All hearts bruise
But not all fester
And turn black

I transform
Each time
You read me
~
I am alive

The deeper the love
The greater the transformation
At death

poets break all the rules

You didn't see me watching you
from above.
I was hidden from your view.
there wasn't much space between us..
Just a staircase, a living room and
a large window pane.

Through the reflective glass,
With grand mountains looming behind,
a splendid horizon
and the afternoon sun's gentle glow,
I watched as you spoke kindly to my father.

Unaware of my eyes on you
your mouth moved softly,
and words were silenced
by the space between us.
Suddenly I was overwhelmed with feeling..
a deep and warm satisfaction rose
up in me,
perched there in my safe spot,
realizing that I can still care for you.

You with that charming smile
and charismatic presence.
Cool, calm, and collected
in that moment.
Not wild and beastly
Or ragingly mad
Like, to my grave dismay,
you sometimes are..

I savored that moment!
Knowing full well
that, like all moments,
It wouldn't last.
Realizing that love is,
above all ,
forgiving.
that you are still attractive to me,
that I can still love you deeply...

from a  beautiful distance.

                  ----

A sweet taste lingers
Where your soul seared mine

lips like honey,
I still feel the nectar of love
scarring depths aroused many moons
after death closed them
tightly shut.
  
Warm as the summer sun
I can feel the glow of
your exalted love,
like a sheath of rain
penetrating a dying dessert,
bringing me
hungrily back to life.

Your gaze stays with me
as I reflect deeply
on our brief encounter,
nestled between setting sun
and break of dawn.

On the wings of lust
we burned away
the hours of night,
peeling back layers
of entrapped pain,
alive with pleasure

setting one or another free
in a sea of  love.

If you could agree,
Dear One,
to let that love,
as vast as the ocean,
like a wave
land upon my shores
again and again...

I would show you
How deep and far
these waters reach

Between us lies
an eternity
yet I breathe your air,
an eternity between
but I felt it again!
the thrill, the high when i'd caress your hair..

that same glimmer in your eyes,
that same stare,

a wiser embrace
a wrinkle here and there,
your countenance still other-worldly
and fair.

an eternity between us,
but you broke the spell!
still together..
and no one can tell

This is the time of year
When lights and colors and dreams
Are rolled into one big ball
And if we're lucky
we get to exchange
Bits of ourselves
Under a tree,
Around a hearth
Or Maybe a table set with care..
So choose wisely
When you give
And let it be of you
And not scraps
From outside
Designed for the masses.
Rather get homemade pastries
And chocolate fudge from
Your kitchen
Than a box of emptiness wrapped in a bow
Please don't go out of your way
Just give me some of you.

You were Blue-eyed,
wild
A fierce and cautious beauty.
gentle spirit

Did you know how I loved you,
And how, while the rest of the world mourned for Paris,
I cried the saltiest tears
For you
that rainy fall night
when I heard you  
Didn't come home,
One of your pups at your side.

You were not mine
But you haunt me
The same

Were you protecting your pup from
The cougar's watchful prey?
Was it your fate to be struck twice
By the feared and sleek predator

You survived the first time
and made the  news ..
Your owner saving you
With all his heart.

Your wide eyed glance
CapturEd my heart
Like a love laced arrow
The first time we saw each other

I will not lose sight of you yet,
Nor give up hope  
that You will return to your home,
to your pups.
and to the big, gallant
Baretoes
Who fathered them..

I pray for that news,
Bella the beautiful husky.
I will not forget you.
Your blue eyes will mesmerize me
in dreams
till we meet again

You are at a safe distance from me
But if I had it my way
We would breathe the same electric air
And there would be no space
between sultry surface
where skin meets skin.
You are at a safe distance from me
And my imagination alone
acts for me.
But if I had it my way
You would be here now
And I would ravage you
with my passion.
For your beauty,
In a world I've long scrutinized,
Is unprecedented.  
Yes, your beauty is  like a shiny sword
I would gladly surrender to..
Because Your kind of beauty,
Though perfectly displayed in your
Greek God- like countenance,  
Is Real and beyond skin deep.
It may be a good thing
you are at a safe distance from me.
For if you were here,
I would devour you whole.

I am your bird of prey

Caught between 2 posts
And a glistening fence.

Neck broken,
beak to the ground,
Half way trapped inside
your field of green.

I am your bird of prey,

Wings on a wire,
Still soft and light,
with feathers gleaming
where promise of flight,
newly broken, fell to earth.

'Twas passion that lured me to your
nest, where the cloud kissed Sun
with time
turned ashen my listless frame.

A testament to nature's seduction,
there was no escaping
your embrace
As the warmth
slowly left
my still
beating
heart.

My life is a virtual battlefield
complete with hidden traps,
layered atop cowardly assaults

between highly guarded spans of peace,
Inside my house
chairs and walls
are coarsely blown to bits
by verbal bombs,
and stark fists of shrapnel.

Behind that simple smile,
semblance of solid love
so easily shaken,
lies a ripened mine field

I tread on tiptoes
yet it erupts under
calloused feet unprovoked,
blasting glory to grey
as sacred sanctuary
falls to scarred terrain.

Spears lodged inside ribs
I peel myself from the ground,
shake off soot,
wait for dust to settle
before I march forward, again.

yes I lose the battles
But I will win this war.

Of all the illusions
Death is the Deepest

Immersed in your energies,
I am trapped
inside the cemented
memory
of your hard embrace.

Pinned,
I struggle to set
free the fiery passion
from my molten core.

Not unlike a meteor
races toward Earth
knowing it will perish,
I am defiant.

I penetrate the barrier

Now I am meteor dust
that will transform into snow
that will one day
melt in your mouth.

today i couldn;t hold it in any longer
i said my piece
it didn't go well
Now I'm facing the
Chill i knew would arrive
like ice on fire
Frozen Lump in throat
Peering over the abyss
Shattering All illusion of
Peace
Or  security
Or civility
Like A dam giving way
But instead of
bursting forth
this water is jagged ice.
For now,
Suspended in descent
we are
in
Deep
Freeze

Most days I carry you
deep in the cradle of my mind,
or tightly wound up in my flesh.

You,
my preferred escape,
my perfect getaway,
my drug of choice.

Guilty for using you
without your consent.
-
but without your collusion,
this fantasy
won't subside.

you are bound to me
by the silky glue of love..
and one of these days
I will likely come undone
with just one brazen kiss
from your flawless lips.

You were always strong.
The world is only
giving you
The chance
To show it

Really only knew you from your posts
On Facebook
That made me smile or
Made me cringe at times
Or made me curious.
A family man
But seemingly alone
Two teenage daughters
Apparently who you'd see rarely.
I didn't pry too much.
Just saw your presence through the stream
Of news feeds. Every other day..
Only A picture or two of you
Otherwise generic public images
With short proverbs
Or offensive religious posts..
I know your father.
But again, I didn't pry
it seems there was little contact between you.
Today, as the dawn broke,
I saw you'd left.
Just an image of you, shades on,
With RIP, JS (same initials as my long gone timeless love)
Too young to leave.
Didn't know you were ill?
No, reading the comments I discover
it was not a sickness,
Just another day, outside
While chopping down a tree.
That came down on you with massive force.
The blow was delivered by nature at least..
And in that there may be some comfort
I hope
For the loved ones you leave behind.
And perhaps an opening for love to return
To you and your dad.
Who I know to be a most sensitive soul.
And Who I'm sure is quietly shedding a river of tears
For a son who left the world so suddenly,
Just 10 hours ago.
On a winter day while chopping down a tree.

Sitting here
Despite The sound of the fan blaring constantly,
Sasha to my right,
The Silence wraps  around me.
I am content
I have put aside
So much of myself
That I no longer question
Why you,
Why me,
Why anything..
I am simply allowing
All that is.

This is for you,
The invisible
Hiding
Hidden
Tucked away
Even in the blaring light

This is for you
The silent
The silenced
The golden caged voices
Who having seen the light
keep inside
Lest it be too powerful for others to bare

This is for you
The holy,
The kind
The patient
And compassionate
Who seek no accolades or fame

In whose faces we will recognize
Mothers, daughter, sons and fathers
Of time immemorial

He came to me
as if in a dream.
Manifest out of thin air
by time and life,
And pure desire itself.

I knew him
yet
it was the urge
to discover him
inch by inch
that drove me to
abandon all sense of
propriety.

I surrendered willfully
as he undressed me,
His hand firmly on my breast,
our lips sealed
in a continuous embrace
while hands and body
thirstily searched for skin to hold on to

I was in a daze,
savouring the moment
with a slight nervousness
unbecoming my usual self,
but appropriate for what
was taking place.

A long awaited affair,
fulfilled suddenly,
On short notice.

One night of abandon
In a hotel room
By the ocean
That lasted long after the day broke...

All the Self Help books
Were wrong.
You are only
Palatable to me
When drunk

Less I am a fisherman
with patient gaze on
undulating seas

and more bait
submerged
heart on the hook
waiting
for you,
beloved,
to cast away this
eternity

When talking gets you nowhere
Silence will have to do

I find my island
within.

I take refuge
under the canopy
of trees that
bore fruit
from thousands of lifetimes
of sun kissed smiles
and salt laden tears.

Above, I see rain infused by
meteor mist.
i marvel at this landscape a million times caressed by dust filled snow.

I take a bite from its mystical fruit.

the wistful wind clears my vision
and I am surrounded by the deep blue
of heavenly earth.

Reflecting on the ocean
vast and wild
in her savage beauty,
I remember this is but a
web of dreams
we conjured up.

Releasing
the mind,
floating free..

Awake!
I pay homage,
reveling
in this real
and silken
reverie.

Today wasted on rage
Tomorrow too distant
Yesterday a blast and matters not.
And you?
Didn't notice me standing by your side
Even when you kicked me around.
Pathetic.
(me more than you).
Shame Is the sister of tolerance
Which is the brother of victim
And the mother of choice less
Right now,  in this precarious moment,
I've discovered how bitter true  
it is...
that we all
pay dearly
for the sins of our father.

pointless
to ponder anymore.
The time for action is nigh!
move forward regardless of
what's wrong
with the world.
Sickened by petty problems and pitiful personalities.
Just act!
maybe the wheels of time
Will march in our favour.
If we're lucky
Even nature could decide to join our crusade
And we might surface triumphant!
Whatever you do,
Promise to keep walking
while in this,
Our deep illusory self made hell

LA,
You're like a shoe
Which just doesn't fit me.
Not before and not now.
I want to confess
I never loved you and never will.
Let others admire your charms and games
Your deceptions and dark turns.

Your valley runs deep and deviant
your ocean, vast and wild.
Your infinite net may catch the light
That elusively blinds
But I promise I'll never fall for your illusions
Again.
Even when your skies are bright blue
And your warm wind whispers
"don't ever give up on your stupid stupid dreams..."

Now if I could release my family and friends from your
Tight and tormented grip,
We could end up calling it a truce
One day

As late summer
is pregnant with promise of change,
so I shed illusions
to meet your gaze
once again,
in the purer light of fall.

Why do you say I'm mysterious.
If you took the time
you'd see this book is as wide open
as the sky and stars above.

I see them every day...
The ladies in my community
who have been young mothers.
Those who forsook youth
to embody motherhood
maybe too soon.
If you look closely you can
see written on their faces
that they may have missed out ...somewhere.
 "where did time go..
Was I cheated somehow?"
Learning the hard way.
Didn't get a chance to love themselves first!
------
Now, years later,
I see their yearning to play,
be free and young,
dance and sing,
Feel beautiful and be loved.

I see them every day,
These sisters and mothers,
young at heart,
whose bodies betray their young spirit and
Unfulfilled adolescent desires.

And I would want any young girl
I meet
To know that before she
Takes on the awesome burden
Of bringing new life to the planet
She must birth herself first.
And in so doing taste the freedom,
wisdom and art of
Self Love
And only then become
The Sacred Mother..
Or Not!

Someone just kicked a cat
Sent him flying!

###%#?>>%#

He's resilient!
Thank god..
But not my heart.
It went racing down
a slippery *****.
Pain
Fear
Legs turned to jelly!
My morning balloon burst..
Limp with silenced doubt
Mad with seething hate.

####

This morning,
On this shared highway,
From one moment to the next
Your lack of control led to a -s-p-l-i-t-

A sudden veering down an unknown exit
onto a cold one way street.
Don't ever, ever kick my cat.

Traded in my dreams for
A house and garden
So you could sit at my table and
Dine with me,
Beloved.

Before,
I was just a guest
Lost in your house.

Now
You and I
Can sit face to face
And see each other
Through the veil
Of searching and dreams,
For the very first time.

A hollow grows in my heart.

helpless, I watch
this cavern empty its once warm
elixir,
cool like coal
on a bed of dying embers.

Trepidation surges,
upending my
quiet comfort
while voices whisper

"this safety on the razor's edge
is an illusion
and must be returned
to the debt ridden sea"

slowly the mist settles,
revealing the great divide.

I hold my breath
and  go under

A hollow takes root in my heart,

I watch helpless
as this cavern empties
its once warm elixir,
now cool as coal
on a bed of dying embers.

suddenly,
trepidation surges
upending my
quiet comfort
while voices whisper in an upswell

"this safety on the razor's edge
is an illusion
and must be returned
to the debt ridden sea!"

slowly the mist settles,
revealing the great divide.

I hold my breath
and  go under

Your time will come
When least expected.
When you've all but thrown in the towel
finish line in sight,
the agony of defeat
at your door

This is why you must persevere;
Because all those times
When you were doing things right
And nothing worked out.
When you put in the hard work,
But no one seemed to care..
That time when you learned what it meant
to put your best face forward,
Or your pure heart,
And have it crushed in unforgiving ground
Under sullied shoes - by careless men
Or just cruel and callous  life herself -
The time when you were dragged through the dirt
for endless miles
And came up broken, hardened and brittle
You were weary, blood stained,
With a bridge-less abyss ahead
And cold ashes of a dim hope left.

You still kept your light.

-
Those times
Were but a sentence
Served in the name of resilience
A training ground for
purity of heart
And true resolve.
A battlefield
where Your warrior spirit
Was put to the test.
In a stadium
Where a silent crowd
cheered you on.

-

Now that you've allowed all to take its course
Yes, when you finally lost everything!
You will find all you had efforted for
will come to you with ease

Your touch will
Manifest abundance
Your thoughts manifest understanding
Your breath manifest Compassion
Your vision manifest light.

The time has come
When it is asked of you to accept
That all you touch
will turn to gold

It is the golden rule
That is yours alone...
The ray that honours you.

Now is the time
To learn to
Rejoice
And receive your glorious victory,
Hard earned and
gallantly sought,
with
Graceful Ease.

There are moments
When nothing
Is the key
To getting back to everything

But When I said I needed
an ******* on my side
It was in the city of Angels
Where pit bulls are sported like
handbags
And ******* make you money
'cause they rip to shreds
Whatever stands in your way.
I didn't mean
Here
In  Paradise
Where my dream
Lays dead at my feet.
And there's nothing left to fight for.
Please
Don't fight me here.
Because with your ******* ways
On more than one beautiful day,
All you've done
is fought your way
Right out of
my heart.