what if everyone leaves you? no one loves you, wait why do you care? you're you're own person. but what if you end up all alone, again. you love these people, and they make the emptiness go away. your life is a series of different addictions. to people. to foods. that one song. drugs. edge off the pain. the ******* stress, you're not controlling anything, everyone thinks you're a **** up, be louder. no that's annoying. calm down, now you're too aloof, how do i make him notice me? he's all i think about now but it's onto the next one and now im kinda empty
i will never be able to say what happened outloud But sometimes my mind is too much to listen to. Thinking I deserved it, I could’ve prevented it but I’m reminded with two days of blood And forced to think about it with bruised lips maybe if I would’ve been more careful, I wouldn’t have had my face pressed into the ground Saturday night maybe if I hadn’t gotten so drunk I could’ve fought back.
If you don’t think about the needy You’re selfish. Self entitled, far from selfless You should want to help others The homeless The needy
But your mind crumbles Under the thought Of you could’ve easily been A drug addicted woman Separated from her family Who realized no amount of love Can push away an addicts love For white lines and heated spoons.
So your depression isolates you. Because you were so close to being her But you end up with empathy And empty pockets With the heavy weight of knowing There’s no way of helping Someone who doesn’t want to be saved.
we didn't want to you to OD and have your mother crying saying she'd do anything to have you back
all these nights i'm losing sleep i wish it was all a dream but white lines don't numb dark times even the lightest mind gonna hang around the dark sometimes and you fought hard for yours
all of a sudden everyone's mentioning your name, each time it's said, it hurts it just shows me that my life will never be the same
knew you were drifting and you wouldn't live forever but please let me know if it ever gets better when you find a way out of your head, cause i'd do anything for a way out of my head right now
celebrity deaths don't effect me, but mac millers music had SUCH an impact on my life. i had to get this out. i find myself crying over this death still. i've listened to mac miller forever and his music has gotten me THROUGH some tough times. thank you for everything, mac. RIP
I started breathing like a dragon more when my throat feels like it’s on fire, my demons voices become tired So when my mind is unaltered I try to carry this state on more
Self therapy and self medication is terrifying when you never know if you’re moving in the right direction And have a nagging feeling you’ll never afford mental correction there’s still many days that are too paralyzing
So The moon told me The clocks told me The sun and his siblings all told me “I promise you’ll be okay.”
I am a soul Riddled with trust issues I am a soul That my brain has poisoned
I’m calling it quits I need a break from all the stressful smoke breaks Nights spent breathing in air as heavy as Earth with a heavy chest with the same thought looping “why is most love unrequited?”
I’m done tying myself to people who push me around to see the pain in my eyes But I still feel safe with them and then all the bad thoughts become a blanket So depression makes the softest bed It’s easy to wake up and find myself paralyzed
I’m cleaning out the skeletons They over flow my closet and their ghosts follow me Everywhere I go I carry demons If I speak my truth with an open heart, Maybe I’ll find angels to replace the evil.
I’m going to let go And forgive myself And everyone who doesn’t deserve it.
I am starting with cleaning the ashes of those I’ve burned.
my name is depression, Because these lows seem to define my entire mental illness. my name is depression when I’m lost, Blacking out from the heavy weight of my mind My name is depression When my manager notices I’m not motivated, And suddenly my career is on the line. my name is depression when I’m in the middle of an episode And can’t be bothered to do classwork And suddenly I’m threatened with being kicked out of college. And I’m defined by all of this, purposeless. My goal is rise above the chemicals in my brain, Without therapy or medicine. Because I’ve always taken pride in being independent. But it’s time for me to ask for help.
my hometown is haunted there’s memories down every back road, and some spirits are stuck on who they were they roam the old dirt roads, Thinking things have never changed. There’s confederate soldiers still roaming my neighborhood, The ghosts of slaves still singing their songs Which are carried into the ears of their descendants, it’s a reminder of rights that haven’t been granted.
There’s still hills from the crops that have been planted years and years ago. There’s still people that hold the same belief as their white grandparents did. There’s still hills and mountains to climb before everyone realized we’re all the same height.
My hometown is plagued with hatred, But you have to listen closely, It’s in the voices of rich southern belles, Down to the soul of the tobacco spitting **** heads. It’s cooked into green bean casseroles and fed to their children Through backhanded compliments plastered in a facade.
Late at night, listen to the sounds in my hometown and You’ll hear history. Listen to the abandoned train, And the slaves that worked through the heavy rain if you close your eyes, you’ll see the sweat and tears, Where you can’t tell which is which. Listen to the broken souls, And how far it carried into their own. And you’ll realize this war was never over For anyone begging for a difference
there’s hope. For the lost, after all. I fall In love With everyone for who they are. I connect with everyone On the level they need me to. and not everyone needs me But for the ones that do, I am here For you Forever. And I believe There’s hope for you And there’s hope for me. And we will rise above
my soul belongs to the flames that rise up from the grill, My heart is flipping in white wine in a skillet, And my arms are full of burn marks, I show them off to tell the world “I chose a career that switched me from my dysfunctional family to another one”
By the time I’m home I smell like sweat and food, Sometimes too tired to wash the day away, I fall in my bed, too awake to fall asleep. I’m in love with what I do, And After 20 years, I’m finally home.
her auburn hair was messy, And I figured it reflected who she was, Bright but a mess, And I was absolutely right. she’s the type of girl that stays up all night, Just to look at the moon and watch the sunrise she believes there’s still more to learn, more people to love. and she never stops. she never stops working, she never Stops loving people, Even when others deem them unworthy. She spends her days saving lives, Couldn’t bare to save her own.
And everyday she wakes up, So full of love, but so scared to invest in anyone She just wants her mind to stop racing.
Her clothes drape loosely on her body, And her eyes don’t shed a tear anymore she puts on her warpaint.
I don’t know if I love you or not, Not even sure if I actually really like you. What kind of difference have you brought? The first time I saw you, I was hatless and you had a hat. But I skipped right over that moment And never thought twice about you, It took months, in fact, for me to completely notice you. But now I’m here,
I don’t know if I like you or not, But I’m almost sure I love you, But as a friend. Sometimes I think more than a friend, But I just wanna kick it with you for a little while. In not a friend way.
I don’t know if you like me or not, But I just wanna hang out For a very long time, If that’s okay?
I settle in & watch cars pass my house for three straight hours. it’s the summer, I’ve lost the battle with my mind today. and I remember, That’s it. That’s all it is. Just a battle, I have a whole war to fight.
i settle in tomorrow, smile at myself in the mirror, feel the feeling of absurdity and acceptance- Well, it never stays too well. I lose the battle once again.
when the night sets in & im all alone To my thoughts waging on I’ll be exhausted in the morning and throughout the day maybe i can lay my head down somewhere That’s not my car. but now my car is stuck in the road for three straight hours. It’s a lump of plastic and metal, But I feel myself losing against the chemicals in my brain with odds fighting me.
in less than a week, A home finds me. My weary soul finds a place to go. I find structure in modern soulmates- Maybe I’ll be less hopeless. I’ll settle in & forget about the past 6 months. & I’ll win many more battles.
my eyes are sore. each night i meet the sun and add up the hours i add up the hours from work, work, college i calculate how long i slept, and there's never enough time in the daytime to do what i need to do, but i cannot be tired. i have such a long way to walk
“we should sit in my car behind this abandoned house we should fill our lungs with smoke, i can change your mind, while your world is a blur, the pressure between your hips will be heavier than ever. and when it’s all said and done, I’ll make you promise to keep it a secrect. and when it’s all said and done, You’ll sympathize with that house, And you’ll feel empty just like that house. Your frames will bend and break, And I don’t care how you’re getting home. And I don’t care that your eyes are blinded with tears. i just want you. but you’ll feel heavy and empty all at once when I’m done with you. “
i was a child of a broken home, but my parents were never broken up. i am a child of untreated mental illness and severe alcoholism, mom & dad riddled with the fear of growing up, still blaming their parents for how they turned out. & i saw the cycle repeated when my siblings grew unsuccessful "it's not me, it's how my roots were planted twisted, the death of a sister at a young age really makes a family fall apart. it's not me, it's how my father didn't care. i just wanted to be approved of. i just wanted to be cared for, but i am the way i am because my mother taught me to be intoxicated instead of face my problems."
my siblings live in fear of becoming like my parents, but they never take charge to alter the cycle
I grew with abuse to my mind and body, and all i can do now is heal myself and run far away
i am no longer my past, the place i come from will have nothing to do with who i become.
i want my voice to be stronger than it is but all i am is small my body feels big when i wear it, but when i'm wrapped around someone else i can't help but feel small my words carry strength that stings when you get too close my mind is a loaded gun. and all the power i felt swept me away once more i bring a sense of hopelessness so when i'm happy i am tired .
i do not have a platform. if i did, i'd like to think i'd use it for good my disruptive personality stops me. so now i don't have a place to speak. i am so tired of being told i am too loud i am so tired of being told i am too much to be around
so i am going to be even more of myself and the people that know me, will hear me clearer
he told me i tasted like the sunrise, my lips told a story of a new beginning. but the last time i saw him i felt as cold as the day we first met. suddenly, my sunrise fell and he told me i left a bitter taste in his mouth
sometimes in my omnipotent self, i will break and bruise the sky. colors start to pour out and i am happy, but this isn't me. i am out of control. i play in the sky without fear of consequence and steal the sun of its light. in these moments, i am flying and my insides are burning. i make a wish for this to never end. i am flying until i crash and become human again. humans are messy and i feel nothing but lost amongst the crowd. i search for myself in clouds of smoke and burning liquid and the reflection of his eyes. his troubled past and bad intentions makes me feel like maybe he can understand who i am and who i thought i was and the blurred line between the two, but we're leveling on different emotional states, and all i can be is an added number. time goes on and i become apart of the ****** up people that's been in his life. i forgot again. i forgot when I'm like this I only amount to a storm. and they keep telling me how violent my presence can be. so i close my eyes in prayer that i will open them to the sun i dread to see. sometimes i do, and we start all over again.
dont you wish you could do something right? all you wanna do is have *** with your friends with strangers remember when you used to have standards? But now you just wanna feel something besides the sadness weighing you down that makes you feel like showering in the morning is an accomplishment bonus points if you actually wash your hair
how well can you be doing? all you think about is killing yourself. you think about it all the time when you shower in the morning and when you go to sleep at night you think about suicide when you're having *** and wonder if anything will ever feel right.
And you tell everyone everything is ever great ever green. how are you still breathing?