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Dec 2014 · 615
The Heart Beggar
Kevin Eli Dec 2014
I've said it before...
I could spend the rest of my life with you from the start.
Kids or not, whatever you would want.
With a house where we could make ends meet
And still make all of our art.

It's a dream, but some people will try hard enough in this world
Where they can come true.
Whenever I am drunk, lonely, *****, being hit on or flirting,
I always think of you...

I know you know what love is; somewhere hiding inside.
I don't just act like I love you when I am around,
I act and feel it wherever I go, I don't have to try.

But you can't promise me anymore. Just do it or don't.
I just want you to start living, and see what you find.

Love me, or love me no more. Let's please make up our mind.
Witnessing his monologue in retrospect, they were like the lovers, Romeo and Juliet.
Dec 2014 · 414
Broke Poet
Kevin Eli Dec 2014
The reason why it's so hard for us to get paid and live on our words is because words don't cost us anything to give.

I sit on the street and pass out my writing.
All but a few keep on driving.

Do I just sit here and lock up my poems?
Throw them in a vault and never show anyone?

I sit in the market and pass out my writing.
All but a few keep on talking.

***** it. I don't care if nobody will pause to read.
And I don't care what they say about me, because words are cheap.

I sit on the pier and pass out my writing.
All but a few keep on walking.

Those who dare to sit and read, instead of speak while blind
Will find the value in a stranger's lines
Hidden just underneath.

I sit on a mountain and pass out my writing.
A hiker came by today and did something strange...

He started reading.
Change and hope are real. Be patient with one another.
Dec 2014 · 345
Imagination
Kevin Eli Dec 2014
Split between worlds, please keep spreading our nature.
It's a challenge to be heard, much less understood.
Please believe in invention.
It's our only creation.

There is always a righteous cause:
Love defined through innovation
Dec 2014 · 466
Honesty
Kevin Eli Dec 2014
Friends keep secrets
But good friends don't let you make them.
Dec 2014 · 939
A Man I Never Met
Kevin Eli Dec 2014
My Grandmother told me stories
How she lived across the street from Bugsy Siegel's mother in Brooklyn
If you knew my family, it's hardly believable.
Mobsters near the family, I was told "things always fell off the truck."
I guess Great Grandpa Willie made it by, must have had good luck.

Berger became Bock, Grandma Marcia married Joel, my Grandpa.
He left Brooklyn for the Air force and they moved to Arkansas
East to Midwest, to West....
Grandma went with him, they finally rested in sunny California.
Willie would have been proud of Joel when he served during Korea.

William Berger passed away, I never knew him.
We now have scholars, businessmen, artists and athletes
It's iconic how living here will shape your reality
The memories and moments of a family to which we clutch
Softly being recorded, my family history shows how much he loved us.

A mysterious, touching legacy was left over time.
I'm sure my grandmother keeps pictures and pages I will never find.
No matter what, whether he was honest, hardworking, or in crime,
I know he did it all for his family, prosperity or depressing times.

I was told he had a lot of courage, and always made friends
I wish I could have seen his face, I wish I could have met the man.

Grandma says I look like him.
Kevin Eli Dec 2014
Autumn leaves fall
Rain turns to snow
Through the winter until spring
When the sun begins to show
Kevin Eli Nov 2014
Dear guardian angels,
Why have you stood aside so still?
We all swim in this sea of
Desire and rampant will.

Starting wars and fighting wars, losing battles on both sides.
We find these humans worried, fearing the end of eternity.
Unbelievable how tired God must be to prove there is divinity.
Praying all of us can see the error of ours ways.

Breaking down the walls,
Just passing through.
Hoping now for something new.
Waiting for a solution,
Something we find true.

Giving life and taking life is all we know spinning on this wonder-world
Unfortunate that we only believe the things we tell ourselves
What is the reason for this perfect flaw put in human form
Existence of the meaning hidden, only self division keeps us inside here

Made up thoughts, thoughts we knew
The insufficient evidence
Should still be enough to use
Let's keep trying, we're almost through
Try for us all, I will try for you

Carelessly we cut down colors, leaving only grey and blue
Selfish as it seems, we know no difference heading towards an end
Following the concrete path, we walk with hungry hands in line
Crying to the skies for a rain cloud to come by, to quench this thirst for clues.

Find it now, find the truth
Find the inevitable, find what's new
Find the impossible, find a new you
Find this gift that was given

Right in front of you
.....
.....
Nov 2014 · 224
Worth The Risk 1,000 Times
Kevin Eli Nov 2014
I died, went to hell, escaped and survived.
She didn't make it out
I'm going back in to find her
I know she's alive

She's the world to me
And I can stop this
It's my choice, our lives

And I would do it a 1,000 times
Nov 2014 · 2.0k
Winning The Race
Kevin Eli Nov 2014
From last to pulling first, underdog all the way
David is beating his Goliath, winning with his gains
Took a down to make an up, slim grin, courage and experience
Finally it's now payday

Found the energy drink of emotion
That liquid juice of intense life
Drives the will forward, giving confidence
He's moving up the ranks

Seen the errors of the past, this will is strong
The crowd is cheering, wings outdrawn, this takes no effort at all
Can do this for weeks, can't feel pain anymore
He's going for first, silver won't cut it

Whether it's a wish that's chased, A life trying to be made
The distance is relative, infinite space, in the face
Bull-rushed, heart of a child and beat of a bass drum
Nothing is stopping him now.

Started knowing not where to finish, relentless
You gotta give credit to those who go the limit
Insanity or determination,
Looks like he is finally winning his race

...I'm feeling lucky today
Nov 2014 · 1.3k
That Itch
Kevin Eli Nov 2014
Scratch it out, scratch it into a tree.
Put it down in history, or erase it from memory.
Just don't go insane, you know it's not necessary.
;-)
Nov 2014 · 664
When I'm Gone
Kevin Eli Nov 2014
I want there to be nothing but smiles on your faces.
I want music playing, with laughter and dancing.
I want you all to know how much I loved you.
I want to fade away into that soft light, the quiet night.
I want to walk out the door without a farewell
Because there are no such thing as goodbyes.
Oct 2014 · 1.4k
I'm Trying
Kevin Eli Oct 2014
I'm trying to get off the floor
Hard and painful to break through
This selfish, superficial glass ceiling called corporate.
I have no choice but to sit and sacrifice to it.
Why is it always about money?

No room for the artist, the poet
No time for the writer, nor the dreamer.
I know I need to be at this nine-to-five
If I ever want to afford my paper and pencils.
Determined to write through this candlelight

But when you take the time to look at my face, or stare into my eyes
You will see a river flowing with such grace and force
It will flood your world and make you cry.
With such emotion in a moment of infinite love
That you will feel like you were ready to die.

I have thoughts I want to share with you, if you have the time.
I'm patient though, at least I'm trying.
We struggle to be heard, but we are not alone... Not by a long shot my friends and loved ones.
Oct 2014 · 653
Somniloquy
Kevin Eli Oct 2014
I've been talking in my sleep
Counting numbers, using sheep

My thoughts unwound
A soft and whispered sound
Tell me what or where I found
This yell which shook the ground

I've been talking in my sleep
Explain to me these things I speak

At the bottom of a well
Leaning on a window sill
Rowing a small boat in a swell
Lord, show them my heaven and hell

I've been talking in my sleep
Tell me what I said to you from underneath
Oct 2014 · 485
You Are All Awesome
Kevin Eli Oct 2014
Such good poets on here!
You guys are awesome.
Y'all make my life better.

:-)
Oct 2014 · 563
My Only Tattoo
Kevin Eli Oct 2014
Is on my back left shoulder.
I forget it's there sometimes.
It is a tree of life and all of it's changes.
Because of it, when I die, I won't be buried with my family.

Just burn me, turn me to dust, return me to the sea.
Because I really don't care what you think of it, or me.
it is also my profile pic.
Oct 2014 · 556
Being Used
Kevin Eli Oct 2014
You never feel like you're being used until they stop.
Oct 2014 · 865
Write This With Me
Kevin Eli Oct 2014
Who is The Recipient?
Am I writing this poetry for me, or for the readers?
Did I explain what I saw painted in your picture?
Or may I paint the picture that your words have shown me?

Maybe I keep a record of my reality for some undetermined purpose to one day be revealed to maybe you or me.
Whatever the reasons, I present as both master and servant to undying shiny syllables contained within this temporary body of work.

Unwound between moments of mindless shuffle and sorting of the material, I lay down the lines with your hand on mine, my dear reader, to determine the adventure and where it goes.

Allude to a secret lover? Add a plot twist? Betraying the audience is to betray the critic? Whatever. Embrace where you want it to go.
In life, there is no structure or script.

Find our parallels within the infinite calculus and may God's Speed catch up to us, for to find everything, and everything that ever was, will be, will never be, and what is, not when, we will certainly go where we have never been.

To reach acceptance in the distance of the self from perfection.
To reach the fulcrum and find out what can or will become of this.

Such a beautiful mess.
Sep 2014 · 698
Six Years
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
You keep running, I keep chasing...

I look at photographs of us to remind me of the love I have and the love you shared. Six years running.
Little things like the scent of your perfume as I pass a beauty shop makes me promise to never give up. This, my heart must bear.
Just like Jenny made Forrest Gump.
  
So you keep running, and I keep chasing you...

You say you love me. So much, that if I died, you couldn't live.
But you never stay for long by my side before you're gone again.
"You don't have to run. Just jump in, I'll give you a ride."

But you keep running, and I keep driving alongside...

Quivering amber-green eyes, afraid of staring back, glance serenely into me, gently.
She speaks somber, softly, and quickly. "I love you. Help me run, one day, you can escape from me."

Yet she keeps running, and I keep chasing her.

The diagnosis she has is an unstoppable fear.
She doesn't need to run, she just needs her home and to stop diving into tears.
The dream she shared of us together, the one she is looking for.
Every morning I pray she finds it at the finish line.

So after six years, she stops to let me hold her in my arms.
If it happens, I will never let go.
There is no "double you".
Sep 2014 · 261
Sometimes
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
Many people say, "I'll try anything once".

Idiots.

There are some things in this world you should not try.
Curiosity seduces, naiveté weakens.

Oh, you thought you could handle it?
The pleasure, the paranoia, the pain, the euphoria?
Your shuttered lids show a missing regret.

Yes, it was an insane though, turned a lengthy process.
When you go that far, you can never go home.
They won't let you.

And no, you can't use the ******* telephone.

As I sip on my own quote,
"Sometimes"
Sep 2014 · 859
The Irrational
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
Contains some of the most beautiful things

Writing fiction, praying, falling in love, dreams, our wild imaginations, dance, Crying, painting, music, lying, and running from nothing.

The most irrational of all,
Is finding the truth
In something.
Sep 2014 · 993
Vicarious
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
Eye on the TV
'cause tragedy thrills me
Whatever flavour
It happens to be like;
Killed by the husband
Drowned by the ocean
Shot by his own son
She used the poison in his tea
And kissed him goodbye
That's my kind of story
It's no fun 'til someone dies

Don't look at me like
I am a monster
Frown out your one face
But with the other
Stare like a ******
Into the TV
Stare like a zombie
While the mother
Holds her child
Watches him die
Hands to the sky crying
Why, oh why?
'cause I need to watch things die
From a distance

Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies
You all need it too, don't lie

Why can't we just admit it?
Why can't we just admit it?

We won't give pause until the blood is flowing
Neither the brave nor bold
The writers of stories sold
We won't give pause until the blood is flowing

I need to watch things die
From a good safe distance

Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies
You all feel the same so
Why can't we just admit it?

Blood like rain come down
Drawn on grave and ground

Part vampire
Part warrior
Carnivore and ******
Stare at the transmittal
Sing to the death rattle

La, la, la, la, la, la, la-lie

Credulous at best, your desire to believe in angels in the hearts of men.
Pull your head on out your hippy haze and give a listen.
Shouldn't have to say it all again.
The universe is hostile. so Impersonal. devour to survive.
So it is. So it's always been.

We all feed on tragedy
It's like blood to a vampire

Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies
Much better you than I
By: Tool (10,000 Days)

Written by Bryan Adams, Justin Chancellor, Maynard James Keenan and Danny Carey.

[Likely the only song lyrics I will ever post that I do not own.]
Sep 2014 · 1.5k
Overwhelming Universe
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
Time and space in which we think we are.
I wonder where it ends, and the beginning starts.
Somewhere past the infrared,
Between the black and ultraviolet,
The vibration's hum is endless, but seems so still and quiet.

Heat from suns and cold, empty distance
Keeps perfect balance for our existence.
A symmetry for simple structure
Expanding in explosive nature.
Life is sparked in the darkness.

Pressure buckles under construction,
Mountains skip and oceans boil
Struggle for substance in the morsel
Whether microscopic, or colossal.
Evolution keeps threading the needle.

Vicious fire, ice and flying rock
Versus a little blue bubble, that one day will pop.
It's too much to take in, like counting raindrops
Appreciate the beauty and forget-me-nots.
Because one day, this might all stop.

What an overwhelming universe.
Sep 2014 · 641
Your Cursive
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
Soft, intentional lines stroll across me
made with thin strokes.
They cut deep while writing
your name
with a casual smile.

I know I'm not supposed to,
but I kinda like it.
Sep 2014 · 3.7k
Playing With Guns
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
Bad like a habit, we had to have it, I can't stand it, it's just like gold to a bandit.
Well you take, what you get, when you do what you do.
It's okay, I won't give up on you.
Don't you fret, bout the mess, you don't have to wear armor.
No more, no more my amour.

~^~~^~

And when all is said and done, and we are both long gone,
Lord knows you were the only one.
And when all is said, then undone, fights we lost, or we won.
They'll know we just liked having fun playing with guns.
Playing with guns.

Put it down, pick it up, breathe again, take a plunge.
Holes in these eyes, and this skin, I see you naked, now don't give in.
And you fell how you fell, I understand that you feel down.
Freedom and prison don't mix very well, do they now?

~^~~^~

And when all is said then done, and we are both long gone,
I can't wait to see what we become.
Old souls, ghosts or angels, supernova-omegas.
They knew we just liked having fun playing with guns.
Making big bangs playing with guns.

Having fun playing with guns,
We're just having fun playing with guns.
Having fun playing with guns,
I know we're not the only ones.
In memory of Lacey Weitz, the love of my life. 02/26/90 - 03/25/16. Rest In Peace my angel..
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
IfoundmyselfhangglidingovermalibucaliforniaandIforgothowtotlandfo­rabouttwoandahalfhoursIeventuallyendedupcrashingintotheroofofamas­trosbistroIthencasuallywalkedthroughthedoubledoorentrancewalkuped­tothebarandaskedforascotchontherocksbartenderlookedatmeoddlyasIno­ticedIhadajamesbodnsuitonupsidedownItwasafuckingspectacleonlyIcan­trememberwheremydatewaseitherprobablyfuckingtheownerorthedoormanw­hichwaswhisperedinmyearbysomesadisticmiddleagesobesewhitewomaneng­orgingherselfoncheeseandlobsterIproclaimtheywateredthatshitdownal­thoughIwastoospacedtorealizethatitwasjusttheicecubesandIwasjustbe­ingaloofregardlessIthrewtheglassontothefloorandstartedscreamingth­attheestablishmentiswrongneverthelessmyboothwasrefusedserviceIwas­pursuedbysecurityoutthedoorbutconfidentlyledmyselfoutonlytorealiz­eIhadforgottenmyfuckingiphoneintherestaurantasIwentbackinIrealize­dthepropertyhadtransformedintoanadulttoyshopwithallofmyexessurrou­ndingthecashregisterholyfuckinshitholyfuckingshitholyfuckingshitt­hisisitisntitthisisitisntit?

It was so real.
Read this as fast as you can.
Sep 2014 · 7.2k
Black White & Grey
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
Leaving the seduction, comfort and sins of suburbia is no easy task
For those spoiled to the point of sickness.
Privilege and entitlement.
Sadly, unable to survive...
Where are we?
Sep 2014 · 1.2k
11
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
11
Addiction doesn't go away, it just gets put on the shelf.
Sep 2014 · 1.1k
I Didn't Like That
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
I'm gettin' tired of tellin' everybody how bad she treats me now.
I keep hearing myself buzzing round and round,
Like a disgruntled honey bee, who can't find his hive nor his queen.
I'm a broken record by now, you know what I mean.

So I sit here on this dry, sunny day,
Drinkin' whiskey and singing the same song when I play.
I guess I just wanted her to hear me say.

I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.
I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.

She came in looking like a sin, struttin' past my way
looked me over then said, "You shouldn't gawk that way".
Then I stood up, gave in and took her home anyway,
She slipped out before the light of day.
So I say,

I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.
I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.

When you look she's divine, then find out she's a demon.
You wake up in the middle of the night,
She's got you hollerin' and screamin'.
What do you get when you love a razor with the body of Venus?
You just say,

I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.
I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.

I'm goin' back home now, done with her anyhow, anyways.
Find some land with horses, sheep, orchard trees and some cows.
This bee don't care no more 'bout his queen or the colony.
Before I left, I shot her down, then ran from the felony.
Don't do what I did, but I meant when I say,

I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.
I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.

I really didn't like that.
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
So we say as we play, under moonlight or day
That we can learn to love and live oh,
I feel this movement now, creeping into my bones
My lungs inhale, I sing, Oh.

We have each other, at the end of the game
We don't worry about the scores as we play
We just twiddle the time, and write down these rhymes

So we laugh as we play, under moonlight or day
That we can learn to love and see oh,
I feel this now, this movement in my bones
My hips swing then I sing, Oh.

We have each other,
We don't worry,
We just twiddle the time
Write down these rhymes, Oh

So we say as we play....
That we can learn to love and live this love,
Oh yes.
Aug 2014 · 3.1k
Golden Moment
Kevin Eli Aug 2014
Is when you wait for that perfect time of day.
Somewhere between 4:00 and sunset when the light gives perfect sight.
Follow your rule of thirds and keep your aperture right.
More than your skills, art is within the eyes.
Which through experience and passion, just like film;
Both develop over time.

Just for that precious moment.
Aug 2014 · 2.7k
No Shelter Here
Kevin Eli Aug 2014
It starts in other countries, in other states, in other cities. We see it on the news. It doesn't affect us. When it happens to somebody we know, we grieve for them, but we won't look them in the eye.

Only when the pain and surging, suffering tide of the escaping masses comes to break down your door, will you then say, "There is no shelter here. This is MY home, stay here no more!"

And they will all cry,
"No, it is YOU that has no shelter here! Why did you look away when they went for your neighborhood?"

Yelling back as you remind,
"Did you not turn them away the same as I, to deny them brotherhood?"

By then it's too late.
Misunderstood, we run but can't hide.
There will be no shelter here.
Jul 2014 · 2.4k
The Masochist
Kevin Eli Jul 2014
When I was with her,
I never felt so alive, nor dead.
I never felt so much love, nor so alone.
I never felt so much pain, and so much joy.
I never knew how strong I was, nor how weak.
I never knew what I could do, nor what was out of reach.
Still can't see a difference between loving her and torturing me.
Jul 2014 · 7.5k
Chasing Waves
Kevin Eli Jul 2014
Summer sun and car rides.
We drive with Third Eye Blind and Oasis telling us where to go.
Which beach do we jump on today?
Doesn't matter, I'm counting the waves.
We came, found that peace and left our stress.
Sifting sand through laughter and digging holes with hands.
What else could we ask for in life?
That moment. Go find it.
Let's get back there.
Kevin Eli Jul 2014
Waiting for the big restart.
Imagining a corner pocket with the lights off, all drinks served room temperature. Harmonica in my pocket, an acoustic leaning on a seat made of worn leather. No politics, no war, no religion, no John Lennon songs necessary. Just empty homes and never-watched, stocked pharmacies. Walk-ins preferred, no prescription necessary.

Boredom would be our only enemy, bibles our note paper. God packed up and left. It's a great neighborhood to raise your kids.
Nobody needs a bomb shelter when the bombs have all fallen.
Sitting in a lawn chair, with a good friend and no cares, watching nature retake her world.

I am waiting for that day to come.
Jul 2014 · 1.2k
Accountability
Kevin Eli Jul 2014
The difference between a civilized society and anarchy is accountability.
Personal quote.
Jul 2014 · 350
Definition of Success
Kevin Eli Jul 2014
The definition of success can be compared to a tree in a hurricane.
Although you can be whipped around,
ripped apart, sundered,
and even uprooted,
you still managed
to drop seeds
along the
way.
Jul 2014 · 913
W
Kevin Eli Jul 2014
W
With wandering wicker wings; wavering, wilting, withering.
Wake with wisdom.  
Walk working wonders.
Wish without wincing, wherever wild worlds wait.
wandering wings wake wisdom wish worlds wild
Jun 2014 · 297
Finding Reveries
Kevin Eli Jun 2014
Dreams.

The most tantalizing dreams are the ones that I cannot recall except for the lingering emotion and flash of an image that causes one to be haunted by a long forgotten reverie. Do I not remember because it was nothing? Or do I not remember because I am afraid to?

We might dig for the rest of the morning trying to find it again.
Sometimes it comes to us in the late stretching sunset, touched by Déjà vu.  
Other times, it is lost forever.
Was it lost love taunting the lover?
A monster chasing you?
Was it falling from a hotel roof?
Maybe it was flying before tumbling to Earth.
Sometimes it’s a mind just spinning, floating through time.
Lucid as all hell.

Love, fear, excitement, anger.
Wonderment with a million emotions shared,
but not connected to seven billion others in our daily oceans.
No matter what, when you are a dreamer,
you can be the only one.

Don't be afraid to remember, and it's okay to forget.
Have fun.
Just don't stare too long into your soul's sun.
Jun 2014 · 431
Souls (5w)
Kevin Eli Jun 2014
***** Gems
Outshine dull
diamonds.
May 2014 · 277
You Threw That Word Around
Kevin Eli May 2014
I wish you stabbed me.
It would've hurt less.
At least then I would know how you honestly felt about me.
May 2014 · 1.1k
Tracks
Kevin Eli May 2014
Rusted train tracks slip down the road, winding into the fog.
Memories of old shows and carnivals brings me back to a time when I thought cotton candy and hot dogs were sacred.

I reach into my pocket to find twenty-nine cents.
The change from the Coca-Cola I bought that day when I was traveling for the first time alone. Three hours, Los Angeles to San Diego.

I remember my mother and father telling me to cherish the time we had together on our family vacations. I was never afraid of flying or got sick in cars or boats, but homesick? I was always looking for my origin.

In the final hours before sunset, tumbleweeds tip-toe and roll across those tracks which travel to all roads and counties, residing at this final crossing.

I didn't wait for the train to arrive before I started walking.
May 2014 · 1.5k
Negligence
Kevin Eli May 2014
Once I was at a house party in the highlands, I got very drunk.
We were skateboarding on the large tennis court up on the top of the extravagant property which did not belong to any of us.

I was trying to do a trick and the board flew out from under me and rolled out of control into the center net. I didn't know it, but I broke both bones below my wrist clean across.

When I fell, I was initially disoriented.
I remember everybody letting out a big gasp or "Oooh, ouch."
I staggered to my feet and tried to assess the situation.

I started to feel dizzy and fell back over.
I think two people helped me back up and got me sat down in a chair.
I remember the feeling that I was blacking out and couldn't breathe.

"I think I am going into shock." I said to everybody around me.
"I think I might need some medical attention." I said immediately after.

Nobody really paid attention.
"You're fine." Somebody said.
I shook my head as to say no, but to no avail. Nobody was listening.
"I need an ambulance"
I passed out again.

At some point, I woke up and drove myself home, drunk and with a broken arm. Nobody wanted to give their good time to help me, even though I knew everybody and I desperately needed it...

The terrifying part about this, is that it has happened before.

Know who your friends are
Know how cruel and negligent they can be.
Know how little drugs and alcohol care about you.
May 2014 · 3.3k
Terror & Horror
Kevin Eli May 2014
Blindly crawling, ****** kneed, trembling.
Feeling in the darkness, the murk and muck on the floor covers knees.
Breath uneven and scared, terrified again.

There are no doors, no windows, no others.
The cell has no features, only walls with no color.
An expression of the mind, an image of nightmare. Empty.

The lack of content is what scares.
Air so thick, one would choke, but I can't open my mouth.
Nothingness pervades. Wades through the thoughts to another corner.

With but thy blood and fingernails, messages are cut, carved and scraped into the grey concrete of these walls, words begging to not be forgotten.
Messages mandating weak memory to scribe.

This is my mind. This is where each day I reside.

In terror of the world, I am not inside.
in horror of the things I think, or thought?
I know not nor remember what I do, I am scared.
Naked, afraid and trying to remember the lessons I learned so long ago.

Goose-bump covered and huddled in the corner.
Hands wrapped around my knees, crying, shaking.
Dead inside, hollowed out. Nobody home.
Betrayed again...
By myself.

Beside myself.
A mind is a horrible place to be trapped...
May 2014 · 446
My Soliloquy
Kevin Eli May 2014
The state of our future society is not to be blamed on our parents, or corporations, or warring nations.
The responsibility of our future lies solely on our own shoulders.
For nothing will or can be done unless every single one of us decides to change the world we live on in each waking moment.
Within myself, I hold no blame for the future, only for my past…

But I must take responsibility for both.
This is my soliloquy.
Kevin Eli Apr 2014
I was raised being told to respect my elders,
But they only ever called me a punk growing up.
They said they raised us to one day give us the world.
Gave us what? Cities of ****, dry lakes and burning rust?
A generation of parents, so worried about taking care of their kids,
They destroyed the world so they wouldn't go outside. Mother's Envy.
They told me to pay attention in school,
But never taught me anything except that I didn't fit,
Never how to find a job, but certainly how to quit.

When your generation was growing up?
I don’t want to hear about your generation.
The generation that cared more about what created the world,
Than how to keep it alive?

A drunken stepfather blamed by his son,
In turn blaming his own father for the reasons his son hates him.

You want your kids to behave a certain way? Don’t force them.
Explain to them the effect and the cause.
Guide them, not govern them.
Accept and love them, they have your flaws.

Don’t forget, that you would rather be rich and your enemy richer,
Than to be blind in one eye so he will be in both.

I won’t use your generation as a scapegoat.
Today I am here to stop this cycle.
No, you will not be my excuse.

I will stand up and give a voice to the voiceless.
Run, walk and crawl for the crippled.
Find a cure for our parent's cancer.
Pay for our broken homes, flooding with bills.
Will break my back to farm for those without food
Who starve in our valleys, our plains, our hills.

But I beg.
Just please, oh Mother.
Don't force me to ****.
Because if I have to dear Father,

You know that I will...
Apr 2014 · 1.7k
Love Agape
Kevin Eli Apr 2014
Like a blind date on wedding night,
You came before me once again.
This time, you said you loved me...

We drove and talked, you smiled
And told me everything I needed to hear.
Not what I wanted to, but what I needed.

You're changing, and I like it.

Ride with me once again,
Until the red wine is gone
and sweet nothings are said.

I admit I still love you too.
Yes, we can start over again...
Time can't change some things though.
Apr 2014 · 569
My Car Is A Slut
Kevin Eli Apr 2014
My car is a ****.

She lets homeless people get in her
She gets oil changes from anybody
And doesn't care what gas she fills up on.
Whether like cheap beer or fine wine,
No matter, she'll need more in short time

I don't know why I get mad when I'm not the driver
But my car will let four, sometimes five men get inside of her
She's been stopped by more cops at curbs than Zimmerman
And turned more tricks at corners than Paris Hilton

She is fun, sleek, and knows where to go,
Knows when to stop and start when I say no.
Only problem is, that each time I want to know
Where she's been, silent instead, with a low hum and that hubcap grin.

My car is a ****.
Apr 2014 · 963
She Makes Me Smile
Kevin Eli Apr 2014
Yellow painted walls. This place makes me smile.
As she sits there by night studying, her dress flows elegantly in the wind
That is blowing through the balcony door.

Polka dots in black and white, she bites her pencil tip.

She makes me smile.
Apr 2014 · 465
Cyber Soapbox
Kevin Eli Apr 2014
I can stand on a cyber soapbox all day
Telling you nothing was ever okay
That you have a voice, a million in one,
Able to be heard from here to the sun.
So tell me what is important to you,
If you're smart, or a *****,
Or just have no ******* clue.
You only live once.
No, hashtags don't include
Your memories of screens, drugs and delusions,
Fear makes the conclusions.
Drop the key in the lock on your mind
From the courage we all have
Lost long ago in time.
Stop acting.
Start living.
Apr 2014 · 1.4k
#SlutCompetition
Kevin Eli Apr 2014
Generic Asian food dish picture, drunken Vegas selfie with my betches, #cheatedonmyboyfriend, picture of my ******* on top of a mountain on the only hike I've ever been on. Have you seen the gap in my thighs? Almost as big as the gap between my legs. Lots of visible beverages, this is our club! (no idea I'm borderline alcoholic). I want a real man #imafuckingliar
This is how I feel about social media.
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