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526 · Mar 2016
Erin
Lauren Leal Mar 2016
It's you in which I'm infatuated,
It's what we have that can't be debated.
I need you by one of my sides,
Because in your hands is where my soul resides.
I found it to be the safest place,
Just like how it is with my lips to your face.
You are a glimmering soul,
That I need to be with no matter the toll.
The cost cannot compare,
To the feeling of your hand in my hair.
I love the being you have helped create in me,
I have never thought this could be.
I love harder than before,
I do right down to your core.
My old anger is but a myth,
Forged into something greater by my inner blacksmith.
You are the only one who appreciates who I am,
Even at my worse you didn't give a ****.
For this and your existence I'm forever knelt,
Because this is by far the best hand I've ever been dealt.
To the love who never ceases to be the best person I know.
515 · Jun 2015
What I Miss
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
I miss the touch
of her hand on my face
I miss the feeling
of her tender embrace
I miss the seeing
Her smile and dance
I miss hearing
Her voice, putting me in a trance
I miss the taste
of her soft lips

From my hand, her grip slips
What I miss, fading away
Crumpled to my knees, is where I still stay.
Current feelings.
514 · Jan 2016
Take Me Higher
Lauren Leal Jan 2016
You are a high that I want to keep forever
I need to keep smoking in your soul
Taking you in, my past you sever
Never have I reached such an ecstasy of feeling so whole

I wait each moment to take the next hit
To take in something new
Something I can never forget
Never again will I feel so blue

In my galaxy you are such a perfect arrangement
Of flawless stardust from the most fascinating fire
You are simply a being of pure astonishment
It's your love and being that has only taken me higher
Stupid in Love.
512 · Apr 2016
Mental State of Madness
Lauren Leal Apr 2016
I find myself drowned in the wretched sorrows of my past.
I lay here dying and suffocating ever so slowly, never fast.
My mind has become a war zone to the most atrocious of thought.
Lash out physically at the unseen, my wake people hurt, the ones I fought.
I'm defective, broken and torn.
I'm used, battered and worn.
I find it harder each day to find a reason to fight.
I see my world being slowly consumed by darkness, where is my light?
I am growing sick of the constant pain.
Timeless, everlasting catastrophe of emotion I can't contain.
I feel my hearts will to beat beginning to fade.
I should just give in to the call, let myself die and in my sorrows, my lifeless body will wade.
The power of the mind.
512 · Nov 2021
Leap of Faith (10W)
Lauren Leal Nov 2021
"I rebuilt my Temple, just to jump from the roof."
502 · Sep 2019
Unraveled
Lauren Leal Sep 2019
Broken dreams
And split seams
It's all it seems
In endless streams
500 · Apr 2016
The Breakdown
Lauren Leal Apr 2016
She is the wave that breaks down my rock wall.
491 · Sep 2017
Shower
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
My mind is calm and clear
I don't have anything to hear
Just the warmth on my back
My demons don't give me flack
Thirty minutes of peace in mind
Slowly fading as the gears grind
For a moment I am not depressed or sad
I'm not overwhelmed or mad
Just satisfied that I got the will to not cower
To simply get up, and shower
Depression is ruthless, days roll by before you've realized that you've not been taking care of yourself.

Side note: I clean myself. No worries.
Lauren Leal Apr 2016
Isn't it ironic,
       That my pen bleeds black and blue.

Simply to symbolize,
        That I'm falling away from you.
When you find yourself only writing when the worst is happening.
480 · Jul 2015
Something They Lost
Lauren Leal Jul 2015
Everyone seems to be talking about this thing they lost.
It made their world
It made them change
It made them live
It made them shine....

I think it was love.

I wonder what that feels like....
479 · Jun 2015
A Change in Heart
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
There is this feeling.
             That you know you are in love when,
                             That person you want to be with,
                                                           ­ Says, “I’m leaving you”.

In that instant, a weight slams your chest, you think of all that you and that person have done.

The Adventures.
            The Moments.
                         The Minutes.
                                    Everything.


It leaves you
                     Lost,
                     Confused,
                     Broken,
                     Scared,
                     Shaken, and Speechless.


It’s when you try to look into the future, but it’s blank or blurred.

This is because your heart doesn’t want to see a future without them.

In return, that feeling creates a fire in your heart. One that is willing to change you for the better.

*A fire that should never be underestimated or taken for granted.
Something I experienced recently. Something I felt the need to share.
477 · Jun 2015
My Love
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
I love you
Oh, so very much I do!
Your beauty is the drug for my eyes
Your laugh is the melody for my ears
Your touch is the ecstatic sensation for my mind
Your sweet loving ebrace is the home for my soul
Oh how much I love you
So, so much I do.
May these things I forever feel
For you my darling I would kneel
Based on a friend that I helped set up the idea so he could propose to the love of his life.
469 · May 2020
The Jest
Lauren Leal May 2020
I thought I found the best
A god among the rest
But it was just a test
It's just a jest

A joke to show me I'm not real
To show me I'll never truly feel
How to love in life
Without the strife

Without the pain of past
Showing me it can't last
A fist full of lies
Punching the inner me as it dies

I'm on my last bump of hope
As if it's a form of dope
Thinking I'm gonna be alright
Without the will to fight

I just lie here and frown
I'll wear my smiling painted mask
And I'll drown
In enough liquor to fill an endless flask
466 · Jun 2015
Lost Love
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
I need you by my side
You were the perfect love
and my feelings I need not hide

I need you in my arms
Surrounded by your love
Breathing it in like cast charms

I need you in my life
You are my world
I planned on making you my wife

But this love be had is now a frost,
                   It's stopped progressing, our love is lost
When things seems to just hit a dead end. Abruptly.
462 · Jun 2015
Overflowing (10w)
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
My life is rain to a flood,
only getting
*worse
Current feelings.
461 · May 2016
Death's Elegant Grip
Lauren Leal May 2016
I'm dancing with death
unravel my life til rest
I did my best
cut the ties
made of countless lies
I want to die
I'm dancing with death
taking each step slow
like my body is unsure
and doesn't quite know
why it is time to close my eyes
for good, seemingly not wise
I'm dancing with death
and I realize what I am
I am a monster in the slam
I am a toxic beast
of lies and disappointment
to say the least
I'm dancing with death
and I'm at my last step
I am nothing anymore
just a dead knock at the door
just dead on the dance floor.
460 · Sep 2017
Go on Alone
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
As I sit here we see what's lost
I also think of the cost
Though not lost but merely stored away
Knowing I'll stop being sad someday
We tore each other apart like hyena to prey
I wish that was all I had to say
I wish you loved what your worth was
Because I've seen your glow and what a buzz
One you don't take as a drug, one you soak in
But I don't think that's what you were sellin'
I swore someday's were my hell
But to you I couldn't tell
Captivated by your victims widow
To help you get strong, but not to **** me though
You need to have more self conviction
For something good not to sate addiction
For you sit upon a golden throne
But here now being a sense of all alone
You need to find that little you is hurt
And learn to find self comfort
Take care of you before you find a host
Your face is that of a ghost
Lost in expression of attachment and shame
Being pressured by self blame
The only advice I have for you
Is to only change the choices you do
Because the real you is always there
Waiting for you to take her hand and adventure
I wish my words to be of encouragement
But to bring light to your inner happy sentiment
I know you have the power of choice
But one more time, believe in me and rejoice
For you know the power of my words
Flowing like Sheppards to herds
Truth in my every breath
But I'm blind to your ****
Flawless in deliverance and passion
That make me start lashin
A regret I carry like a scar on my lung
My neck sore from always being hung
But I can't let this overcome my compassion
That I have to give, here, I cash in
I can't be a comparison anymore
I'm sadly, strongly, powerfully closing this door
I repeat once more because I know
That this will help you go
That I wish you the absolute best
And you are capable of facing your test
But remember that you can't give slack
Because you might tumble back
You need faith in your solitude
You'll find life in mind and passion in mood
I do not mean to appear rude
I say this calmly with no attitude
I say this lovingly not *****
You truly can be loved my past love
Know your grandmother sees you from above
Making another sick joke to you
As words of encouragement of what to do
Find love, get lost, go run around the world
Don't wait up please move on from me
Take what you've learned and go see
That there is so much better out there
But what I do know and dare
Is that I know this door will be unlock
If you find yourself going amok
Just don't abuse this right
Just go, don't knock, please find new light. -Lo
Breaking through emotional walls. One word at a time, carefully, precisely, and so truthfully. Hopefully in years time we cross paths.
459 · Jun 2015
Lost
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
I'm running through a forest
of  our  lost  dreams
       I though I was just a tourist
       but  that  is  not  what  it  seems
               I hope to find a way out
               but  I  need  to  help  you
                      There seems to be no route
                      so  I  will  love  you  li­ke  I  want  *too
Random thoughts
459 · Jul 2015
Addiction
Lauren Leal Jul 2015
I think I'm insane.
I keep trying to Love
Only to get hurt.

Just to try again.
457 · Jun 2015
An Intersting Symbiosis
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
Love is getting stabbed on purpose and the person whom did it gives you a band-aid.
451 · Mar 2016
Fade
Lauren Leal Mar 2016
It was when I said I needed her,
                                   That she decided to fade away.
When you finally admit true feelings and the other cant take it and fades out of life.
448 · Feb 2016
To Find You
Lauren Leal Feb 2016
From the start, it was you.
It's always been you.
The difference is, this time I found you.
When you find the right one, and you realize all your past was just you searching for them.
447 · Jan 2016
Tears on a Round
Lauren Leal Jan 2016
Cleaning the gun knowing you will use it anyway
Putting it back together like the life you wish you could say
Taking the cold lead and pressing it into the mag
Looking at your smoke taking your last stress free drag

Shaking and Screaming as you fight yourself for control
Anger and depression take hold
Feeling the cold barrel press it's steel lips to your skull
Finger shaking on trigger waiting to take your life whole

But you drop the gun and it clatters to the floor
and at that moment you are grateful you didn't close that door.
441 · Jun 2016
Placement of Power
Lauren Leal Jun 2016
I remember when I needed a ear
Not one came near
So I became strong
To listen to you, when you think you're in the wrong.
Using your strengths to aid ones weakness.
440 · Apr 2016
The Brain's Inner Galaxy
Lauren Leal Apr 2016
I'm in complete disarray.
My life is in shambles and there is no return I say.
I'm a wanderer of my own cataclysmic oblivion.
Though I see all the doors, but escape is one in a million.
I'm pulverized by my past mistakes.
My soul is burdened and morose, are there any retakes?
But life is not a quiz, but a lesson to learn.
If you can gather the knowledge, will happiness return?
I'm in a constant state of bewildered frustration.
I need another dose and a recalibration.
Someday I will escape from my own mind.
But it's the answers and hopes that are scattered within, that I must find.
Wanderer of my mind's world.
439 · Oct 2017
Into Pieces
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"I died long ago, when she was happy without me."
437 · Oct 2017
Snow Love (Haiku)
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
The shivering snow
Crisp winds rustle the dead twigs
Bringing warmth to heart
My first Haiku.
436 · Dec 2015
The Need To Know
Lauren Leal Dec 2015
Your body is a canvas,
Covered with the paint,
of your life.
I want to study
and learn every stroke,
every scar.
I want to know
every part of you.
I need to learn your story
by seeing
and feeling
every inch of you.
435 · Mar 2016
Finding the Piece
Lauren Leal Mar 2016
I didn't look to find a little of me in you.
I looked to see if I could find a bit of you in me.
I believe looking for someone in you entitles that you must get to know them to find it. To put forth effort. It takes merely none to see if you are in someone else.
435 · Jun 2015
The Rain Dances
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
Help me darling to find who I was
I seemed to have misplaced it just because
Without you here to hold you near
I live in myself bottled with fear
That I may never find another love
The rain dances on me from above

Help me darling to find who I was
I miss being close while our hearts buzz
I sit here waiting in this lonely place
Me and the ground staring face to face
I wait to feel your presence close
The rain dances on me dose by dose

Help me darling find who I am now
I need you here to show me how
I need you here to make me stand
I need you here to take my hand
I need you to be here with me
The rain now dances slowly
I need you to calm my inner seas
But I’m that not real, I’m crumpled to me knees
The rain now dances on your stone
Where your last day with me is shown
434 · Jun 2015
Dream
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
I seem to be stuck in a dream where you and me
are together loving for the eterinity
I seem to be stuck in a dream where you and I
are together walking in peace where the angels fly
I seem to be stuck in a dream where I seem to be
looking in your eyes wondering if this is reality
I seem to be stuck in a dream where we
are holding one another to protect from the evil we can't see
I wake
                I roll
                             I see
You beside me
434 · Sep 2017
Nicotine Kisses
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
Nicotine kisses
And high hope wishes
Doping up on addition
Disguised and good conviction
To lie to the jester
Rests the demons to fester
Nicotine kisses
And high hope wishes
Now we're swimming with the fishes
Caught up in old lines
Disguised as I'm fine
Cheers, to another glass of wine
Nicotine kisses
And high hope wishes
My heart knows was it misses
The look on your face of pride
The only side I never saw hide
Boom. Some thoughts.
431 · Oct 2015
Rage of the Word
Lauren Leal Oct 2015
Some say words can't hurt me
For those there is something you don't see
That words are communication
and can leave emotional laceration

They can decimate who you are
Either in your face or from afar
Words can be picked and chosen
To become a deadly poison

Don't underestimate the pen
Because the time you do is when
You will face the fire
That can only get hotter and higher
Anger
431 · Jun 2015
Questions
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
Who am I?
    Noone
What am I?
     A Monster
Where am I?
     Lost
When am I?
     Ever good?
Why am I?
     Feeling like this?
How?
     *She left
Thoughts
429 · Dec 2015
I May Need You
Lauren Leal Dec 2015
There is something you must know
That every minute and every place I go
I am battling my past and it's brutality
Getting so beaten I seemingly forget this reality

I want to so badly forget this somehow
This is where I say I really need you now
You will see my scars and feel my pain
Unforgotten memories I don't want to retain

Beaten for no reason
Forgotten by family as if committed and unknown treason
Called names with no proper ground
I've lost so much, with nothing found

This is where I really need you
This one thing I ask of you to do
Please accept me for my painful past
Hold me close and help me forget these memories at last
427 · Jun 2015
Come out of the Dark
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
The darkness my home
It's the place I roam
It's nothing new to me
It's something I always see

The darkness in my mind
to the world I'm blind
I'm in a bind
My life to it I signed

Then she appeared
She the Darkness feared
She knelt down to me
and spoke so softly

'Come out of the Dark'
Her lips on my cheek left a mark
My heart jumped and burned like fire
The light around her grew higher

I shut my eyes to the burning rays
I'm not used to the goodness it portrays
Then I open my eyes after awhile
My world wrapped in light, I see her smile

I blink hard to see if this is reality
then I realize this is where I'm meant to be
To the one who can do this.
424 · Oct 2017
Black Wings
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"I met a demon with the heart of an angel."
423 · Oct 2017
Warmth in Comfort
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"I fall
             i
               n
                  t
                     o  
                        my personal
                                                 h
                                                     e
                                                         LL
With such
                   a
                      b
                   s
                      o
                    lute ease."
419 · Jun 2015
Moonkissed
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
Walking out to the side of the ship
The wind cold and crisp
looking to see the Moon's reflected light
kissing the ebony sea's surface with caress
Like rolling bright white silk, looking soft to the touch
The edges looking like thousands of camera flashes
I look up to see millions of twinkling dots
of stars long gone, though the beauty remaining
I close my eyes, take a deep breath
And smile, grateful to see something so beautiful before my death.
One of the many views you can see from the middle of the ocean at night.
417 · Jul 2015
To Simply be Held
Lauren Leal Jul 2015
The moment when someone notices,
                               and they hold you so tight,

*You have no choice but to let everything out.
Something I need.
410 · Apr 2016
Change to My Humanity
Lauren Leal Apr 2016
I thought I changed into another person,
But I hadn't.
I had just become a better version.
When you realize you are growing as a person.
408 · Jun 2016
Deliberate Pain
Lauren Leal Jun 2016
It was your heart, that wished mine to fall apart.
When someone purposely uses you.
403 · Jun 2015
Darkness to Dawn
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
The dusk to darkness
I've seen so much
Nothing good, only bad and such
It has taken me to a place
Hanging my head of much disgrace
I have nowhere to turn
The flame this skin it will burn
The razor's edge dripped in crimson
Bullet from the chamber as it leaps in
The crackling, The slicing, The roar
A knock,
                              At the door

A stranger at this door
for some reason you are drawn to more and more
they incorperate themselves with you
Helping with what you must do
Then you realize that you must not waver
do yourself and family a favor
To keep on living on
From dusk to dawn
The door
                             It shuts

The stranger has gone
There is light, now from Darkness to Dawn.
Recently inspired to write this. I find it so amazing how sometimes a single person can change who you are. They can come in flip your world around and walk away, some people don't even notice what they do for others. Good or Bad
403 · Jul 2015
Side by Side
Lauren Leal Jul 2015
Almost nothing can compare
to the feeling, of someone
who is capable of repairing your heart
by just being next to you.
403 · Jan 2016
Happy in Pieces
Lauren Leal Jan 2016
It is you.
     That I would happily,
                                         tear myself apart
                                                                    **To fix.
398 · Mar 2016
Madness
Lauren Leal Mar 2016
True anger is just the release of your inner madness.
397 · Jun 2015
Save me
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
What do you do
When a loved one comes to you
With a glock in hand
With a simple demand

Save  me

You get locked in place
Your heart furiouos beginning to race
The numbing of your mind
You close your eyes hoping you can rewind

Their hands around cold steel
Their life it wants to steal
They shake in fear
But the end goal is clear

What do you do when they scream

SAVE  ME

This is where I failed
My thoughts were jailed
All I could do was speak with my eyes
Which brought on my demise

Hovering over the lifeless
Crimson painted in a slant
For my eyes spoke,

I  *Can't
Something very real that happened in my life.
396 · Apr 2016
Her
Lauren Leal Apr 2016
Her
She is my escape from reality; my gift of joy.
The wanderlust of her soul.
396 · Jan 2016
SaviorSelf (10W)
Lauren Leal Jan 2016
I was saved by myself when I wanted to die.
393 · Jul 2015
Regret the Consequences
Lauren Leal Jul 2015
I regret a decision I have made
In these consequences I will wade
She gone now without a thought
Thinking of all the battles we fought

The thing is we are only human
We made decision on what we feel within
Sometimes they are good sometimes they are bad
This one was terrible, and I'm missing what I had.

That night I did not sleep
All I did was profusely weep
I realized what I had lost
and now I suffer the cost

When you left you took my words
You took my heart
I no longer hear the birds
I sit alone in darkness bitter and ****

I regret what I have done
Can you forgive me and admit you won
You blocked major contact
so how is my daughter? but I can't get that fact

I love you with no doubt
You are what living was about
I cry and your name I shout
but my voice has gone out

Please forgive this choice
I need to hear your voice
And to feel your touch
I can't stand this reality, I miss you too  much
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