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Oct 2020 · 104
I Grew Up
Lyda M Sourne Oct 2020
I grew up dreaming
That I'd have a happily every after

I grew up seeing
My parents walk away

I grew up dreaming
That I'd be whoever I wanted to be

I grew up trying
To fit within the page of an A4 paprt

I grew up dreaming
That I'd fall in love and it would be wonderful

I grew up crying
Over someone who didn't really care

I grew up dreaming
That I'd make a difference

I grew up being
A random nobody

I grew up dreaming

Until

I grew up
Reality hurts
Oct 2020 · 196
Control
Lyda M Sourne Oct 2020
In this world
I have no control over

Everything is in chaos
With my future unsure

And I've done all I can
To find something worth doing

But to no avail
I found nothing

And in the end
I turn to Him

When He should have been the one I turned to
In the first place
God is in control and I have nothing left to lose
Oct 2020 · 81
Dear Future
Lyda M Sourne Oct 2020
I sit here by my bedroom wall
my back on stone, cold concrete

I stare at a future as bleak as the white wallpaper
peeling off the edge

Why is my worth
based off of a single sentence
the only referral to what I can or cannot do

I have plenty to offer
beyond the lines of A4 paper

And yet society scan these things
with cold eyes and cold minds
drawing a line to what I can or cannot do

And in the end,
I conform to those lines
tucking away the other sides of me

Feeling as though I have nothing to offer
for I do not fit within the boundaries
of those lines
as a fresh graduate, it's hard finding a job because everything is so specific, I can't possibly fit those standards
Aug 2020 · 136
The Aftermath
Lyda M Sourne Aug 2020
I thought I'd lost you
To harsh words and lies

Each day was a mess
With no one to talk to
No shoulder for my head to rest

We pass each other by
Wondering when our war would end

Not a war of fire
But of cold, cold ice

You smiled at me one day
And I smiled back

It was a start
For today

Where we finally talked
And you didn't hate me

And my fears
Were your fears
And we had thought our friendship was gone

But it had ended
The wall between us

I could finally hold your hand and say,
"It was terrible being at war with you."

And you replied likewise
I talked with my friend for the first time today after a year. I thought she hated me and she thought the same. But in the end, it seems that friendship can still sail through the storm. There is still things that needs ironing out, but I hope we keep what we had lost and now found again
May 2020 · 338
Return Song
Lyda M Sourne May 2020
I know your voice,
Singing for me,
I know your eyes
Twinkling through the screen,

The way you smile,
The dimple in your cheek,
All of these things,
But I don't know you

Your birthday, your name,
Your tastes and your face,
I know these things
But I don't know you

And yet

May you shine
Like the star in the sky,
Filling up my heart
With the melody of your song,

May you sing the song
That dwells inside,
And I will be here,
Listening..listening..

Though your heart may be breaking,
Though it pains me to see,
You still smile like the sun
Through the storms in your seas,

Sweat on your temple,
Through blood and through tears,
You forge through it all,
So your song could reach me

You give me everything,
The me who has nothing
But my love to give to you

I'll be by your side,
Though they be against you,
Don't worry you'll see,
Everything is alright

I wish you happiness
I wish you peace
I wish you good fortune
And all of the bliss

You may not know me,
Never had and never will,
But I hope you will know this,

You are a star that shines
In the darkest of night,
And I will sail with you
Through wine-colored waters,
Listening to your song

I don't know you,
You don't know me,
But we are connected
Through a melody.
So I wrote this while thinking of my favourite artist in mind. You could say that this is a fan's return song to the singer(s) who inspired them. We may not know the real person behind an artist's stage persona, but we can still give them support and love for what they're doing and what they're giving to us.
Mar 2020 · 626
Meetcute
Lyda M Sourne Mar 2020
He was a boy
With ginger curls
And a smile to his name

His eyes twinkled with mirth
At everything I say

With music as a bond
We share ourselves

Even if only for a moment
He was able to bring out
The love of music
From inside my shell
There. I wrote something about him.
Feb 2020 · 185
Radio Silence
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2020
You've gotten silent
You don't reply anymore

What could lead to hours of conversation
Ends with just a sentence or two

Just because you found someone new
Does that mean you'd just leave the past behind
I might as well be talking to a brick wall
Feb 2020 · 192
Heavenly Music
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2020
Whenever I stray from classical music
He brings me Bach
Both a pun and a homage to Bach....yes, I'm punny that way
Feb 2020 · 632
Mind the Heart
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2020
My aunt tells me

Be careful with your heart

And I promised her I would

But I couldn't tell her

That it wasn't my heart I had to be careful with

It was my mind
Anxiety is never going to go away...is it
Feb 2020 · 210
Untitled
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2020
Weddings are wonderful things
I know

But I can't help but be heartbroken
As I see a couple join together

Knowing if they do not love
There will be no chance of love
From a child of divorce
Feb 2020 · 300
In Matrimony
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2020
If love was forever
Why did you part

If love was loyalty
Why did you seek others

If love was vowed
Why did you break it

If it was meant to be,
Why was it not meant for love?
Wedding blues of a child of divorce
Jan 2020 · 228
Shallow
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
I guess that's it

Once you've found someone new
You forget me too

Just like everyone else
Who stepped away from my life

I am but a passing melody
Forgotten by the end of the piece
So our friendship was this shallow
Jan 2020 · 116
How are you?
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
And they ask me,

"Hello, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you. And you?"

The automatic reply out of my lips
Falling out in my stead of teardrops

"Fine, thank you. And you?"

I'm fine. Not great. Not good.
Just..

Thank you.
For your politeness. For the bother enough to ask. For the question, even if you couldn't care less.

And you?
Deflection. Before you can see me. Before I can honestly answer the question. Before I can say,

"I'm not fine. I haven't been fine for so long. Yet I deceive myself into thinking I'm content. And it's been so long that someone actually wanted to know if I'm fine or not, I've forgotten how to express myself. How to open up. How to describe how I feel - it's too hard to describe how I feel, so I just say,

Fine, thank you. And you?"
Jan 2020 · 138
But then again
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
But then again

I initiate conversation
But you never reply

And every ring of the phone
I have expected someone else

But even if I knew it's not you
I can't stop this feeling of disappointment
Jan 2020 · 256
So apparently
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
Okay

So apparently

All the poems
These letters
These words

Hoping you would read them
Were all for naught
Because apparently I wasn't obvious.
Jan 2020 · 201
Were
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
You were someone
I could go to
When I wanted to feel
Closest to my happy self

But she took my place
Occupying your attention
Giving you what I cannot give

And so I step back
And let you go where you want to go
But still hoping you would
Step aside and walk beside me

Talk to me
Like we used to before
Jan 2020 · 91
Disappointment
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
And of course
I'm met with disappointment
once again

It's funny how this is becoming
A common appearance
In my life
This is why I don't like making plans with anyone. I get cancelled on.
Jan 2020 · 160
Nothing but myself
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
I cannot keep anything for myself

I cannot keep you for myself
As you are not mine to begin with

And I have to let you go
Like water streaming through cupped hands

Hoping you find happiness with someone else
Hoping you smile more with her

As I cannot give you what you want
I cannot love you as much as I want to

Because I have responsibilities
And you deserve more than what I can offer

And I can offer nothing but myself
Jan 2020 · 240
Moment by Moment
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
Just this short moment
A little moment to yourself

Look at the sky for a moment
A pause in the humdrum of life

And just take a little moment
Like the quarter rest on hold

Cool down the thrumming heart
Relax those tense shoulders

Add a little honey
To the sourness of the situation

As life gives you lemons,
Make lemonade
I feel overwhelmed by everything
Jan 2020 · 155
One of those nights
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
I hate myself so much

Feeling like this
Feelings like these

My bloodied lungs overgrown
With green envy

Insecurity wraps her fingers around my throat
Swallowing the words I wish to say

As eyes clouded with doubtful fog
Casts a mist upon the scene

Where you walked to her
And I, left behind
Rooted in place
By overgrown ivy
Insecurity is a second shadow that blends with anxiety and I am a shell
Jan 2020 · 162
Poetry is a Lighthouse
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
Poetry is a lighthouse

For the broken hearted
For the chattering minds
For the lost souls

Poetry gives comfort

Filling in the crevices
Of the empty chambers
Of a labouring heart

Poetry gives peace

Stringing out words
Into coherent sentences
For one who's mind is against them

Poetry is a lighthouse

For a soul who's lost
In the ocean of one's insanity
Depression being the sirens
Luring one into false sanctity

Poetry is a lighthouse
Giving a little guidance
To hope a little more
For this world
This is the only place i can be honest
Because sometimes reality gets scared of the darkness i can conjure up within me
Jan 2020 · 329
Liar Liar
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
I portray myself as a perfect friend
Though it hurts to keep it inside

I lift up my chin and smile so pleasant
My fingers tremble at my side

Change of plans in dozen
I don't want to lock you away

So I watch you walk with her
As I stroll a little bit behind

Out of sight and out of mind
Jan 2020 · 42
Post Holiday Blues
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
I don't wanna go to school
Jan 2020 · 296
Dreams of Reality
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
Only in dreams
Are people nice
And care about how I feel

Only in dreams
Am I nice to myself
Because negativity stays away

Only in dreams
Can I be with you
Because reality is unrequited

But dreams
Are only dreams
In this nightmare
Of a reality
Jan 2020 · 205
Untitled
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
And I start this decade
Loving someone

Knowing I will face
The inevitable heartbreak
Later on
Jan 2020 · 252
Stay Away
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
And they told me
Not to stay away

But I can't help it
My heart hurts
When I think of you
Dec 2019 · 126
Untitled
Lyda M Sourne Dec 2019
My head is drowning
And my heart feels like lead

My limbs are numb
And my eyes see unfocused
Dec 2019 · 216
Good|Bad
Lyda M Sourne Dec 2019
And I wonder
Whether I am
A good person or
A bad person

I wish no harm in anybody
Yet I have caused harm to them

And I live with the guilt
Of my conscience
Of the sin of a betrayal

And despite the efforts to do good
Am I going to be stuck making mistakes that hurt people

If so..it would be easier
For everyone If
I cease to exist

But that would be running away
My mouth speaks before my brain, and now I'm stuck with the consequences..and now I'm scared if I'll keep being bad even if I make the effort to do good
Dec 2019 · 128
Repetition
Lyda M Sourne Dec 2019
My heart is itching

Itching

        Itching

                 Itching

For you you you you you

But no

No

No

I can't

Won't

Shouldn't

Love you

Hate you

We're just friends

Oh but how my heart itches
Lyda M Sourne Dec 2019
If I had one question to ask you
I would ask

What makes you happy?

And watch your eyes light up,
Your heart flutter,
Your lips grow into a smile,

And I would do everything I can
To make them permanent
Even if what you'll say will break my heart
Dec 2019 · 301
Mind-Tricks
Lyda M Sourne Dec 2019
The mind is a scary place sometimes
Don't let it win

It whispers of shortcomings and fear
Don't let it win

Illusions and nightmares abound
Don't let it win

From anxiety and depression, it thrives
Do not let it win

The mind is a tricky place
DO NOT LET IT WIN
When negativity hits you and you know it makes no sense, so you have to take back control and think positive. Don't let it win you over.
Dec 2019 · 361
Practice Room
Lyda M Sourne Dec 2019
I look outside
The sun laughs at me

I look up the sky
It's clear with an ocean blue

I look at the trees
The wind dances around with the leaves

I stay inside
And long for the outside
I'm stuck in the practice room while the weather is wonderful outside
Nov 2019 · 179
Gentle Breeze
Lyda M Sourne Nov 2019
Lethargic

As you lie on your back and close your eyes. The gentle breeze caresses your skin. You smell the air, and it is scented with nostalgia from memories past

Each minutes passes by. 60 beats. Heartbeat. Your heart beats in rhythm with each breath you take

Gentle breeze
It's a lazy day and I'm feeling lethargic
Sep 2019 · 180
Deserving
Lyda M Sourne Sep 2019
I don't deserve what I have

1. I don't deserve to be alive
    So can I trade my life for
    Someone more valuable than me


2. I don't deserve to be loved
    So please give your heart to
    Someone who can love you more


3. I don't deserve happiness
    So direct your smile to
    Someone who will smile back at you


4. I don't deserve me
    So to myself
    Find someone else to be
Lyda M Sourne Sep 2019
That’s the thing

I can’t love anymore

Because I was led to believe that I was loved

Only to discover that it was all an act

He was only lonely

And I was led to believe that I had found someone who would treat me better than my parents treated each other

I can’t have you

Because I’ll go in the relationship

Just waiting for the inevitable to happen

The moment you look me in the eye and say you never loved me
and now I can't believe..not in you and definitely not in me
Sep 2019 · 173
Only for a moment
Lyda M Sourne Sep 2019
I look back at my poems
And I laugh to myself

How sweet they were
My feelings then

Only lasting a moment
An hour and a day

A time so precious and dear
Sep 2019 · 163
Catching myself
Lyda M Sourne Sep 2019
We've finally met
After not seeing each other for so long

And yet here I am
Pushing you away

From my heart, my mind
Hoping not fall in love

Helpless that I will have to fight
Against feelings I don't want to have
I don't want to fall for you
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