speaking

What if memories of me would disappear?
Sweeter memories would be made

Hypothetically speaking

What if I never walked this road?
There'd be no need for a disappointment such as I

Hypothetically speaking

What if I was never born?
There'd be no need to live a lie

Hypothetically speaking

When I don't exist
let the stars and moon be the only ones
who remember

I was hypothetically here
541 · Feb 2018
Ashes burn
Lyda M Feb 2018
If I were to die
Let my ashes burn
Until not a speck is left
Of my existence
408 · Aug 2018
Burnout
Lyda M Aug 2018
Music is a drug
I have overdosed in
Until I grew sick
Of melodies
384 · Mar 2018
And I paint roses
Lyda M Mar 2018
And I paint on skin
So I don't have to cut

And I paint roses with leaves
So blood can look beautiful

And I paint thorns black
So they bite but don't hurt

And I paint on skin
So there's no pain inside
I'm scared of pain but I want to let it out. And when music and words don't work, I paint myself.
364 · May 2018
a musical affliction
Lyda M May 2018
and your music was the sweetest
to my ears and to my heart

but your soul was the darkest
when people drift apart

minds spiralling down to madness
like an eternal roundabout

and maybe in the end
that's who we really are

people with minds unbound
spoken in the language of
music over black and white notes
as someone who love(d) you, I might not have gone. But as someone who plays music as well, I did. and what a job well done. what beautiful music. you were wonderful. and I'm sorry I will have to write this here instead of saying it to you up front.
349 · Jun 2018
Prickly Words
Lyda M Jun 2018
Cactus words are
Prickly words
That grow in deserts
Of dry wit
308 · Feb 2018
Ocean Void
Lyda M Feb 2018
And I don't think I will ever escape this deep blue ocean void inside

But I have a canoe and I have an oar.

I'll find land sooner or later.

I just hope I don't give up before then.
308 · Apr 2018
Language, dear
Lyda M Apr 2018
And I swallow metaphoric medication
Until they burn down my throat

And similes are like cereal for breakfast
With which I refuse to partake

My words bleed out
Personifying my grief

Hyperbole is too big a mass I can explain
It would take years to finish

Would roses choked in thorns be a symbol of oppression
Or a nature of destruction in beauty

Take me to the emergency room
I'm sick of this language I speak
302 · Feb 2018
Unfriends
Lyda M Feb 2018
I just want to sleep
why can't you understand that
we're not friends
Insomnia
Give me something i can't have
297 · Feb 2018
Lived my life full of...
Lyda M Feb 2018
How much of it were
Truth

How much of it were
Lies

When did you ever stop the
Love

My parents, my brother, and
I
The title joins with the second line of the first three verses
297 · Mar 2018
King and Lionheart
Lyda M Mar 2018
I would write sonnets

Of our escapades
On boat rides
Walks through the park
Crossing bridges

I would write stories

Of our late night talks
Your piano blues
Inside jokes
Quiet conversation

I would write poems

Of the space between us
Entwined hands
Closeness of heartbeats
Fingers running on skin

But I am just the writer
And you are my muse
With our tale ending on paper
And here I am writing about him again
293 · Apr 2018
The colour of the meadow
Lyda M Apr 2018
Lay down a flower
For each memory of us

May the stems bend and not break
In the howling of the storm

Let the rain soothe the earth
And spring forth laughter

Of the colours of the meadow
Where feelings are as light as feathers
It's been awhile since I've had this light creativity instead of the dark poetry, so I'll record this for now
275 · Feb 2018
The Before
Lyda M Feb 2018
I want to turn back time

Before the lies
Before my cries
Late in the night

I want to turn back truth

Before it hurt
Before cruel reality
Revealed itself to me

I want to bring them back

Before were four
Now we're no more
The family that was us
It's been some time, but it still feels wrong somehow..
268 · Mar 2018
Promises Meant
Lyda M Mar 2018
And of course, promises can't be kept.
They never do.

And I never learn.
I'm sorry for being selfish.
265 · Mar 2018
A Strange Aftermath
Lyda M Mar 2018
1.
I saw you again today
your hair's grown out

I wonder how you're doing
although I'm the one who never asks

I don't know how we connect
But I always know where you are

And with that
I run away

2.
You sat beside today
And I tried to hide my smile

Although I know there was pain
You tried to hide in your eyes

We finally talked today
after months of silence

And despite the distance between us
It was as though it was never there

3.
I left early again
And you hid behind round glasses

We pretended not to see each other
despite the fact...

That all I wanted to do
was look at you and smile
and of course, I still miss him. Each time we meet. Each time we leave. Each time we pretend not to see.
238 · Mar 2018
Rejecting my thoughts
Lyda M Mar 2018
And here I thought
You'd have words for me

But time and time again
I'd had to reject my thoughts

Like you would ever come back
When I was nothing to you
In the first place
Of course I can't have him back. She's back so of course he'll go back to her. After all this time. It was nothing. What we had was nothing.
237 · Feb 2018
Take love away
Lyda M Feb 2018
Untouchable
memories
are
haunting me

You
took the
love
away from me
Read the first words of each sentence
223 · Apr 2018
Stained Sink
Lyda M Apr 2018
I scrub and I scrub
The stains won't go
They stain the sink

The water washes it away
It spirals down the drain
The stain still stays

My hands are raw
But I see no point in bleeding
It still stains the sink
222 · Jul 2018
Sunrise
Lyda M Jul 2018
Stories sing of ways
That shed light on
Situations

Tall tales spake
Of things
With green envy

Thy name wilt one speak
Before the moon sets
Upon one's kingdom

And bite one's thumb
Shall one joust in word or sound
Even the ocean could not contain enough salt to pass around
222 · Feb 2018
Red Notebook
Lyda M Feb 2018
And she poured her pain out
in a red notebook.
Because that was the only way
she could bleed.
I want to die but I don't like pain
221 · Feb 2018
And so we leave
Lyda M Feb 2018
Maybe it's not us
being scared of
not finding
The One

Maybe it's us
being scared that
we're not The One
for them

And so we leave
And so we leave, claimin that nothing had ever happened between us
214 · Feb 2018
Sunshine Days
Lyda M Feb 2018
Sunshine days come and go
So I'll enjoy today a little bit more

Sunshine days come a little less
And more rainy days I do confess

Sunshine days are precious little things
That flitter and flutter and has wings

Today is one of those sunshine days
So I smile a bit more just in case

I won't find those sunshine days anymore
What a rare day..what a lovely day..
203 · Feb 2018
Google search: do i have
Lyda M Feb 2018
I take all these tests
all over the internet

they come back
all the same

they come back

I don't need the tests
I live it

Because they always come back
I had an official diagnosis, but I didn't go to get therapy. I don't have the time or energy or money to get it. And I don't want to make my family worry.
201 · Mar 2018
Requiem
Lyda M Mar 2018
Would you write a Requiem?
Some bells in there would be nice

Would you plant dandelions?
I've always fancied them as flowers rather than weeds

Would it be six feet under or as dust in the wind?
Well, I don't really mind as much

Would this be poetry or prose?

Sorry I'm just me
weird thoughts again
196 · Mar 2018
Losing a Phone
Lyda M Mar 2018
Losing a phone doesn't also mean losing access to the internet

It meant losing feelings
That I had written down

It meant losing words
I had transcribed

It meant losing contacts
And the evidence of late night talks

It meant losing memories
Of piano room privacy

It meant starting over again
When I still had things left
Unsaid
All those saved photos..those Instagram stories..gone.
194 · Jul 2018
Music Haiku ii
Lyda M Jul 2018
Three stand before thee
The silver trophies gleam bright
Ambitions are bared
193 · Feb 2018
You are starlight
Lyda M Feb 2018
You are starlight
With galaxies reflected in your eyes
Planets within your soul

Made up of particles
Universes within universes within universes
An unfathomable and wonderful creation

Mind over matter
Made up of matters
You matter
193 · Mar 2018
Science Experiment
Lyda M Mar 2018
And you look at the world
With eyes filled with wonder and fascination

As though you are a scientist
And the world behind the glass is a laboratory

Experimenting with life
With none but one's own

As safety firsts and lab rules,
Are plastered all over the walls

They are but ignored
As curiosity would ****
For satisfaction

To find answers
To questions

Unasked
192 · Jul 2018
Music Haiku iii
Lyda M Jul 2018
Music is all but
Perfect; tis a faux concept
In an abstract world
192 · Mar 2018
TeaTime CoffeeBreak
Lyda M Mar 2018
Sit down with me and let's talk for awhile.

About things that matter, things that don't.

A sip of coffee, steam rising in the air.

It fogs your glasses, so you take them off.

I do love looking at you with no glass in between.

Maybe someday, I can look a little closer,
but with your eyes shut,
lips meeting mine,
and bliss in a moment so dear.
190 · Mar 2018
Once Upon A Dream
Lyda M Mar 2018
And I was a fool to think
You had loved me too

"I only see you as a friend"

There was nothing there
You were never there

And what I thought was true
That something between me and you

Was just as it was
A once upon a dream
A maybe relationship ***** and when he denies it at the end, you're left wondering if everything really happened in the first place
186 · Mar 2018
Present by first light
Lyda M Mar 2018
XI.
Mornings delude with a false sense of awakening.

Nightmares don't disappear by first light,
They haunt you like shadows until they blend with the dark.
186 · May 2018
of course not
Lyda M May 2018
of course he doesn't
miss me

of course he doesn't
think about me

of course he doesn't
care

How many times do I have to be at war with myself on this?

we both write poetry

But I will never be his muse
181 · Feb 2018
Glass Bottle
Lyda M Feb 2018
It's a cracked glass bottle
With a few words left for keeps.

Carnival music and fairy lights
Illuminate dreams in restless sleep.

Dreams in abundant occurence
Day dreams at hold.

Don't get carried away
Into your cruel mind's black hole.

The rainy days come
Like white noise of broken television.

Senses play until they bleed
The music is what you've forgotten to envision.

Silence is longer
The language is lost.

In French they would say,
"Avoire une autre langue, c'est posséder une deuxième âme."
Whimsical sketches on late nights when I can't sleep.
180 · Feb 2018
Valentine's Eve
Lyda M Feb 2018
I know that we're over
But it still ******* hurts

I know I should move on to others
But my heart still lurks

At the thought of you

I'm torn in two

Like a heartbreak

On Valentine's Eve
175 · Mar 2018
And then..
Lyda M Mar 2018
And so I grew cold
And ran away
And ignored
You

And I closed my eyes
And shut my heart
And rejected
Me
173 · Feb 2018
horrifying words
Lyda M Feb 2018
Wishing for you, yearning,
Looking upon you and reading those horrifying words.
Why? Why do you do this to me?
Those five words I dread each time I spend time with you:
“Unable to Connect to the Internet.”
171 · Mar 2018
Paper Wishes
Lyda M Mar 2018
Keep each thought in every fold,
Line them up with every crease.

Flip them over,
Never let them show.

Don't cut your fingers on the edge,
Paper cuts are small but they hurt the most.

A thousand times over,
A million times bent and lined up.

Pull it apart,
Look at it from afar.

If you had a thousand,
Will your wishes be granted?

If you made a thousand,
Will everything be okay?

Paper wishes on paper cranes,
Let them loose in the breeze.

A million paper cuts.
A thousand paper cranes.
A single wish.
And sometimes, when wishing stars don't work, you can wish on paper cranes
170 · Feb 2018
Do not make me fall for you
Lyda M Feb 2018
Because you will live forever.

You will exist inbetween the pages of a private notebook.

You will sleep under the pillow with the handwritten poems.

You will live as a black art in the form of words.

But your name will never be mentioned.


Your sideways smile is etched in the mind and cannot be erased.

Your stolen, yet steady gaze is burned within the heart.

Your fingers that produces music from the tips are longed to be held.

But you will never be drawn, only written.


Your voice is the most precious music ever heard.

Your spoken words are poetry decorating the air.

Your laughter sends vibrations through the soul.

But you will not be heard, only imagined.


Despite all these,

You are real. You are here. And here you will stay.

Do not make me fall for you. For if I do, you will live forever. Not only in me, but in others as well.

And if this story will ever be done,

I will close the red, leather-bound notebook

and say,

Until Another Time.
You were my love until you broke my heart. Now you are my muse, and like a masterpiece in galleries, you are locked forever in words.
170 · Feb 2018
Inside me | Outside me
Lyda M Feb 2018
A crackling upon skin

Numbness ******* into the bones

Watching the world, but not really being a part of it

Watching. Watching.

Sinking inside, bringing out a different side to deal with what can't be done

Ears ringing but there is no sound
I'm weird, that I can attest.
169 · Mar 2018
Butterfly kisses
Lyda M Mar 2018
And I walk on this earth
With footsteps light
Like butterfly legs

And I love you
With passion that soars
Like butterfly wings

And I bid you farewell
With my lips on your cheek
Like butterfly kisses
167 · Feb 2018
earbuds in
Lyda M Feb 2018
Skip on forward
Go back one song

Repeat
Repeat
Repeat

Live life in mundane drones
167 · Apr 2018
White Lies
Lyda M Apr 2018
Once upon a blue moon,
Fairy tales come true.

Once upon a time,
Happily ever after was real.

So let me be April's fool 'til the dawn of midnight,
Believing each lie painted white.
April fools!
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