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--
Patrice Diaz Sep 2014
--
if you can twist your words
in a way
that could let it linger
at the tip of my tounge

let's hope that
those words
are what they really are
not some disguise

if you could see
that your name is engraved
in every inch of my body;
every inch of my soul
----------------------------------------------------
**whe­re are you now?
Patrice Diaz Sep 2014
Your name,
When aligned vertically,
Are formed into separate letters;
Letters turned into acrostics

You,
Just like your name,
Are an acrostic;
So many meanings

So many words
So significant
So indescribable
So you

You
Just you
Patrice Diaz Jul 2015
One thundery night,
When the sounds of beads filled my ears,
I discern a moment of peace
One that reminded me of being in the arms of Morpheus

I sat on what seemed like a sea of cotton;
I heard the cries of the faint violet skies,
All the more when it screamed,
And no longer did I feel my spirit lift

Contemplating on what the problem might be
I recognize the cries of plea
One that I knew of
One of thee

I sat in silence, once again
Perceiving all that I could feel
The cries came after a blaze of light
But all the more of what was inside

The thunderstorm was familiar;
It was someone that I knew
Sitting here, once again, in peace
Seeing that it was parallel to me
Patrice Diaz Oct 2014
As I threw a rock in
The water crippled
Which only showed me
A blurred picture of myself

The blurred reflection
Reminded me
Of many things
Things that didn't want to be remembered

But it had to be done
I had to see
I needed to see
The person that I have become

Who I am now
Is not who I was yesterday
Or the month before
Or the year before

Right now, I am me
At the same time
Right now
I am not me

*I need to find my way back
Patrice Diaz Nov 2014
I stuck it down my throat
I wanted to feel good about myself
But I didn't
I just felt worse

I thought that resulting to these things..
I thought it would work
But it didn't
It just made me feel worse

everything makes me feel worse

i don't know what to do

help

help

he---
Patrice Diaz Mar 2017
I had a light in me
It shone so bright that people could see what was inside
I talked about things that I loved religiously
And I clearly knew what I wanted to do

I did not give two *****
About what anyone thought of my work
Until I found myself wanting recognition
I asked people to tell me what was good and what was bad

I saw no wrong in that
Neither did they
Until I realized that I craved for compliments
I craved the praise

It was not for bad intentions
I wanted to get better
I wanted to be heard
I wanted the world to know me

But slowly, I became obsessed
I started relying on people
I relied on them to tell me my work is good
While I no longer believed in myself

The more they told me it was not good enough;
That I was not good enough
My light started to dim
And discouragement was staring me right in the face

I spent so long minding what everyone else thought of me
That I forgot the reason I was doing what I was doing
I listened to what everybody wanted me to do
I pushed aside the things that I wanted to do for myself
Patrice Diaz Dec 2014
They told me not to play with fire
Told me that it was dangerous;
A mistake to make if I decided upon it
I told them not to worry

I watched the flame grow
Dancing around to the music
Flickering to the sound
The sound of its heartbeat

One day, the fire grew larger
This time, it no longer danced or flickered
It only destroyed
Bringing everything and everyone down

They told me not to play with fire
They told me it would only lead to danger
I never listened
I should have listened.
Patrice Diaz Dec 2014
Skin as white as snow
Her heart, ice cold
Everyone looked at her in fear
She decided that she couldn’t stay here

Like the wind,
She fled
In the blizzard,
She disappeared

Everything she saw;
Everything she touched
Froze in its place
Glowed as she stayed

Each creation, different each time
Not one in itself was the same
All her creations were just like her:
A snowflake: just as unique.
Patrice Diaz Oct 2014
i'm done with love
i'm done with feelings
i'm done with words
that never had meaning

i'm done with hatred
i'm done with feelings
i'm done with flames
that never seem to burn out

i'm done with sadness
i'm done with feelings
i'm done with tears
that never fade away

i'm done with a lot of things
i'm done with people;
how they bring others down
how they let things linger

but there is one thing i haven't given up on:
*happiness
Patrice Diaz Sep 2014
You were never one to talk;
To tell someone about dreams
You constantly threatened
Threatened yourself, I presume.

But it was mostly me.

I looked at you today
Eager to tell you about my plans
My whole self, lighting up to the idea
And then you kept quiet.

You didn't look at me.

They all left
They left the conversation
I wanted to stay;
To tell you more

But I figured, *you were never one to talk to about dreams
Patrice Diaz Oct 2014
the sound of thunder
the thud of a heartbeat
the cry of the rain
the darkness of the clouds

it all seemed so familiar

the sun came up
he told me it was a new day
i groaned; i muttered
just please make it go away

dragging myself everywhere i go
there is nothing more than i want
nothing more
but to be wrapped around your arms

gently lying on soft feathers
letting the heavy bag rest
letting everything off my chest
letting it all go
Patrice Diaz Sep 2014
His mind: a wondrous place
His heart: sowed love
His smile: brought light
His eyes,
His eyes bore into mine.

The crystals,
The sorrow,
The sunshine,
It was all mine.

He was all mine
And I?
Well I,
I was his.
Patrice Diaz Sep 2014
I feel, I feel
The sun kissing my skin
Pressing his lips against me
Oh, the warmth he gives my blood

He feels, he feels
He told me that he did
He told me he kissed me
Because he couldn't resist

And then it is too hot
I feel, I feel--
I feel the burn on my skin
I feel it piercing through every muscle; every bone

And then it is cold

Surprised, I am surprised
I look upon myself
Covered with the scars that he left
He told me he felt, turns out he was heft
Patrice Diaz Apr 2016
"As far as I can see
The world is moving fast
And my heavy heart cannot comprehend it
It cannot keep up
I look around seeing different expressions on the faces of people
Some of them are like me
Some of them aren't
Some of them know me
Some of them do not
And to be completely and utterly forthright
They are better off without me
I have centered my emotions around myself
Forgetting that there are people who understand
People who care
But I am no longer right in my mind
Once soft and once so kind
Filled with patience and love
Now with no tolerance and hatred
I long to leave this place
I no longer have much to give
I long to leave
I long to
I long
I."
Patrice Diaz Jul 2014
"The number you have dialled
Is  no longer in service."

How those words
Rung in my head
When you had left;
It hurt

How it lingered
On my tongue,
The tongue that once knew
Your name; so familiar

You were that number
And you had disappeared
Appeared once in my life
To leave and never come back

You were like a soul
Wandering,
Searching,
Losing her way

You thought that
You found your light --
The light that you needed--
In me

How foolish was I?
To believe that we --
In the hopes of forever --
were something permanent

"The number you have dialled"
Those words that came from my mouth
"Is no longer in service"
Are words that are, now, out of my reach

Never to return;
Never to reappear;
Never to exist

Not once more.

----------------------------------------------------------­---------------------------------
"How are you?" she had asked. I answered her with the words that lingered in my mind. Because, just like you, I was no longer in reach
Patrice Diaz Sep 2017
the poem below is a poem i had made about 2 years ago and i found it in my e-mail.
__________________­_
black and blue
i felt bruised
a little red
i think i bled

i had a bag
no, not a classy one
they were heavy
and they made me feel dull

but through that horrid time
i felt alive
more than i have ever been
more than i ever dreamed
Patrice Diaz Nov 2014
I remember counting the months --

while you sat in your room,

falling in love with someone else.
Patrice Diaz Sep 2015
I sit in my room
Pondering about the things needed to be done
Thinking "this and that"
Always rushing for it all to be gone

I lie awake,
Still worried
That nothing is complete
Nothing is achieved

As my world fades into darkness
And my mind drifts of to wonderland
I see myself sitting in front of a small table
A typewriter at hand

Peaceful as it is,
I see another image
It is me walking around
A scenery at bay

Light emerges
And soon I am back in reality
But that's what bothers me
The word "reality"

---------------------

I am not living in reality. This here is my imagination. The things that my mind and heart have both equally concocted so that I may finally reach my so called "Wonderland".

*My reality
Patrice Diaz Sep 2014
I need not to worry,
they said
"I need not to worry"
so I told myself

Days go by
Months blow by
Like a breeze;
So quick

I need not to worry
about the heaviness
I feel it;
The burden of it everyday

I need not to worry
so they said
"I need not to worry"
so I said
------------------------------------------------------------­-------------------
"What are you thinking about?" he asked me.
I stare at my reflection as I say to him "I'm afraid."
He asked me what I was afraid of.
*"I'm afraid I'm starting to worry."
Patrice Diaz Jan 2015
etched onto her skin
injected into her veins
she thought she had love
she tried to embrace it in vain

long gone was the innocent child
and very much, to her delight
she fantasized about life
she fantasized about love

she grew up
faster than she thought
and to her disappointment
it wasn't what she expected it to be

etched to her skin
injected into her veins
she lost sight of love
and everything good that came
Patrice Diaz Dec 2014
You told me, told me that
This was never the answer
This was never a choice
It wasn't a choice

But when the dark comes to life
And you're nowhere to be seen
The world stops for a moment
And my heart skips a beat

Just one motion
The blood will drip
The tears will fall
You'd say that I'd want to do it more

The thoughts run through my mind
Wonder makes its way to my brain
But there's that one feeling
That helps to take away the pain

Just one motion
The blood will drip
The tears will fall
You'd say that I'd want to do it more

But that constant feeling
One that I am thankful for
Discourages me
It discourages me

Just one motion
The blood will drip
The tears will fall
You'd say that I'd want to do it more

But that emotion
Helps me through it all
That emotion
Makes me put it down

It makes me put it down.
Patrice Diaz May 2015
My mind:
The negater
Telling me to smile;
Telling me I'm not worth anything

My soul
Filled with light...
And then darkness
It's overwhelming

My heart
Once full of love
Now full of hate
So disappointing

My being
Once whole,
Now in pieces
Save me from my grief
Patrice Diaz Nov 2014
a photograph of you
i took it in my hands
the crinkle of your eyes
your crooked smile

every line;
every aspect of you
i deemed for them to be --
absolutely perfect

your orbs shone
you heart showed
how?
it was the way you laughed

*you are perfect to me
Patrice Diaz Nov 2020
every once in a while
i shed my tears
as a snake would shed its skin
releasing any part of me
that i no longer need
but no matter how much i shed
my tear tank fills up to the brim
and just like a snake sheds its skin 12 times a year
i would need to shed it all again
when i feel myself being constrained
and my heart feels heavy with burden
a cycle that seems to never end
but i trust that one day
my tear tank will stop filling up with tears of sadness
instead, it'll be filled with tears of happiness
and my heart will only know joy
as it rises through the pain
Patrice Diaz Nov 2014
mend my soul
make me whole
bring out the darkness
from within me

unfreeze my heart
tell me it's real
tell me that i'm okay
tell me that it'll all be okay
Patrice Diaz Jul 2014
It's 5 am in the morning
And the sun lights up the sky
The birds are soaring
While the cars pass by

There is laughter in the air
But there is also something more
There are people in despair
Some people who are bored

The sun waits all day long
For someone to give it tender love
But night comes with a song
As the sun sends it up above

The people cry at night
Thinking of the bad things in life
They finally hide all their might
They let it all out with a sigh

Day comes once more
But this time, it doesn't wait at all
It's beauty: from inside its core
Has gone up just to fall
Patrice Diaz Nov 2020
we bask in the glory of the sun
and gaze at the beauty of the moon
wondering what it would be like
to be as beautiful as each component
never gone, only "soon"

little do we know
that we resemble them both
we rise
we fall
sometimes never knowing
if we can even get back up at all
but we always do
just like the sun and moon
we are never gone
only "soon"
Patrice Diaz May 2015
A sea of waves
At the dead of night
Shining under the moonlight
I am nothing but brave

To see such wonder at this time
Burning through darkness
Erasing sadness
Giving me back what was originally mine
a rough poem but i haven't written a poem in so long and i just really felt like it tonight. hope you all enjoy it **
Patrice Diaz Oct 2014
The first night
You talked to me of sorrow
How he whispered to you
And how you drank every word

You told me it felt good
And that I shouldn't worry
But I did
You laughed at me; you told me it was nothing

The second night
You talked to me of pain
How he lingered on your skin
How you longed to let it happen again... and again

I saw the hurt in your eyes
But you were smiling
You told me I worry too much
And worry, I should not

The third night
You talked to me of death
How inviting he was to you
How you talked to him every night

I asked you
"What do you talk about?"
You answered me with a laugh
You told me it wasn't any of my business

The fourth night
I was alone
You had gone with all three:
Sorrow, pain, and death

I didn't know where you had gone
You cut our communication
No one knew
Where were you?

The fifth night
You were asleep
You looked so peaceful
Before they brought you down

Now it is I who talks
I talk of sorrow
I talk of pain
I talk of death

But not in the same way that you did
Patrice Diaz Nov 2020
my heart speaks sorrows i have never heard of
her words spilling through my very being
allowing me to feel all the pain
yet she feels my restraint
holding my breath and closing in on her
as if to say "the pain stays inside until i forget it exists"
while she pulls at her own heartstrings,
which are so conveniently attached to every nerve of my being,
to remind me that feeling is not a sin
that my emotions are valid
and that the acceptance will be the greatest breath i have ever breathed;
that it is the greatest release of all.
Patrice Diaz Sep 2014
I tried to hide it all inside
I tried to keep everything at ease
But what I didn't know--
something that often happens to me --

Was that I,
I was bringing pain to myself.

I kept my thoughts to myself
Wondering, does anybody ever wonder?
Wonder?
Wonder as I do?

We live in a place
A place that needs to be reminded
Reminded.
Reminded so often

That we are all loved.

Some show it
Some say it
Some feel it
Everyday. Everyday of their lives.

*But I guess that isn't enough
Patrice Diaz Sep 2014
You are the air
Within my lungs
You are the blood
That makes my heart beat

You are the veins
That connects my very being
You are the ligaments
That cling on to every part of me

You are the sight
That my eyes give me
You are the laugh
That my mouth is able to produce

You are everything;
Every inch of my being

I hope,
Oh how I hope
That I am every inch
Of your being too
Patrice Diaz Aug 2017
drench me in warm colors
as that is how i'd like to be
ever glowing under the sunlight
ever glowing into the night

drench me in hues of red
hues of yellow, hues of orange
i'd like to be one with the earth
always sunny, always bright

even after a thunderstorm
warm manages to shine through
how happy it makes my heart
how happy it makes my soul

drench me in warm tones
i want every inch of me to feel that way
drench me in warm colors
make me feel from another day
i love warm everything
Patrice Diaz Nov 2014
"Where am I?"
A voice said
Little did I know
That voice was mine

"Where am I?"
It questioned
It was scared
My voice no longer knew

The voice I had
Once told me that everything was okay
It had told me that I
I was going to be okay

Now it asks
"Where am I?"
Because it no longer knows who I am
The voice is lost

It thinks
It thinks that I am another
One that is totally,
Incredibly new

And I am afraid
For I know
This voice inside my head
Knows exactly what it is asking

This voice is right.
Patrice Diaz Jan 2015
You're walking up to somebody
Thinking, "oh, it's time to make a new friend"
And once you utter your first hello, everything kind of just falls into place
You made a new friend

Years past and you notice more and more
The way your friend dresses
The way they speak
They way they can be passionate

Another few years and you notice something else
You see that they have been avoiding you
Like you were some sort of plague and they would die if they come near
You wondered to yourself, "Why is my friend a stranger to me?"

You think and you think
You wonder, and you ponder over the things that have happened
You look back throughout the past years that you've known each other
But you still can't figure it out

So you ask your friend and you go
"Hey, why have you been avoiding me?"
And that's when you figure it out
They didn't have to speak for you to figure it out

The way their eyes talked gave it all away
And only then did you realize what you have been throughout the years
All the laughter shared
Was really all the pain they felt

You had found out that they felt like they were that needle in a hay stack
The needle that people had started to give up looking for
The impossibility of it all seemed so useless to you
That's how they felt.... useless

If there's one thing that you can learn
It is to make someone feel he warmth of the sun in their hearts
Let them feel like they are the fragrance that the flower gives off
Let them feel

Don't make them feel less than what they're really worth
Less than what you're worth
Because they are worth something
We all are

So now, the next time you cross paths with that familiar face
Give them a smile and say
"Hey! You look beautiful today"
You'll see the difference in the way their eyes glow from how it did when you asked them why they had avoided you in the first place

You'll see the warmth of the sun glow right through their chest
You'll smell the fragrance of the flowers
And only then will you realize
What they're worth was all this time
Patrice Diaz Jul 2014
Words;
how insignificant they must mean;
sometimes
But they always get to everyone
Whether it is good;
or bad
It always has an impact

On you
On me
On everyone on this planet
Patrice Diaz Nov 2014
And the stars refuse to shine
If you refuse to stay
Right beside them,
With all your beauty and light.

— The End —