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Nov 2017 · 1.2k
Sixty Nine . Read Me
Emily Rene Nov 2017
I miss how we used to be,
So vibrant, so honest, so wild & free

I miss the way you would understand,
Listen carefully, & be there when I needed a hand

I miss our long, random talks at night,
Our private conversations, our silly little fights

I miss the way you could read my mind,
Know what to say, when words are hard to find

I miss the way you could brighten my day,
Make me forget the mistakes, make the pain go away

I miss how you made me laugh,
I hate how you make me cry

Loved how you said you'd always be there & so did I,
But to you, everything that I say is just a lie
I ****** up, but what's new?
Oct 2017 · 486
Sixty Eight . Beverly
Emily Rene Oct 2017
She has a pretty smile,
That goes on for a while
Her teeth are really white,
Some might say what a sight
She is always quick to hug & kiss,
When she's away, I really miss
When I am hurt, she cares so much
She always has that special touch
She quit her job when I was a baby,
So she could play & watch me daily
Brownies, cookies, candy, & cakes,
My Nana really loves to bake
For her job, homes she cleans,
Her clients love her so much they scream!
There really is no test,
My Nana is the very best
I found an old poem I wrote in the second grade & couldn't help but light up at the younger days.
Sep 2017 · 241
Sixty Seven . Abused
Emily Rene Sep 2017
You never turn the lights off
When we get ready for bed
You play the sounds of the rain
As loudly as you can
It helps you sleep,
So I shouldn’t complain
Cause at least now I don’t
Have to worry about what I say
You can smoke without me,
But if I do, it’s like I’m cheating
You can have a good time,
But would **** me for breathing
You make me feel little,
& you make me feel dumb
When I state my opinion,
It’s the wrong one
Everything I say is another battle
Of you being angry
& me just being sad
This poem has no ******* rhythm,
Cause I can’t see my screen
I’m too busy crying at
What you said to me
I’ve typed out a hundred
Different honest replies,
But backspace them all,
Too scared, I’d rather lie
I know I deserve better,
But you always play victim
I just want to be happy,
But I’ve lost all my freedom
Sep 2017 · 311
Sixty Six . Run
Emily Rene Sep 2017
I'm tired of dreaming,
I'm through with trying
Tired of living,
yet scared of dying
Maybe things are good for you,
but look at all that I've been through
Look at all the pain I've won,
I bet you think that it's been fun
You never thought I'd turn away,
you never believed you'd see this day
Look again, cause here I go,
leaving behind all that I know
Changing it all as I must do,
not daring to stop & think things through
Wanting to run as fast as I can,
not stopping until I understand
Like why did I let things get this way?
Why didn't I leave, like, yesterday?
How are things going to be,
when there is no more you & me?
Apr 2017 · 219
Sixty Five . Envious
Emily Rene Apr 2017
The truth I hold, took years to unfold,
locked up & never told
Now I speak, for I am done being weak
about the man I said was a one night stand
'Cause I wrapped a cast around my damaged heart
& signed it, "I wasn't *****"

It's strange how a few short seconds
Can lead you in a whole new direction
It alters how you think & act,
& see your own reflection
From a single moment on,
My life was forever changed
Like everything I previously knew,
Had suddenly been rearranged
I can go to psychiatrists
& spill out all my thoughts,
They can prescribe me pills
& say that I've been taught

But I still think about that night,
When I couldn't find the light
In the bathroom so I peed in the dark
Cause I was too drunk to figure out a light switch
Little light shined through the cracked door
Cause of a pair of boxer shorts on the floor,
But I still heard the creaking of the door
As someone behind it pushed it forward

I pulled my jeans up & flushed my bladder,
My foggy eyes looked up, his mouth watered
I reached for the door, but his hands wandered
For my waistline until he pushed me against the washer
His other hand slid up my shirt
& I thought I had stopped breathing
I pushed my hands against his chest,
& his mouth crashed against mine too fast
My mouth started bleeding as I pulled
My lip from the metal braces of his lower teeth,
Tears stained my cheeks before his fun was over
His strong hand forced my head below his zipper,
As the other ripped the button free

I envy that button
October 23, 2014 @ a stupid college party
Oct 2016 · 1.0k
Sixty Four . Remember That
Emily Rene Oct 2016
I will always love you,
remember that
You can push me away,
but I'll always come back
You can deny your desire,
& say it can't be,
but I won't let the walls
come between you & me
You're afraid of your dark side,
the harm you could cause,
I have never feared your hands,
or their sharp pointy claws
I love them, I love you,
I love all that you are
Protest all you like,
but you will not get far
You can never change my mind,
my heart will stay true
I'll do everything I can
to get closer to you
I will wait for you forever,
so get used to that fact
I will always love you,
remember that...
Jun 2016 · 641
Sixty Three . I Miss You
Emily Rene Jun 2016
The feeling of missing you
makes my head spin &
at times I feel queasy
because I used to be able
to write about my pain
& how I'm feeling on paper
or in a poem on this site
so easily as if it were writing
my name on the top of an
all nighter essay that was
due first thing the next morning,
but because of how much I miss you,

I've forgotten how to spell it
Sep 2015 · 5.0k
Sixty Two . Asshole
Emily Rene Sep 2015
Because of you,
I cannot love anyone,
Sep 2015 · 1.5k
Sixty One . Whiskey Kisses
Emily Rene Sep 2015
I still think about you all the time
& I've wondered the same of you
Do you think back at our first kiss,
the way your stare was alcoholic
& you were way past intoxicated
Your lips were soft & rememberable,
I couldn't get the taste off my tongue,
& now when I taste fireball whiskey,
the only thought on my mind is you

& how much I've grown to hate whiskey
Aug 2015 · 881
Sixty . Fuck
Emily Rene Aug 2015
I'm done writing poems about you

Who am I kidding?
Jun 2015 · 621
Fifty Nine . Anxiety
Emily Rene Jun 2015
I cannot stand to be
continuously touched
It makes me anxious
& sick to my stomach
He was the one who
understood my struggle
He accepted it &
respected my boundaries

Why couldn't you?

I'm not asking much
when I'd rather sleep alone
It is not because I'm
not interested, but because
it makes me physically ill
You're touch is comforting,
don't get me wrong,
but cuddling gives me anxiety

When we're in public
& you kiss me,
I want to get in a ball
& roll away from the scene
He understood this
& would hold my hand
He accepted that PDA
made me uncomfortable

Why couldn't you?

When you kiss me in front
of all of our friends
& sometimes strangers,
I get nervous & shakey
It's not their business
& they don't need to see
cause PDA gives me anxiety

When I see a door ****,
I refuse to touch it
I will use any excuse to
have someone open the door
or open it myself with no contact
He understood this &
would never let a door close
He accepted it & carried
around GermX at all times

Why couldn't you?

I'm not asking much of you
to open a door for me
You are not my slave,
it's just called kindness,
cause germs give me anxiety

I lose people I love
because of my anxiety
I try to make up for it
in little things I do,
but usually it's not enough
But if I'm uncomfortable
& seriously unhappy,
what's the loss?
I'll find another him
that accepts me for me

You just couldn't
May 2015 · 1.7k
Fifty Eight . Insta-Slut
Emily Rene May 2015
So I'll lay in bed at 3:00 AM
& think about that one picture
I left on my instagram of you
Not because you're in it,
but because it's my favorite
You can see the way your
eyes sparkle in my direction
& how perfect our hands look
interlocked with one anothers
It's a great ******* picture
& there could have been more
had I not seen the picture of
*you & her
May 2015 · 1.4k
Fifty Seven . Duct Tape
Emily Rene May 2015
My mama always told me
everything can be fixed
with a little duct tape
& a lot of easy lovin'

Maybe I can do the same
thing, but with your heart
Emily Rene May 2015
We were matched
Brought together
because obviously
we found each other
attractive on tinder
That's all I saw was
your face, I didn't
even read your bio
I don't think I ever do
Tinder is a joke
I use it for my
entertainment when
I'm bored & lonely

But you...
changed my mind
in a simple hello

I'm meeting you
tonight & I'm
completely & utterly
terrified that maybe
you aren't real &
I'm just too naive
to realize quick enough

But I'm taking the chance
I might die tonight. XD
May 2015 · 1.2k
Fifty Five . Riot
Emily Rene May 2015
There would be a riot
Breakin' of my heart,
I'd try to fight it
I could go out every night,
but I'd be lying
if I said I couldn't
live & breath
without you
There'd be a lot of lonely
Wishin' & prayin'
that you would hold me
I would do most anything, baby,
if only you'd come back to me
Come back to me,
there would be a riot
Rascal Flatts
May 2015 · 712
Fifty Four . Stab Me
Emily Rene May 2015
I've been staring at this
for about forty-five minutes
& still have absolutely nothing
to write about
Maybe I'll write
about him or the
way he makes me
feel inside my
awkward stomach,
or maybe I'll go
a different route
& write about
the way it
feels in my
chest to

Like a dagger to my heart
First attempt at making a picture
May 2015 · 540
Fifty Three . Falling
Emily Rene May 2015
Maybe I'm broken
past any repair
Don't bother stopping,
cause nobody's there
I'm falling to the ground,
scared to look down
I'm not afraid of heights,
I'm afraid I might drown
Original song in the making.
Emily Rene May 2015
Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight,
I know she's there &
you're probably hanging out & making eyes,
while across the room she stares
I'll bet she gets the nerve to walk the floor,
& ask my man to dance & he'll say yes
Because these words were never easier
for me to say or him to second guess
But I guess
that I can live without you but
without you I'll be miserable at best

You're all that I hoped to find
in every single way
& everything I would give
is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home,
you're a thousand miles away
& the hardest part of living
is just taking breaths to stay
Cause I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet, but I need it

& this'll be the first time in a week
that I'll talk to you & I can't speak
It's been three whole days since I've had sleep
Cause I dream of her lips on your cheek
& I got the point that I should leave you alone,
but we both know that I'm not that strong
& I miss the lips that made me fly

But I guess
that I can live without you but
without you I'll be miserable at best
Mayday Parade
May 2015 · 1.7k
Fifty One . Fire & Gold
Emily Rene May 2015
we were born with
fire & gold
in our
Lightning in a
Hand on the
Even in the
We shine
With fire & gold
in our
Bea Miller
May 2015 · 10.7k
Fifty . Sugar High Friendzone
Emily Rene May 2015
I remember our first kiss
It was an accident & you
wouldn't stop apologizing
because you had one past
too many to drink

     You were broken like a
     shattered glass bowl filled
     with your favorite kind of
     cereal & way too much milk
          As it fell to the floor, your
          heart dropped just as fast,
          immediately realizing that
          this couldn't be undone
     You'd have to clean up all
     of the glass & soggy bits of
     sugary flakes from the floor
     all by yourself with no help
          You cursed to yourself through
          clenched teeth & a closed jaw,
          tears daring to escape your eyes
          like the milk pouring & dripping
          over the sides of the broken bowl
                    You swore off cereal all together
                    because the agony of possibly
                    breaking another bowl had
                    your head & heart in a whirl
                    of confusion & annoyance
               Slowly as you began to pick the
               broken pieces of glass from the floor,
               piece after piece being thrown away,
               this task you found a chore
               becomes more of a necessity
               that you didn't realize until
               the big mess was already created
          Wiping up the chunks of sugar
          & tossing them in the trash,
          a small smile curls at the
          corners of your mouth
     Pain runs through your veins,
     but relief washes over your core
     as you realize the worst is over

The kiss that I remember
was not of regret, but beauty
I'm on this sugar high &
I'm not sure I can come down

     But you don't want cereal anymore
           so I'll eat this bowl alone
Apr 2015 · 5.5k
Forty Nine . Prom?
Emily Rene Apr 2015
You bring out this weird thing inside me
      Something I haven't experienced before
            It bubbles up like dish soap in a sink
     & then it pours over the sides every time
            I hear your laugh

             When you tell me something nice,
                    you don't understand how little I get it
             & it makes me smile for more than seconds,
       but minutes, hours, days, every time
             I hear your voice

             You held my hand differently than others
      Like you had something to say with your fingers,
maybe a story about how well they fit entangled
      with one another's or a short love story every time
            I feel your touch

"So will you go to prom with me," you asked me,
       so casually, but I didn't need anything big or more
              like I thought I wanted because that all changed
       as soon as I met you & fell for your charm every time
             *I see you
Why did I have to meet you...
Emily Rene Mar 2015
You're the direction
I follow to get home
When I feel like I can't go on,
you tell me to go
& it's like I can't feel a thing
without you around
& don't mind me if I
get weak in the knees
'cause you have that
effect on me, you do

Everything you say,
everything time we kiss,
I can't think straight,
but I'm okay
& I can't think anybody else
who I hate to miss as much
as I hate missing you

Months going strong now,
& no goodbye
Unconditional, unoriginal,
always by my side
Meant to be together,
meant for no one but each other
You love me,
I love you harder so

So please, give me your hands
So please, give me a lesson
on how to steal, steal my heart
as fast as you stole mine, as you stole mine

Oh, & everything you say,
every time we kiss,
I can't think straight,
but I'm okay
& I can't think of anybody else
who I hate to miss as much
as I hate missing you

So please, give me your hands
So please, just take my hand
Hey Monday
Mar 2015 · 6.4k
Forty Seven . Bet
Emily Rene Mar 2015
"I've worked too hard & long to let
anything stand in the way of my happiness...
I love you, Emily."
-His Senior Quote 2014

-My Senior Quote 2015
Mar 2015 · 1.4k
Forty Six . Shut Up & Dance
Emily Rene Mar 2015
We were victims of the night,
the chemical, physical, kryptonite
Helpless to the bass & faded light
Oh, we were bound to get together,
bound to get together
She took my arm,
I don't know how it happened
We took the floor and she said,

"Oh, don't you dare look back
Just keep your eyes on me"
I said, "You're holding back"
She said, "Shut up & dance with me"
This woman is my destiny
She said, "Oh, oh, oh,
shut up & dance with me"

A backless dress & some beat up sneaks,
my discotheque, Juliet teenage dream
I felt it in my chest as she looked at me
I knew we were bound to be together,
bound to be together

Deep in her eyes,
I think I see the future
I realize this is my last chance
She took my arm,
I don't know how it happened
We took the floor & she said,

"Oh, don't you dare look back
Just keep your eyes on me"
I said, "You're holding back"
She said, "Shut up & dance with me"
This woman is my destiny
She said, "Oh, oh, oh,
shut up & dance with me"
Walk the Moon
Mar 2015 · 607
Forty Five . Please
Emily Rene Mar 2015
Do not love me yet, for I
     am still a teenager
          A scimitar about the heart,
                too sharp to touch too soon
                      Before I'm touched, I need to grow
                more full in golden light;
          I need to smile upon my life
     & rule some path of the night
          I need to know what roads & fields
                lie in my domain
                      & dull my brand new ecstasies
                              with sophomoric pain
                                     I need the love of some clueless boy
                              as smart & wicked as me,
                      that we might ***** in ignorance
                             & fear of what might be
                                    & then when I'm all grown up,
                                           & know what I can hold,
                                     Then, perhaps, we could try love,
                               if you're not too old
Emily Rene Feb 2015
You broke my heart in two
& took me like a bet
with all you put me through,
I have so many regrets
To lose you was worth it,
although I wasn't sure
It seemed to make me happy,
but still so insecure
We always said forever,
we would take it to the end,
never give it up,
but this time my heart couldn't mend
It cut so deep into me,
I guess it hurt you too,
but when you did it, then you lied
I had to say "we're through"
I gave you all I had,
I tried to make it last,
but now all we have
are memories from the past
You broke my heart in two
And took me like a bet,
with all you put me through
I have so many regrets.
So look me in the eye
& tell me what you see,
a girl so broke inside,
who's been through misery
& now I'm moving on
with the pain that kills inside,
but I'm starting to forget
by reminding myself how you lied
I have somebody new,
someone to treat me right,
to talk to lovingly
& to hold me all night
He's there for me when I need him,
to give me love & support,
to hold me close & wipe away
all my signs of hurt
To kiss me softly every night
& let me know he's there
To call me just because,
just to tell me that he cares
Feb 2015 · 493
Forty Three . (20w)
Emily Rene Feb 2015
I am absolutely terrified
because I know this feeling
inside me is exactly what
I didn't want to experience
Emily Rene Feb 2015
What the eye does not see,
the heart does not grieve for
But when the truth comes out,
it will always hurt more
Blinded by love, I failed to see
how much of an ******* you were to me
Perhaps too young, too crazy, & free,
but I'll never understand why you did that to me
They say if you love somebody,
then you should set them free
As you never came back,
I think it was meant to be
I am not bitter or angry anymore,
in fact my life has been better
since you walked out the door
I thank you for the gift in which you gave to me
A very special treasure, it truly is a pleasure
I gave you a chance,
in fact I gave you so many
But you couldn't be bothered
to even spend a penny
The door was still open, but nobody came
I should have known it would still be the same
It is not my place to play God with life,
but if you don't make the effort,
you're not worth the strife
Perhaps one day you might make the call,
to make the wrongs right, & not start a fight
I hope by then it's not too late,
but I suppose I can't change fate
I would like to think we are at peace with each other
At one point in time, you were my finest lover
Some people just aren't meant to be together,
but that doesn't mean you are lonely forever
Somewhere there is someone who dreams of your smile
& finds in your presence that life is worthwhile
So when you are lonely, remember it's true,
somebody somewhere is thinking of you

*& that someone is not me
Feb 2015 · 1.3k
Forty One . Dyslexia
Emily Rene Feb 2015
I wish I wasn't so doG danm dyslexic
Feb 2015 · 534
Forty . What If
Emily Rene Feb 2015
What if I went out every night
& kept my phone on silent
so that every time you called
it would keep ringing & ringing
until my annoying voicemail
flooded your ears over & over
about three dozen times or more

Call again

What if I said I had too much going on
& that my grandparents or father
needed my assistance for something
far more important than wasting
any of my time on you or your family
even though plans were nonexistent

Try again

What if I was late to school almost
two times a week because I knew
I could get away with sneaking to
her house while you woke your
mom up so that she could take you
to school because I was "oversleeping"

Late again

What if I held your hand everyday
down the hallways of this hell hole
& kissed you goodbye before each
& every bell, but found my seat
next to her in the back of the room
where no one would suspect a thing

Goodbye again

What if you started to notice that
I was slowly starting to fade away
& thought I was talking with her
& I yelled at you for accusing me
& thinking I was untrustworthy
& maybe I forgot the real truth myself

Yell again

What if I got caught in her bed
one early morning by her father
& he called & told my mother
& she threatened to kick me out
if I didn't tell you so I lied again
& promised that I had told you,
but I wasn't telling you anything

Lie again

What if someone else told you
& I ran out of lies to tell you,
but I still continued with my streak
& tried lying my way out of losing you,
but you were done with my *******

Done again

What if she wasn't my only lover on the side
What if I had lost count of all of them
What if I promised to change
What if

*You can't
Feb 2015 · 221
Thirty Nine . (10w)
Emily Rene Feb 2015
I do not understand how
you got your master's degree
Emily Rene Jan 2015
Born a self hatin' little girl
with a soul so pure
Beautiful & smart--
so young, yet mature
Talented with words,
but the world doesn't see
That this is the only way
that I know how to be me
Broken & beaten by this
world that I despise
I've learned to block it all out,
I no longer open my eyes
They've been permanently shut,
so now I live through what I feel
I'll be great one day,
that's what I tell myself
I'll be great one day
without any of their help
I'll be great one day
& then they'll see
I'll be great one day--
& good enough for me
Emily Rene Jan 2015
I remember the way you looked
when we entered that closet
You had this special glow
that I had only seen once before
but had tried to forget it
You looked at me in a much
different way than you ever had
& it made me uncomfortable,
but I didn't understand why
because it was the look
I had always wanted from you
So I ignored it
You lit some small scented candles
& placed them in each corner
of the walk in closet
as if it was supposed to make
it more romantic & bigger,
& I smiled at your effort
You placed the blankets on
the carpeted floor & made
a small bed out of pillows
I told you I was scared,
you said you were too
You let pandora play through
your small speakers of your
third generation iPhone
on a soft country station
I laid on my back on the
small bed you had made for us
& I remember you lying
beside me for a little while,
just soothing me with your
gentle & low voice
& I loved you so much
& you loved me so much
& now I hate you so much
because you love her more
But as much as I try,
my first time will never
be forgotten or regretted
because you loved me then
& if you possibly didn't,
you're one hell of an actor
But it doesn't really matter
Because now when I think
about the way you looked
when we entered that closet,
*I just think about something else
Jan 2015 · 247
Thirty Six . What's New ?
Emily Rene Jan 2015
So remember me through the dirt & the weather,
I'll always be just a little bit better
than that other girl that you call your own
You promised me more & then left me alone
Now don't get me wrong, I still love you,
but that don't mean that I want to
So I'll move on, it's the thing to do
You moved on, but that's not new

You're just a ******, you always will be
Get what you want, but not from me

Cause that's the past & this is the now
I'm done fooling around, I'm done falling down
You threw away perfection,
but frankly I don't mind
Cause that's just your opinion,
& I won't be your second option
Original song lyrics. (Work in progress)
Emily Rene Jan 2015
Speaking of perfect, let me tell you about my best friend
Even when she wakes up, she's radiant like the sun
Rarely knows what is best for her because
Really all she cares about is everyone else
A great trait in a person, but very tricky to overcome

Kindness is what is very important to her,
Always say "excuse me" and "please"
I love her like a sister & wish that she were
To be honest, I couldn't ask for a better one
Ladies be jealous of our awesome friendship
You probably heard about her in a story or two
Not a big deal, she's probably in every story of mine

Don't leave her side, I won't until my dying day
Even when we're old & wrinkly, she's my best friend
Quick to her feet when you need a hand or talk
Usually ready to lend a hand & never judge
Intelligent in basically every aspect of life
No one I'd rather turn to when in doubt
Zoo's probably aren't the best birthday present,
I promise that she'll have a better birthday with me
Oh, how I can't wait for more memories with Serra
This is a poem to my best friend. <3
Emily Rene Jan 2015
"You're so gorgeous..."

He has no idea that those
simple spoken words keep
me smiling on no end
That when he repeats
himself day after day,
it still has the same effect

"I wanted to kiss you..."

His lips left a tingling feeling
as soon as they parted mine
& I was speechless & afraid
because maybe he felt what
I had or maybe he didn't
& I don't know which one
scared me more than the other

"You're my ***** little secret..."

It was a mutual agreement
because both of us have
been shattered & molded
back together so many times
that we didn't think our
hearts could take another break

"We should be dating..."

His words surprised me
because I knew how
important his friendship was
& how much he didn't want
to be in a relationship,
but I smiled so wide as
he spoke them to me

"I'm going to tell him..."

His best friend absolutely
despises me for reasons that are
completely ridiculous &
unfair on both of our parts
He thinks he owns me &
that I'm basically his property
It's his best friend though &
friendship is far more important

"You NEED to be my girlfriend..."

He was playing with my hair
& staring at me with his arm
tightly holding me against him
& I was tracing his tattoo with
the tip of my index finger,
trying to form the words that
I wanted to say, but couldn't
quite figure out how

"I'm so happy you're mine..."

I have never heard those words
together in the same sentence
in my entire life & I reread
his text probably twelve times
before finally smiling &
replying back with some
cheap emoticon that I later
regretted, but ignored

& now I need to speak up,

It's time to take chances...
Emily Rene Jan 2015
Let me know that I've done wrong,
when I've known this all along
I go around a time or two,
just to waste my time with you
Tell me all that you've thrown away,
find out games you don't wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my ***** little secret
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
My ***** little secret,

Who has to know?

When we live such fragile lives,
it's the best way we survive
I go around a time or two,
just to waste my time with you

Who has to know?

The way she feels inside,
those thoughts I can't deny
These sleeping thoughts won't lie,
& all I've tried to hide,
it's eating me apart,
trace this life out

I'll keep you my ***** little secret
All-American Rejects
Emily Rene Dec 2014
In second grade, we did an experiment with static electricity
We rubbed balloons on our heads,
& stuck them to walls
& kissing you is kinda like that
My hair stands on end,
I get shocked when I touch things
& I want to tell you stupid stuff like,
kissing you is a bundle of kittens
colliding with my face at .5 miles an hour
It's like being shot with a dart gun
made of hummingbirds
that shoots darts made of hummingbirds

& your lips are so soft,
I can't actually tell when we are touching,
like braiding hair underwater,
like napping under a blanket filled with rainbows & clouds,
& your favorite books

When you kiss me,
the cartoon devil & angel on my shoulder
climb into my ears,
like all of my neurons,
& start ******* on my brainsteam
If you were a 300 pound professional weight lifter
& if I were a Kia Sorento,
you could drag me anywhere

Kissing you is patient & impossibly slow,
like peeling paint off the wall with glittery stickers,
or cooking a turkey with a lighter
You remind me of the time in second grade
when Bethany Hopkirk
called me a freak face & stabbed me in the arm with a pencil
Cause kissing you is kinda like that,
unhealthy & will probably result in disfigurement
But baby, bring on the ****** scars & lead poisoning
Cause when you kiss me,
you are dangling me off a bridge by a belt
You are the screen door of my childhood,
all taste & swinging
So full of holes you could never keep anything in

You are every black eye,
you're a semitruck & I'm a turtle with two broken legs,
& a broken heart
You are illegal fireworks falling down stairs together,
driving on four flat tires,
playing frisbee at night with a saw blade
Kissing you is like falling out of a 37 story window,
exploding into a cloud of robins
& reappearing on the ground with my mouth full of feathers

& when I can't kiss you,
I try to find the static electricity in my apartment
I dig around in light sockets,
change lightbulbs with my teeth,
& make out with the toaster
& I know we've only been seeing eachother
for a couple of weeks,

But baby, when you kiss me,
I can't remember my middle name,
or which one is my left foot
So come over tonight
We'll shuffle around the apartment in our socks,
& we'll let our lips drift toward each other,
like tectonic plates made...

out of kittens
Neil Hilborn
Emily Rene Dec 2014
The first time I saw her,
everything in my head went quiet
All the ticks, all the constantly refreshing images
just disappeared
When you have obsessive compulsive disorder,
you don't really get quiet moments

Even in bed, I'm thinking:
Did I lock the doors? Yes
Did I wash my hands? Yes
Did I lock the doors? Yes
Did I wash my hands? Yes

But when I saw her,
the only thing I could think about
was the hair pin curve of her lips,
or the eyelash on her cheek—
the eyelash on her cheek—
the eyelash on her cheek

I knew I had to talk to her

I asked her out six times in thirty seconds
She said yes after the third one,
but none of them felt right,
so I had to keep going

On our first date, I spend more time organizing
my meal by color than I did eating,
or ******* talking to her,
but she loved it...

She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye
sixteen times or twenty-four times
if it was Wednesday
She loved that it took me forever to walk home
because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk

When we moved in together, she said she felt safe,
like no one would ever rob us
because I definitely locked the door eighteen times

I'd always watch her mouth when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked

When she said she loved me,
her mouth would curl up at the edges
At night, she'd lay in bed & watch me turn all the lights off,
& on, & off, & on, & off, & on, & off, & on, & off, & on, & off
She'd close her eyes & imagine
that the days & nights were passing in front of her

Some mornings, I'd start kissing her goodbye,
but she'd just leave because I was making her late for work
When I stopped in a crack in the sidewalk,
she just kept walking
When she said she loved me,
her mouth was a straight line

She told me I was taking up too much of her time

Last week, she started sleeping at her mother's place
She told me that she shouldn't have let me
get so attached to her,
that this whole thing was a mistake but...

How can it be a mistake that I don't have
to wash my hands after I touch her?

Love is not a mistake,
& it's killing me that she can run away from this,
& I just can't
I can't go out & find someone new
because I always think of her

Usually, when I obsess over things,
I see germs sneaking into my skin,
I see myself crushed by an endless succession of cars,
& she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on
I want to wake up every morning
thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel,
how she turns shower knobs like she's opening a safe,
how she blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out...

Now, I just think about who else is kissing her
I can't breathe because he only kisses her one,
he doesn't care if it's perfect!

I want her back so bad...

I leave the door unlocked
I leave the lights on
Neil Hilborn <3
Dec 2014 · 901
Thirty . OCD
Emily Rene Dec 2014
I don't touch doorknobs
with my hands because
it freaks me out
beyond absolutely
no belief
So many germs
& strangers have
touched them with
whatever you might
think of
& if I have no choice
but to open the door,
I wash my hands
three times,
six times if it's a
But when I went to
your house,
I let myself in
Emily Rene Dec 2014
Little worries cause my mind to race,
And I can only wonder how you're doing
No one knows how much I miss you,
Don't speak, don't tell, my secret is untold
Only remembering past memories, they're beautiful
No new memories or mistakes to share with you

My mistake was ever taking you for granted,
A mistake that blew up quickly in my face
Drama is not my strong suit, so I ran away
I regret what I said to you & did, & I'd take it back
Sorry doesn't begin to express my feelings on the matter
Oh, I only want to talk to you & be friends again,
Not that it matters anymore

True friendship is like a rose,
we don't realize its beauty
*until it fades...
Emily Rene Dec 2014
Extraordinary is what I'd call her,
Lets no one stand in her way
I'd call her stronger than she looks,
Zig zags in & out of being misunderstood
A military man has stole her heart
Betting for a marriage proposal one day,
Even children, a big house, & a dog or two
The end is no where near for their young love
He's the one, she knows this, even I do

No words will ever bring her down,
I'll be there for her until our dying day
College will not separate our friendship, &
He'll meet me one day at the alter
Oh, I'll be the one holding her bouquet,
Letting the priest say his piece,
Explaining, "You may kiss the bride"

Breaking their kiss will be the sound of the *****,
Roaring to life as they exit the church
One is what they'll be together, holding hands,
With their family & friends standing & smiling
No one will be sad, he's the one, she knows it, even I do
I'll admire their love story because I'll remember
Never hearing her say a word that didn't involve him
Going in their ride with a ribbon & generic letters reading,

"Happily Married"
Elizabeth & Ben, you inspired me to write a love poem. <3
Emily Rene Dec 2014
You're not the one,
cause you don't wanna be
I might have chosen you,
but you chose differently
You might make me feel whole,
I don't make you complete
I will grow old with you,
but you've grown tired of me
You're not the one,
cause you don't wanna be
Chester See
Emily Rene Dec 2014
There was a time
I thought that you did
everything right
No lies, no wrong
Boy, I must've been
out of my mind
When I think of the
time that I almost
loved you,
you showed your ***
& I saw the real you
Thank God you blew it,
I thank God I dodged
the bullet
I'm so over you,
so baby, good looking out

So sad, you're hurt
Boo hoo, did you
expect me to care
You don't deserve
my tears
I guess that's why
they ain't there
When I think that
there was a time that
I almost loved you
You showed your ***
& baby, yes, I saw
the real you
Thank God you blew it
I thank God I dodged
the bullet
I'm so over you,
baby, good looking out

I know you
want me back,
it's time to
face the facts
That I'm the one
that's got away
Lord knows that
it would take
another place,
another time,
another world,
another life
Thank God I found
the good in goodbye

I used to want you so bad
I'm so through with that
Cause honestly you
turned out to be the
best thing I never had
You turned out to be the
best thing I never had
& I will always be the
best thing you ever had

It ***** to be you right now
Beyonce Knowles
Emily Rene Dec 2014
I excused myself to the bathroom which was shared with laundry
& I remember the door not closing all the way
because of the door **** missing & something in the way
Once I was finished with my business, the door flew open
I would have been startled had I not been drunk off my ***
It was him & he was smiling & I didn't like, but I did
He pushed me against the washing machine & drier duo,
& all thoughts left my mind along with the clothes on my body
It happened so fast & I didn't like it, but I did
He kissed me with such force, my lip got stuck in his braces
& I had to awkwardly explain to my mother about the bruise
I may have been drunk, but I knew what was happening,
but the only thoughts on my mind was about how
much **** I had to do tomorrow, I was so bored & unsatisfied
He wanted more after what he got & I promised I would
even though he had zero game & very poor aim
He lead me back to the couch & he fell asleep
with his head dug in my shoulder, arm around my chest,
hand between my thighs, & heavy snores in my ear
But I wasn't going to sleep, never planned on it in fact
I slid out of his grasp & quietly slid into my shoes by the door
I couldn't find my pants or my bra, but it didn't matter
I gathered all of my things & stepped out of that college party,
my almost completely exposed body meeting the cold winter
I got in my car & drove myself home at 5:30 in the morning
with the smell of bud light, ***, but almost no regret in the air
I climbed in through my window, not wanting to wake
up my parents or brother for arriving home so early
I slid into bed & pulled the covers over my poorly dressed frame
before deleting my one night stand off of my snapchat history
& falling asleep...
Emily Rene Dec 2014
I shouldn't be here, I thought to myself
as soon as I stepped foot into that college party
But since they invited a high schooler, I thought,
who am I to turn down free ***** & a good time
I was greeted with a ping pong ball & a partner
& we found ourselves winning game after game
Someone got me a beer & a shot of fireball whiskey,
which were followed almost instantly by three more
I wanted the escape & I knew alcohol would  help,
help with getting me there faster & not having to worry
He was dancing with his friends before I noticed,
he was dancing over into my direction with another shot
It was bright blue & tasted like a sheet of rusty metal,
but I downed another & found myself dancing to the beat
of the music that I would never listen to sober
because rap music has absolutely no meaning to me
Everyone was sweating & dancing against one another,
& the only person I knew when I got there was Jordan,
but he was no where to be seen, only strangers now
But were they really strangers anymore? They knew me
Maybe as that drunk high schooler, but they'll remember
me tomorrow when talking about how fun their night was
& what I thought was coming to an end, was only the beginning
Dec 2014 · 2.7k
Twenty Four . I Am the Joker
Emily Rene Dec 2014
A sinister crimson smile spreads across my lips,
thinking wicked thoughts while weapons I equip
My inky eyes narrow as I step into the street,
I have a dark night ahead & a hero to beat
I feel it's time for a new villain to grow,
one whose not afraid to watch the blood freely flow
I'm going to show them all whose really chief,
& never will I suffer any of their grief
I ask before I **** them, one last query,
"Why so serious?" I laugh viciously, their eyes get teary
Then as the blood pours from a fresh cut, I go insane,
merely a part of my psychopathic game
So here I am, carving smiles into their faces,
dicing their flesh into ribbons & laces
Waiting for the hero to try & save the day,
anticipating a new game for me to play
Because around here, you can't just be mediocre
They'll see, I'll show them, I am the Joker
My new friend & I became friends over a silly little discussion about the Joker, & it inspired me to write about the Clown Prince of Crime himself.
Dec 2014 · 371
Twenty Three . I Seem Happy
Emily Rene Dec 2014
I'm not sure when it started,
or why it is so strong
On the outside, I seem happy,
no one thinks anything's wrong
But on the inside I am dying,
screaming for someone to see
that the happy smile & carefree
laugh is not the real me
I've never been happy,
not that I can recall
Between the world & myself,
I've built up a wall
I don't know why I'm like this,
it makes no sense to me
I actually come from a very
close & loving family
But even they have no idea
of the hell that I endure
They think I'm happy & normal;
of this I am sure
I can't take it much longer,
I can't live like this
I want to feel truly happy,
that is my biggest wish
I need help, but who will help me?
Who could comprehend?
Is there anyone out there who
can help bring this to an end?
Or am I simply trapped,
a prisoner of despair?
Am I really all alone?
Is there no hope for me out there?
Dec 2014 · 211
Twenty Two . Help Me Stop
Emily Rene Dec 2014
Another day of life by the drop,
I pray to the lord, help me stop
I awake in pain, feeling shame
knowing soon again, I'll play the game
For the brief second with myself,
before I walk over to that shelf
I stop & think of all the things I do,
& the people I hurt while drinking *****
I grip the bottle o' so tight,
I won't let go until the night
All these thoughts rush through my head,
loves & pride & things I once said
I know it's from the former me,
the one that can no longer be
It hits me hard, I cannot cope,
so drunk until I start to choke
Day to day, I live like this
High to high & kiss to kiss
I hope one day, the drunk will let me out
& never again will I drink & shout
Until that time, I'll drown & hate
I just hope that's not my final fate
Emily Rene Dec 2014
The lighter's a trigger,
I load my gun
& swallow the bullets
straight into my lungs

With every drag
& hit I take,
my thoughtless mind
will come awake

No more mother's coming
or more of daddy crying
Just coughing & heaving
& careless flying

I guess it's living,
I guess I'm dying,
& if I'm not,
I'm surely trying
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