I don’t know why I hold on to hope for you
It’s all lost anyway
I shouldn’t have invested so much time in you
But nothing’s going to change

I try and make you feel something again
I really though you did
I really ******* miss everything we had
I miss everything we did

I want you to see all my poems
I want you to see you in all my words
I want everything to go back to how it was
But we all know the past is done and gone with the birds

I genuinely had hope
And I miss you
But now it’s gone
Nothing anymore is true

Sitting here on top of covers
I’m missing every moment
Every waking breath

Slowly watching you before me
I feel something fully new
I cannot place it

I feel like a cover
Something already done
I’m just repeating it

Cover me with love
Like I know you have inside
The type I’ve never been

Imagine if I was normal
With normal thoughts and normal feelings
In a normal family in a normal house

But why be normal
Because if I were normal

…

I wouldn't have you

Putting the shell up to my ear brings sounds of the ocean
Oceans near
Oceans far
Perhaps somewhere between
The oceans of your eyes still linger
Dripping from the shell
The empty exoskeleton
Remove the shell from my face
Place it back on it's pedestal
Remaining till the sea shines through my mind
Once again

Be free my lonesome, wandering mind
For you have taken the toll for too long

Be free my aching, pilgrim heart
For you have searched for a lost love too long

Be free my helpless, shaking soul
For you have suffered the cold and dark too long

Be free my crippling, growing fears
For you have crushed me too long

Be free my loving, trembling self
For you have felt this pain too long

I passed you by
just like that, i just walked away
I had no idea I could pull myself to
And yet I am no longer imprisoned to stay

You looked my way
Just like that, you glanced by me
I hope you see I'm happier without you
I finally feel like I'm running safely free

I'm losing sight of what is real
Not sure what to believe

But I don't want to fall into your snare
I don't want to be all tangled up
Not in your lies
Not in my life

I’ve hit a barrier
Between good a mediocre
A matter of writing well
And being able to produce

I know it should come from the heart
But call it heart burn
Because I’m burnt out
And can’t say the words I need

You’re rubber I’m night
My words bounce and hide away in the dark
Coming from the shadows
Snaring me like a hunter

And while I’m pulled as a bird from the sky
My doubts flood me
And I just have to ask myself
Is this the life I wanted?

I feel like there’s an unspoken rule
We both tend to follow
Upon the ground in which
We build tomorrow

The ever silent code
To maintain our bliss
Has really ****** me up
And I know what I miss

And now I lay here
Typing away
Thinking of you
Not knowing what to say

And then a thought
From out of the blue
I remember again
That I love you

I’m never satisfied with you
No matter how much I try and change it I just can’t get a sense of fulfillment
Never wanting to show it
Not wanting anyone to see

I started writing this about my poems
It’s only now I realize it’s about you
Still not sure what I’ll do about it
I guess the world will have to wait and see

The rose that withered to dust in my hands

And I’m trying to sew it back together

Maybe we have chemistry

Maybe we have math

Maybe we have writing or reading or feelings that have passed

Maybe I’m annoying

Maybe I’m too bland

Maybe I’m just simply something you don’t understand

Maybe I still love you

Maybe I might not

Maybe I still crave the things we said but never got

Maybe I’m a nuisance

Maybe I’m just wrong

Maybe all I really need is myself all along

The chill of wind
Mixed with the heat of passion
Leaves a whirlwind of emotion
With nothing behind

The uprooting breeze
Which had grown to enormity
Was sweeping away
The hopes of my dreams

Yet whilst my gaze
Still lies on you in the depths of night
Allow me to dance with you
Along the mist of fantasy

They say the grass is greener
On the other side
We’ve all heard every iteration
Every delineation

So hear my quiet refrain
I will try and repay
Of how I was the first grass
And right by me you passed

A tear of dew runs down
Drifting into the soil
As you went over to the land of green
I hope he brings you to what you dreamed

I know you see it
Still remains
Dragging me down
But I enjoy the pain

The pain so sweet
It makes me strong
I love the feeling
For which I long

My eyes arise
To greet the sun
So pleasing yet
No victory won

Alas one day
I’ll come to find
I miss the treasure
Left behind

I tap away at the keys
Not a care in the world
Unable to realize what those notes mean to you

I tap away at my keys
Looking for a sense of accomplishment
Looking for the perfect story to be told

I stare at the keys
Not knowing what to do
Pressing but not quite knowing where to head to next

We tap away at keys
Whether be piano or screen
We never tap in time

The sailor looks upon the horizon
Seeing a beautiful isle
Waves the crew to dock
Heading for the shore

As he reaches his destination
He sees sweet fruits
Tall trees and shade
And long elegant beaches

The sailor looks out
Back at the sea
Remembers his sense of love
But pushes it down with another drink

After time
The sailor cannot take it
And as nobody else shall leave
He takes a boat and makes way

Weeks later in the open ocean
Weak and dying, hungry and thirsty
He closes his eyes
Then a smile portrudes

Grow wild
Grow free
Mowed down again
Controlled by what tears you down
Try to fertilize
Pollinate
Cannot stop the blades

Staring me down across seas of iceburgs
Sifting through the flakes of snow
Looking for the key to you but finding none
A forgotten memory of the armors fault
The shield still to protect fell to the hands of a foe
The fault split between your fingers
A hollowed knight upon a sea of blood
Peaking through the mire
Don’t abandon me on my lifeboat
The wood is cracked and rot
The shield is a dagger to stab the ship
Sinking beneath the waves till tomorrow

Swallowed in a sea of black
The perpetual motion above me keeping me sane
In a desperate race to understand
I never want to feel your pain again

Leave me alone
Just leave me be
I thought I was free of this mindless pursuit
Some things just won’t lay to rest

You see, it’s going to be ok

It looks dark but there’s light unending
Just around the corner

Even though it all seems black
And there doesn’t seem to be a reason to continue
You’ll find your way and happiness soon enough

The world is bright and full of good
You see, I can help as much as I want but I’ll never open your eyes for you
It’s simply a matter of acceptance
And love
And hope for a better future with you

call me selfless
she said with a grin
yet behind the sinking smile
lay the actual chagrin

call me selfless
despite what we know
peering into minds
what secretly lies below

call me selfless
she said laced with pain
although it may have been stricken
the grief reigns supreme again

call me selfless
i respond with a tear
i’d give so much more
just for you here

He thinks she doesn't care

She thinks he cares too much

A big mess of convoluted madness

It's a little bit funny

Is it not?

Ghosts of prior friends in waiting
Haunting, shrieking as I pass
Serving as a stark reminder
That I built my house from glass

Under watchful eyes I whisper
Only loud enough for you
Speaking unconditionally
Hoping it reflects My truth

Even with your reassurance
I can’t help but second guess
Do I actually belong here
Is this why my heart confessed

Slowly jealousy controlling
Feeble mind is wearing thin
Cast out from the iron table
Waiting to be let back in

I sit alone
Taking in the view
Listening to my tune

I look at you
I think of what life would be without you
Then I stop

I look around
At all these people
Who say they care

I look inside
I see a wall being rebuilt
Stronger and less vulnerable

But I guess I’ll just sit
Alone and silent
Listening to my tune

The beast fell

but it rose again

No matter what was thrown at it

it rose again

Inching further and closer
pushing further back, less room to retreat

I fell

But I rose again

Why?
The motive of a peoples
The reason we are

Why?
The driving force of history
The catalyst of the future

Why?
The question asked every day
To learn our being here

Why?
The ode to my sadness
The reason of my doubt

Why?
The key to all questions
But couldn’t unlock my heart

Why?
The question I wonder when I think about you
The question I ask as to the reason I do

Why?
My silent cry in the dark
The haunting echoes of a chamber

Why do I miss you?

It’s roughly time for a jailbreak
Time to escape from hell
Now that the guards are down and sleeping
Time to sneak from my cell

As I begin to leave
I think of all I’m going for
Then of all the bonds I’m leaving
Which would splinter more?

As I pass through rusted gates
And cross the dusty way
I think again of those behind
And whatever they shall say

But in the end I’ve come to know
This woeful, echoing descant
Many of those who you leave behind
Wouldn’t think of you if they had this chance

I stand out here, truly tested
Looking at the world through new eyes
Thinking I could be normal without it
Thinking I could keep the guise

So this is it, truly the end
Of my long and distant prayer
As I sat back in my prison cell
Knowing nothing else but the pain I’d face out there

I just removed your memory

so full of raw emotion

reminding me of the times

the feeling

your poem

with a button has vanished

maybe I'll regret it in the morning

maybe I won't

maybe I'll ***** the world and run away with myself

or maybe I'll just sit

and think

about what is now

gone.

The savior of the strings
The blade that softly stings

We’ve all heard it
The ups and downs
Of life we’ve all felt them both

And life right now
Is like a boat
That’s starting to overflow

And yet with this
This simple truth
I would just like to say

This slant of life
Is going up
And tends to go your way

Do not throw out
These words I say
I mean them serve you well

Your life is short
So don’t hang on
To when you are not well

Alas it comes
My parting words
So please lend me your ear

Don’t give up hope
Don’t get so down
Your happy days are near

I'm happy

Your sweet embrace
and your soft lips

The beautiful betrayal
and your brutal pain

Your delicate face
and your deadly tethers

my selfish mistake
and your selfless love

You looked past today
I tried to catch your eye
But when I didn’t
I realized my fault

The feeling of not knowing
Why you are
Or how to show it
Or what to do

This feeling has become a constant
It lurks behind a veil
A mask of confidence
A mirage of knowledge

Help me learn
Help me grown
Assist me in my blooming
Allow me to grow

Give me food
Give me water
Give me life
And give me death

Words are used too often
And yet even more misused
Showing our weakness

Such as sadness and pain
Shifting from physical as a child
Simply meaning a splinter or cut

To emotional when older
With shattered dreams
Or failed friendships

You seem to be illiterate
Throwing words you don’t seem to know what they mean
Like love and feelings

You seem to be illiterate
You held my heart in your hands
And slowly crushed it wish the guise of a tender embrace

Maybe I'm illiterate
Unknowing what to say or feel or how to show you
Not knowing how to tell you and pour my heart to you

There is a word
One word
The greatest desire
To cross the lips

The most powerful word in existence
From someone loved long ago
Yet to show again
Yet to reflect

I despise it
As it out of my reach
And I feel I need it
In order to feel anything again

But I guess we wait
And see the future
To see if the treasure
Can be attained

I sit here and wish I wasn’t alone

But I don’t want anyone to get close

I need to self motivate
Stop the self medicate
Stop the self deprecate
In ways I can’t emulate
I
Just
Need
You
To
Be there for me
Show you care for me
Stop this travesty
I
Just
Need
Love
To help me get through this
I
Just
Need
Love
To push me on
I
Just
Need
Love
To make myself believe
Everything is alright
Tonight

You’ve given me hope
Not in the sense I imagined
But  none the less

I feel a sense of calm
Burning in my mind
Taking contol
Taking me away from myself

You give me hope
Your given me dreams
I know what I desire
I know what my heart says is true

You’ve shown me your light
You’ve shown me my life
I brought my own emotions out of my head

I can tell what I want
I know what I need
It’s not what I imagined but it’s here

The answer lies in the next step of our lives
And yet at the start
Keeping me glued together
Yet pulled apart

Why do I feel this way
Oh help me through this hell
You have brought me heaven

I am whole alone yet still broken without the pieces of my brain

Don’t cast me aside again
Or run away with my heart
Run away with my hopes and aspirations
Knowing I can’t love the same

We all search for the perfect words
The ones that will make our heartstrings sing
But once we find them, then what?

There’s no such thing as the perfect words
They come and go as they please without a care
Who are we to tell them their worth

Words are as they are to be
A reflection of who we are when we stare into the dark
Staring us right back, showing our true selves through the night

The voice
Laced with latency
Filling my mind with your agency
Taking my heart to your vacancy
Reminding me occasionally
Feeling your newfound saliency
Your aura has now taken me

I’m a little teapot
On the stove
Here you can set me
With lies you wove

When I realize that
You aren’t right
Maybe then I’ll
Cut the blight

Do I want you?
Do I need you?
Why do I think that you belong with me?
Where are you?
Who are you?

My heart is icing over
Yours seems to be to
When I think about tomorrow
What is see I hope is true

My heart is icing over
My love is becoming frozen
Our lives could be forever bonded,
But I am not the one you have chosen

My life seems to have ended
But I'll rise from ashes
My ego I've defended
But still my life crashes

I am trying grasp to answers
On why I'm hurting so badly
But when I look, I see why

Why do I still love you
After all that you have done to me
But when I look, it's still there

There's still a glimpse of hope
In what is left of what we have
I still can't let you go

After all I still love you
Although I never got the chance
To say it to your face

My heart is icing over
My love is becoming frozen
Our lives could be forever bonded,
But I am not the one who you have chosen