"I don't want to exist sometimes."
Dear God forbid those words reprise
"Be careful who you tell these rhymes."
The therapist looked and checked the time
As if waiting for the clock to chime
Next time I'll come, look in her eyes
Then smile and tell happy lies.

I remember
When my arms were sliced for a summer,
The summer I was sad
When I cried myself to sleep every single night
When I was a child, but felt like a failure
Yet you never knew because I smiled
I never stopped smiling for you to have your precious mirage
When you finally found out about my arms
You didn't help me, you only took my blade away and forgot where you put it
This is my pain not yours
MY PAIN
So don't you ever act like the victim.

I am obsessed with technology.
The noises from other people's lives are just loud enough to drown out my own.
The bright lights give my eyes something better to look at then this eternal mess I've created.
The videos distract me just long enough to survive into the next day instead of becoming another casualty of this world.
The people give me hope that there's something better out there, that if I can hold on a bit longer, something good might happen.
So yes, I am utterly o-b-s-e-s-s-e-d with technology.

Did you think you could hear me?
I speak calmly, but I'm screaming!
A tale of two people,
One happy, one sad
Will always be playing cat
and dog inside of me
My thoughts are their playground
My actions, their command
I am demented, love
I will always be tormented
By one arguing with the other
Therefore, I urge
Do not try to save me
For we will both fall

Today I felt sad
But that’s okay
Just let me feel something

I want to be a rockstar
So careless and so crude
I want the grit inside my voice
To be your brain’s ear food

I want to be a rockstar
I long to be tattooed
The white noise of a black guitar
Will always be my mood

I have seen love
So quiet and so pure
Two people moving
Through their lives like
An intertwining silent dance
Not one word may slip through their lips
Or a single noise out the mouth
For they do not need speech
Or even touch
Just the feeling of a twin soul
Being kindled near

I feel so ugly
I avoid mirrors and
Distract myself with 'responsibilities'
In hopes that maybe I won't remember
What I look like for one day

I feel so ugly
I'd rather play with my dog than be 'out there'
He'll never have a look in his eyes
Or word in his mouth
Laced with judgment
Or honesty

I feel so ugly
I stare at old pictures
And cry
Because I always thought I wasn't
Beautiful
Even when I was

I feel so ugly
I reject their love
When I remember I'm in this body
I remind myself
That they are all probably lying

I feel so ugly
When I speak,
I surprise myself
Because hearing my voice
Reminds me
Of this body
That is
oh so ugly.

Insomnia, insomnia
Oh, how I loathe you so
You only come and visit
Every month or so

But you come uninvited,
Put monsters in my head
Oh, why can't you go visit
Another person's bed?

I cannot read between the lines
You own them,
For they are not mine
To twist and turn and compromise
So tell me, do you think it's wise
To make me read between the lines?

Instead of getting angry
Instead of being sad
She read some books
And lived the lives
that other people had.

Have you heard of Alice,
The girl in Wonderland?
I am sure you have.
The problem, you see
lies in the words you didn't read.
The part the writer did not need.
While Alice laid upon a bed,
Her mother watched and stroked her head.
The doctors said it was psychosis
And so they gave her higher doses.
She's over-stressed,
She is a mess,
But every day she takes her meds.
She can't find Wonderland again
And so she uses pad and pen
To write some poems, oh so sad
But they help others feel less bad
And that will help her feel less ******,
The closest thing she feels to happy.

Like seeing the ghosts of the people I loved
I scan through crowds and avoid their faces
Faces as magnets attract my eyes
My vision is blurry, it's time to go
I stumble through hallways
My head hangs low,
Avoiding those faces as magnets.

The girl with the piercings
The guy with tattoos
That person whose hair is a dark grayish blue

Those people have faces as magnets.

A middle-aged couple
Stares out their front window
Happily watching the workers
Busy on their front lawn, digging a hole.

They had lived in this neighborhood
For three years
With their three precious daughters,
The family dog, and only two trees.

The mother would often complain
Because the houses looked bare
The father was sad,
Said the air was stale.

But they know well that each day that brings a trial
Brings a blessing, too.
Today, the dog is barking
And there's plenty of work to do.

Still, they smile.
Because today they get a brand new tree.

I am living in a capsule
I am shielded from outside forces,
hurting
pain
and
sallow emotions

these are orange

I am shielded by this boundary
that my mind constructed
A prisoner to my own ways
forever defending me
from your
rude
and stabbing
jagged jars

and your

sharp
and jarring
warnings

these are red

it may sound nice
that I am immune

this is blue

But the privilege of the good emotions
all the
warm
and happy
delicious laughs

which are yellow

I no longer have

because I am a prisoner
of cause and effect-
you cause and I deflect

Now I am an outsider on the inside
forever watching all the colors
as they
bounce off my capsule wall.

they think that chicken soup
for the human soul
can cure me,
but I am vegetarian.

Depression is a blanket,
A place to rest my head.
It hurts when I am somber,
But won't hurt when I am dead.