I remember the day we met
How our feelings in stone were set
They were the happiest moments that we did share
Even though our arguments had me ripping out hair

You were so beautiful a kind
You were something I thought I could never find
Your lips sent a shock down my spine
Your touch let me know we would shine

Seeing you was something I looked forward too
Your smile could end war
Your laugh I wanted to hear more
With that I easily fell for you

You.

You became everything in my world
Anything in our path we hurled
Out of the way
To make us better the next day

I began to think you were the one
You were my Moon and Sun
Then out of nowhere you cut the ties
You admitted all the lies

My world crashed onto my face
Scarred with disgrace
My thoughts shut down
My face stamped with a permanent frown

Now all I do is write poems to say
How the one thing I needed in life got away

Despite it all there is something I will always do…


*“I Forgive you.”

Some people just don't understand
That I can read a face like the back of my hand
With an Inner Critic at the back if my mind
It judges and examines everyone I find

Along with every action I take
Are you sure that's not a mistake
With every person I meet
Lair, Lie! Flaw! Flaw! Don't even greet

But I'm the victim here
No one likes you, you're weird. Don't go near
But I can't always be alone
Just use your phone

It doesn't stop, it's forever speaking
Ruthlessly reminding me of my flaws
Into my hollow core it's forever peaking
It scratches the inside skull with claws

It belittles and berates
It remembers all the dates
That were your most bleak
When you try you can't speak

You unwillingly see the worst in friends
Your relationship bends
Then you are the one to blame
As continues the game

The Inner Critic, oh the mastermind
Quick as ever, one of a kind
You can't  turn and run
Help, it's no longer fun

"I won't ***** you over."

For once in my life,
I need this to be real.
You know my past and present
understand how it might feel.
I know your situation
and I know it in and out
But despite it all I can't help but feel
That I'm only around from partial desperation.
I mean not this so harsh
But it's the bold reality
I'm so scared that you could leave a permanent laceration.
You can tear me apart
Without using your hands
You can take control of me
With such simple demands
I am scared that I might end up the puppet
and not the puppeteer
So please don't let me down
I have given you it all
If you choose to fail me,
Just simply let me drown.

Let me smoke another cigarette
Say I'll quit
But never do, oh the regret
You are what I exhale and need to

Forget

The deed is done
And no one won

We both took an L
You the hardest I can tell
I hope things go swell
Wrapped up in your demons blanket
Just make it by saying fake it

Let's just say
You're simply news from yesterday

Strap me up in a bullet proofless vest.
Empty the clip and let the lead to the rest.
I want to hear my bones break and see my skin rip.
I can hear my last exhale and ****** drip.

Let us walk hand in hand
Leaving footprints in the sand
Let us look in each others eyes
and make sure that neither cries
Let us hold each other tight
Knowing that we are each others light
Let us kiss in the rain
Let the sensation soak away the pain
Let us be together
Let us last forever

Here I recollect
And simply reflect
Remembering a time
When my heart was coated in grime

When Suicide held my hand
Like something was planned
As if all my hopes turned sour
I only grew sadder per hour

At first you just accept
Suicide knows your adept
So you become okay with dying
It starts with that lying

When they ask your how you are
And you lie pushing them far
You start smoking and toking
You laugh more and start joking

But it's in the back of your mind
Death, equals peace, is all you find
No you can't rewind!
It's your body to be outlined

As Suicide holds you
Time to start planning what to do
As if it's totally okay
Suicide, always knowing what to say

But when you hold that gun
There is no more fun
Suicide is hungry and you're the meal
It doesn't care how you feel

You feel the weight
But also its power to warp fate
Is it too late
To re-open Heaven's gate?

There's only the Demon and yourself
Pull the trigger, just a picture on the shelf?
Don't, save your life and try?!
But Suicide asks why?

This is where you fight
You must know what's right
Get out and hunt for the light
Grow wings and take flight

I overcame my demons twice
Brutal but consice
You must be precise
It's a labyrinth and you're the mice

In my past you will stay,
That is a must.

Whenever I think of you,
I only feel disgust.

It had always been you,
That I should never have trust.

Leave me to the sea. Where I can float effortlessly. Lost in though and weightless. The most free I can be.

I am yours
So let's close the doors
Sip a glass of wine
To cross the line

To a place between intimacy and lust
It's me you can trust
I'm the painter you the canvas
We'll both just practice

Lips tracing your jugular vein
All pleasure no pain
With everything to gain
The path is lain

I'll find that you within
That doesn't mind simple sin
While skin to skin
Once titatium now tin

Bending and moving with ease
I'll do all you please
I'll fulfill your needs
Every whimper just new pleads

Its day in day out Lofi
Reminding my feelings on how to lie
To those around me who care
But I hold that dead stare

As if I'm imitating how my heart feels
Down, dumped, and kick by her high heels
Lonely, hurt, forgotten and scared

Life's a group project

and Death is to whom I'm paired

My life is the grey area between happiness and depression.

You showed no mercy with your decision
When you made the first incision
You took my heart and you ripped it out
you taped my mouth to muffle my shout

You drove me to insanity
because of the loss of your humanity
You were loving with with entry
When me and you was We

Now you are deranged
Your love is mixed with hate and rearranged
I don't know what brought this upon you
This just isn't what the old you would do

Now I'm lying here fading in and out
You've taken a huge piece of me, no doubt
I now forget what I lived for
Constantly wondering why you never came back through the door

Without you I'm content with life
All you did was brandish a knife
And named it love, but the hilt was made of self-deception
That you'd go for like an interception
Just like you'd intercept my feelings
With playing the victim and all your dealings
With the demons you swore to never be
We'll see who you become when you can't leech off me

I think the worst pain is when your heart is reaching out for someone's who isn't reaching back

I've fallen into that inner void
That you'd do your best to avoid
All I find is a Jester laughing like I said the joke
But looking at a replay of my life
The King lights his smoke

Thinking of his past Queens
Looking at all the inbetweens
The rights and wrongs
The places where feeling belongs

But this void is angry and seething
Its a Demon and its teething
With a enraged disgust and distrust
Its a beast that hates one of it's own
Listen you simply must

I've seen the real you and you're no Skipper
You're no Queen, you were the Ripper
You were the Jack of all trades, master of them all
But only the ones that guarantee your King's fall

You just simply do not exist
Please don't resist
Just ride your white cloud into hell
You to me are nothing, as I can tell

The King puts out his smoke
In the end you were the Joke

I* am drowning
     my love
                    No frowning
                                I forgive *you

There is almost nothing more calming
When the one you love
kisses you on the forehead
when they think you are asleep

Two bottles down
Tonight, I choose to drown
Come on mind, what do you have to say?
I mean it has to happen someday

You seem so quiet tonight
You're not yelling, there's no fight
But I feel fright
It's not a goodnight

There's no will to be dead
So why is it in my head
It's the Angel with the lead
And the Demon with the bed

Where I know I shouldn't sleep
But I can stay and weep
Is this really how I feel
So certain it has the King's seal

I'll just let myself drown
Tonight I crown a fragile frown

Its time to lay waste to my past
I will attempt to make this my last
Its time to move on from my attempts that failed
Along with my life that completely derailed

I will do this to write a new past with you
Remembering every detail and word of what we do
I'm at my happiest with you at my side
And in my heart you will always reside

I am grateful for your beating heart
You fixed in me what fell apart
I am grateful for the person you simply are
And I will wait for you to be by me again, near or far

You know you are someone that lives in your mind,
when words can paint a better picture
then a drawing.

Sometimes I wonder if I can ever
climb out of this feeling that is so clever
It stays with me when I eat
It lives in my heart with every beat
It craves when I get dragged down
It lives when I wear my frown
It stays with everything I do
except when I am with you
but this feeling I have long known,
*It's being Alone

What do you see
when you look at me?
Do you see the fire and demise
or the love and happiness in the skies?

When you look at my eyes
Can you see all the lies
or do you see all the hate?
There is very little good, it's my fate

When you hear my words
Is it beautiful like chirping birds?
Or do you hear the hurt
so much pain, crumpled up in the dirt

When you hold me tight
can you see the light
that you radiate so bright?
It makes my world so right

When you look at me
I hope you see
The love, the birds, the good
and to be your light too,

I would.

Here I am knowing that this is all wrong
That there is just not a chance to get along
but I sit here with you in mind
No one around, no one to find
Wondering if things could rewind
To the time where love got left behind
But what would we have done different
That didn't have us so spent
Living off toxic fumes from the past
It's no wonder we couldn't last
Let's dye our hair and lie saying we don't care
That life ***** and isn't fair
But you're stuck on the objective to compare
If you want your hands through his or my hair
Swimming in the shallow of demise
I simply know it's not wise
But it's different when you realize
That your tainted feelings are real
I'll use this drink to soothe how I feel
I know it's the last time I'll kneel
To help someone that saw me as a meal

I'd rather cease to exist because I'm honestly never missed.

I'm a drunken slur
Our 9 months a blur
What's real and what's fake
I'll just love the reflection looking in the lake
I guess we'll just say it was fate
It definitely wasn't heaven there was no gate
I'm at a loss for words as of now
And I just wonder how
If I'll ever see you an human again
I get frustrated and in pain
When I hear your name
You're just lonely and lame
Afraid to face life and its choices
You're listening to the wrong voices
I've lost faith my dear
It's you I hate and now fear

I'm dwelling in the catacombs of my mind
Where the bones of past me's come to be grind
Fuel for my Demons power, just temporary
But it all goes except the memory

It contains my deepest fear
But nothing draws near
As if I'm welcomed here
I see myself and it's my eyes to leer

The consequences of hate
Is a sour fate
Watching yourself become what you relate
Walking into your hells' gate

In the darkest of times, memories light up the darkness.

My soul was my home and she was the arsonist.

Let me face your fears,
Let me soak in your tears,
Let me stitch your open heart,
Let you live within me,
I will then show you what true happiness can be.

If I could just hold your hand once more

Just once more

*My heart could stop feeling so bruised and sore

Tunnel vision for lies
Wrapped in silk white
For the many one cries
Creating a craving blight

So what's behind this door
What? Could there be more?
**** it lets see what's there
Every once in awhile I'll pull your hair
Out of the waters that you drown with no care
Hmm walking talking waiting for the next call
Leading us to the lair
Like we don't know at all
That there's a miscommunication
But we'll treat it like a simulation
We'll keep working in the dealings
Finding another reason to deal with the feelings

Life is but an atom to the universally imaginative ones

You weren't meant to be a lover, but a lesson.

Streamlined with I'm fine
Going backwards
On constant rewind

With no forward way about
I don't even feel the need to shout
I'll cry my mercury tears
To rid my life of the poison
We call fears

Dancing on the edge of reality
One false move a fatality
While I remenice about times
I don't even miss
Killing myself softly
With a false sense of bliss

Ripping out my nerves
Thinking
I deserve this
As if it's completely sane
To hand myself my own pain

Time feels like two steps forward and seven steps back.

Hope and Faith decided it was time to pack.

So, I smoke another bowl to drown it all out.

That gut slaughtering emotion, of true
self-doubt.

Wondering if any choice you make is right.

Pondering, if there's anymore reason to fight.

Just another smoke after a ****,
Forcefully laughing at another joke.

But now I can't even speak.
Time's a great teacher, but it's future is bleak.

Well I'm back with stuff to say
So I hope if you're reading you will stay
I've got heartbreak and many a lesson
With my words I won't be messin'
Around with them, not a single word
I won't stop even if left unheard
Even if the paper begins to light
I'll continue to write
Because this is a witness to my fight
Thats always on my mind
Peace was long gone, but it's what I find
That makes me just say I'm fine
I'll set myself on rewind
And scribe all of my pain
Because, ****, I'm sick of the rain

I lie to myself more then I have to everyone.