You said you’d call at 8. I watched the clock tick by from 7:55 to 7:56 counting down the four extra minutes there was in this hour before I got to hear your voice. I try to keep myself occupied but my head fills up with so much excitement knowing we’ll be able to share a conversation soon, ideas and opinions flooding each other’s brains with “well this is what I think” and “when I look at the stars I wish I could be sitting next to you.” But it’s 8:15 now and my phone still hasn’t rung. Waiting on your precious call made time slow down for me because I sat there and waited. And waited, and waited but I didn’t realize I was waiting for nothing. I text you to ask if something is wrong or try to refresh your memory knowing that we had this phone call appointment together. You text me back immediately explaining you couldn’t and that you would have told me but you are just so busy. But with what? I text you back explaining I under-stand but I have never been so confused. Three days later we schedule to see one another, as plans follow through I’m happy that you didn’t forget. I shrug off you missing our phone date and begin smiling at you pouring my rawest emotions into my grin. You tell the ******* the phone you just need five minutes. Those pass exactly as time does. She hadn’t experienced the 8:15 so why did I? You left accordingly touching me gently like a flower making me feel as if I were to be touched again by you. Two weeks later I get subtle messages from you and you continue to not find time for me. I can no longer take the abuse you are beating into my head with your words and excommunicated actions. Do you want to make love to me as we hear the rain fall from the skies or dig into my brain casting a tornado inside to scramble my thoughts every-where not knowing where to pick anything up. Either way your intentions cause an emotional disaster. You said you’d call at 11 to apologize for the way you’ve been behaving so I wait, once more. It hit midnight before rivers flew down my cheeks and then you called, but I gave you a 12:15 and you gave me a goodbye.
-S

Good things come to those who wait
But great things come to those who make it happen
-s

Losing Myself

If you needed light
I would bring you the sun
As I sat there with my hands burnt
-S

Mentally growing
Beginning to know myself
Wasn't like a tree sprouting out of the ground
And me learning to nurture it to become one with nature
Growing felt like being made again
Shaped into a whole being
My mind felt morphed into its own womb
And started to develop true life
For the first time as I was escaping reality
I was making my own
Because I was finally existing
Growth can make a new life
From a life already living
Just to show you that time on Earth
Is all about the paths you take
-S

I wish pouring my heart out was as easy as making my breakfast
-S

Thoughts of you keep flooding in
My heart has become home to a flash flood
I never fell so quickly for someone before
But you flow through me like water
Making me love the taking of the tides
When I used to feel like a piece of me was taken away
But now
I'm drowning deeper and deeper
In love
with you

He said I want to make love to you
Appreciate the trees and the ants
But when you're both alone
All you see is his hand in your pants
-S

She makes me want to risk a cold
Because I wouldn't want to risk not being by her side
Dancing in the rain on a Thursday night
She makes me appreciate how bright the sun is
Even when it blinds me
Because seeing the light reflect off her cheek on a Sunday afternoon
Is a sight I refuse to miss
She makes me enjoy 6 hour car rides to my moms for Christmas
Because the beats on the radio aren't the only thing I'm listening to
Her voice is like music to me

Things I wish boys would say about me
-S

He was like music, his heart couldn't even beat without a melody
-S

Right in front of my eyes
I see you slipping away
As if i have butter on my fingers and I am holding onto you
And there I sit and hope to god the butter will turn to glue
As if that would be a tell tale sign from the universe
Telling you to stay

I fell in love with myself through you
Thank you for being the mirror I so blindly refused to look in
-s

I see everything so much differently now that you’re gone. The wind has a sadness to it and the rain pours heavier. The world was perfect when I was with you, I saw everything so beautifully, The flowers bloomed in your very existence. And the clouds went in hiding and the sun came out when you smiled. When it was 50 degrees out just having you squeeze my hand made the weather change immediately, it then became a warm Friday morning in the middle of summer, even though we were smack in the middle of winter. Everything felt right when I was with you. Even when it wasn’t. Even when you caused tornadoes in my head, I convinced myself it was just a harsh breeze and soon we’d be back to playing under the sun. I was in the eye of the storm and didn't even realize it. And even now, when I see the chaos you created I'm still blinded by your beauty because you made my heart beat and stop with the blink of an eye. I. still. love. you.

you took everything from me
i can't even enjoy writing anymore
it's as if the ink in my pen is filled with poison

never look to be clothed
by the one who sat there
and watched you freeze
-s