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Jillian McLean Jan 2018
She was abused,
you were the abuser

You were amused
But all you did was use her.

J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
"Again?" He asked.
"Later" She said.
But later became right then and right there.
"Not now" became that very second,
that minute.
He didn't accept no,
But she was so broken
She couldn't let go.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jul 2018
Sometimes when I am smiling,
you could never guess that I don't feel like trying.
You think I'm put together, with the makeup on my face
but in reality i feel completely out of place.

Looks can be deceiving just like my smile
I try to make the perfect profile
But truth is, I'm not as perfect as you may of thought
I am just an emotional mess that has never been caught.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jun 2018
Treat me like a choice,
not an option
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
Do not call me pretty,
for I am more than it looks

I would rather be ugly ,
with the beauty inside

I don't want to be those girls
in magazines and books.

Don't just use me for my body,
without a confide.

Don't call me pretty,
look inside.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
I wish I could give you medicine to cure
the feeling you get when you don't feel so pure

I wish I could wave my wand and make it stop
or ease the real pain with a coughdrop

I wish I could say,
it will be okay.

But the truth is,
we won't know what life gives.
I can't say if you will win the lottery one day
I can't tell you if  your friends will come through...

But what I can promise, what I musn't forget to say,
is that everything is temporary, the bad won't stay.
J.M
Jillian McLean Oct 2018
Love is not something you can pick up and drop,
the moment you catch feelings those feelings never stop,
you can say you’re over someone but  you’re really not,
Cause in reality your feelings are caught up in a knot
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
"GET OVER IT!" She said as if depression can be remedied
by any of the contents found in a first aid kit.
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
They left
No explanation
Just gone

He came
No invitation
Just showed up

Good, I felt
For just a bit
until the clouds rolled in
and he turned out to be ****

Force, he used
with the pressure of his words
I had too.

"No!" I said
But that didn't stop him.

Used, I felt.
For his own pleasure rather than ours.
Done, he was
a broken machine that can't be fixed
Gone, he left.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
"What's the worst feeling?"
"When you feel like you're running
a marathon, but everyone else
simply sees
a 50 meter sprint."
C.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
"How are you?" The most colloquial question to ever be asked but at the same time the question most have no taste for the answer.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jul 2019
You were a sky free from clouds,
a sight to see
You were different from the rest
a person I'd want to be
You were stronger than a bird
on a rainy day
You were the person I loved
but you took that away
You acted like the guy that hurt me before
except you were my pal so this hurt much more
an infection that i'd hope would go away soon
You are the sun and I am the moon
you are my best friend
it doesn't have to be like this
the hypocrisy can end.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
His hands,
pressed down on my shoulders.
using the force of "manhood"
to bring me to my knees
I won't
I can't
But, I must.

If not,
anger will swell in his eyes
disappointment will greet him
I won't
I can't
But, I must.

Just for him, only once
but once became twice,
and twice became
every ******* time.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jul 2018
If only I was pretty like the girl you are with now,
If only it lasted longer and you stuck around
If only i never met you, i wouldnt be so sad,
If only my heart didnt break so easily, i might of not been mad
over the good times we spent and the endless hours we would call to talk and vent
Because its the good memories that come with the pain
If only we were still together, if only it stayed the same
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
I'm not indecisive because I don't know the answer, usually I can choose quickly but I choose not to say it in fear I'll make the wrong choice.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
It's not about being wide awake thus getting no sleep.
It's about being so tired, that your body
shuts down but your thoughts don't
It doesn't feel like you just drank a cup of coffee
and you can't keep your eyes closed
It feels like you haven't had your cup yet.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
The brunettes want to be blonde ,
and the blondes want to be brunette.
The tall want to be short,
and the short want to be tall
the petite want to be curvy
and the curvy want to be petite,
she wants to be her
and her wants to be she
he wants to him
and him wants to be he
we want to be someone else
but someone else wants to be free
J.M
Jillian McLean Jul 2018
I may not be as bright as her,
I may not have much fight in me
but I will always understand the way you feel,
how your heart is broken but people still think it's made of steel
I will understand when you don't give it your all,
or when you want to get up from your last fall
I'll be here just for you,
to listen and hear and watch how you grew
I may not be as bright as her,
but I will be your knight to you.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jun 2018
Love came to me as a question,
and you came to me with the answer.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jul 2019
My pictures in my room are not just for show,
they have way more meaning than you would ever know,
my pictures in my room are memories I wish had last
but now they are only in the past
My pictures in my room are moments ill forever hold
these memories are highlights, these memories are pure gold
however those times have gone away
I have never not missed them to this day
J.M
Jillian McLean Jul 2019
A moment so precious is not savored properly anymore
a moment worth remembering is hard to restore
because we use technology and hide behind a screen
without even seeing the real dream

The time we want to capture a moment so true
is the moment we take our phones and just look through
are we even seeing the life of it all?
or is it just through the screen where the moment is so small

It's time to capture your memory through the lens of your eye
savor the moment, dont be shy
capture a memory and soak it all in
dont be afraid, this is the way it should of been
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
I changed the colour of my hair from brunette to blonde
not for me but for you
maybe then you might respond

I got rid of my natural nails and replaced them with longer more colourful gel ones with lots of details.
not for me but for you

I stopped wearing sweats or comfortable pants and shirts, I now wore dresses and short skirts
not for me but for you

I  tossed my sneakers and flats, started wearing high heels which are all lined at my doormats
not for me but for you

I spoke softer, more high pitched just like every woman "should"
you make it a part of womanhood.
not for me but for you.

Is there anything you would like me to change?
Is there anything more you want me to rearrange?
Of course it's not gonna be for me, it would be for you.
Afterall, it's a game you play, it's the thing you do.
Not for me but for you.
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
The heart and the brain are the most powerful organs.
The heart feels the most,
causes the pain and the love that everyone goes through.

But the brain,
it's a dangerous place
It contains all our memories, all our knowledge,
everything that happens to us,
is in our brain

But if infects our heart,
our thoughts mess with our feeling.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
Radiation
You can't see it's toxicity,
you feel it

When I met you, I didn't see how toxic you were,
I felt it.

Yet I let the poison seep in my veins until you stopped my heart.
Funny.
Even when your heart stops,
the feelings don't
J.M
Jillian McLean Jul 2019
You will have days where you don't want to try
The storm clouds have rolled in
You will be asked if you are okay and all you can do is lie
The thunder is roaring.
You will scream and yell but no one will hear
Lightening strikes.
You will cry and no one will see a tear
It started to pour.
You have a decision to make
the streets are flooding.
Sit in the rain and just break
the storm is bigger.
Or you can put your rain boots on and let it rain
because sometimes a little water can wash away the pain.
J.M
Jillian McLean Feb 2018
She hated her reflection because it was the only thing he loved.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jun 2018
Sometimes the ones you want to save,
are the ones standing on your cape
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
She said she will,
but doesn't mean she wants too.
She said she can,
but doesn't mean she needs too.
She said "not now"
But it didn't stop you.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
Never smother a voice;
for it is the song that comes
from another's lips
that gets stuck in our head.
C.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
Dear future,
I am sorry I had spent my days behind a screen
I am sorry I posted things online I didn't mean

I am sorry for my absence outside
for the times I could of laid underneath the sun  upon the beachside

I am sorry I typed rather than talked
I am sorry I  did things to get me blocked.

I am sorry for living underneath a rock,
I am sorry for getting mad when I phone had a lock.

But most of all, I am sorry for not communicating with you,
I know I could of had a big breakthrough.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jun 2018
You were a temporary tattoo
Clear and vivid at the start
but with a little rain,
you washed away and never came back
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
He can't see you,
He does not see the look in your eyes
when you see the person you love.

He does not see you turn flushed to ghost like
when you hear bad news.

He does not see the smile you give,
when you are at your happiest.

But he can feel your darkest moments,
and most joyous memories....

Don't mistake eyes for hands.
J.M
Jillian McLean Feb 2018
I don't want my name on a long list of options,
I want who I am to be a choice in anothers eyes.
My body, is not an option to use, play with or pull the strings and control like a puppet.
My mind isn't a game to reach your highscore or play until you get bored.
I am not an option,
Nor are you.
I am a choice,
A decision.
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
Fear does not just stop you from doing something,
it can also cause you do something...
like making a mistake knowingly over and over again,
because you fear you could never learn from it...
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
I knew what I was in for when I said yes,
But despite my wisdom I still said yes
it was like touching an iron to see if it's hot
even though you know,
you will burn yourself.
J.M
Jillian McLean Oct 2018
She knew she deserved more yet she settled for you,
She knew the pain wasnt worth it, yet she let it stick through
She knew the hurt wouldnt pass but she didnt care about that too
She settled for something less than what she deserves bc she chose you.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jun 2018
After a thunder storm, a rainbow appears
for me
it's the complete opposite
I get the rainbow before the thunder begins
and it makes the storm feel much longer
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
Sometimes people hate you for the way,
others love you.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jul 2018
"How does a heartbreak feel like?"
It feels like you got salt in your cut,
even though your cut was just about to be sealed shut.
it gets infected and sensitive to even water.

It feels like you stepped on a sharp glass piece
only the glass piece is stuck
and that's when you think you'll never have luck
because girls like us never cause the break,
we only feel it, we give but we never take,

except that is a lie, we take our own happiness we take our own high
we are the thieves that stole our own hearts
me, myself was the one who broke it a part
If only I looked in the mirror,
told myself that I am stronger than fear
I could save myself from the hurt and pain
and realize it was all a lesson not disdain.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
I have a prisoner tongue,  
I can't say things I want
The songs I write remain unsung.

and it's not because my mouth is glued shut
it's not because it feels "somewhat"

it's because my emotions are trapped
the voice i once used had been kidnapped
not by you or some stranger on the street
but from anxiety messing with my thoughts from the backseat

the backseat of the car I drive,
the car I own
the one I fuel up when I am alone
I am the car, I own my road
but with anxiety being my unwanted passenger,
my heads gonna explode.
J.M
You
Jillian McLean Jul 2019
You
I am a live wire full of hurt and distress,
I am a daisy
I am unphased, numb and a mess
I am an oak tree
I am shattered, torn and in defeat
I am the moon
I am unread, disregarded and incomplete
I am me
I do not have a hidden agenda
I cannot always see the colors of the wind
i see your eyes that are so kind
and that is when I realize you are the beauty that cannot be
redefined.
J.M
it

— The End —