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Mara W Kayh Nov 2015
Streaming
Endlessly
the days
Between now
And eternity
In search
Of you,
my dear.

No search engine
Optimization
will find you
for me,
'cept the one
Bold enough to
break down fractured seams
Of a disparate  reality

exposing
the trickery  
That is death.

Keep showing me
Your playful games
Keep showing me
Your light
A light mysteriously dimmed tonight while I was in the kitchen with my sister.  I have had many experiences from a loved one on the other side of the veil..
It had been a long time since I'd had this kind of thing happen.... The phantom was playful tonight for some reason!
Mara W Kayh Sep 2016
Lest you are playing tricks on me
Let me warn you

I can make time stand still
and the moon dissappear

I can change the course of winds
and orchestrate waves to rise,
flooding plains and barren lands

lest you are playing games

I will open a portal
where we spin out of time,
hurl through space
and land on Mars.

But the one thing
I can't do
Is figure out if
you are playing games,
or is is that you just don't care
for me ?
Comic spin on power and the lack thereof :) Why can't I make you text me when I want to hear from you!  lol.
Mara W Kayh Jun 2015
The city is windy,
today.  
Certainly noisy, everyday,
Compared to my country life.

Tall buildings glimmer,
Streets boisterous with sounds  of people and machines.
Excitement!
Opportunity!
Urgency!

Country life, by comparison,  stiller,
Slo wer,
Ex pan sive.

Both are good
I tell myself.
I am still flexible,
I tell myself.

Then, verily it dawns on me,
with unfamiliar panic and relief,
that my stretching-bending days are over.

I want to ride
like the wind
to where my being has
despite itself,
taken root.
Where the nomad has
inadvertently pitched
A more permanent tent.

30 years after roaming
ill-suited ground
my Restless Soul
was cleverly tricked
to settle
where nature,
in all her glory
and quiet magnificence,
crowds the land.

Amen.
Realizing the nomad has taken root, many years after.
Mara W Kayh Nov 2014
outside it's browns and greys
Inside an orange glow permeates,
skimming the surface
a Ravel march serenade.
the scent of burning pumkin.
You're in the garden planting tulips for
Spring.
when it arrives,
will kindness bloom anew
alongside the rows of colour..
or will we witness the beauty out there
Separately?
a snap shot of the moment. sitting at my computer, trying to make soup. :-)  in a light mood while it's grey outside. with a tinge of fall/winter blues
Mara W Kayh Nov 2014
I loved you in Life
like I love you in Death
Through and through
As you took your last breath
"I love you Josh"
"I love you too, we'll talk later okay?
Would be our last words ever
That Cursed Saturday

I was unaware of the secret you kept
Exhausted I lay on my bed and slept
Waking up to a nightmare about to begin..
Oh no! How could it be?
Josh committed a sin..

He's crazy He's mad!
I begin to say
As I fell to the ground and started to pray
For forgiveness and understanding
For both you and me,
I had to respect his decision you see.

Now worlds apart where moments before
The future held promise of so much more
Now I know you're in a better place
But I'd trade it all for your embrace..

Fly high in the sky my Peter Pan!
Somehow I'll join you, if I can
I wish you could fetch me
If just for a while,
And together we'd travel the heavens in style!

But when the dream subsides
And the truth 's too much to bare
I'll remember what we had was so very rare

They say good things don't last
But that may be a lie,
My love for you is immortal!
It never will die
A child like rhyme. The only way in which  I could describe the loss of my beloved..to suicide. Written about a decade ago..a few weeks after the event.
Mara W Kayh Oct 2016
Celebrate Chaos!

Revel in the mess
that lies just outside your well patterned,
Suffocating life.

Breathe and Let explore the new dream of freedom!
Breathe and Let everything turn new..

Be not afraid
'Tis only  life seeking to set itself free.
Be not afraid,
dear friend!
it is time, now
to bravely bare your light.
LIVE your light, your chaos, live life.
Mara W Kayh Apr 2017
As my eye catches the glimmer
of the coming dusk of my life,
I thank you for reminding me how it feels to love,
and be rejected,
One more time.
I mean this most sincerely, with a slight smile of resignation and satisfaction
Mara W Kayh Jun 2015
nothing can express well enough
the hatred stewing in my blood
for the anger
that pours out of your
poisonous eyes.

that ugly clenched jaw and
pathetic clenched fist
which threaten me face to face
every time you hear me talk back.

apparently, speaking and
defending myself is considered
"interrupting"
and deserves your unholy wrath.

acid
entering my veins,
your violent being
slithers inside my pours..
Like an invisible snake

which will,
one day,
turn on you
vengefully
with its
very real,
venomous
tongue.
Mara W Kayh Mar 2017
What is it about you
that makes my desire
an open wound

sealed with
your
compassionate touch alone..

Why is it
I  wince,
haunted by thoughts
adorned and quelled only by you.

Paint me like a master
With traces of  your stained hands
along my gaping silhouette.
Heal me with finger tips tainted by mine own blood.

Draw me into your murderous self,
Love me back to life.
Spontaneous write from a heavily beating heart
Mara W Kayh Feb 2015
You're there..
I'm here.
And though I'm no longer a kid
I daydream,
sometimes,
Of how nice it would be
to leave my life for a while
And be with you.
-
We would explore each other
In person
Instead of over the phone
Or so often in my head.
I would get to taste your beauty
Instead of imagining it..
get to feel your
touch
Instead of fantasizing
how your
feverish skin would feel
against mine
in the sweet dark night.
Imagine!
The only sound we'd hear
Would be of hearts pounding
against the gentle embrace of a dimly lit sky.
I'd like my thoughts to linger there
Mmmm...
forever in that sweet spot of
heavenly bliss
-
Won't you join me,
private lover,
In this sanctified reverie.
I know I Am
the ultimate "loveress" of your dreams
I would show you,
generously and gracefully,
If only fate would give us a chance.
-
A glimpse of a lover's fantasy
Mara W Kayh Oct 2016
I walk around this house
with its half rebuilt body
and battered soul,
calling it my home.

Can't quite tell
what it's hiding,
If you don't look carefully.

but if you do
you might feel
resilience and fortitude
coursing through its bones,
entering through its broken
magic door.

12 long years now
since that act of
divine madness,
staged within these walls,
changed
Everything.


- ~

You took your beautiful life,
on an otherwise ordinary
Saturday eve
while the summer sun
hung high
above the moody waters of the lake
and rays of light,
I imagine,
flickered through
the basement window

I was on the phone
with you..
not knowing
till later,
the immensity of what was created
in that moment.

the one that blew me apart forever,
the one that hurls me toward infinite still,
like a dying star seeking a galaxy.

You stayed with me
in silence
until death gently choked you,
then kissed your hands.

You stayed with me
until in lifelessness you dropped the phone,
privileging me with your last moment
honouring me with your last breath.
How else do I try and relay this.. 12 Years after, this is my 2nd attempt at putting it into gravely insufficient words
Mara W Kayh May 2015
It came gently,
Like a leaf
undulating
after a gust of wind
breaks it loose.

An ebb and flow
As step by step
it became crystal clear
this long awaited tryst
Would not take place.

Like a delicate leaf
gracefully spiralling
to its resting place,
I took defeat in stride.
head high,
my pride not arrogance,
but an appropriate
Ladylike shield.

You were perfect..gentle
and a man.
That is, after all, why
though dry to the touch
I hold a flame to you still.

You placed me gently
on the bed
where other casualties
of love and fantasy
turn to dust
through time's
compassionate touch.

Yet hope I harbor
in my hardened veins still..
gentle like a hummingbird's heart beat,
pathetic as a defeated gambler,
that this affair will revive itself.  
That the let down,
final for now,
Is not forever.

Until then I heave a restful sigh
And bid you well, secret love.
farewell!  
farewell fragile, unharnessed dream.

Crunch!
Please bear with me as I try to dribble this scenario out! I felt it was getting sappy in the end, so I ended it with some humor. This is one of those real life events... But of course laced with just a dash of fantasy so I don't give too much away :)
Mara W Kayh Jan 2020
(for loved ones lost over Tehran)

The sound of shovel against snow
in a distant Canadian town

Same here as there

Knee deep in the harsh clarity of
stark white,
thoughts turn to lost life
over Tehran

Same here as there.

Above us muted Moon
veiled in winter's cloak
and blind to our divisions,
wears a mournful glow

Same here as there.

Screaming in my ear the sound of a mother’s panicked cries clutching child
in those terrifying last moments
over Tehran

Same here as there.

The howl of a father’s anguish oceans away,
beloveds lost over Tehran,
Rings helpless

Same here as there.

another in despair,
with shaking voice
confesses his pain is as big as the sky his son loved to fly

Same here as there.

the sound of recklessness and
twisted minds in high places targeting nations, peoples and someone else's hero

Same here as there

the sound of innocent blood on ***** hands

Same here as there

the muzzling, the blame game, the smoke and mirrors

Same here as there

the agony of he who pulled the trigger

Same here as there

the tragic moment the mistake was made
  
Same here as there

Despair in light of truth

Same here as there

the wailing sounds of a nation grieving

THE SAME HERE AS THERE.

Dedicated to those aboard the tragic flight of Ukranian Airlines 752 -  and to their loved ones
January 2020.
The unforgettable tragedy that has left hearts bleeding and lives forever damaged.. all because of a reckless move by reckless so called leadership. Thank you Michael McCain all who dared to speak up
Mara W Kayh Feb 2015
I'll never forget the way you looked
As you stood with your back to me
No defenses - no walls
Painting with such care
And so much love
as I peaked through the French doors.
You didn't hear me
as I opened the door
Because you have chosen to exit the world
Slowly
First by losing interest in hearing
And then in forgetting short term nonsense,
Preferring to live in the glorious past..
You were painting for me,
My once most picture perfect Mother.

Now with hat and shorts and torn shirt,
and not giving a care in the world
For how you appear
And I could see, in that moment,
Your immense love for me
And I knew it was there from the very beginning,
And that despite scars of our
mythical mother daughter battles,
it would never be lost
Or ever forgotten
And my heart broke
For the millionth time
Into millions of Pieces
For I understood then
That love between mother and daughter
is greater than
Time and life Itself.
My 85 year old mother was finishing a painting for me today..I was leaving her for my now not so new life in another country. I peaked into her studio, unnoticed, and saw her, at her most benign and least imposing..,she was unaware of my presence and the love I saw her putting into the painting left my heart shattered.
Mara W Kayh Aug 2015
Lips sealed tight;
inside
a gaping chasm stares me down.
Patience!
When the abyss unleashes
like a dam unhinged
words will flow
for better or worse
from lips no longer just mine.
Mara W Kayh Apr 2017
And today
Let us remember
That of all the illusions
Death is the deepest
This is almost a repost of an earlier shorter version which simply read "Of All the illusions, death is the deepest" . Today, to acknowledge Easter ( though I don't assosicate with or distinguish between religions) , this is what I have to say :)
Mara W Kayh Dec 2014
How easy it can be
To forget
What our deepest pain was like.
Yet
it changed us forever.
Mara W Kayh May 2015
A sea of inspiration
Awaits us
Beyond this dark horizon

Be not shy ..
Lift the veil
And let the blinding light
In.
A moment of inspiration out of the blue can strike.
Mara W Kayh Jul 2016
OH tortured souls,
How well do I know you..
My heart has been shattered,
Exploded into irrepressible bits
From loving you so much.
Once annihilated,
I was able to bear the burden of
This exquisite Existence.
God help me,
I had to became nothing
To be one with all.
my heart didn't stand a chance in this world.. It had to explode to survive.
Mara W Kayh Apr 2016
Words are empty
Unless you mean what you say
I surmised one still, moonless night.
Even as early spring beckons outside my door
my heart
remains devoid.
-
-
I take my vow of silence, solemnly.
Hiding Behind the glass pane
Waiting..
for tangled feelings
Webbed and aged by neglect
to unravel,
inevitably,
and stir my pen.
Another bout of silence. Nothing much is pouring out of me these days... I think the cat ate my tongue.
Mara W Kayh Feb 2015
Fiery Passion
Turns to Stone Cold Stalemate,
10 years after
Mara W Kayh Apr 2018
We give ourselves to these things

The magic of the tender bud about to blossom,
The magnificent flower in her full and glorious bloom,
The changing colours of weathered leaves in
the arms of fall..

We give ourselves to these  things which speak to us in metaphor and song
absorbing their quiet language in the dead of winter
and rejoicing when spring is in the air
Beckoning to sing her heart out for those who will listen..

We give ourselves to these things
when we make up with the elementals,
and disavow ourselves
of most, but not all things human,
And when we no longer look for meaning in another, or even ourselves.

We give ourselves to these things,
awakening to the call of the wild, naked in her truth,
when there is no longer the small
me.
A more or less spontaneous ode to Springtime, mother nature, and our awakening spirit.
Mara W Kayh Apr 2015
It wasn't so much
aspiration
But bitter sweet discovery
that brought me to your shores.
How did I get here..not that I've arrived yet.
Mara W Kayh Mar 2019
Bitterness is the taste of fiery love grown cold
On a lover's breath

Putrid is the smell of a well worn out fantasy
left hanging in your secret closet

Rancid is the look of unrequited love
On once vibrant lovers' lips

Hardened are the veins of a
desperate old fool
Longing for love

Cursed was the day I let you inside
The exquisite warmth
that is my beating heart
Getting more mileage out of that brief affair.. Because  it was preceded by an over decade long distance friendship , which I miss. Plus, I really really like the guy.. As in love like. . And I don't easily find myself so taken with anyone in that way.....
Mara W Kayh Oct 2016
You turned night to day,
The sun into moon.

You turned evil to good
weaving darkness into light,
revealing they are but one and the same.

Oh Magi!
I am in service
To you alone

For it was you who taught
that all springs from nothing ,
that a true master
Serves himself first,
and that there is divine beauty in chaos!

I am in service to you
for you serve
the sacred God head.
but above all I am in service to you
because you do not claim to be master of
anyone
but You.
who do you serve....

— The End —