why couldn’t i speak,
think of anything to say?
why didn’t i tell him
i was always just one call away?
my feelings lay in a heap,
my heart is a catastrophe.
my god,
he wouldn’t even look at me.
why am i rhyming?
i’m so beyond structure.
baby
           i
               am
                       falling
                                    apart.
                                                  you
                                                           gave
                                                   me
                                           the
                               world,
                      said
                   i
         was
your
          girl.

what                 ever
                 happened              to
forever                          and
              
                   always?

with words made of thread and
lips like a needle,
you weaved your words through me,
healed me, closed
all wounds.
but the thread was thin,
easy to break, and
with the slightest force, it snapped.
each time i turned away, there you were
with that same golden thread and those same loving lips,
ready to fix me over
and over again.
but how many times can the wound reopen
before it can’t be sewn up again?
how many times can i get my heart broken,
before learning that it’s okay not to forgive?
how many times does it take for you to pull back
until one day, finally
you just don’t come back?

she’s the girl that made you believe in love.
with that infection laugh and
rough-around-the-edges persona,
she made you fall.
oh darling,
she made you fall fast.
she’s the girl that’s beautiful but
will never believe it,
doesn’t see it,
even though it’s pointed out to her all the time.
this girl is bright and oh god does she shine.
even on her dull days,
when the rain won’t stop pouring and
she can’t breathe,
she manages to smile.
she can fool you all.
she’s the girl that keeps them all at bay,
wondering
if she’s making a mistake.
princes flock to her like cattle,
desperate to have their hearts broken
by the girl who’s smile shines brighter
than the whole entire galaxy.

what i would give
to see what you're listening to,
to know if you hide behind your music like i do,
let the lyrics shout the words
you are too afraid to whisper.

i'm tired of it.
tired of never-ending rainstorms
and oceans promising hydration
when all i get is salt rubbing against my organs
like sandpaper.
tired of lightning striking twice
and landing me in the same situation i'm always in.
tired of preaching about self love and then always hating myself
no matter what,
for going back to the same people,
going back to the same bad habits,
never truly healing.
tired of stressing about stress so much that
my eye starts twitching and
all i want to do is sleep.
tired of having no motivation,
no interests,
sometimes walking through the day in a haze
while other times i can't stop the waterfall of tears.
tired of believing people when they say it'll get better,
believing people when they say they'll be there.
save it for someone else,
i couldn't believe it even if you
meant it anyways.

not only is the farm abandoned
but all the sheep are dead.
the sugarplums dance on their graves
instead of twirling in my head.
smiles are nonexistent
nobody has a clue
of the million tons of *******
others may be going through.
my brain is being clouded
by all your negative words;
i’ve stopped saying hello to him
despite how much it hurts.
if he is the train
then i am strapped to the tracks,
begging myself to push forward
and never look back.
but my heart gives in,
it’s an endless cycle
of each time promising myself
i won’t reconcile.
but one look at his eyes
or golden curly hair,
and i’ve already started writing him
words beyond compare.
so if he is the farmer
then i am the sheep,
abandoned and killed
for my lack of sleep.

i promise to make pain look beautiful,
i will make you wish for thorns instead of roses
just so you can feel my ebony words,
just so you can choke on the bitter truth
for a while.
i promise to paint love as the most beautiful sunset you’ve ever seen,
i will make you give everything
to have a world of your very own.
i promise to hold a permanent spot in your mind,
trail through your thoughts like music notes,
feelings so overwhelming you can’t breathe.
i promise to have you scribbling lines on any surface you can get your hands on,
post-its and notebook pages and tree bark
and your ex-lover’s lips.
i will make you ******* words, cloyingly
sweet with an acrid aftertaste once you realize
”oh, he’s not actually hers.”
i promise
to make you feel something.

my mother tells me i’m lucky,
father says i’m blessed.
but it’s hard to count any blessings
when i’m always out of breath.
grandma says i look pale,
it’s because i’m not getting enough sleep.
when the farm becomes abandoned
it’s hard to count any sheep.
i’m a mess who makes more messes,
sister tells me it’ll be alright-
that even in my darkest moments
i must remember to turn on the light.
but i think the lightbulb’s broken
or maybe much too dim,
because the only joy i feel
is when i’m looking up at him.
i’m tired of being sorry,
i’m sorry for being tired.
in life these days my
happiness and satisfaction isn’t required.
so it ***** if i’m a disappointment
but it’s hard to focus on grades
when instead my mind likes to relive
every mistake i’ve ever made.
i really didn’t mean to hurt you
i hope you can learn not to be mad.
i just wish i didn’t always go through the day
feeling so ******* sad.

who am i
to write about a boy that doesn’t belong to me?
your hand isn’t mine to hold, lips to kiss.
i am meant to be in solitude,
but oh how i wish
to have someone i don’t have to explain myself to,
someone i don’t have to apologize to
for my involuntary flinch
when i hear certain words.
someone who will tell me
“baby it’s not your fault your past is so ******* up.”
and we would swallow bits of the stars
so we could share the stories of our ancestors and
read each other’s horoscopes and
ooh & ahh about
how compatible we are.
oh how i wish to have someone
who will make me forget
i am meant to be in solitude.

you never know what you need
when it’s standing right in front of you,
blurred lines of the person you’re
supposed to love
too close up to realize until
it’s much too late.

cerulean. like the crayon, or the Anguillan ocean, or the color of my favorite blue shirt, darker but with flecks of periwinkle too, and kind of a sparkle to them, without trying to be cliche here. 100% the most beautiful eyes i’ve ever seen, and that’s everyone included- it’s not just because i’m in love with him. they brighten when he’s happy, or when i’m happy and he’s looking at me because he knows it takes a lot for me to really truly be happy. and they’re framed by these long blonde lashes that are the sand to the ocean of his eyes and honestly i could go swimming for hours. once when we watched a sunset together the amber rays were reflected so they had a gold tint to them and i really don’t think i’ve ever spent so long explaining the color of someone’s eyes but the only reason i say “red” when people ask me my favorite color is because no one wants to hear me say that my favorite color is his eyes.

i’m in the thick of it,
bushes, bramble
i scramble
to escape, my darkness’ embrace
i see your face
as a symbol of every mistake
i’ve ever made.

i’m swallowing my pride,
asking for help, i delve
into a journey i don’t want to be public
my problems aren’t yours
my words shouldn’t lure
you into the world of make believe
it’s still a reprieve to
leave when you know
i want to stay.

so stay
away
you can cry, you can pray
for me, i don’t care
i must go through alone
i must no longer make
a person my home
it ends in tears
years and years
of doom and gloom
pictures of you
hung around my room and
another week looms with
the absence of you.

the first time i heard the words
"greater than the sum of its parts"
my mind drifted to you, of course
because of your shattered soul and misplaced mind
always too much or not enough
of everything.
but soon the branches starting
tap tap tapping
at my window, owls waking me up
to whisper your secrets in my ears.
the first time you looked at me with your cerulean eyes
and made me a promise you soon broke,
i eagerly forgave you,
for i could not resist the sugar trickling off your words.
then it happened a second time, a third
a fourth
a fifth
and now, i can't remember what it's like for you to
actually make promises you'll keep.
the owls visited me last night and
with their words, it was the first time i thought that
maybe your whole is
less than the sum of your parts.

you planted me a garden of wildflowers,
all my favorites and
every kind i didn’t even know i loved.
you picked every flower for me,
handed them over in a bouquet tied with red ribbon,
your love coloring each petal.
your smile was so wide, hope
so big
and i lit the bouquet on fire.
i watched as your face changed, as
the negativity took over and your words tinged blue.
i probably cried a lot less than you,
but
i still cared. that was six months ago and
now you’ve saved up enough to
plant me a new garden, with some old favorites but
new ones as well.  and you thought,
you really thought that
when you gave me that red ribbon bouquet i would take it. you thought i would maybe stop hurting you.
at some points, to be honest,
so did i.
save your garden for someone more deserving,
someone better than the mess i am.
i’m sorry i couldn’t accept your flowers.

it always starts the same way-
mild disinterest, apathy
growing like ivy on old stone,
rapidly multiplying until you can’t even
find the door.
then comes the anxiety,
an iron fist clenched around the tendons of my heart,
questioning ever decision i make, every
thought floating through my mind like
my own soul, never tied down.
it haunts me in my dreams, sneaks up
behind me whenever i forget about it.
my own mind is my downfall.
third is the sadness, of course
but it’s happened enough by now
that you can see the shroud of darkness from
a mile away, maybe
next time you can warn me that it’s coming,
shout at me to run before
it consumes me again. sure,
the sadness is pain but
at least by then i know it’s coming,
from the moment i lose interest in my grades
snap at my friends
cry because my heart aches.
at least i can prepare myself, pray
this time it will be fast
even though i know it won’t.
at least i can spend longer crafting the perfect lie,
stop hating myself so much because i know
when the time comes my own resolve
will crumble...
just like that old ivy covered stone.
at least i know that one day,
i’ll see the sun again.

one moment i'm on top of the world,
love filling my chest and
floating up my throat until all i can speak is poetry,
rose petal words twisting in the air in front of me,
swirling and twirling until they come to a rest at my feet,
and i think, "oh boy. what a time to be alive."
and then the next i've crash-landed,
my aircraft a mangled mess sitting beside me,
the tears pouring down my cheeks like i was made to cry.
these are the times when i realize i've pushed everyone
away away away
and i realize i've even lost the ones
i spent too much time deciding on.
it turns out they all move on eventually,
even when they promise to be your home.
i didn't even know i wanted you
until you left.

i'm in need of some love,
heart's in disrepair.
beyond tired of hearing people
say they'll always be there.
even when my tears
are trailing mascara down my face
they still turn away,
leaving nothing but a trace
of who they used to be,
yet another ghost of my past.
when they choose moments to comfort me
the moment i needed it was already gone fast.
how dare they take everything
when they give nothing,
empty promises, half truths
always forgetting lines--they're bluffing.
i have so much
love to give, to receive
how dare they take everything,
all i gave them, and leave?
how dare they leave me behind;
i was the flashlight during their darkest moment,
the unconditional love and guidance i gave--
my utmost bestowment.
i shouldn't be surprised,
i was simply a warm home when they were hungry and cold
well now i'm watching the story
of my betrayal unfold.
i'm in need of some love,
heart's in disrepair.
don't tell me you're gonna stay
if you won't actually "always be there."

i guess you never know
when you've gone too far,
you take & you take & you take,
and you break my self esteem and god i want
to hate you so bad,
but i never write about you so i guess my words mean
i care too much,
or not enough, or somewhere in between.
the lines of my heart are blurring with
the ones in my head, because
sometimes i even think i want you
(i know-- crazy, right?)
but i am a wildflower and you-
you are the hurricane trying to stamp me into the ground.
i told you i can take a joke
but it's raining a little too hard this time.

i've always wanted to fill my notebooks
with beautiful words
so now i just fill them with your name.

it was a perfectly good song,
the kind of words that resound in your head
long after the final note has been sung.
it was a perfectly good song until
i saw you in it,
saw you woven through each line and melody,
and then it was more than just a perfectly good song.
it was you.
every time i saw you, everytime you kissed me,
everytime our ivory skins touched
you were that song.
it was a perfectly good song
as it replaced wedding bells, as
we swayed through an open dance floor
surrounded only by those melodies
and our love.
that song was beaded all over my white gown,
tucked into your tuxedo jacket
instead of a boutineer.
it was a perfectly good song until you left,
until that song was the only thing i had left of your ghost,
until i threw up those lyrics on the side of the street
when i thought i glimpsed you in the crowds.
it was a perfectly good song until those words
were the only thing keeping me company at 2am, besides my own shadow,
of course.
it was a perfectly good song
until it wasn’t.

it's 1am here
and i can't fall asleep,
don't know of it's all the coffee
or threat of the upcoming week.
but i've talked to my sister, read my book--
i'm out of things to do.
so i guess i'll lie awake
and write some more about you.
we have pictures together on my wall,
places i'd like to go with you, my bucket list cries;
every pop of blue around the room
reminds me of your eyes.
every quote and poem and lyric,
they all sing the same tune
about a boy a girl writes about
every night by the light of the moon.
the letters you've written me
are tucked safely next to my bed,
and i still take them out to read them
even though they're memorized in my head.
maybe it's your handwriting
or the way you try with all your might
to tell me through each word
that it's gonna be alright.
so i'm kinda sorry that
everything reminds me of you,
i guess i'm just in love with
everything you do.

god i don’t know how many times i can write the same thing,
write that i’m obsessed with you.
obsessed with your smile and laugh
and the way you watch me when i’m happy.
i always used to care that it was unrequited,
now
i just count my blessings each and every night
to have you in my life.

isn't it crazy to think
that tomorrow could be the day i fall in love?
tomorrow could be the day
i make someone my everything,
perhaps a classmate i've never noticed or
a friend who,
up until tomorrow,
was nothing more.
perhaps the barista that takes my order with a wink
or the cashier at Wawa
that rings up my lonely pint of Ben&Jerry's.
isn't it crazy to think
that  everything could change in a few short minutes?
by thinking that it could all change tomorrow
might just help you
get through today.

today i feel like velvet.
forest green velvet, to be exact.
today i flow like a waterfall of jazz notes,
a crescendo over a tuxedo piano.
my soul feels soft;
slinky, too,
like it could melt with anyone and
create something beautiful.
today i taste like salt,
mostly because tears are sliding down the back of my throat
and my eyes are the Dead Sea
and oh god, you actually thought i was sugar, didn't you?
today i am a nightmare,
robed in a lacy white dress and stuck under a peach sky.
i'm sure you'll tell me i look beautiful.
would you say the same if you knew i wrote about you?
today i am the ink of a ballpoint pen...
i'm sure you know what it's like to doodle calligraphy
on the corner of your math homework when suddenly
and ink blot appears
where the last letter of my name should be.
well, that's me.
everything is perfect--
until it's not.
today i am beautiful trauma.
try to hold me down.
i dare you.

i want to forgive you.
i want to stop my passive aggressive nonsense,
call you, hug you,
hell, i'd cross country run to you right now if i could
(and we both know how much i hate running).
hi,
i kinda
sorta
miss you tons,
miss your laugh and smile and
the way you run your fingers through your hair.
this isn't the kind of heart wrenching pain that you feel when you say goodbye forever,
(you know i know what that feels like)
but more like a subtle pang in my heart
when i picture your face.
it’s the tangled feeling i get in my tummy when
it feels like all my organs twist in a ball
because i haven’t heard you say my name
a while.
so ask me what do i want to do?
i want to come and love you <3

i’m not sorry for loving him
but i am sorry for hurting you,
i know you’d rather me write about your chocolate eyes
instead of his baby blues.
believe me,
to be honest, so would i.
taking the boy who writes me the world
over the one who constantly lies.
so yes, i know it’s about me,
but please let me sway you in some way,
it’s not fair to have a bad runner like me
sprinting through your mind everyday.
cause i’m not the angel
you make me out to be,
i’m stressed and depressed,
full to the brim with insecurities.
i’m needy and high maintenance...
but i’m sure you know that by now.
the way i ensnared you like i did,
i still don’t know how.
and that’s the other thing,
i’m so bad for you- how can’t you see?
that the best version of you
isn’t being weighed down by me.
he’s strong, independent.
better on his own.
he learned the importance of
not making some girl his home.
and “some girl” i am,
i’m sure there’s plenty of me out there,
with less issues, less chance of hurting you
and of course- better hair.
so darling,
don’t be wooed by some makeup and a dress,
you should focus on my inside-
a ragged, torn mess.
there’s a reason so many
before you have caved:
i’m a girl stuck in a tower
who doesn’t want to be saved.
so i apologize for hurting your heart,
i really, truly do.
but stop your heart from loving me
and you’ll be the best version of you.

do you ever re-read my words?
do you ever find yourself
flipping through old pages,
clicking through old poems
just to get a taste of my soul?
i see you sitting there, deep in thought.
are you craving my poetry?
i'm sure you're wishing you could visit me in the galaxies
i made for you,
take a swim in the cerulean waters floating through space.
tell me-- do you still dream in black and white?
or have my words sparked a palette within you,
a painting you'd never seen?
i gave you access to a world once shrouded
in petty ideas of logic,
instead of canyons full of literary masterpieces.
i think you do more than "re-read my words."
i think you become them.

i never catch you staring at me
but i guess it's when i'm not looking,
when i'm turned away or
gazing out the window,
singing my favorite song.
oh darling,
i've never thought of myself being as beautiful
as the way my name is typed on your keyboard,
but i guess my brass hair
can shine in the sun.
oh beloved,
there is so much for you to learn,
so much time for you to decide
that i'm too much.
but let's not be naive, honey, okay?
boy,
of course i know it's about me.

i am from a peach colored bedroom
and an overflow of stuffed animals.
i am from a childhood of make-believe.
i am from innocence.
i am from a supportive family and loving friends;
i am from a place where i was used to
losing relationships.
i am from lonely days
and even lonelier nights,
my only sunshine-- a boy i know all too well.
i am from giggling whispers and sweet smiles;
i am from a school full of jerks...
that i fell for anyways.
i am from a constant sense of not belonging,
a paranoia I'm at the bottom.
i am from the need to define myself,
to be represented with words and lyrics
that prove i'm not alone.
i am from a world so familiar
it hurts.

music’s blasting,
people laughing,
but i feel all alone.
people leer and
you’re not here;
i’m staring at my phone.
“have fun!” they said,
“my friends are dead” says
one particular rapper.
but your absence hurts
from here it gets worse-
i know it shouldn’t matter.
it’s been a week
bad thoughts have leaked
into my own brain.
cause missing you
is like hitting undo
on all the progress i’ve made.
i thought i was through but
now i’m blue
not unlike the color of your eyes.
i’m over mistakes
i’m allowing myself to take
all your empty promises and lies.
so here we are,
i thought i’d gotten far
but it seems we’ve been here before.
i’m tired of being friends
this ******* can end,
boy, i’m ready for more.

hello, old friend,
it's been a while.
i forgot what it was like
to see you smile.
like the Heavens opened up
and stardust rained down,
my luck of finding you...
i don't know how.
you grab my waist and pull me in,
your lips touch mine
through the obsidian wind.
hello, old friend,
i've missed you some,
your eyes help melt away
some of the numb.
which is funny, i know,
since they're glaciers themselves.
but they've melted my heart
since the time we were twelve.
but, old friend,
not much has changed? every strike of the clock
you take my breath away...
the key to my lock.
a feat not easy,
when my aura is as dark as it is.
i long for the day
i will again taste your lips.
hello, old friend,
it's been a while.
thanks for reminding me
what it's like to smile.

the days where i'm always happy
have come and gone...
if Life is the player
then i am the pawn.
toxic thoughts seep through my skull--
stress and jealously and doubt.
he soothes me with his voice,
says, "keep calm in the fallout."
i can't help myself,
nothing from anyone else, either.
happy? sad?
but i am neither.
empty is the best way to put it,
ignoring all feelings- old and new.
to be honest, it helps distract me
from missing you.
i wish i didn't always forge
such deep and meaningful connections,
always forced to deal with
such painful recollections.
i dream of the day i grow up
and finally find my "last,"
my first- now only
a distant memory in my past.

i've learned over time
that when tragedy strikes, it's
so much easier to bury your face in a pillow
and give in to the fog...
and wait.
wait for someone else to come along and make it crystal clear again.
wait for someone else to make sense of all the grey
you see no matter how times you rub your eyes.
but darling, i ask you,
if everyone gives into the fog
who will be left to fight it off?
although it's easier to pray for a knight, a miracle, something,
sometimes you have to save yourself.

there are so many of you
that i would love to sit down with;
maybe over a milkshake and a plate of fries;
and just talk.
i want to ask you about the boy that hurt you,
about the anger you feel deep inside
over a father who said he’d come back...
and then didn’t.
i want to run with you through pages of words and say
“oh that’s right, what a lovely metaphor.”
i want to see all your smiling faces and
thank each and every one of you for showing me kindness,
for saving my life.
i want to collaborate on novels of poetry
and laugh with you through the tears of our pasts.
so until we sip those milkshakes and eat those fries...
thank you, to
some of the most beautiful people i have never met.

silly boy,
you were there for her through everything.
through the breakup, through the boys,
through her consuming void.
you consoled her, called her beautiful, was a friend
when the world and everyone else had turned their backs.
but now you want more.
silly boy,
don't get greedy.
she is a loose cannon, a feather floating in the wind.
she cannot be tied down, so
don't try.
silly boy,
i know you're hurting.
you're in need of somebody to love.
silly boy,
she can't fall in love with you
when she hasn't fallen in love with her self first.

she is a charcoal sketch.
she is dark,
jagged at the edges, rough.
she is only a first draft--
soon the pencil marks will be erased
and the best is yet to come.
not only is she a watercolor painting--
pastels bleeding together until
you can't find where
each emotion stops and starts--
but also the dark Sharpie lines
etched in arcs on said painting,
a beautiful composition of
daydream and nightmare.
she is cracked clay.
she crumbles easily, powder
breaking off from her sculpture
in such a way that
no amount of glue will ever reattach.
she may be broken and
cracked in all the wrong places but
sometimes imperfections add beauty
to an otherwise ordinary masterpiece.

this is not a story about us,
it's a story about a girl.
a story about a girl who met a boy
and he became her world.
this boy was not ordinary-
he said he was here to stay,
with marble-etched words
he took her breath away.
reached for both her hands with his own,
looked her deep in the eye,
held her trembling body
until there were no tears left to cry.
and she thought it was right,
thought it was love.
she thought her blue-eyed angel
had been sent from up above.
but all of a sudden he dropped her,
and she crashed, hard, on the ground.
she was scared of his marble-etched words
never again will she be safe and sound.
scared they'll trick her again
into a false sense of security,
make her think she's happier with him
than alone she could ever be.
so this story is not about a boy,
it's about a girl made of diamond.
who learned to trust people again,
got herself off Isolation Island.
so here's to the girl
that shows her scars kindly
and learned the dangers
of trusting blue-eyed boys blindly.

the words aren't building right,
the syllables are off and
it doesn't sound right,
no
sad isn't the word,
it's so much more,
blue isn't the right color
nothing is rhyming and i'm
running out of time
and why is it sometimes so hard to write?

i would like to burn your name off my lips,
make you take back every sleepless night i spent
sobbing over you.
the problem is you do not know about those nights,
don't know about the little pieces of my heart that break off everytime i see you.
don't tell me unrequited isn't love.
it's simply the worst kind,
a product of what happens when you give your all,
and it's simply not good enough.

you told me my aura was pink when we first met;
a rosy, pulsing bubble
that soon gave way to lilac nights
and obsidian skies,
hearts overlapping like the venn diagrams you always hated to draw in primary school.
you caressed my skin so lightly i sometimes wonder if it was never your fingers at all,
but instead the summer breeze i soon learned to call my home,
the breeze that soon gave way to autumnal rust
and winter chills,
the cold air slipping under my shirt like
the sadness i never asked for.
you told me my aura had turned from coral
to cerulean
to cobalt
to ash
to obsidian, and it reminded you
of the skies we used to leap under.
you told me you had never seen a flower
quite so sad.
i told you that i had never seen my sun
burn brighter.

i told a boy about my darkness,
about the Vantablack, carbon nanotube darkness
that ***** all life & light from my frame.
he ran his fingers through his jet black hair
as he listened, perfectly still.
he didn't run.
instead, he asked questions, mostly starting with "why,"
and i pondered my own black whole
as his hand rested on my knee.
"darling," he had said. "why do you let it control you?"
but i simply smiled, shook my head.
"you've clearly never felt my pain before."

i fold my legs and clasp my hands,
i dream of faraway, utopian lands.
i close my eyes and count to five,
wondering if i'll ever feel truly alive.

i've lived my life for one boy alone,
blonde hair- my heart, blue eyes- my home.
but beyond his eyes, i've yet to see,
it's time to start
living for me.

she's afraid to get close.
she's afraid he'll soothe her,
become her favorite forever
and consistent always,
afraid he'll make her feel like
she isn't broken.
she's afriad of the inevitability of it all.
she's afraid he'll back out,
leave,
make the Great Escape during her darkest hour.
she's afraid she'll become too dependent,
too addicted to his
natural chemical happiness
(not the kind she takes with water every morning),
his ability to calm her storm.
she's afraid that she'll forget what it's like to be alone,
so when, finally,
she is left alone with only her shadow,
she will only remember that Sunshine Boy
and, how, with him gone,
he took her only source of brightness.
she's afraid to get close...
they all end up leaving anyway.

where were you.

oh how i wish you could patch me up like you want to,
if only i'd let you,
if only i could do it for myself.
oh silly boy
i may be raining on the outside
but inside there's a hurricane.
it's so much more than skin deep.

yes, loving you
was a mistake but
never has guilt tasted so good
until
"hello" was painted across your lips.

oh baby
kiss me under a midnight sun,
a full moon,
a garden of stars.
replace the neurons in my brain
with phantom thoughts of you.
i want your name
d r i p p i n g
from my tongue like honey.
shower me in your words,
let me bathe in your stanzas
and drown in the syllables that escape your frozen lips.
the passion consumes me,
your eyes ensnare me,
oh baby,
let me be your queen.

when September came
i was reminded why exactly
our love had only stayed above water in the warm air.
with Autumn’s arrival
so did the realization
that our love had since drowned.

with the windows rolled down
and the radio turned up,
don’t you ever tell me this isn’t enough.
cause this is it right here
the only thing i need.
you in the drivers seat,
right beside me.
you are my knight,
my protector and shield
our souls chase each other
through the sunflower fields.
wondering where we’ll go
when our bodies are no more
but we know that our souls will stay together,
forevermore.
and the moon hangs on top of the world
the spotlight of our love,
we dance and sway to the background
of the stars above.

and here i was
so foolish,
thinking that i was able to
look into his ocean eyes and
not see a reflection of my own beating heart.