I walked into a silent house
peaceful, though it seemed
The echoes of my memories
Continue, how they scream

My thoughts had taken over
Strengthening the demons of my past
They fought for years to own my soul
This battle was my last

I removed the plastic cap
Removed the shiny foil
I turned the bottle upside down
And said goodbye to sorrow

Why, oh why? my love , does the writing seem more real
than the words that I have told you,and the tears that I have spilled
it seems that only now,at the beginning of this day
I can tell you all I need,and you can not turn away
for what I write down on this page may well be set in stone
though I am merely inches, I may well be alone

you lay your head on my chest
my selfish pride aside
until you fall asleep
then my demons come alive

there is nothing you can say
that would make this seem alright
so I see you sleep in envy
as I lay on through the night

it angers me to watch you sleep
with so little to remorse
as I'm laying awake and thinking
of the reaper at the door

if I dare move or make a sound
you jump alive with fear
to further drive the guilt inside
my conscience can't burn clear

I feel guilty for the way I look
and try to care for you
I feel guilty for the steps I take
and the manor in which I move

maybe someday I can make you feel
as I see you in my heart
and maybe you can return this feeling
that our love may never part

I am laying in this bed of ours
inside this home we've built
wondering why you wont touch me
all you speak of is your guilt

you tell me how you want to change
that you're needing to improve
and all the while I'm laying here
just wondering what to do

these millions of thoughts run through my mind
not one better that the next
it all leads back to the same old guilt
it seems I've failed the test

you say that you're happy
while you cry yourself to sleep
but the one who's most afflicted
is the one you choose to keep

I live a little every day
afraid to take in to much all at once
I am surrounded by a wall built of caution and fear
If only I could learn how to live all at once

It stands to reason that a dim candle may burn forever
but will never be found useful in guiding one through the dark

but a bright pyre. now that would only burn for a night
but would illuminate so many of you
just sitting in the shadows

What do you feel now?
when it comes to seeing the reaper?
when you look back on the choices you've made.
do you feel that he should pass you over?
or should he take your hand and lead to down?

rise now! and view yourself from other eyes.
see how they view you.
would you take yourself as a friend? a lover?
rise now and show the reasons the reaper should pass you by.

Waking up in the morning
still tired and groggy
rushing to leave the house
throwing on whatever clothes are closest to me.

endless cycle, day in, day out
rushing through my life to do someone else's bidding
then it clicks.
something in my head, and in my heart.

I want more of you, more of us
more time to explore the true nature of life
unbound, free to choose my own speed
today, here, with you, I choose slow

These days seem more and more
Like I'm sitting on the ocean floor
The weight of the salty water
Crushing down on my chest

The negative bouyance
It chains me down
Not allowing me an inch

The sun doesn't reach me
No light to shine
No warmth to glow.

If only I would have given the effort to stay afloat,
resisting the urge to still my self and let the dark overtake me.

If I would have seen then what I now hold dear.
The silent ponder had has lead me to see.
Acknowledgement of your love is what could have saved me

It's A flimsy thing, inspiration
it just kind of shows up one day
maybe it stays for an hour
maybe it never shows at all

Why did I fight
Why did I bleed

What did you want
What did you need

Why did he suffer
Why did he die

Why did we fight
Why the **** did we try?!

the greatest thing man can hope to achieve
is to love his wife, and give all he can be
to show faith in no other
to sacrifice all that she could see

to never falter on his promise
to never fail on his gifts
his promises are love
and his promises are his gifts

he may never give anything more than his heart
and by the grace of god and no other
as one under gods supervision
may the two never depart

may they never surrender
under gods holy sight
may they always love
may they never give up the fight

All i must do
Is simply think of your embrace
And all of the faults
And all of the fears
simply fall away

No matter the time
No matter the place
All of the rage
With your heart
Melts away

-Brian Patrick O'Connor_

Oh Savoir faire,
the emotions you share
with your heart and your mind
let me know we are truly two of a kind.
This woman you speak of, the love of your life
is a destination you seek when she is your wife.
A goal set in motion by your mother and me
from a memory you have, age two perhaps three
lights the path of your journey
so you're not traveling blind
oh Savoir fair we must be
two of a kind.
Love you Son keep on writing

-Patrick D. O'Connor SR.-

what hope does man have
but fall in despair
when dark times abound
and good times are rare

when the ones we entrust
are the ones that we can't

and the ones we were taught to despise and to hate
are the ones that we turn to, to help with our fate

-Brian Patrick O'Connor-

sitting on my couch
in deep, constant reflection
i fell this overwhelming peace.
this warmth and glow in my body

i'm curious to know it's origins
then as i turn my gaze upwards
i'm a bit cheerful to realize
it's apple pie moonshine

After a few days in bed
And finally reaching help
Upon hearing the news
I've decided that this is how it will be

This is my life
Unable to talk
Unable to move
I am to be worthless

But fate, it seems,
would have something very different to say on the matter
Because fate stepped in,
in the form of a Father.

My family was sad, but my dad knew what i needed
He found an orange, he knew we could beat it
He would hit me with the orange
Trying to **** me off

Telling me to catch it
In my head i would scoff
He said "Use your right hand"
I though he was a bit off

Angrily I worked
Just to get him to stop
Until finally one day
The orange had been caught

-Brian Patrick O'Connor SR.-

Not everyone is bad
Not everyone's to blame
Not all can cast judgment
When all carry shame

-Brian Patrick O'Connor SR.-

Have you ever woken up to a really off day?
Where there is nothing you can do.
There is nothing you can say.

This day just follows suite, and like so many before.
It's best to just sleep.
Don't try anymore.

Some days start off so filled with sorrow
It's best to pass the time alone
Just waiting for tomorrow

-Brian Patrick O'Connor SR.-

I feel fine, I feel normal.
Then, I feel numb and weak.
I feel panic and confusion
Sleeping alone in my bed for three days
Unable to process life, unable to stay awake
Fighting to even gather my thoughts.

Knowing I need help but not knowing how to get it.
I have forgotten "911"
I have forgotten my brother and my friends.
I have forgotten how to use a phone.
I try to drink water, but that falls out of my mouth
I can barely move myself around the house.

Then a knock at the door.
My friend! I know I should know him.
He knows me, but I don't know him.
He asks me how I am
My reply is only a moan and random sounds.

He carries me to my truck
He carries me to the ER
I am only 19, who would have ever thought.
The doctor comes in and simply tells me
I have had a stroke.

What is a man to do?

-Brian Patrick O'Connor SR-

Sometimes I wonder if a man can change
Truly
Can he become more?
Can one simply decide that the point has been reached?
That there's simply nothing left to lose, and no lower to descend.
Does he then, simply shed the burdens of a lifetime of errors?
No.
A man must carry the full weight.
He must claw, he must fight his way out of the depths.
He must surrender to none, he must fight to climb.
And in the journey he finds.
The climb is endless.

-Brian Patrick O'Connor SR- 2016

Though your day is dark and troubling
Though your hours are filled with fear
Walk boldly into the fire
Always remember I am here

-Brian Patrick O'Connor SR.- 2016