i used to love you sober.



               i've been high for days.

your breath left burn marks on my skin
your kisses tasted of strawberries,
smothered in whiskey.

your words made my brain overflow with love
i felt the blooming long before you knew,
it was love.

love is a temptation
with bellowing whispers and,
glassy eyes in the shadows.

love is another "please don't go",
an "it's for your own good",
another "goodbye".

when will it end?

"what would you do without paper and pen?"


                                             i would scratch poems into my own skin.



                    "what would you do if there was no love?"

    
                                             i would take it out with the one up above.

another drag through jagged teeth,
manhandling my body with precision.
lips glittering with the wet from your tongue,
piercings blundering my soul.
continue to make your move against me,
i am numb to all feelings you may hold.
wrap me up and throw me to the dogs,
before you take all humanity.

"i'd rather die," i say, with your fist pressed to my cheek
               "i need you here," you say, as you cry...
                                  my face is bleak.

it's the year of the horse...
more wealth, better health, less remorse.

i'm counting down the days til i die,
but leaving myself to wonder why.

is keeping you close what i need?
or are you hindering my paths to succeed?

"will your tongue still remember the taste of my lips?
will your shadow remember the swing of my hips?
will your lover caress you the way that i did?"

hummingbird lover, set me free,
i want you to be all that you can be.

i want to close the holes in my beak
set me free, let me speak.

i cannot speak when you take my breath.
let me go, lay me to rest.

Snakes they slither in your bones, are you feeling all alone?
Encrypted now you see the clues.
Your blood will boil, your skin will bruise.
You’ll forget all known before.
Perhaps a knock will sound at the door.

you cut my throat with your fingernails,
and pierced my heart with your tongue.

the moon sets in the sky
like a bird knows how to fly,
many people travel by
they never wonder why.

days go by and by
are you living on a lie?

when you speak do you think?
do you ever stop to blink?
have you ever felt the brink?

you have to come to terms
the reality flame must burn,
you cant live your life like this
if youre living like a fish...

trapped in endless water,
do you ever even bother
to look at yourself and say
there has to be a better way.

there has to be happier days,
a tree with perfect shade
an unflawed picture in its frame
life cannot be a waiting game.

pouring rain,
my grip slips.
save me,
the abyss.

you're mad at me because i can't control my heart,
how am i supposed to feel while you're ripping me apart?

you've gone away,
to a kingdom unseen,
blessed be.

i hope you feel at peace,
and even though i miss you,
you will feel better where you are now.

you are not exposed to the cruel world,
you will be exposed to doves and angels.

is that mayonnaise on your lip?
or are you back in business. ;)

he has eyes that change color,
and a smile to match his mood.
he always keeps me company,
he's my sky, my stars, my moon.

he is my moonlight dancing,
in the summer rain.
he is my burning candle,
my happy gentle flame.

when i feel him near me,
my blood begins to rush.
he takes my breath away,
with just a simple touch.

his voice calms my fires,
on a smoky dreary day.
his wisdom soothes my soul,
his kiss is chardonnay.

his glimpse is oh-so-silky,
makes flowers bloom in may.
his love is boiling crimson,
he will forever stay.

i love him like no other,
and at the end of the day
the feelings i have for him,
still will always stay.

in my dreams
it makes it seem
that my life is a beautiful twisting stream.

but when i wake up
and i lie in bed,
the dreadful thoughts and feelings
coming running through my head.

i only want to sleep,
so the feelings cease to creep
up the back of my thighs,
through my spine and down my sheets.

the world makes me tremble,
and feel so nimble
my life needs to reassemble.

in my dreams, i feel it there
something that im not aware
so i do not wake,
i do not dare.

you grab at me, foreboding.
i writhe away, loathing.
brooding, conspiring, a knock at the door.
our love is eternal, forevermore.

love unconditional,
coming of age,
sweet kisses,
bright eyes,
comfort and bliss.

you smell of spice and rosemary,
a smell i can't shake off.
it fills my lungs with exposure of you,
and releases words i can't get out.

what a culprit you are,
coming and stealing my heart,
i needed that you fool,
i was going to give it to you.

your love fits like a glove,

but the glove has been doused in gasoline and lit on fire.

i often ask myself,
where is my mind?
it goes to places undefined.

it crawls through cracks
and opens the door.
to a room i am unsure.

it replays the thoughts
that were not there
my brain feels so,

so sad and bare.

its like i'm in a wooden box and i have no idea how to escape.
it isn't that i'm claustrophobic, but the demons want to play hide and seek,
but i have nowhere to hide.

Dead crushed flowers,
tear stained cheeks.

My heart is in pieces,
my love has ceased.

For I care no more,
love feels as waste.

Your name on my tongue,
brings bad taste.

My happiness will grow again,
as flowers will blossom,
and tears will dry.

sing me to sleep with gem colored eyes,
your soft lullabies hushing my cries.

the gentle white feathers of a snow colored dove,
are as your arms wrapped around me with love.

i feel you with the morning sun,
together we can be as one.

i want to get out
but there's a frog in my knees
that won't allow me to move,
it won't allow me to leave.
i feel it in my throat now,
and im all choked up.
oh no its in my brain now,
im waiting to erupt.

Eyes unclosed, restless thoughts.
Here today, yet gone tomorrow.
Brain so crumbled, thoroughly longing.
Unwanted, and feel no belonging.


Crisp cool air, traveling tears.
Unknowingly facing all of my fears.
Wrapped up in a woolen coat,
gentle silence, fogged up throat.

your eyes burn with crimson desire,
i'd like to wrap my arms around you
and hold you close though i may perspire.

you haunt my dreams with unbitten tongue
and take my heart close to your soul.

i want you to be mine.

tongue glistens
            heart beats
                  feverish thighs
                               bed sheets

i dreamt of your eyes,
a pure golden sunset
rising in glory.

you swept me away,
to somewhere we couldn't remain
but i was at ease.

My eyes swelled shut,
to keep the memories whole
when i awoke i crumbled.

you planted flowers in my lungs with a sinful kiss,
but there were weeds i could not expunge
they stole my breath and broke my heart.

when i need you, you are never there.

     restless,
            
               doubtful,
                  
                              unaware.

"Time cast a spell on you
But you won't forget me
I know I could have loved you
But you would not let me
Time cast a spell on you
But you won't forget me
Well I know I could have loved you
But you would not let me"

my skin is grey and wilting
trying to hold on
im slipping

theres a block in my brain
can't even say my name

holding me back
like a thumb on a tack

falling off the end
closing before begin

keeping a straight face
put me in my place

drip! drip! drip!
another bloodline decayed
i close my eyes and again i'm depraved.

i hold this key and it opens no door
your stare blisters me...
but leaves me wanting more.

sweet wonderful you,
you make me happy with the things you do.
oh, can it be so?
this feeling follows me wherever i go.

don't don't break the spell.
it would be different and you know will.
you, you make loving fun.
and i don't have to tell you but you're the only one.

"I smell *** and candy here
Who's that lounging in my chair?
Who's that casting devious stares in my direction?
Momma this surely is a dream, yeah
Yeah, momma this surely is a dream"

feeling you leave
was like
watching the water go down the drain in the sink,
as it cleanses your hands from the sickness you encounter throughout the day.

re-approach


              grip with a gentle sting


hunger


              fueled by inconsistency

your words are that of gold
melting into my brain
i am refreshed

i've been thinking all day.
what i should have said,
what i could've done to make you stay.

is there any way?

"traveling swallowing dramamine
feeling spaced breathing out listerine
i'd said what i'd said that i'd tell ya
and that you'd killed the better part of me
if you could just milk it for everything
i've said what i'd said and you know what i mean
but i still can't focus on anything
we kiss on the mouth but still cough down our sleeves"

told you that i loved you,
that all was just a bore.
i hope you locked the windows,
and bombarded the front door.