it's ok: Poems

it's ok Mar 2017

claim to be open to things
claim to be accepting of difference
claim to be radiating of love and hope
and then show hate at this first chance you get

how to ruin everything in one night

it's ok Jul 2016

how to ruin everything in one night

force yourself to fall in love with me
and we could pretend that we are in love tonight.
just for tonight,
because when the sun hits the window sill,
and when you have to be gone again...
I'll be on my way.
I'll return the parts of you that completed me,
the dancing, the neck kissing, the days before....
and if we're lucky,
we'll never see each other again.

how to win or lose

it's ok Nov 2015

how to win or lose

I woke up and reality stays by my side,
My new friend and I are determined
To break out of these obstacles
"Keep it real" they say.
Reality is the only friend I can trust anymore.

I can't rest.

it's ok Nov 2016

I can't rest.

I couldn't care less about your political party,
I care that you don't see another human as human,
I care you stand with someone who believes love can be directed by electric shocks to the head
I care that you support someone who openly took the KKKs support,
And the supporters burned down a POCs church.

I don't care what party you stand for,
But it worries me that you could possibly talk good of someone that
Is being tried for sexually assaulting women and children.
How could you want these actions to represent you?
Why do you want this to be more normalized in our society?
Why do you want religion to be restricted to just what you believe?

This is blind support built with a foundation of love for hate.

ice

it's ok Aug 2015

ice

I wanted to remind them of what it was like
to bite-
you know how ice will shell around water?
still breakable, that was me
but I turned to frozen, and when someone tried
to bite.
into me.
they broke their teeth, froze their tongue,
and was warmed by my skin,
and they would fall apart
this is the path i set for myself.
I'm destructive in this sense

I choose to be nicer

it's ok Nov 2016

I choose to be nicer

I will individually message you
So you'll understand
Why he's my oppressor

I just pray they understand

I don't care where I'm going.

it's ok Mar 2015

I don't care where I'm going.

We drove until our irises turned a different color
We drove until we had to turn around
We drove until the sky reminded us it was over
We drove until we knew this wasn't our happy ending.
and I'll drive for years, until I can get you out of my head.

i fuck for revenge

it's ok Oct 2015

i **** for revenge

girl #1, i'm sorry i hooked up with your boyfriend
you left me all alone with me and alcohol.
boy #1, i'm sorry your ex girlfriend wants me rather than you,
but i don't even want her.
girl #2, i'm sorry i'm going to destroy your marriage with him.
when he's feeling guilty, i hope what he said slips in his conscious.
i hope he can't take the weight of what he did.
oh, it's not your fault, but you'll get by.
you left him all alone and he'll choose me,
besides, you're far far away,
oblivious to what he did.

I have the wrath of the ocean.

it's ok Apr 2018

I have the wrath of the ocean.

I have the soul of a fire
I have hands as cold as Antarctica’s air
I have my feet grounded
I have the wrath of the ocean

I am unstoppable

i imagine

it's ok Feb 2017

i imagine

water is gasoline
and i'm steady drinking it.

my necklace is noose,
i'm waiting to slip.

my bracelets as razors,
pressed up against me.

cigarettes as car exhaust
when i watch it fill the dead air,
i breathe deeper.

and i stop all together.
there was something about
feeling close to death.

i search for that feeling on the edge of tall buildings.

and i'm always on the edge.

#tw #trigger

I know,

it's ok Sep 2016

I know,

That the universe will snap in two
The explosion of the sun is going to set us on fire
And the sky will take a different hue
Our atmosphere destroy the innocent and the liar
But for now all that I want and all that I need,
Is your breath against my neck
and your arms around me

ill

it's ok Sep 2017

ill

i hear them talk about their childhoods
how they wish that they could go back.
my issues started early
i keep my head down.
cause god, i'm grateful i don't have to go back.

I'll Leave, I swear

it's ok Feb 2015

I'll Leave, I swear

Checked my list, realized I've done half the things I wanted to
Got a few cents to save before I leave this place
Atleast I get to claim that through all the terrible thoughts,
Through all the turmoil and self hate

So we get to the point of the goodbyes,
In the next couple of years, the kids I sung my heart out with
I won't want to look at their faces
Haven't got a problem with letting you go,

I can let go of all the times we shared,
Sparklers, skateboards, late nights in the rain.
Too cold, too numb, too happy to feel.
We spin, we kiss, we cry.
Felt alive, even.
But I won't miss you, though I may think about you.

#kiss #cry #happy #personal #leaving

i'm not really meant to be loved

it's ok Oct 2015

i'm not really meant to be loved

theres a boy that just tried to show me everythings gonna be okay
i showed him to pick at my wounds
theres a boy that just tried to love me,
and i showed him how to love anyone that isn't me
it's all in fear, and it's all in good days
when i call a friend up, because i have to think
when i got high with him and tried to stay close
but he came down, and wasn't in the best place
i passed out in the grocery store parking lot
but ****, is this how i want to live?

I'm Not vs. I am

it's ok Feb 2015

I'm Not vs. I am

I'm not sorry for being unapologetically me
I don't feel bad for my anger or my happiness
I'm not sorry for losing a few friends
I am regretting that I did not love deeper

I'mSorry/I'mSorry/I'm sorry.

it's ok Jun 2014

I'mSorry/I'mSorry/I'm sorry.

The words that were never said
Could have brought so much joy,
if I hadn't forgotten how to say them

and I feel like I'm on a roller coaster
that scares you and you can't get off
no matter how much you yell at the carney

realization sets in that I'm wasting away,
and I'll fall apart

I didn't mean to complain about this town,
or my friends
I just couldn't see with such selfish eyes

I figured if I tried hard enough,
the world would be handed to me.

Never ever did I think I'd be trying to remember
all the names of the people I've kissed

all this time spent trying to help everyone and myself
i'm going insane
I don't want to disappoint anyone,
but I let the sadness eat me alive
and I can't go outside without feeling like
the sky is mocking me with its constant brightness and darks

I don't know who I am,
but someone useless

I needed to fall in love

it's ok Nov 2016

I needed to fall in love

My fingertips traced over hip bones
Around in circles right back to my own
I couldn't figure out why I kept coming back to me
each day spent in attempt to break yesterday's pattern left

The nights were spent running down brick roads
Climbing buildings with barbwire on ladders
And by 3 AM I was half naked in the kitchen, completely breathless.

For the past four years you've been on my mind everyday
"Can you believe how beautiful the stars look tonight?" He's so warm, his hands shake.
but this love is misplaced
I never needed you to fall in love,
I only needed myself

I never cared until you

it's ok Mar 2015

I never cared until you

How could I go my whole life,
not caring if I fell asleep next to anyone,
(I never cared until you)
How could I meet someone and care
for two years straight
about how I am not waking up next to you,
you'll be the death of me,
and you're in my dreams.
I shake when I wake and find you're not there beside me

I never felt this alive

it's ok Jan 2014

I never felt this alive

We all consume the our feelings
underneath the fire
underneath the dimmed lights
underneath the strobe
We all take another shot,
and talk about the stars
and talk about old loves
and close our mouths and dance
We all feel relaxation
feel close
feel inspired
feel gone
but we never let go
of the warmth
of happiness
of freedom
and we live,
and move on
and forget
and regret

I never say I love you first.

it's ok Mar 2016

I never say I love you first.

I'm not waiting on the other person to realize they love me
Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid to get hurt
I'm not afraid if I say it first
They won't feel the same
I'll be stuck with this loneliness-
Look, it only happened once,
But feeling that pain was better than what I feel on a daily basis.
Nothing, and everything at night.
"How do you know if youre falling for someone?"
I keep hearing it's just supposed to be a feeling
"Do you get upset if they **** someone else?"
If anything, I realize that there's something in my brain
That won't let me feel what I felt for you.

So I never say I love you first,
Because I'd hate to be the first person to lie.

in my head

it's ok Nov 2015

in my head

It began to happen during days
Beginners mistake, only adding to the delay
I closed my eyes and the world disappeared
everything I once feared
the dolls eyes are opened wide,
Waiting for a tear to drop from your eye
Perfect perfect
Days are showing their faces
The perfect days are measured by if
You have a foot massage at work

Fast food. No business. Your own hands.
The perfect days are measured by if I can watch a show and have dinner with my coworker.
Close the door. Open the lights.

The nights began to happen during the day.
I felt like I came to life again.
Something broke me. Out of the mold

It wasn't you with you cheese splattered canvas
You're a rookie who still doesn't know how to live
My blood came back all at once,
And I'm back full force

It began to happen during the day.
I'd close my eyes and let the waves drown me
Take the happiness and take the sadness
And all at once I let myself feel again.

I'm getting better. I'm gonna be better

I'm breathing again.

Insomnia

it's ok Nov 2016

Insomnia

She brought me speckles of light in her hair
And she made highlighted the best aspects of my mind
Her name is Night and she keeps me awake and aware.
I just can't get enough of her, she's so quiet and kind.

I thought of her as pretty selfish to play with my head like this.
She blames it on my brain hoping I'll dismiss
The awful things she puts me through.
But I fall for it each time we lay.

She so gentle, but sometimes her touch is cold.
She makes her way under my clothes,
Distorted hours, her face is stone
But I welcome it

Her name is Night and she keeps her visits
But she'll leave me breathless when
Day scratches

Instability

it's ok Mar 2016

Instability

maybe I shouldn't think like that.
I keep remembering that time
we sat in the grocery store parking lot reading fortune cards
I was just there to cheer you up,

And sometimes I regret not taking the chance we could've had
But it's like I need crazy, and I have to be with insane
And when you visited me at work for that last time
I never heard from you again
I don't know if I regret it or not.

I stayed attached to a boy who would
Watch the stars with me and would grip my thighs
And in the morning he'd hide me when the church van came

Maybe I shouldn't think like this.
Maybe I shouldn't be remembering how different things could have been.

into/your/mind

it's ok May 2014

into/your/mind

simple enough
If I wanted to, I could
I could dissect every word
you ever said
Take off the fabric that surrounds--
I would never, I told you,

I want to taste your skin,
after it's been hung on the clothespin
in the sun too long
If you heard this, you'd take it the wrong way

you want to taste me
because that little kiss,
you knew what you were doing
and now your hands know every inch of me

so ******* now

#kiss #word #want #sun #in #of #hands #wrong #if #i #the #and #what #this #**** #too #could #you #me #on #skin #it #its #to #never #way #now #know #simple #so #were #that #enough #knew #ever #long #would #take #off #little #wanted #taste #every #told #your #because #said #been #heard #fabric #after #youd #doing #hung #inch #dissect #surrounds- #clothespin

invisible pulling lines

it's ok Apr 2014

invisible pulling lines

you're the perfect beat in the song
together, you're knotted with a perfect memory
you're a could have, should have,
you're a wish and a dream
and to trace my fingertips across your skin
feels like heaven and bliss running through me
head to toe, and sometimes at a breaking point
but I'm not even sure if my words mean anything
because we can spend all night, all day, all year
talking. laughing. fighting.
we can spend forever in ecstasy, thinking it'll never end
I will still have my doubts
because you're a couldn't have, shouldn't have
just a wish and another goodbye

#dream #poem #words #sad #tags #end #not #im #in #goodbye #if #i #the #thinking #day #running #night #heaven #and #perfect #wish #could #me #sure #*** #my #skin #should #laughing #together #invisible #even #to #but #sometimes #never #have #song #head #like #forever #memory #still #whole #we #fighting #bliss #all #breaking #just #lines #yes #at #year #ecstasy #will #with #through #doubts #talking #pulling #fingertips #youre #mean #spend #couldnt #point #feels #your #across #can #beat #because #another #anything #put #itll #shouldnt #knotted #trace #toe

Issues of Public

it's ok Jun 2016

Issues of Public

Things are skewed in little ways
That we are believed to think everything's okay.
First things first,
Why the hell is it so shocking that my parents are still together?
Why is a normal question "are your parents divorced?"
Is it because a lot of people lose feelings for the first person they married?
Do they love the person or are they bored?
Or maybe one of them finally showed their true colors
In the mindset their partner can't run away.

While we are on marriage,
Why is it okay for some people to love someone
But others can't?
I think you know where I'm going.
Only recently did the marriage discrimination stop.
But in my state, there no breath of fresh air

The ones who seem to love more,
Can't lock their lives together
Just because it's wrong in the eyes of God,
But these people sure weren't preaching when they gossip, lied, or stole

One last thing, is it normal for a college student to struggle?
Why is it normal for them to be thousands of dollars in debt for the rest of their lives,
even when they have scholars ships and finical aid?
Because books and food aren't free,
Older generations critise them
When college student still live with their parents.
Older generations critise them
When they move out and stuggle
In the economic trap that the older generation set.

I Think I'll Be Alright

it's ok Jan 2015

I Think I'll Be Alright

It's been awhile since I've felt the crushing weight of the world
Imaginary bricks weighing on my ribs
My throat closing in as I stay awake all night again
And shaking as I fall apart,
But surrounded by all of this, I've been able to truthfully say
"I think I'll be alright."

'It never gets easier, you just get better'

it's ok Feb 2014

'It never gets easier, you just get better'

you created your own problems
and its time to stop
making up excuses.

self-centered.

but I hope you're doing okay
and I hope no one ever has to suffer
While the world is collapsing
we save ourselves
from fires and floods

When no one really matters,
I hope you're not crying in a bathroom stall,
I hope you fit in unless you hate attention
but that's your decision

but don't ask me to notice
how you are putting problems on yourself

it's all in your head

it's ok Aug 2017

it's all in your head

in the morning my blood is cold,
there's chips of ice crawling around my heart
And it paralyzes me.
my mind has control over my body.
it's hard to breathe like this.

I'm so cold I'm shaking.
my lips are blue and
My skin has frostbite all over,
But I'm the only that can see the damage

I get looks of pity
when I try to claw out of my body,
I sliced through my legs and arms
I tried to make an escape

there's a war inside of me that I can't seem to appreciate
please please please, leave me be.

It's All Talk

it's ok Feb 2015

It's All Talk

You shaped yourself,
I fell in love with that until I fell apart.
Can't handle the passing moments, it all moves too fast
These nights end too soon.
You don't do too well losing your friends,
I've lost enough people to make a crowd

I could probably blame you, say I was okay when numb
Yell at you, tell you to stay away.
Instead, I think I'll just fall apart.

it's just venting

it's ok May 2014

it's just venting

only escaping problems
I'm sick of all my friends trying to convince me
they are the lifers with a rebellious touch
They're confidence mixes far too much with arrogance
sometimes
I wanted to be a little wild, so I changed my fashion
I wanted to discover, so I travel without my mom's permission
but I don't feel a thrill that people talk about
I feel absolutely nothing when I'm using foul language
and my emotions are surely blank when wind is going through
my hair in an 90 mph car,
I feel nothing but the arrogance beaming off of the driver
"trying to beat the speed limit"
and I guess I'm not good at much?

its the past

it's ok Jul 2017

its the past

he wrote about me
but never to me.
i fell for him,
but never in love,
i fell apart.
and he was the one
that tore me to pieces

Just a Human System

it's ok Feb 2015

Just a Human System

The deeper breaths I take,
The more I suffocate
It's like my blood vessels are restricting my throat
A snake that curls into my brain, poisoning my thoughts
The more I think,
The more I sink.
And I just so happen to believe this is all falling apart

Just Friends

it's ok Aug 2014

Just Friends

You became the best thing in my life,
So I held onto you tight
throughout all the late nights
We could run through the back roads,
Stomping on our shadows, because we're so bright
You were my favorite person this time around
I don't know how to stand these days, weeks, or years anymore

Lay on the rocks and blast some louder heavy metal
Fall asleep with dreams of highways winding through the east coast
We shook from the coffee,
We smiled with the darkest eyes and borrowed energy

People gave us strange looks and we respond with disinterest
No more staying calm
No sleep for days, but we're ******* happy
and it was so surreal,
But we had to say goodbye.

I don't even know where to go anymore,
because every long drive is now just waiting to get where I'm going
Drunk nights and drinking games aren't the same
and I can't seem to find a friendship as spontaneous as ours
I just can't let you go, because I love you so much
But you've gone too far for me to pull you back

#sad #sleep #coffee #friendship #you #memory #drinking #who #were #roadtrip

Keep on, darlin'

it's ok Apr 2014

Keep on, darlin'

Don't let the moonlight sweep you off your feet
They'll claim it's a game, they'll say follow follow me
You're lost in your own intoxicated mind
and you're promising you're gonna be someone
someday

Kissing Air

it's ok Sep 2013

Kissing Air

I believed
Every lie you ever told me
I felt beautiful
And wanted,
But you’re a liar.

lace

it's ok Oct 2018

lace

every night
it's someone different
but if i don't open my eyes,
i can feel him.
every day
i wake up alone.
but if i don't open my eyes
my heart doesn't have to break

Lessons

it's ok Sep 2016

Lessons

Mop head brown hair at a coffee shop,
He talks about his crazy girlfriend
But she has a reason for her trust issues.
He tells me I'll be the one that got away
He's here one moment and the next hes there

Barely made it back to earth.
I'm just here for the lies that leave his lips.
heavy cigarette smoke and holes in his forearm.
Im hoping this is all where it ends.

Let Down Alarms

it's ok Mar 2015

Let Down Alarms

I went to watch the sun rise
but it was cloudy, so made my own clouds with smoke and lungs
And I watched the sky grow brighter and dull all at once
and hid the can, and rolled towards the source
hoping for the clouds to give up,
while I was waiting to stop feeling like paper fill with your thoughts.

light

it's ok Jul 2017

light

she goes down on me,
my body flows with ecstasy,
i am so high,
but when shes done
she brings me down

listen close

it's ok Jul 2016

listen close

my skin is the fabric the world unwinds
I have late night drives
I have early mornings just trying to survive
everyone now deserves to be diagnosed.
mothers cringe at therapist, at doctors, at the money
the jail time for stolen needles
to stitch the rips.

if you tell someone that they have no right to complain
eventually you won't hear it anymore
they lock it away and become scared to speak
in fear of their own selfishness devouring them
resulting in another hidden face.

people stop crying in front of others
people stop feeling in front of others

people stop feeling anything at all.

to all the fathers that loved their daughters
and hugged their sons close
to all the mothers that did their best
and provided the life they never had

there is a type of love that the world needs,
stitched in in the skins of your children.
maybe the world can just learn to
feel again.

there is so much to learn
from the ones who love the ones around them.
whether they have nothing or everything.

little introvert (10w)

it's ok Jun 2016

little introvert (10w)

such a quiet voice
with such significant words to say

Looking up.

it's ok Sep 2013

Looking up.

When you think you know your footsteps,
Theres another road you have to follow
Another path, decisions to make, and it's a lot of trouble
I know I was stuck in a horrible place,
Where demons and monsters knew me by name and knew my address by heart
Childish fears, I'd crawl under my sheets to hide from nightmares lingering around
Nothing was worth living for, and Tuesdays were a bitter resort,
It seemed as if blacklights filled my eyes, and I saw the places where others couldn't
The little stains invisible to others
And I wanted to keep to myself.
These are horrible things to feel, when you stare at the wall and think about
"No one would miss me if I took my life."
Turning my flesh inside out, hoping my eyes go behind my head.
Happiness was something I haven't seen in awhile
My favorite moment was when a smile was cut across my face
Looking in the mirror wasn't as hard to do,
But I'm trying to be happy,
not to bring others down as well.
My favors are being returned, and I believe I'll be okay.
Tragedy is still there, but I know I shouldn't worry about it.
Even though I still feel a little weight,
I know it'll be over with soon.

LOVE TRUMPS HATE

it's ok Nov 2016

LOVE TRUMPS HATE

I have hope that love will conquer.
This is not something I can just let go of.
Don't tell me to keep quiet
If You didn't watch your minority friends cry of fear
If you didn't break down because you suddenly felt scared
It's only a grain of hope, so I'll build a mountain.

Low quality poetry venting

it's ok May 2016

Low quality poetry venting

Its been around 3 months or so since i actually tried to make new experiences.
people now surround me when i don't want to be alone,
don't want to sleep alone

i think i'm getting used to talking out loud and
having no one talk back.
i can't even tell if i'm isolating myself or if everyone is giving up on me.

were these people here to just pass time in the first place?
was i there just to entertain so they didn't get bored?
every day i smile wide,
because these people sure as hell never helped me through ****.

i refuse to truthfully apologize to my mother ever again
she loves alcohol more than me.
her priorities come from distorted memories,
stemmed from dreams mix with intoxication and night time cold medication
her eyes are wide, her blood vessels in her face surface
there was nothing i could ever do.

i refuse to ever mean "i'm sorry" to a woman who, on a daily basis,
calls me stupid and constantly tells me i need to lose weight
she wakes me up in the middle of the night and scares me.
and i'm 10 years old mentally all again, afraid.
and i'm 6 years old mentally all again, locked away, hiding.

maybe its for the best i leave

Manipulation

it's ok Jan 2016

Manipulation

give me a second of your time, and I'll burn the fire
It'll be so bright.
Hot enough so everyone takes a step back
Including the ones you love
So what if they call you brainwashed and insane?

Here we go, hold my hand
Let's get a little closer to the heat,
It's true. No one else will understand.
Our feet are on fire now,
Can you feel the slow burn?

Well, it's not over yet.
if our faces get a little redder,
I'll give you everything you've ever wanted
And the world tells you it's a bad idea,
But you're happy,
Aren't you?

We go down in ashes together.

You don't have the right person if everything feels wrong.
Rebuild.

matter

it's ok Mar 2018

matter

i can't seem to find a good balance
between structure and constant change.

i have a million goals,
but i'm still searching for a purpose.
i need to make an impression on the world,
that lasts long after i'm gone.

matter of time

it's ok Mar 2014

matter of time

the past is chasing you down
but I won't let it get to you again
you get so high and leave the world for a little while
but I can't let you get hurt
"there's time to grow and time to wait
time to move, and time for fate
to show you your future of unimaginable dreams."
and is your future tickling at your nose?
I can't let you see it if you're going to hate yourself
are you going to be burned out?
I can't let you get hurt
again

member

it's ok Jul 2015

member

please don't fade from the things we said
i don't need you, but you're necessary
to keep me breathing steady,
but sometimes i'd rather be dead

sometimes i think to blame this all on you
and sometimes late at night,
i think about how if i just didn't text you,
or if i just got rid of that ticket,
then i could cut this feeling away

but maybe i love the pain that comes with it
it only makes sense that this would pass me

Mental.

it's ok Apr 2016

Mental.

I happen to jump at shadows,
My mind is filled with a guilty conscience
But I'm not sure why.
.I've been searching for answers late at night.
My eyes are closed and the lights are out
But there's thunder outside and the trees are falling down
I can't help but think that I'm the wind and lightning that caused this mess
.if you'll be my debris, I'll be your everything.
I lock the door and turn the lights off just so I can't see my own shadow.
i don't want to remember where I've been sometimes
I don't want to think about who i used to be.