I don’t miss him
I miss us

For a second there I caught myself falling
For a second there I thought it was all going to be okay
For a second there It felt like I could feel forever
For a second there I was no longer afraid

To step into the light of day
And embrace
All that you had given me
Was no longer put to waste

In the light of day
It was all ok

There must have been a night.
There must have been a night where my heart was a little more broken than it is right now.
There must have been a night where my eyes cried out even more tears than it has tonight.
There must have been a night.

I want to go home
But I'd rather stay here

How can one person
who is given everything
from another individual
find it within themselves
to want back the person who gave them nothing
but a body to hold late at night

You're thirsty?
Here.
Let me offer you some of my tears!
(I've got plenty)

This nothing much more than our story of decay:

Our relationship started as something new and shiny
Yet as we grew, our hearts drifted
But our bodies? they came closer

It is hard to imagine these past three years without your name constantly appearing on my shattered phone screen.
But times have changed,
and now, I'll go on as the shattered one

When you said your final goodbye, I didn't realize that your last three words were going to be, "Sorry, it's over"
Rather than the "I love you's" we had shared over those 938 days

It is truly hard to accept this ending
I wish I could rewrite it; Or at least make a sequel


But I guess I just have to accept the fact that,
"Long story short, it's over"

By taking the risk of letting you go,
I have now gained everything

Even the sun knew today was the end

You’re still a mystery to me
Should I waste my energy to solve you?

Today I looked you in the eyes for the first time in five months
Except I don’t think it was your eyes I was looking into...
There was a new found joy in each pupil, as if our past was never there to begin with

Right there and then I knew,
We were both finally free

Love the wind
Breathe it in slowly
It's only temporary

Trying to find myself in the mirror.
It’s smudged,
Fogged away,
Filled with stains.
My reflection screaming back,
“Don’t look.”

Today I woke up and didn't feel a burden.
Two years of the sour, fragile, cold and lonely nights are gone.
Although the snow comes soon, the only thing I can see is the sun.

Constantly.
It doesn't stop.
Like an ache,
pure pain,
yet I've become numb to it...
It doesn't matter how many times you drop me,
I'd get back up every time
and run back.
Over and over again,
never truly realizing all the breaking bones,
bruising legs, bleeding cheeks.
Soon I become so damaged I don't even want myself.
All I'll ever want is you.

People whisper about my decisions.
They act like their input is valid.
But at the end of the day...
it comes down to what my heart wants to follow.
Him.
Her.
Myself.
Look in the mirror...
start with you.

How is it that some people are able to get over someone whom they “loved” in a matter of days?

It took me weeks,
Months,
Years,
And a whole new coat of skin,
Just to have a day where his name didn’t cross my mind.

I continue to wait,
To remember,
To change the could haves,
The would haves,
And the should haves.
All for a different ending.

I wish you could take me back to the first day.
Simplicity.
You,
Me,
And a bus.

Magic was made in the most unusual place, yet it transformed me into someone I wish I could be again.

When I told you I loved you,
I wasn’t lying.

My tongue will only speak those words truthfully to you.
My lips, forever yours.

Until my new coat of skin.

We wish upon stars,
and dream the impossible
To give us hope.
For love,
For happiness,
And for ourselves

We long for this beautiful hope to rise our souls from the darkness into the light of day.

At times we are brought down to our knees with nothing left.
Wondering how any human could be brought down such length,
And suddenly, all hope is lost.

We decide not to wish upon the stars
and to never dream any dreams.
We push away all hope we were saving for love, happiness and ourselves.
It seems inevitable.

Yet it is not.
We can find the hope of love, and happiness within ourselves.
When your heart feels lost, don’t run off and find someone to fill that chunk of solitude, find yourself.

I see her eyes in yours,
yet I still pursue you.

You've changed,
I've changed,
what do we think we're doing?

I can't let go.
I can try,
I have tried.
But I get the same result every time.

You choose her.
Every time.

Why do we do this to ourselves?
I can try to answer,
But it never seems to be the right.

I was looking for you,
in someone else.

You're grace,
you're kindness,
you're pure gentle touch,
all of which had been broken,
for someone else.

Why did I put myself through this,
you moved on.
I was stuck.
You were the only someone else I wanted.

You, me, and the world.
Nobody else.
Someone else.

When you took my own soul from me,
Of course I wasn’t going to be “okay”
You planted me in your rotted heart,
Grew me under artificial light,
Poured vinegar on my stomata for growth,
And ripped out my roots when you’d seen enough.

There.
Lying among the rest of your bouquets.
With screaming petals of
“He loves me, He loves me not”
Pouring out pure life from my stem.
You took my own soul from me,
Of course I wasn’t going to be “okay”

I ask for glass of what SHE has
When it is given to me, I still feel unsatisfied
The moment jealousy is redeemed,
Nothing but regret is to be held against my own head.

Let me write through your heart,
creating an inseparable melody.
Allow me to open your locked gate,
to all of my mistakes.
Hold me in my darkest hour,
and never let go.
It's simple.

I hope you receive the love I was never given

I’m alone.
My future, deceiving.
Longing for a grip.
I’m crying for help,
but everyone seems to have their headphones in.

I feel like when I write,
my concepts begin to disconnect.

I start with the old and end with the older
nothing seems proportionate.

But maybe that's how my life (and my poems)
are suppose to be written out.

Beginning with one adventure, and ending with another.

The silence of your absence terrifies me.
My eyes weaken when you leave.
I’m gone.
I disappear.
I’m no longer within myself or anyone else.
Simply Forgotten

Temptations teach us how to suffer from a smile.
They teach us how to endure
to persevere
and to overcome.
They take your greatest weakness,
and transform it into your greatest strength.

That's all you were.
You were my temptation.
You changed me.
You "gifted" me with a transformation
that wasn't even for me,
it was to give you what you always wanted.
I was your doll.

Until the new one came one out.
Bright, shiny, and new.

You abandoned me, into the pit of your rigorous heart,
forcing medown, it didn't take long to reach the bottom.
All of your other dolls were underneath me.
Their stares all screamed, "I told you so"
and I shattered.
Solitary, and alone.
Broken.

I waited for you,
You ran further away.


The end.

When your heart is broken,
there is no automatic cure.
Your internal grief will grow,
and will never go away,
just slowly become easier to deal with.

Days, and months will pass.
As a smile rises on your face,
a gently curved plastic,
only to hold those who know nothing.

They sit on your swing,
pumping their legs
forward, backward.
But they only rarely move.
Their movements are forced,
by the showers of tears, and expeditious winds.

The heart ache is stable.
Yet will eventually go numb,
nothing will ever be able to cause the same immense pain.
The guards rise up,
neglecting connections.
Flirt.
Smile.
Fake it until you make it.

You will hear the crowds telling us over and over,
"It WILL be ok".
I'm here to tell you it won't.
Never.
So, find useless distractions.

Falling for a new season
The leaves with its monochromatic moments
Of accelerating fall
Finding a new pathway and following
Overcoming more obstacles
and never looking back
You were my new season.
I fell for you.

I lived in your forested eyes
before my oceanic eyes even knew the beauty,
ones pupils could hold.
You were the love
I longed and hoped for,
my fairy tale was you.
We were just stuck in the wrong part of our timelines.
A single moment that would never allow our fairy tale
to have the right ending.

Eventually,
I left your forested eyes,
knowing every pattern surrounding your iris.
I love you.
Why can't I tell you now?
I'm too late.

Maybe it wasn't meant to be...

It's spiraling into the core of my brain.
I want to cry for help,
but you're my only medication.
I dial the ambulance,
but it goes to a voicemail with a familiar voice.

I lost the best thing I had ever known.
I'm sorry.

My skin has been prisoned in artificial light
only self-created barriers holding me back.
I am able to stare at my rusted, lined, uniform.
Clothing me from my broad shoulders, to my suffering ankles.

I'm okay.
Those two words act as a life pursuit.
Those two words are repeated in every lobe of my brain
frontal, parietal, occipital, and temporal.
It's the poem they think I am breathing,
not the poem that defines me.

My wrist begins to flutter
Eyes launch a dilation
Thoughts descend to encounter the lead
All to create a selection of words

Words.
Developed by 26 letters
Colliding and stringing together
As a whole

Consisting of vowels
Meaninglessly rising to the top
Attaining popularity
Among the rest of the 21 others

And consonants
Creeping and crawling
Just to be acknowledged
B,C,D,F,G,H,J… and so forth

Nevertheless
It can’t be done nor spelled without
A, E, I, O, U.
Y, O, U. You.

One consonant
Two vowels
But a word
Filled with power

Who are you?

Are you the Z creeping and crawling
just to be acknowledged?
Or are you the A
meaninglessly rising to the top?




Unity
Just like the millions of words in usage
Formed by both consonants and vowels
We also need each other, from A-Z and everything in between

26 individuals
Each one with a certain ability
To be capitalized.
Which letter are you?
The letter awaiting its turn to be first?

From A, B & C's
Uniting with L, M, N, O, & P’s
To make a bigger “picture”
A bigger, story.

Now in this time
More than ever
We need unity between man
To form something bigger

Unity
It starts with U
A letter nevertheless
But also Y, O, U

Now it's completely up to you
How are you going to write your story?
How are you going to string together the vowels and consonants?

Because in the end
The only one that can create a perfect ending
To your own story
Is A, E, I, O, you.