i knew deep down that the person in the picture wasn't really you
but in my fantasy you were everything i had ever wanted

but oh how i miss being held in your arms
in distressful times such as these, i find myself wanting to run to you

to feel your embrace
to feel your presence
to have the warmth of your cheeks pressed against my mine
when you ran your hand through my hair, reassuring me
that everything would be okay in the end
but it wasn't.

i quickly remind myself who you really were in the end
the disappointment still consumes me

as the years have gone by, i have learned that innocence is a virtue
it should be valued and not so easily thrown away
i wish i kept my innocence longer

being tossed around by men
like an object, pulled and tugged by them while their hands were all over me
has affected me in ways i can't even explain

although some of them did have genuine intentions,
it's the sole fact that i have been intimate with so many
any act of romance is now meaningless to me

stuck in an endless cycle of criticism
just to avoid the mere idea of being hurt
the idea of letting someone fully into my heart, just to take another piece of it away?
it's something my mind and heart cannot fathom yet again

is my judgement something that can be seen as egotistical?
funny how i hate myself so much, yet try to hold you to such a high standard
but i know love cannot be formed in this manner
love isn't about changing someone into what you want
but rather about accepting and loving them for who they are

my mind judges the immaturity you have, like any other teenage boy
or the way you aren't my ideal person, academically
yet i admire the way you talk about your passions
or how you kiss me until i feel okay again
maybe that's what matters more

meeting you was unexpectedly refreshing
i thought it would go south, i even prepared an "escape" plan
i took a chance though, and for the very first time in a while i enjoyed myself
but mainly, i enjoyed being with you

of course you don't feel exactly like him, which was expected
"is that okay though?" i often ask myself this
every person will feel different of course - i mean that's what they all say
and the spark i felt with him was rare, almost as if he was my soulmate

maybe crazy, intense feelings aren't always good though
maybe feeling like your heart is being torn into shreds every second you're not with someone isn't ideal
all for the feeling that you've supposedly "known someone your whole life"?
is the insanity that comes with it really worth it?

however i feel comfortable with you
i feel something good can maybe come out of this
maybe comfort and security is what is more important in a relationship
rather than the chemistry you have with someone else

an out of body experience it was meeting you
looking into your eyes, lost in the endless shimmer they gave off
a single touch from you was like a touch from the heavens
sparks flying just from a single conversation
everything changed the moment i met you

just as quick as it happened was as quick as it was gone
you left and took a part of me with you
a part that i will never get back again
oh how i miss her
everything changed the moment you left

months go by and my heart still asks about you
deep down i always knew you were my soulmate
but it felt dramatic to say that, however now i know it's true
no one can ever make me feel the way you did
everything is different now

beneath the pit of my soul
a flame lacerates my skin
the anger, the frustration, the confusion
of you not being here anymore
when my gut told me for sure, that you were the one

love is a scary game they say
but i was never scared to try with you

it's so hard to forget
someone i knew i would've fallen in love with

oh but every time you left
you took a piece of me with you
and now
that part of me is all gone