I had a light in me
It shone so bright that people could see what was inside
I talked about things that I loved religiously
And I clearly knew what I wanted to do

I did not give two *****
About what anyone thought of my work
Until I found myself wanting recognition
I asked people to tell me what was good and what was bad

I saw no wrong in that
Neither did they
Until I realized that I craved for compliments
I craved the praise

It was not for bad intentions
I wanted to get better
I wanted to be heard
I wanted the world to know me

But slowly, I became obsessed
I started relying on people
I relied on them to tell me my work is good
While I no longer believed in myself

The more they told me it was not good enough;
That I was not good enough
My light started to dim
And discouragement was staring me right in the face

I spent so long minding what everyone else thought of me
That I forgot the reason I was doing what I was doing
I listened to what everybody wanted me to do
I pushed aside the things that I wanted to do for myself

They told me not to play with fire
Told me that it was dangerous;
A mistake to make if I decided upon it
I told them not to worry

I watched the flame grow
Dancing around to the music
Flickering to the sound
The sound of its heartbeat

One day, the fire grew larger
This time, it no longer danced or flickered
It only destroyed
Bringing everything and everyone down

They told me not to play with fire
They told me it would only lead to danger
I never listened
I should have listened.

"As far as I can see
The world is moving fast
And my heavy heart cannot comprehend it
It cannot keep up
I look around seeing different expressions on the faces of people
Some of them are like me
Some of them aren't
Some of them know me
Some of them do not
And to be completely and utterly forthright
They are better off without me
I have centered my emotions around myself
Forgetting that there are people who understand
People who care
But I am no longer right in my mind
Once soft and once so kind
Filled with patience and love
Now with no tolerance and hatred
I long to leave this place
I no longer have much to give
I long to leave
I long to
I long
I."

the poem below is a poem i had made about 2 years ago and i found it in my e-mail.
__________________­_
black and blue
i felt bruised
a little red
i think i bled

i had a bag
no, not a classy one
they were heavy
and they made me feel dull

but through that horrid time
i felt alive
more than i have ever been
more than i ever dreamed

I remember counting the months --

while you sat in your room,

falling in love with someone else.

every once in a while
i shed my tears
as a snake would shed its skin
releasing any part of me
that i no longer need
but no matter how much i shed
my tear tank fills up to the brim
and just like a snake sheds its skin 12 times a year
i would need to shed it all again
when i feel myself being constrained
and my heart feels heavy with burden
a cycle that seems to never end
but i trust that one day
my tear tank will stop filling up with tears of sadness
instead, it'll be filled with tears of happiness
and my heart will only know joy
as it rises through the pain

we bask in the glory of the sun
and gaze at the beauty of the moon
wondering what it would be like
to be as beautiful as each component
never gone, only "soon"

little do we know
that we resemble them both
we rise
we fall
sometimes never knowing
if we can even get back up at all
but we always do
just like the sun and moon
we are never gone
only "soon"

The first night
You talked to me of sorrow
How he whispered to you
And how you drank every word

You told me it felt good
And that I shouldn't worry
But I did
You laughed at me; you told me it was nothing

The second night
You talked to me of pain
How he lingered on your skin
How you longed to let it happen again... and again

I saw the hurt in your eyes
But you were smiling
You told me I worry too much
And worry, I should not

The third night
You talked to me of death
How inviting he was to you
How you talked to him every night

I asked you
"What do you talk about?"
You answered me with a laugh
You told me it wasn't any of my business

The fourth night
I was alone
You had gone with all three:
Sorrow, pain, and death

I didn't know where you had gone
You cut our communication
No one knew
Where were you?

The fifth night
You were asleep
You looked so peaceful
Before they brought you down

Now it is I who talks
I talk of sorrow
I talk of pain
I talk of death

But not in the same way that you did

my heart speaks sorrows i have never heard of
her words spilling through my very being
allowing me to feel all the pain
yet she feels my restraint
holding my breath and closing in on her
as if to say "the pain stays inside until i forget it exists"
while she pulls at her own heartstrings,
which are so conveniently attached to every nerve of my being,
to remind me that feeling is not a sin
that my emotions are valid
and that the acceptance will be the greatest breath i have ever breathed;
that it is the greatest release of all.

drench me in warm colors
as that is how i'd like to be
ever glowing under the sunlight
ever glowing into the night

drench me in hues of red
hues of yellow, hues of orange
i'd like to be one with the earth
always sunny, always bright

even after a thunderstorm
warm manages to shine through
how happy it makes my heart
how happy it makes my soul

drench me in warm tones
i want every inch of me to feel that way
drench me in warm colors
make me feel from another day

You're walking up to somebody
Thinking, "oh, it's time to make a new friend"
And once you utter your first hello, everything kind of just falls into place
You made a new friend

Years past and you notice more and more
The way your friend dresses
The way they speak
They way they can be passionate

Another few years and you notice something else
You see that they have been avoiding you
Like you were some sort of plague and they would die if they come near
You wondered to yourself, "Why is my friend a stranger to me?"

You think and you think
You wonder, and you ponder over the things that have happened
You look back throughout the past years that you've known each other
But you still can't figure it out

So you ask your friend and you go
"Hey, why have you been avoiding me?"
And that's when you figure it out
They didn't have to speak for you to figure it out

The way their eyes talked gave it all away
And only then did you realize what you have been throughout the years
All the laughter shared
Was really all the pain they felt

You had found out that they felt like they were that needle in a hay stack
The needle that people had started to give up looking for
The impossibility of it all seemed so useless to you
That's how they felt.... useless

If there's one thing that you can learn
It is to make someone feel he warmth of the sun in their hearts
Let them feel like they are the fragrance that the flower gives off
Let them feel

Don't make them feel less than what they're really worth
Less than what you're worth
Because they are worth something
We all are

So now, the next time you cross paths with that familiar face
Give them a smile and say
"Hey! You look beautiful today"
You'll see the difference in the way their eyes glow from how it did when you asked them why they had avoided you in the first place

You'll see the warmth of the sun glow right through their chest
You'll smell the fragrance of the flowers
And only then will you realize
What they're worth was all this time

And the stars refuse to shine
If you refuse to stay
Right beside them,
With all your beauty and light.