why do people think that they can force me to go out and be happy?
A smile can be faked.
But how I feel won't change.
I am sorry that I can't live a joyful life.
I think to often about when I die.
I can barely fake another smile.
But people still think that I can be happy just because they asked me to be.

I don't fear the darkness
I don't fear the light.
What I fear is a mixture of those.
When I don't know wich one will take over.

your house of cards is falling apart.
you thought it was so stable, silly child.
You should have known that you can't build on lies.
Not without your world ending up collasping.
oh silly child.
Your world is falling a part as the people see the real you.
The true you tried to hide for way too long.
My silly child.
Open your eyes and speak your mind.
Forget about the collasping world of lies.
And start living your life.
Stop being so silly my sweet child.
Open your eyes and go outside, forget about the lies and start living life.

Can't change who I am,
but who I am changes.

It is all in my mind.
I know you don't feel the same things as I.
But does that make it any less real?
Does it make me insane?
Oh and by the way, you my call me Nathan today.
That you don't understand me or my thoughts, the way my mind works.
Is that reason enough to call me insane?
Because yesterday I was a girl and today a boy?
Is not fitting in the binary system reason enough to tell me that I am crazy, wierd, insane?
That you don't understand, don't feel the same should not mean that you can judge me. Can't it?

last night,
I was not tired.
I could get no rest.
So I waited.
Waited for the sun to rise.
And it was beautiful.
The sun painting colours in the sky.
The beauty of nature.
Always worth waiting.
Staying a wake.

For some reason I can't stop pretending that I am alright.
I can't break the illusion that I am fine.
I think I am just scared that when I stop pretending it might never go away.
I am afraid it will get even more real.
But how then can I make you see that I am not okay when I don't dare to admitt.
I need help but don't dare to ask for it.
Why am I so scared of showing how I feel?
I wish I knew...

You'te holding on me to tight.
Give me no space to breath.
You hold me so close.
Never give me room to grow.
Sorry but I can't do this no more.
I want to break free.
Want you to let me go.

Pizza
Chocolate
Pie

Na na na
Food
Unhealthy delicious food

Na na na
So bad so good
A random poem about food

Every night I cried,
Felt like I died.
I felt so broken,
You told me I could be fixed,
If we only stayed together.
We did that for way too long.
I am picking up myself again.
You had never expected that, right?
That I could,
That someone could-
Live without you.
But honney you have to know something...
I am stronger than you thought.
I am now living my own life.
And I am finally okay.

You watch me falling.
You're enjoying it, aint you?
Don't lie to me,
I can tell you do,
Why else did you push me over the edge?
You're smile widens,
Does that mean that I almost reached the bottom?
You know what?
I don't care,
I have been falling for so long.
Only going down and dowm.
I am ready to die.
Are you ready to lose your toy?

As a fenix I shall rise
And my wings on fire shall be as bright as the sun
Nothing will be able to stop me
Nor an army of titans nor an ocean
And I will fly

In the moonlight an angel shall dance
playing with nature's purest feelings
with earth's soul
And this angel's dance...
In this bright night...
In the beautiful moonlight...
Will be like an everlasting flame

There is a ghost in my house,
Scaring me everytime I see her in the mirror,
Short red bown hair,
Black clothes,
An ugly fake mile and dead  eyes,
I know who this ghost is,
She dyed many years ago,
Her name is Natasja Raven,
Her name is mine,
I turned in a ghost a long time ago.

Your eyes shinning so bright.
Full of love and power.
The most beautiful color I have ever seen.
They make everything else seem insignificant.
All I want to do is get lost in them once more.

Mama.
Why am I so scared of telling you the true?
Why can't I tell you how broken I feel?
I know you would listen.
You won't judge me.
I know.
But mama.
Why am I so scared?
If it is not because of you?
Is it because when I speak my fears that they will even become more real?
Mama
I am so scared.
Mama
I wish I could just tell you.

Some fear spiders,
It is called arachnafobia.
Some fear hospitals,
It is called nosocomephobia.

But how...
How-
Is it called?

Xenophobia,
Fear of strangers.
Coulrophobia,
Fear of clowns.

But how...
How?
How do we call this?
The fear of myself.

Turning on the music so loud I can't hear my own thoughts.
And that is loud.
Cause in my head there is so much going on.
I am screaming.
I sing along with the song.
Act like I'm fine.
But I am ruining my ears now.
So loud is the music playing.
Trying to fight against my thoughts.
I desperately try to drown them.
They scare me.
I don't think I can always use music to not hear my thoughts.
But true be told I am scared of hearing them.
They might drive me insane.
Push me closer to the edge.
So for now I think I will play the music just some louder.

When I have to be strong for you,
When you are scared after watching a horror movie.
It is so hard.
Cause I constantly feel like breaking apart.
I am always so afraid,
Of my own thoughts like my wish to ******* die.

Life or death.
I don't know wich scares me more.

This is about you
It is not a poem.
But I don't care.
Yes this site is called Hello Poetry.
But does that mean that I can't say that I care about you?
That you are beautiful.
That you are kind.
That you are important.
***** poetry.
Today I just want to say that you matter.

Are you okay?
I am breathing.
You should stop.
Why?
Why not?
Stop it, you're in my head.
Yes and it is a horrible place.
I know.
You should do something about it.
Like what?
Do you see that gun?

The cold water of the sea around your legs.
The wind blowing trough your hair.
The moon and stars lighting up the night sky.
Feeling pure.
This is what life was ment to feel like.

The sound of birds waking you in the morning.
The smell of grass and flowers.
The sun comming from behind the dark clouds.
A smile on your face.
This is the life you always wanted.

The smell of the ground after a rainy night.
A storm on sea beautiful to watch.
A leave falling from a tree.
So pure, everything you ever wanted.
Everything there always was but you never saw.

A summer breeze warm in your face.
The singing of a bird.
A beautiful sunrise and sunset.
It feels so new and pure.
But you always had it, all you needed to do was opening your eyes and taking your time.

Feel free to hate me.
Feel free to love me.
You can insult me.
You can give me compliments.
As much as you want.
But please tell me.
Stop talking behind my bak.
Stop pointing.
You can just tell me what you think of me.
I am strong enough to hear the true.
Hate me.
Love me.
Tell me but please respect me.
I am just like you only different.
And you can hate me or love me.
But I am still a human being.
Sick of all the laughing, whispering and pointing.
So just tell me what you think.
I am strong enough to handle the true when you say it in my face.

Tell me what you see?
Tell me what you think?
I am like a piece of art in a museum.
Visable for everyone.
But only a few people can see what I truely mean.
I am like a book in the bookstore.
Everyone can see me but covers can be misleading.
Only one will get to read me.
Find the true me.
See my deepest secrets.
My darkest fears.
My hopes, my dreams, my everything.
I am like the rain.
Some people will only get wet.
Others will feel me falling on their skin.
This are the people I want to live with.
But they scare me too.
I am a poem.
Everyone can read me.
But only a few can read between the lines and see what I truely mean.
And I would love to meet someone who feels me like that.
But it scares me.
My true self being visable.
Vunerable.
All my fears, dreams, secrets, hopes open to see.
But I am ready.
Ready to show, to share.
So please take a look.
Maybe you are the one who sees me.

I tell you I'm okay.
but when I am okay means, I am breathing and don't have a wish to stop doing so today.
Can you really say that I'm okay?

Do me a favor.
Just go away.
Leave me alone.

I tell you that every day.
Everything else has left,
So why not you?

Please do me a favor.
Just go away.
And leave me alone.

I thought I had lost you long ago.
But you came back to me.
I guess you never really left.

Do me a favor.
Just go away.
Leave me alone, this time for good.

I pray for this every night.
Want you to leave so bad.
But you never do, always are on the back of my mind.

But please do me a favor.
And just go away.
Leave me alone.

I lost everything but not you.
My friends, my hopes, my desires, my love for myself.
But you always stayed.

Do me a favor.
Just go away.
And leave me alone.

I did not ask for you.
So please go away and leave me alone.
This time for good.

Give me…
Give me…
I need…
I need to get my mind of…
Give me…
Give me…
I need….
Make me feel better.
Help me get rid of my thoughts.
The demons in my head.
My wish to die.
Give me…
Give me…
Drugs.
Give me…
Alcohol.
Give me…
Something to get my mind of…
I need…
…Help.
Help me!
Before I die!
Drown myself in the drank.
**** myself with the drugs.
A fight in vain.
Drugs, drank, *** against the pain.
Give me…
Give me…
Anything to put the demons to silence.
To give my mind some rest.
What can help me?
*** without love.
Drugs slowly killing me.
Cigarettes burning my longs.
Drank wasting my mind.
When none of above works where do I go?
I grave more.
Give me…
Give me…
I need…
More!
I try to feel the emptiness in my heart so hard.
But every time I fail.
Every day again.
So I try everything but nothing works.
The things I try make death only come sooner.
And you know what, I am not even sure I care.
Not anymore.
I’ve been dead on the inside for way too long.
You can’t save me.
So why do I bother to ask for help.
I am already too far gone.
Too lost.
I am already dead.
But why than do I silently cry for help?
Help…
Help!
I want to…
I don’t want to die!
Help me…
I want to…
I don’t want to live!
Just help me!
Or am I already beyond saving?

They say they love me.
I know they do.
But only for who they want me to be.
Not for who I am deep inside.
Still they claim to love me.
Don't allow me to change.
Cause that is not how thay want me to be.
I may not break the illusion and clear up the lies.
So can you truely say they love 'me'?

Will you notice it- that I am gone?
Will you, will you miss me?
For how long?
How long would it takes your wounds to heal?
Will it leave scars?
Or will you just carry on?
How long till it is okay?
Will you, when will you forget me?
How long after I am gone?
I hope- I guess it won't take long.
I know it won't.
Because you never cared when I was alive.
So why would you mourn, care about my death.
How long will you remember me- after I am dead.

No one sees mt pain.
No one hears me cry.
No one knows I slowly die.
But here it is- my final goodbye.

Empty swings.
Playground left behind.
No children playing or running.
No people here laughing.
Or just talking.
Just a mother alone with her mind.
All the happiness gone.
Blown away by the cold northern wind.
The same wind that chilled you.
Killed you.
Took you away.
My sweet child.
And now I am here.
Just me.
A childless mother and her mind.
Standin by the empty swings.
At an empty playground.
Left behind.
I just stand there.
Mourning your untimely death.
Missing your beautiful smile.
Your warm laugh.
Oh my sweet child.
Every day I mourn your death.
Curse the cold norther wind that took you away.
The wind that took a mother's child.
The most precious thing.
Oh my beautiful child.
And every day.
I come back.
To watch the empty swings.
And look back at the past.
To mourn your untimely death.
And every day I watch this empty swings.
The swings you used to play on.
Till this cold northern wind took you away.
Now a mother comes to the empty swings.
Every day.
Crying for the lost of her son.
A childless mother at an empty playground.
All  happyness long forgotten.
There by the empty swings.

Don't try to walk away.
Don't you bother to run.
Lower your pace.
Hush now, don't speak.
Why would you even bother?
You can't outrun the darkness.
It is al in your mind.
So accept your fate.
Welcome the darkness.
Stop running, my child.
The darkness will catch up with you anyway.
So why bother to run?
When it is so much easier to just accept your fate.

I cried for you,
Enough tears to fill an ocean.
I cried because of you,
My tears the source of a river.
I cried so much,
But you never saw my tears,
You never saw my pain,
Never knew what you did to me.
And I cried a thousand tears,
Enough to drown in,
And I am afraid that I soon will,
Don't you know what you mean to me?
I only cried a river for you,
Deep enough to drown in
I cried you a sea of sorrow,
A river of tears.
But you still don't know what you did to me,
Still don't see the pain you brought me.
And I hope one day you do,
But till that time I will continue crying my river of tears.

I want to give up,
I can't live without your love.
I want to give up,
But you told me no to.
I promised you,
It was practically your dying wish.
But it is so hard, living without your love,
That all I can think about is giving up.
But I won't, I promised,
I will stay strong.
For you, for our undying love,
I will never give up.
I want to give up, cannot live without your love,
I promised, I can't and I won't give up.

It is silent as I walk through the woods,
The old dark trees standing sadly in their places,
Not able to move,
There are no sounds,
The silence is complete and I am all alone,
Only me and the trees,
And I wander,
Get lost in the unfamiliar woods,
A place o so old,
Yet so unknown,
Cause no one knows,
How to reach the eternal forest,
You hear about it in old song,
Read about it in books with almost forgotten lore,
But I can barely recall any of them,
For the forest takes over my head,
Controls my moods,
My thoughts and fears,
And I notice that we slowly become one,
The eternal forest and I,
I am becoming one with the woods,
Don't feel different from the tree next to me,
I stop walking,
Just stand still and breath in the cool air,
I lose my mind,
My grip on reality,
I don't remember the time before here,
The forest is slowly taking over my mind,
And I notice I haven't moved yet,
Not for over a few days,
But I lost all my desire to,
I just want stay here in my place,
And become one with the trees.
Part of the eternal forest.

It was when darkness spoke,
That I realized I was all alone.
No company,
An everlasting solitude.
The darkness my only friend,
Everything I ever had.
I was so alone,
Always alone
But I did not know,
What company was.
Never I knew love,
There was only emptiness in my heart.
And then softly,
The darkness spoke.
The darkness whispered at me,
Told me to listen.
I was scared,
But I recognized the voice.
The cry for love.
It were my own thought
First heart when darkness spoke.
And I never felt so alone,
As the time my darkness first spoke.

I am speechless,
have no words,
I can't speak,
I am wordless

Never I had expected this,
that something like this,
would happen to you.
I am so sorry

I am speechless,
left behind wordless,
I forgot how to speak,
don't know what to say,

but your name,
                        Lucy
                                Lucy
                                        Lucy
I love you,
                   Lucy

Hold on, don't let go!
You don't want to die.
Put the razor away.
Breath in the air.
You don't want to die.
Hold on, don't let go!
Don't turn of the light.
Life is worth the fight.

No no no,
I am not dead- not completely.
Just half, only on the inside.
On the outside I am perfectly alive.
So no,
I am not completemy dead- not yet.
Just only on the inside.

Your lying next to me.
I can hear your breathing, steady.
You are almost asleep.
A calm beauty.
Finaly you get some rest.
I can see you needed it.
For the days are long.
Bring so much pain.
But here you are safe.
Can get some rest.
So sleep on love.
My beautyful wife.
The love of my life.
The days might be hard.
But the nights your here.
Next to me.
And I will keep you safe.

whispers,
mean words,
as I walk trough the school corridors
Another rumor

Laughter,
cruel words,
people yelling things at me as I walk by
Another word every day

Fat
Ugly
Gay
That are the words they say

rumors spread through the school,
people laugh at me,
they call me a disgrace,
yell at me

hopeless
*****
*****
Little ****

They call me things,
They talk behind my back,
Never care for what I think,
I am hopeless anyway

Fat
Ugly
Gay
That are the words they say

They try to break me,
think this is a game,
but they don't know,
that I am already broken

I never ever am alone.
They are always there.
Never leaving me alone.
Always talking to me.
I never mind them.
They are my friends.
The only friends I have.
And they will never leave me alone.

Corpses everywhere,
The feeling of sorrow and despair,
You can smell it in the air,
The war isn't won,
It has only just begun,
From now on there will be pain,
There will be blood,
Where now is our god?
The smell of decay,
Tears for the deceased,
Tears for the once living in this time of war
Corpses everywhere,
A horrible stank in the air,
A crying child walking through the streets,
Have they forgotten us?
How did it get so far?
Dead bodies of children laying on the ground,
A broken car,
A doll forgotten by her owner,
An wounded man,
This are the streets of our town,
God, have you forgotten us?
We are at war,
And the end is not to be seen yet,
God, wherever you are,
Please do something about the war

Smile child, my love, my lady dove,
You are beautiful,
Your smile fills my world with light,
Smile my child, my love, my lady dove,
For your smile is the most beautiful,
And fills my heart with light,
Even in the darkest of times

I am getting old, my bones need some rest, I can't walk for too long,
I can't go too far, for my time may soon come,
I wish I could follow, come along, but you are young, and soon my time will come,
Hush now, sweet child, carry on, as my time has finally come.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks

They aren't sweet, they more taste like the sea

Why do people say sweet tears?

For mine are never

They are bitter like my thoughts

They are salt like the sea