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I walked into a silent house
peaceful, though it seemed
The echoes of my memories
Continue, how they scream

My thoughts had taken over
Strengthening the demons of my past
They fought for years to own my soul
This battle was my last

I removed the plastic cap
Removed the shiny foil
I turned the bottle upside down
And said goodbye to sorrow
Early in 2018 I took 180mg of klonopin. My fiancé found me outside by a tree. After 3 days of intubation I was released from the hospital.
Why, oh why? my love , does the writing seem more real
than the words that I have told you,and the tears that I have spilled
it seems that only now,at the beginning of this day
I can tell you all I need,and you can not turn away
for what I write down on this page may well be set in stone
though I am merely inches, I may well be alone
you lay your head on my chest
my selfish pride aside
until you fall asleep
then my demons come alive

there is nothing you can say
that would make this seem alright
so I see you sleep in envy
as I lay on through the night

it angers me to watch you sleep
with so little to remorse
as I'm laying awake and thinking
of the reaper at the door

if I dare move or make a sound
you jump alive with fear
to further drive the guilt inside
my conscience can't burn clear

I feel guilty for the way I look
and try to care for you
I feel guilty for the steps I take
and the manor in which I move

maybe someday I can make you feel
as I see you in my heart
and maybe you can return this feeling
that our love may never part
I am laying in this bed of ours
inside this home we've built
wondering why you wont touch me
all you speak of is your guilt

you tell me how you want to change
that you're needing to improve
and all the while I'm laying here
just wondering what to do

these millions of thoughts run through my mind
not one better that the next
it all leads back to the same old guilt
it seems I've failed the test

you say that you're happy
while you cry yourself to sleep
but the one who's most afflicted
is the one you choose to keep
These are the words
that express how I feel
about the life that we have
and the love that we share

you have so many doubts
so many concerns
of being in trouble
and false lessons learned

that you'd take from us both
the good times we share
to wave in my face
your fears that do scare

you say you're afraid
that your doing me wrong
but all I can feel
is a love so strong

what weighs so heavy
on your mind and your heart
if it continues to consume you
it will tear us apart
I live a little every day
afraid to take in to much all at once
I am surrounded by a wall built of caution and fear
If only I could learn how to live all at once

It stands to reason that a dim candle may burn forever
but will never be found useful in guiding one through the dark

but a bright pyre. now that would only burn for a night
but would illuminate so many of you
just sitting in the shadows
What do you feel now?
when it comes to seeing the reaper?
when you look back on the choices you've made.
do you feel that he should pass you over?
or should he take your hand and lead to down?

rise now! and view yourself from other eyes.
see how they view you.
would you take yourself as a friend? a lover?
rise now and show the reasons the reaper should pass you by.
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