I remember the way you looked
when we entered that closet
You had this special glow
that I had only seen once before
but had tried to forget it
You looked at me in a much
different way than you ever had
& it made me uncomfortable,
but I didn't understand why
because it was the look
I had always wanted from you
So I ignored it
You lit some small scented candles
& placed them in each corner
of the walk in closet
as if it was supposed to make
it more romantic & bigger,
& I smiled at your effort
You placed the blankets on
the carpeted floor & made
a small bed out of pillows
I told you I was scared,
you said you were too
You let pandora play through
your small speakers of your
third generation iPhone
on a soft country station
I laid on my back on the
small bed you had made for us
& I remember you lying
beside me for a little while,
just soothing me with your
gentle & low voice
& I loved you so much
& you loved me so much
& now I hate you so much
because you love her more
But as much as I try,
my first time will never
be forgotten or regretted
because you loved me then
& if you possibly didn't,
you're one hell of an actor
But it doesn't really matter
Because now when I think
about the way you looked
when we entered that closet,
*I just think about something else