Another dream as part of the treatment
In all reality, it feels like a torture
If they only knew what the beeps brought on...
The left-right, dream-inducing,
cadence,
Tells my brain what to process;
And it’s always you.
If it hurts that much, is it healing?
Or bleeding out and re-peeling?
It’s the second dream since the therapy
On the second day since the therapy.
And oh,
It felt better the first time.
The one where he thought I was weird,
Because it’s more realistic.
But in the one about you,
I got everything I’d ever wanted
Which hurts
And aches
And hollows one out.
It leaves nerves fried
And teary eyes
And palpating hearts.
Because there’s no room to grow,
No room left to dream.
It’s given me an eye to see what we could have been
And feel how good it would’ve been.
And now I know and long for those  feelings.
And I think I always will,
Because I’ll never forget what I’ve dreamed.

Some
overdose
when
they
are lonely

That
is
the art
of being
p a s s i o n l e s s

In this story,
Augustus Waters didn’t die
But it felt like he did.

my words are measured:
two cups of cold with a hint of
warmth
to make it convincing.

Alone,
Alone,
It’s happening again.
I’m alone in this body
And stuck in my head.
I’m irritable.
I’m worried.
I’m unable to cope
I’m filled with violent dread
And I’m glued to my bed.
I’m left wondering why this is happening again.

I'm being bled dry.
The water turns a drip-drip
Over the edge.
My squirming,
Twisted mermaid legs
Shrivel in pain
I'm ugly and deformed.
I gave all I had to give.
So I'm bleeding
And screaming
In this bathtub prison,
But no one will find me here.

I have a parasite.
It's called perfectionism
It causes me to have overwhelming brain spasms
When you ask me to do something out of my
"comfort zone"
If I try to do it, I have to battle against the parasite.
It says things like:
"This is too hard."
"Give up, it's easier."
"You don't care about this!"
I'm practicing self-soothing methods,
Ways to drown out the little parasite's
Nagging voice.
It is difficult.
It is hard.
But I am stronger, I am the host.

I insult you.
But when others agree,
I insult them, too.
I guess that means
that I Love You.

Never
Never
Never
Things I'll never do and never say
Things I want to do, but will never say
Things I've never done, but will never say
It's a finite of nevers,
But they feel infinite to me.

I scan between the good words and the bad
I do the same with people,
My eyes frantic and my mind confused
I'm getting dizzy and losing my balance.
I'm losing all hope with it, too.
Why is it so complicated?
There is no consistency,
No rhyme or reason.
Just exist or not exist and whatever lies between.

Sometimes wearing a choker is
A sign of weakness, a cry for attention.
But mostly, it's a token of strength.
I've walked through hell and back,
so know it.

I've stood in the downpour for so long,
That your sun is scorching.
It's a constant reminder of your love,
which I've pushed away for so long.
All because I'm more afraid
of burning desire than drowning in hate.

i don't care if you're sorry
it already hurt
i take steady damage
which comes from your words

What would you do if you saw a girl spending pennies and pearls on food?
She gobbles it up and then she barfs, which she thinks makes her feel good.
Later that night, with her conscious she'll fight as the guilt eats her for lunch
But she'll never tell of the story where of she went to after brunch.

At night,
I always wonder...
If they knew what I'd been through,
Would they still like me?

I think I'm falling for friendship
It's really hard to admit
I've pushed away longer than I have ever reeled in.
I know it sounds sad
And that's 'cause it is,
I've been hurt and scratched and bruised,
Scared it will happen again.
I'm falling for friendship, I'm opening up.
So, hopefully this will work out
Well, enough.

I've found the emptiness
It was buried inside
It's the weight that bounds my body
And the dark parts of my mind
I always seem to lose it,
But then I find a frown,
I guess all of my smiles end up being
upside-down...

There are millions of dogs and cats in shelters
Why can't we shelter them from this?

There is nothing.
And the beats that I wanted to hear
go on too long.

I’m disconnected.

There’s a spark in my eye and it’s twitching into flames.  

I’m tired of this life and of these games.

I’m hoping for a reason,

Hope they give me one to stay.

I thought the pounding was finally gone,

But it is is ringing in my head

And beating in my lungs.

I’m disconnected.

I feel dead.

no friends
no foes
no one to hear my woes
a drama queen at best
i tuck myself in and rest
i wake up the next day
i feel exactly the same way
a loner is what i am
so i press 'autopilot'
and try not to fight it
because it will all happen again

Isn't it funny that one word can scare so much?
I dropped another d-bomb on my family yesterday
Hey guys, I have a third diagnosis, yay!

I know I sound sarcastic.
The truth is that I'm happy
I'm broken, that I know
But this time,
there's a word to describe how I broke.

Some things burn
like fire.

Some things sting
like bees.

But sometimes,
They smother like pillows.

Until you can no
longer breathe.

I'm happy with my body
But I could always be thinner.

Why am I so broken?
It always comes back to this.
There are moments of bliss when I don't miss
those horrible scars on my wrists.
But moments aren't made to last, and I...
I am a girl that's made of glass.

I hate making mistakes
In this life, you never win
I'm tired of getting close,
Close to a perfect that doesn't exist

Some say I'm too young to be sad
Some say I'm too young to be nervous,
But at 6 years old I developed signs, but never did I show them
I have anxiety disorder, so my perception is awry
I hear noises when I'm home alone and think I'm gonna die.
My brain is on a high alert, a constant back-round noise
But sometimes light shines through the grey, so I will
keep on going.

I am a comprehensive manual,
But I'm written in braille.
They open me and soon realize
that they don't really care.
I cannot speak their language,
Communicate my thought
So every day that passes,
they just watch me fall apart.

If I'm not standing on a stage,
Then why should I act "more my age"
?

The saying is true,
Opposites do attract
You are someone I could never forget
And I am someone you could.