Been sure of my love since we begun it,
But I’m not perfect—in fact far from it.
I know how much patience loving me takes,
So forgive me for these coming mistakes:

My restless sleep that disturbs you at night.
When I hurt your back from hugging too tight.
For being distant when I’m deep in thought.
For each time it was my fault when we fought.
For not telling you which dress you should wear,
‘Cause if I’m with you I really don’t care.
I annoy you with an unfunny text.
You tell me and I still forget what’s next.
I get impatient while standing in line.
You doubt me when I say everything’s fine.
I let my ego get out of control.
My apologies dig a deeper hole.
I cry like a baby just from your touch.
I try too hard ‘cause I love you too much.

While I try to be better than ever,
I’ll still need your forgiveness forever.

The meadow, fragrant of hyacinth and lilac
I lay among their stems, dewy grass in my back.
The pale blue of the sky holds the corona true
Swelter beneath the star, yellow at war with blue.

Distant petals, floating on gusty zephyrs fly
Squinting at reds and pinks, pollen dust in my eye.
A rushing bubbling stream carries away my mind
O’er pebbled bed beneath through twist and turn and wind.

A droplet escapes free and nibbles at my toe
As nature overwhelms with what the meadow knows.
Love is to be immersed—Just dipped my toe and yet
It was a pool of you, and my whole body’s wet.

No need to retreat from smiling faces,
Or to find refuge from warmth of the sun.
The world comes replete with peaceful places,
Your only job is to discover one.

No need to deny moments of laughter,
Or rely on sadness to make you feel.
The world holds all the promise you’re after,
Your only job is to see that it’s real.

No need for shame when you feel elation,
Or feeling that fortune is undeserved.
The world has goodness as its foundation,
Your only job is to find yours reserved.

Happiness screams for you to come get it,
The world gives it to you if you let it.

The wistfulness of new love between us,
Those sweet smiles that accompany surprise,
That unexpected love must have been us,
Love at first sight each time before our eyes.

I pretend you’re someone I haven’t kissed,
And laugh because inside you know me well,
Our love is new but there’s no time we’ve missed,
Our love is growing in this youthful spell.

The longer we’re in love the more we start,
Playing out in delightful random ways,
Surprised and overwhelmed I match your heart,
We pass our years as if they were but days.

Our love renewed each day promises more
Of unexpected I’ve been looking for.

The freeze returned, and I, no earmuffs on,
Expecting warmth, kissed by the sunlight’s dance,
Ice kissed my ear, poor cuddle in the dawn,
Curse the frozen, I’d melt if in warm hands.

The calendar, it turned with betrayal,
The promised spring, a kiss that never came,
‘Tis the season, of relationship fail,
Morning and night, that chill comes all the same.

Jack Frost nipping, but not what I deserve,
Frostbitten heart, when will your fire be lit?
This cold despair, how much more in reserve,
My lips turn blue, hot kiss, I wait for it!

The atmosphere about me, done me wrong.
I’ve waited for some warmth for far too long.

I have never met a woman
in whom I did not see beauty,
Though I’ve met so many women
whose own beauty they could not see.
And they were each one and the same.
And if I didn’t say otherwise,
I’d feel I was the one to blame.

I have never met a woman
that a good man could not adore,
Though I’ve met so many women
convinced they’re easy to ignore.
And they were each one and the same.
And if I didn’t show otherwise,
I’d feel I was the one to blame.

I have never met a woman
who did not radiate her light,
Though I’ve met so many women
who thought themselves as black as night.
And they were each one and the same.
And if I didn’t act otherwise,
I’d feel I was the one to blame.

I have never met a woman
for whom loving was not assured,
Though I’ve met so many women
despaired that love had not occurred.
And they were each one and the same.
And if I didn’t love both of them,
I’d feel I was the one to blame.

The sunlight cannot overcome the cloud,
The water vapor blocks the rays from sight. 
A tiny mouse can scare away a crowd,
The powerful concede without a fight. 

A mighty ship sunk by a little leak,
A paper cut that makes a grown man cry,
Vast canyons are eroded by a creek,
Goliath felled by stone between the eye. 

A single word can move a heart to feel,
Or shatter into pieces bonds of trust. 
One look belies whatever eyes conceal,
One touch can turn a pious man to lust. 

The meekest things can tame ferocity,
The stillness of your soul has vanquished me.

Love is in this place,
what if I am not?
I've hidden my face,
from Love I forgot.

Love’s in search of me,
Am I to be found?
Love wants to call me,
Can I hear its sound?

When feeling alone,
Love draws itself near,
And makes itself known,
But what do I hear?

Love so immanent,
Found me unaware.
Not by accident.
It looks everywhere.

To turn jealousy to lost illusion,
and make love acceptable confusion.
This is the aim of trusted devotion—
love completely in spite of emotion.

To stay warm in the shiver of despair,
and to boldly love without fear of fear.
This is a healthy heart’s true sensation—
love love when loving feels like damnation.

To find comfort in intense affliction,
and then love with both doubt and conviction.
This is the comfort of a heart that’s sure—
loving an imperfect love that is pure.

To embrace the unknown and understand,
and find in small things a love to expand.
These are ways love’s paradoxes grow—
love is loving what love can never know.

It doesn’t have to hurt any longer.
Believing love is worth it is a choice.
Love can break spirits but hearts are stronger.
Your need for love is speaking, hear its voice.

To be in love is to tear down your walls.
You’re defenseless but don’t have to be hurt.
Don’t let pain chase love away when it calls.
Your heart and soul weren’t made to be inert.

Not everyone who says “I love you” leaves.
There’s someone who’ll do everything to stay.
Though right now it’s not what your mind believes,
You heart will die if you chase love away.

Love seems to break our hearts beyond repair.
Yet love has kept the human race alive.
If we weren’t meant to love it wouldn’t be there.
So, love! I promise you you will survive.

The familiar ba-bump ba-bump,
Of spikes and valleys on the screen,
The electrocardiogram
Looked the same as it’s always been.

The doctor turned toward the nurse
And traced the image with his hand,
“This heartbeat look completely fine.
I simply do not understand.”

The nurse stared back at him baffled,
And the doctor just cracked a smile.
“I heard of this in medical school,
But it has really been a while.”

“You have?” asked the curious nurse.
“Does the condition have a name?”
“True Love,” the wistful doctor laughed.
“You heartbeat never feels the same.”

The nurse removed the patient’s wires,
Who pointed to the screen above.
The doc said, “Your heart’s different—”
He smiled, “Because I’m so in love.”

Whence does the Earth spin on its axis,
turning day after day, boundless energy
transforming boundless horizons
to sunrise, to sunset, and to sunrise again?

Would the Earth spin on its axis
if not for me, here, aging day by day
and seeing the morning after darkness
reminding me to be a little more alive?

Whence the energy to turn the world?
It must be the joy that beats in my heart
empowering my will to live,
and to love. Whence that power?

A woman. Beautiful inside and out,
wind blowing in her hair, her smile
replacing the sun. A beautiful woman,
this is what spins the world on its axis.

Whence the world keeps spinning?
For me it is my heartbeat, an engine
of love that she feeds with a goodness
good and beautiful enough to power the world.

None smells roses’ fragrance until they bloom,
Or basks in the sun’s light until clouds break.
Our life begins with mother’s open womb,
Openly breathing every breath we take.

Even the blind can pray for open eyes,
To see the images his dreams can see.
Just as the mute must long to verbalize,
A vessel closed must let its contents free.

All life is a walk through an open door.
There is no grace without an open hand.
Arms open to embrace what we adore,
An open mind to learn and understand.

While failing love may have torn us apart,
All goodness must come from an open heart.

That there is still air left to breathe,
The sky has not run out of blue,
My thanks for them a fraction of
As grateful as I am for you.

The past that made me who I am,
The chance to live for something new,
I’m not as thankful for these things
As grateful as I am for you.

The land on which to live and breathe,
The plenty of the ocean blue,
My thanks for them a fraction of
As grateful as I am for you.

The words I write of who I am,
When read again with feeling new,
My thanks for them could not surpass
As grateful as I am for you.

Where is beauty in perfection?
In flawlessly done artistry?
I raise powerful objection
To such dishonest sophistry.

Give me the honest blemishes,
And the scars of vitality.
Beauty is not found in wishes
Of objects of idolatry.

The beauty’s in the crooked smile
And in the hearts of brokenness.
There’s beauty in that distinct style
Of earnestly but mismatched dress.

Beautiful is not perfection.
Beauty is beauty in itself.
Mine is another’s rejection,
I see your beauty for myself.

The guiding hand, clenched in its fist,
Cares not for the chances we’ve missed.
Bony fingers tighten ‘round us,
Of Devil or God confounds us.

Fate’s hand places us where it will,
Objections met with an eerie still.
The Devil’s hand or of the Lord,
Punishments can look like reward.

The benevolent hand at play,
Requests for which we blindly pray,
Indifferent which powerful font,
God or Devil gives what we want.

A hand from beyond has control
In return it asks for our soul.
What if ere we die we live good?
Is the Devil misunderstood?

Everything withers, e’en leaves of a tree,
Lush and full of life, verdant canopy.
The years take their toll, brittle death sets in,
The floor greets darkness the bare tree lets in.

The living have their time, then fade away,
Life lasts a moment, death years and a day.
We perish, and the preserved go rotten,
What we did, who we were, long forgotten.

Our long days belie our shortness of years,
The ground remains dry, unchanged by our tears.
Nothing yet lives that won’t see its last dawn,
There is no forever; all will be gone.

Plants return to earth, and us back to dust,
We live in denial; should we adjust?
Everything withers, e’en leaves of a tree.
I know this, yet, I am compelled to be.

Scribbled notes, a word, here and there,
thoughts jotted down before they’re lost,
journals filled with rhymes from thin air,
failed metaphors erased and tossed.

Crumpled paper piled in my head,
stories that should not be written,
poems penned never to be said,
a single word had me smitten.

A phrase I think might become more,
a tiny twinge might be a seed,
a style I’ve never used before,
an allusion that might succeed.

Images that need description,
seeing a fraction of a whole,
each of these an apt depiction
of chaos in a writer’s soul.

You are the stormy seas
     Waves emanate from below the surface
          Erupting with frothy ferocity
     To capsize vessels
Captained by those who won’t commit
     To anything but leisure.
But those seas are mine
     To navigate through torrent and storm
          Firm against the waves
     I will not abandon ship
But will hold tightly
     Till the calm waters.

Contentment left me discontented,
dissatisfied with satisfaction.
Unselfishness left me resented,
attractiveness was no attraction.

Couldn’t depend on dependable,
and it was hard when it was easy.
Neediness became expendable,
and too much calm made me feel queasy.

Lost all passion for the passionate,
conflicted by the lack of conflict.
No more heart to be compassionate,
found imperfection in the perfect.

A good enough love was never good,
finding those loves not worth looking for.
I know now what I then understood—
love like ours is everything and more.

Howsoever you shall now enter me,
I still shall not know what to do with thee,
You of fearsome spirituality,
You beauty! Stuns and paralyzes me!

Wherefore placed on Earth you of stolen divine,
Who numbs me as intoxicating wine?
You are unique to me but are not mine.
You beauty! No Sun shall ever outshine!

Who is the artist to whom you belong?
Drawn perfect lines and no color wrong!
I was born wanting and for you I long.
You beauty! Who makes weak knees of the strong!

Kiss me through the day and into the night!
Without you what need have I for my sight?
But for you I’d have no poems to write,
You beauty! My inspiration! My light!

The world presents too few opportunities
To say “I love you,”
Perhaps because the feeling arises constantly,
And I am not near you
As often as I would need to be
Each time the spirit moves me.

I can think “I love you” each time I see you
Whether real or dreamt,
But what good is this perpetual thought if
You don’t know it
Then, in that instant
Each time the spirit moves me?

Your existence surpasses all time and space.
To say “I love you”
Feels smaller than the grandeur of those moments,
Those fleeting moments
You occupy in me
Each time the spirit moves me.

Your kisses are like snowflakes
Melting on my tongue
No two alike.

Your embrace is like the wind
It’s all around me
Felt all over.

Your touch is like the sunlight
I know it’s touched me
When I feel warmth.

Your eyes are perfect windows
They show what’s inside
And reflect me.

Your love is vast as the sky
Everywhere I go
It shelters me.

Pain is just an echo,
an effect that the deep
caverns cannot let go,
calling us in our sleep.

The reverberation
of pain we’d thrown away,
in determination,
tries to return and stay.

The injury calls back,
“Still here! You are not cured!”
And now under attack
of hurt not felt but heard.

Pain is just an echo,
of the hurt that left me.
I just need it to know
I’m in recovery.

Last year blessed me like no other,
Though past sins need absolution,
In my hoping for another,
I offer these resolutions:
Continue to write to inspire.
Keep after curiosity.
Win Powerball and then retire.
Adore those who inspire me.
Take pride in watching my sons grow.
Love them through the mistakes they’ll make.
My books featured on a talk show.
Act with intent for Heaven’s sake.
Achieve integrity in love.
Try to see more without my eyes.
Get weight down instead of above.
Tell my faithful heart fewer lies.
Resolve traumas at years ago.
Listen more closely to God’s voice.
More west coast to avoid the snow.
Don’t waste a moment to rejoice.
So thank you for the things I’ve seen,
Keep in touch in Twenty Nineteen.

I spent one day in tomorrow
Before my one day in today,
And I let tomorrow borrow
What I was feeling yesterday.

I spent one day in tomorrow,
Spent it with worry and regret.
I had let tomorrow borrow,
Past fears that hadn’t happened yet.

I spent one day in tomorrow—
A day that was a total waste.
One I let tomorrow borrow
With countless regrets to retrace.

I spent one day in tomorrow
And found that that’s no way to live.
I had let tomorrow borrow
The only day I had to give.

To love is to wonder, “What is wonder?”
To find myself lost in, her eyes of green,
To quake from my heartbeat, strong as thunder,
Dreaming that she loved me, what would it mean?

To love is to wonder, “What is wonder?”
To never unsee, her angelic face,
Utterly helpless, her spell I’m under,
Could I feel her love, held in her embrace?

To love is to wonder, “What is wonder?”
To not have her image, out of my sight,
But not let this dream, tear me asunder,
Dream she’s in love with me, all day and night.

To love is to wonder, “What is wonder?”
To vanish in love, the moment she looked,
A love forever, that never shunned her,
Wonder, O wonder, on her love I’m hooked.

Too many paths where the traffic has slowed,
Too many wrong turns down forks in the road.
Too many hazards where I’ve blown a flat,
Too many stops that I didn’t know I was at.
Too many false steps into a puddle,
Too many treks where my plan was a muddle.
Too many times I was lost in the rain,
Too many times I crossed the center lane.
Too many speeds where I needed to brake,
Too many wrong places reached by mistake.
Too many spin outs from driving on ice,
Too many times I left driven by vice.
Too many trips life put me at the wheel,
Too many heartbreaks I caused her to feel.

I have but one humble request.
Forget not I who loved you best,
Not I whose love will never rest,
With all my love I loved you best.

Acknowledge to me only this.
There is none else you want to kiss,
Mine are the only lips you miss,
As yours are those I want to kiss.

Assure me that you realize.
You see the love inside my eyes,
The tears of joy of joyful cries,
Of your image inside my eyes.

Promise me this one thing you know.
The closeness of our love will grow,
Coming together fast or slow,
Come closer so my love will grow.

If nothing else let this be true.
Devote to me as I for you,
Making love as only we do,
Love me for me as I for you.

I’ve taken my longing with me
Untethered and alone
Seeking a sense of belonging
To be domiciled in comfort
And have found my fortune.
Your arms feel like home.

These travels found lonely roads
Lost among darkness
Leading to abandonment
And doors unwelcome
Till I found a place to live.
Your arms feel like home.

In the chill of cold nights
Exposed and frozen
Hoping a guardian angel
Would shelter my shiver
Under her protection.
Your arms feel like home.

Awake before my opened eyes
And though the hour is not yet dawn
Nor hint of sun begun to rise
Not still and starry darkness gone.

An image danced before my eyes
A waiting jewel beyond the dawn
Though wide awake I dare not rise
And lose the sight of slumber gone.

Unlike a dream not seen with eyes
It came to me as sure as dawn
Subconscious hidden now to rise
Deep sleep unconscious shackles gone.

I see your face with all my eyes
Your face begins my day pre-dawn
When I lie down to when I rise
Your smile is never ever gone.

I woke this morning, inevitably,
(Thank goodness), and air rushed into my chest.
I thought not of life, invariably,
But the joy (thank goodness) gives me no rest.

I woke up and I fell in love again,
With a woman who (thank goodness) loves me.
Heartbeats and breath are no comparison
To a lover (thank goodness) fine as she.

No sooner had the sunlight hit my face
I woke (thank goodness) ever more full of love.
While life as its own reward has its place,
I’ve her in my life (thank goodness) above.

Each morning I fall in love more deeply,
Waking up (thank goodness) to have the chance.
New day new chance for this love to greet me
With life (thank goodness) and also romance.

A league of angels stop and stare
Ascending their ladder up to Heaven,
Wond’ring why God is so unfair,
That there’s no beauty like you in Heaven.

The envy of God’s retinue
Plead for relief from their bond to Heaven,
For all the angels would choose to
Be mortal near you rather than Heaven.

Angels standing at God’s right hand
Plot their escape from service in Heaven,
And beg to be at your command
To worship beauty not found in Heaven.

The angels’ love is infinite
Eternally around them in Heaven,
But even that love they’d forfeit
For a love like yours not found in Heaven.

Every angel would fall from grace,
And vow never to return to Heaven,
If given lips to kiss your face,
Because there’s no joy like that in Heaven.

The whirring ceiling fan first sound I heard,
Low hum of traffic outside my window,
Pictures on my wall still bleary and blurred,
Cheek warm and damp from head on my pillow.

This is the moment when life awakens,
Senses still calibrated to my dreams,
Haven’t yet moved but feeling I’m shaken,
Wrapped in the embrace of the world’s extremes.

Beauty! You can’t be escaped or denied!
Beauty! Once seen you will never depart!
Beauty! You came and I locked you inside!
Beauty! You are what I see with my heart!

Beauty! Here from sunsets to sunrises!
Beauty! You! Who my love realizes!

What have you paid for this nothingness,
This refusal you have made your own,
Wearing discontent like shamefulness,
To be greatest at being alone?

What satisfaction your martyrdom,
Your stubborn turning the other cheek,
The Queen of the loneliest kingdom,
Self-loathingly bragging she is weak?

What appreciation have you earned,
Playing the role of unlovable,
Who knows more than the lessons she learned,
Too scared to be discoverable?

What’s worth being unworthy of love,
Flaunting beauty as only a tease,
Fallen from that pedestal above,
If you smiled once you’d find love with ease.

All of my life I’ve been known by my name,
And yet as I’ve grown I’ve not been the same.
Hoped my identity would be clearer,
No answer when I look in the mirror—
Who am I?

Born in a world of infinite places,
Encounters with these infinite faces,
My restless spirit seems destined to roam,
Wondering still when I think I’m at home—
Where am I?

Not accidental that I came to be,
But may have missed out on my destiny.
And though I’ve done things of which I am proud,
None of them stop me from asking out loud—
Why am I?

Each moment I age life’s completion nears,
And I regret I might run out of years.
I’m meant for something I need to make so,
But all of this time and I still don’t know—
When will I?

The words have numbered ten thousand,
Deep secrets poured in every line,
Each thick with meaning, prose and rhyme.
Tell me, Muse, did you understand?

My silent voice pens the imperfect word,
My feelings disguised in my allusions,
This meager poet writes to illusions.
Tell me, Muse, whether my message was heard?

My shame permits only poems disguised,
My heart seeks safety by speaking in code,
Fear of rejection if true feeling showed.
Tell me, Muse, was love for you realized?

So many poems, each one has been true,
The literal is too scary to write,
I express love with clarity of night.
Tell me, Muse, did you know ‘twas about you?

I breathe memories of every feeling,
A heart pumping emotions through my veins,
Inhaling air of heartache for healing,
To feel nothing but feelings eases pains.

Nourishing my hunger with my loves lost,
Sustaining myself on passionate thought,
Feeding on my feelings at any cost,
Sated by feelings the memories brought.

Loves old and love new are my source of life,
The deep passions I’ve had fill up my lungs,
With strengthening heartbeats beating on strife,
While the sweetness of loving is the tongue’s.

No need to eat or breathe yet still survive,
To be in love is all I need to thrive.

“Broken” is an understatement.
“Broken” is like a pencil’s tip.
“Broken” is just an annoyance.
“Broken” is something fixable.

Love heals what is beyond broken.
Love repairs total destruction.
Love rebuilds a thousand pieces.
Love reforms embers and ashes.

“Broken” is too facile a term.
“Broken” heals if just left alone.
“Broken” is the every day.
“Broken” is not in need of love.

Love is wasted on the broken.
Love puts soul in a crumbled self.
Love takes on what no longer is.
Love can make people out of dust.
Love does so much more than repair.
Love is the act of creation.

Why even one?
Why should even one die?
Why should even one die from hate?

Life is too short.
Life is too short to die unnaturally.
Life is too short to die unnaturally from hate.

Why doesn’t man learn?
Why doesn’t man learn not to ****?
Why doesn’t man learn not to **** for hate?

What’s God’s purpose?
What’s God’s purpose for making man die?
What’s God’s purpose for making man die from hate?

Why sacrifice?
Why sacrifice six million?
Why sacrifice six million and eleven more?

God made man.
God made man hate.
God made man hate his distance from Him.

God cries out.
God cries out for our response.
God cries out for our response to hate.

God is looking.
God is looking for man.
God is looking for man to return.
God is looking for man to return to Holiness.

They were only words but they had meaning.
He met with them as an empty vessel.
Inside him, though, a way he’d been leaning,
Thoughts which he did not know how to wrestle.

They were only words but his bell was rung—
Sudden elusive feel of vibration!
Sounding a note like a string had been strung,
An echo resonant with elation!

They were only words but they made him sing,
Of pleasures hidden away for too long.
How much inspiration these words could bring!
He’d never heard his own heart write its song!

He’d been so dull with words, but below it—
The sensitivity of a poet!

Monday has come,
To divide the earth from holy.
The firmament,
Transcended by humans solely.

The second day,
The water below and above.
I start my week,
Present and aware of your love.

Monday has come,
To connect my heart to the sky.
The firmament,
Across which I feel God’s reply.

The second day,
The day God made the color blue.
I start my week,
To honor this day God made you.

Forgive me, my heart beats too fast.
I suffer from lightheadedness.
In frigid sweats I shrink aghast.
I panic from my breathlessness.

My weakened legs won’t let me stand.
My skin sizzles like it’s been shocked.
Can’t calm the tremor in my hand.
I’m speechless as if jaw’s been locked.

My eyes are crossed in confusion.
I’m frozen like an icy blue.
I’m afraid it’s no illusion.
My body’s broken around you.

It’s simple really, a clear solution.
Clear enough to get rid of confusion.
Wait.
When the love you knew leaves you desolate,
Wait.

The simple fact is, you’ll never solve it,
Martyred anguish will never resolve it.
Wait.
When you think that you’ve lost your true soulmate,
Wait.

It’s a simple truth, despite what you feel.
Time hastens the better for you to heal.
Wait.
Love will come again, even if it’s late.
Wait.

Trust simplicity, don’t listen to pain.
If you loved once you can be loved again.
Wait.
Make your self ready to welcome your fate,
And…wait.

Forever is the moment
The bedside clock strikes midnight
As the insomniac cries,
“How long will I stay awake?!”

Forever is the moment
Staring at the dead of night
Seeing the most starlit skies,
As our lasting Heaven’s sake.

Forever is the moment
Lonesome poets start to write
Words to memorialize
Constant and persistent ache.

Forever is the moment
When finally things feel right
And hopefulness fills the eyes,
And no hearts are left to break.

When every window is a mirror,
When you cannot see real life as it is,
When you think the world shows yourself clearer,
Then that reflection of you is amiss.

When how you feel is how you think you are,
When abandonment makes you run away,
When your own anger leaves you with the scar,
Then it’s you who are the one you betray.

When the same brokenness repeats itself,
When the same cries of resentment are spilled,
When unable to see blame in yourself,
Then your prophecy becomes self-fulfilled.

When you accept you have goodness inside,
When you forgive and accept affection,
When you let yourself be loved from outside,
Then at last you will see your reflection.

I’ve escaped, slipping through a narrow crease.
Here I was, trapped by every emotion.
One instant, overwhelmed here’s my release!
Intensely, feelings put me in motion!

Slowly traversing flesh from which I came,
Others like me sharing in my descent.
Mortal grief and elation all the same,
I can never know what my presence meant.

Unwelcome, destined to be wiped away.
I was fine, watching the world in my eye,
Bewildered, thousands of feelings per day,
Now no more, which feeling bid me goodbye?

I come in truth impossible to lie,
And oh so hard to hide when I appear.
Wish someone would have warned me she would cry,
I’m nothing but a single wasted tear.

Insecurity unnerving.
Innate need to feel deserving.
There’s so much I aspire to be.
But no success has been for me.

Capturing all the love that’s near,
While to be unloved is my fear.
Wishing this thought could be unlearned--
Feeling that love has been unearned.

Sometimes I wish I could just live,
Without this tired narrative.
That my ambition for success,
Based not on fear I’d be loved less.

Who needs to stand out from the crowd
Just to make the pretty girls proud?
Nothing I’ve done has been my own.
I’ve just been scared to be alone.

I’ve done so little just for me.
And now I see the irony.
At last admired and adored,
For motivations I abhorred.