I'm flipping through the vinyl at the vintage record store even though I haven't a penny in my pocket to spend.

The owner doesn't ever seem to mind that I am all the time hanging out there browsing.

All the music of my life is there.

Sometimes it makes me sad;
Sometimes it makes me happy.
It always makes me feel something,
But it never fails to quiver my eyes.

I knew the band was touring.
I heard they were coming soon,
That classic rock salvation
Is the only thing that sooths.

I could have fell
Right to the floor,
When rock and roll
Came through the door.

Have you ever seen an idol?
I mean, shining like a god
In glistening southern heat?
I pray to God our eyes don't meet.

He had a flowing tunic,
And a top hat on his fluffy mane.
A small entourage was with him.
His eyes were above his darkened shades.

I gasped and said a swear word that I could not keep inside.
Over stacked of dingy cardboard boxes he saw me,
I tried to beg apology but could not speak;
My legs were petrified.

In my chest my heart was pounding,
Sounding like the beating of a drum that timed each step that he took, as he walked around the musical maze to the spot where I was frozen.

Have you ever met an idol?
Someone who is more than just a man?
Someone who has the message of a poet,
And seems to understand like no-one can?

I forced myself to look away,
Looking down to the floor.
I hate that in this moment
I am so vulnerable,
And I love that my nerves are open raw.

I cannot believe all I can do is panic
And I know he must see that I am pathetic.
My soul is naked in his sight.

I know there is no possible way
I can recover from my shame.
I tremble when he puts his hand upon my shoulder
And tell me he understands, that it's alright,
Tells me him in the eye.

I am so close I can see the pores between the stubble on his face.

He asks me how I'm doing, now.
I tell him that my brother should be the one he is meeting.
He is older, and better and more steady in his grip. My brother loved him first because my mother used to play his songs. That's how I came to love him, too.
My brother is more a man than I.

He tells me that my brother isn't here.
That this is just the way it's meant to be,
This charity, serendipity.

He tells me he is honored I'm a fan
Of his music, and he's glad I like the band.

He ask me if I'm coming to the show.
I change my gaze to see the band behind him.
I tell him that I tried, I really tried.
I wanted to so bad. I had no money.
I've been out here on the streets for quite a while.
And, God, I cannot feel this moment.
Everything seems like it's going.
I cannot help but give my life to him.

Take a breath, he calmy tells me.
He holds his hand out to the side.
He signals with his beautiful *******.
What is happening?

And I ask him

"Have you ever met an idol
Someone you wish maybe you could be?
Or were you always beautiful,
Never just a runaway like me?"

He put the tickets in my hand and
Folds his over mine
And takes my hand as if we were praying.
Nobody is a nobody,
His eyes said to mine.
I can see he knows I understand.

He told me that he looked forward to seeing me in the front row.

I've had more than my share of news.
My pocket watch doesn't have a snooze.
I tried to get by the right way,
But the world's a society.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

The slickest part of the granite is mine.
Stay on your side of the line,
Unless you get a clear invite.
No chance of that except in dead of night.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

I don't want to take the blame
Of being foolish to your game.
I have heard it all before
And there's no use coming back for more.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

The fragile nature of your face
Needs to look elsewhere for grace.
I am not the savior of souls
Though I've collected many tolls.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

Are my lines straight as a curve
Or do I need to write more words?
I don't need to cease the day.
I just lock my heart away.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

I've been lit by the candle's light
Buy the late night love of Mr. Right.
As solid as the moment was,
It wasn't even really love.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

I go to where from angels flee
In their fits of jealousy.
I do whatev' I **** well please;
I'm stormy waters of the sea.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

One day the one that set the course
Of my hardened tour de force
Will write me of a wedding day,
Some good came of sending me away.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

I ain't no stranger to strangers.
I got a lot of love to give.
Can't see through to the back of the room.
When the lights go dim,
That's when the violence blooms.

The wispers carry on tension
Of the strings between the cans.
All the brows are down at me
And the words slash whenever they can.

But I've got one thing more
Than anybody with giddy grins
On their plastic faces
And their squared-off chins.

I've got life.

I've got life.

I ain't no secrets to secrets.
Many have been mine to keep.
Heaven knows, I've been a few.
When they got back to their houses,
They wished away secrets they knew.

They scream to break the tension.
If they don't, they go insane.
They poison their faces,
Turn the keys and spill their brains.

But I've got something more
Than loose binds to convention.
I'm a prism of truth
From another dimension.

I've got life.

I've got life.

Even though they say they don't,
I know that they want to know
''How does the other half live?"

I can circumvent your systems.
I can infiltrate your ranks.
I can pass inside the shadows
Quietly along your river banks.

Only in the shadows can you find me.
Come on in and see what you will find
In the places I have slithered into,
The darkest, cob-webbed courners of your mind.

In the darkness of the night,
From where comes the dove,
Materializes
Your envoy of love.

Here for your privelidge,
He fits like a glove.
Wear him like midnight,
Your envoy of love.

You can count on him.
You won't be let down.
The spectre in the night that comes to you
Is the diamond in your crown.

He's nothing but a dream,
Your imagination
Moving in the shadows of your room.
He is the part of you
That will not let go of hope.

He is everything you see,
All and much above
The highest dream you have,
Your envoy of love.

Keep him to you self.
In verse, cantillate of,
But always hide in code
Your envoy of love.

Bring the noise in your head.
Let it splatter on the wall.
I can help you find the meaning
In the scramblings that you find so puzzling.

Lift your voice to the heavens;
Raise your fists at the gods,
If it helps you assemble
All the fragments of a life you thought was gone for good.

Take no more time
To wallow in your doubt.
Let's seize this moment
To figure it out.
The answers lie inside of you,
I can help you see your truth.
Together we will walk the path,
That winding frozen rivery glass.
I can melt your lonely frozen heart,
If you permit me just a start.

Anger has been your bridgroom
And you feed on the aingst.
You are as the speck of dust
Swirling in the sunny ray through the window blind.

So, suffer at your own will;
Hurt at your own behest.
Know that just outside the shadow
There is a hand that waits
For you to reach out for it's touch.

Take no more time
To wallow in your doubt.
Let's seize this moment
To figure it out.
The answers lie inside of you,
I can help you see your truth.
Together we will walk the path,
That winding frozen rivery glass.
I can melt your lonely frozen heart,
If you give me just a start.

The floor beneath me crumbles away.
The picture that you've drawn dissolves.
I used to take the words you said to me on faith.
My sacrilege was in knowing,
But loving you this long.

The sparkles in your eyes ignite me;
Reflections of your teary eyes.
You can take the words I say on faith.
Enough now of this heresy.
I've loved you for too long.

What was a singularity
Began to walk in single file.
Now agents of your faithless heart
Fall to the heaping pile.

You came to me as someone
I would give my life to serve

But the way that you are now
Means my whole world has changed
I don't know
If it's better or it's worse
I only know
That it's real.

Your regal words designed a world
That was fitting to my foolish heart.
I thought that you worked magic but it was illusion.
My blasphemy was in knowing
And still loving you this long.

The tender nature of your lie enticed me.
I put my faith in it.
I gave my life to you.
I gave, gave you all,
My all is true;
And lie is all you do
My blasphemy was seeing it,
And letting it continue.

At first it was a trickle,
But it became a stream.
Now the riverbanks erode,
Washed out in your flood.

You came to me as someone
I would give my life to serve

But the way that you are now
Means my whole world has changed
I don't know
If it's better or it's worse
I only know
That it's real

Not just a lie,
Not just a scheme,
It is exactly as it seems.

I don't know
If it's better or it's worse.
I only know
That it's real.

Here on this street, you try talk to me;
I don't want to hear it,
There is nothing more you have for me.
Watch me get smaller down the street,
So I don't have to hear
Another word of your fantasy.

I love to be in love,
I love to be in love,
I love to be in love with you.

I love to be in love,
I love to be in love,
I love to be in love with you.

There was a time
We did not know.
There was a time
We let the music go
Without ambition;
Without guidance to flow,
And it rocked right out of our soul.

I love to be in love,
I love to be in love,
I love to be in love with you.

I love to be in love,
I love to be in love,
I love to be in love with you.

There was a time
We forgot to see
Where it comes from;
Love for you and me.
We let it run
Too wild and free
Cause rock and roll
Just had to be.

There was a time
We gave it all away
Without surrender
And we did not save
There came a time
The account was raked;
Thank God in time
We discoved grace

I love to be in love,
I love to be in love,
I love to be in love with you.

I love to be in love,
I love to be in love,
I love to be in love with you.

From the soul backed to the precipice of a life never changing,
Through the crest of an almond shape and cascading over an apple fullness,
Fall the tiny tributes of hopelessness;
Until she is offered
Tulips for her tears.

Can I take out a loan on your heart?
My credit is good
And I won't equifax it.
I won't rip it apart.

Dudley does to Pauline,
He does her right.
Dudley does to Pauline
Day and night.
Dudley does to Pauline
Til he hits the floor.
Dudley does to Pauline
Til he can't anymore

Dudley, Dudley, Dudley
Dudley Do-right.

Dudley never meant
To make a mess.
Dudley never asked Pauline
To wear that dress.
Dudley never needed
To hear her groan.
Dudley would have offered
To drive her home.

Dudley, Dudley, Dudley
Dudley do-right.

Dudley gets the mop
And a soapy pail.
Dudley wouldn't like
To go to jail.
Dudley is relieved
There's no-one to tell.
Dudley is so sweet,
Who'd believe the tale?

Dudley, Dudley, Dudley
Dudley Do-right.

Slow tempo

(CM)
You'll dream about the love you give up.(Em)

(CM
You'll wonder why you have an empty cup. (Em)

(Am)                 (F)
You'll feel the fire;
(Am)                 (F)
You'll feel the fire
(F#) (Cm) (Em)
Of loniness -


You'll see visions like saphires in the night.

You won't be able to sleep though the night.

You'll know the cold,

You'll know the cold

Of loneliness -


I should have gotten myself away from you.

I shouldn't have given of myself to you.

You'll feel the fire;

You'll feel the fire

Of loneliness -

Son, oh my son, tell me no lie.
Where did you spend last night?

In the pines, In the pines
Where the sun never shines.
I shivered the whole night through.

You've been away long; I'd given up hope.

I slept where the cold wind blows;
In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun never shines.
I shivered the whole night through.

Do you remember the traveling man?
Just about a mile from here
His head was in the driving wheel,
His body ain't never been found.

Blood of my blood, fruit of my tree,
Tell me where do you go?

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun never shines.
I'll shiver the whole night through.

In the chill of the night, nobody's around.
Of that there's much to be said.
The stars don't judge; The moon doesn't hang.
The clouds have no price on my head.

Ain't no woman for me, no, no,
'Cept the Lady Annabelle.
I'm gonna tell the story,
'Bout how she put me through hell.

I said to my Lady,
"You can have whatever you claim."
She took her box to the Northern fields;
She filled her box with the sugar cane.

I said, "Why'd ja have to break my heart?
Why'd ja have to break my heart?"

Aint't no kind of feeling
Like when your heart is in some pain.
And it don't help at all to know
She filled her box with the sugar cane.

I said, "Why'd ja have to break my heart?
Why'd ja have to break my heart?"

love   time   will   man   yeah   gonna   life   heart   feel   night   day   boy   eyes   find   mine   things   thing   place   long   town   hope   sky   times   hard   remember   good   kiss   kind   baby   knew   leave   ooh   bell   moon   true   wanted   cry   hearts   burn   face   told   mind   mississippi   inside   felt   stay   change   live   light   keep   pay   wonder   muddy   left   hear   call   drummers   going   sun   young   turn   loving   hold   dream   move   better   free   dark   beautiful   matter   tears   loved   three   moment   soul   help   truth   lie   circle   thrice   thought   song   wait   leaves   door   learn   birthday   talk   phone   wind   blood   christmas   head   hand   ride   high   lines   cold   bluez   feeling   turned   fear   poem   lies   longer   children   word   skin   blue   lights   today   heard   walk   fool   break   house   gotta   clean   understand   game   people   woman   picked   eye   hell   beneath   side   reason   jill   days   friend   tree   angel   tonight   dancing   sure   clear   ways   era   dreams   bobby   faith   stand   friends   songs   tired   payday   men   sing   honey   till   coming   held   kindness   year   blind   guess   thoughts   slack   play   pain   forever   set   rings   speak   breath   empty   middle   ocean   lost   cooler   curious   drink   story   burning   deep   chance   forget   rhythm   worth   guy   street   learned   full   strong   search   honor   feelings   lose   memory   write   wrong   silence   choose   equality   surely   care   feet   open   looked   bring   lessons   black   watch   bad   close   best   poet   catch   air   lonely   mosaic   struck   save   read   bail   soft   fast   start   stars   sleep   hate   finally   fall   die   recall   ten   water   met   misery   sheila   novia   brought   bite   hurt   player   work   nina   praise   lay   style   lifeline   beach   blues   living   blown   wonderful   white   sad   room   earth   hit   bare   state   won   attention   pity   laugh   second   child   grip   running   dust   early   glue   thinking   crying   hair   lips   dear   shine   drumming   seeds   single   shines   land   lot   dance   rod   follow   godless   send   heaven   brother   sand   cat   shining   darkness   hash   answers   sorceress   kids   changed   experience   golden   slivers   takes   dude   glad   charity   thin   sense   sit   swear   blocker   mayor   writing   thieves   happened   seeking   silver   shadows   drop   celebrating   afraid   surprise   shrew   thine   neglect   mad   hombre   valentine   mist   checked   john   season   wide   bed   flame   lover   bet   slay   winter   gentle   seek   sat   chest   harpee   paid   charm   stronger   drive   walking   corned   orleans   busy   cried   hopeful   luka   beam   arm   nature   knowing   sorrow   lotion   cut   drum   una   asked   sweet   caring   ****   checkbook   shrewd   rubs   voice   sounding   grand   reminder   ball   *****   strength   spend   consciousness   flesh   rest   vampire   touch   speed   prey   death   bit   burns   everytime   wraith   hose   ache   fairy   beef   universe   meaning   gnashing   waits   lake   cherished   slowly   drains   vitality   hopes   ear   cruel   stories   emotional   haunt   depth   shame   holding   star   games   fell   faster   moonlight   fresh   battle   evermore   smile   wished   risk   cool   crops   tenderness   settle   round   quicker   regret   pass   hide   saved   emotions   version   separation   shift   settled   named   illumination   standing   working   revelation   downfall   brings   refrain   stick   broke   shoot   knocked   crazy   pieces   ceremony   stayed   lamp   answer   charging   tale   shore   shade   enter   feed   midnight   paper   shake   perfect   police   fit   hot   bout   coffee   return   thee   walls   hands   foot   crock   tear   stopped   luck   heavy   opened   wondered   washed   someplace   paradise   drifting   cars   struggle   priorities   invitation   waited   rang   render   number   ring   boulevard   hangs   needed   wizzing   selling   passed   loves   lullaby   trending

The memory of this moment,
As I look upon your face,
As you look up to me,
Your head resting on the squabs;
The sun shine between the blinds,
And birds sing morning's song,
Will stay with me until
My heart no longer throbs.

I know you are the one,
My only everything.
All I could ever want to hold
Is here, in my embrace.
I feel the tide is turning
In favor of morning's song,
As I gaze into your eyes,
And passion is in it's place.

There is no unworthy burdon
You bring to my door.
No echoes of regret.
I need for nothing more.

The errand of my heart
Is to give into your light,
To give you all I am.
You are my paradise.

The profits all just look away
And nevermind the world today.
Wherefore are philosphical words
Upon the lips of the transgressed against,
The meaningfulness of their minds
Never to be understood?

This I cannot understand.

I can still remember how the energies felt
When they washed upon me and brought me to this consciousness.
I can still recall when I was you.
All at once it happened to me.
Once the light of awareness burned it's mark upon my brow
I became anew.

I understand that all is everything it seems.
That tear in your eye means that you are on the verge of truth.
Nothing matters but the quality of the moment in which I live.
As soon as it is here, it is gone.

Enough, the bittersweetness of thought, tonight!
Release me from thy grip.
I have better things to process.

Dancing on the lifeline,
Flying in the dirt,
Mixing into puddles
Resembling the sky.

Everything is nothing,
Nothing everything.
The truth is but a lie
Not looked in the eye.

Never fear to paspaser.
The fearful will never truly know what it is to rule.
The servant is the master.

Every chore is a blessing,
Every blessing a chore.
Everyday holds bad and good.
'Tis but life, and nothing more.

I should have asked you to take me for a drive.
I never had a moment alone with you.
We should have sat and cried.
There's little more to hold on to.

I hope you're feeling peaceful,
Someplace where you are loved.
The time has come and gone.
The time has come and gone.

I should have told you all
My deepest secrets.
I wonder what you'd have said
When I told you.
You would have love, I bet.
There is little left to hold on to.

I hope you're feeling wanted,
And that you're having a ball.
I hope you're where you want to be,
Or you're nowhere at all.

I should have had less
Fear of loving you.
We never had a moment
To clear the air.
I'd weep into your shoulder
Like a little child.

I hope you're feeling peaceful.
Someplace where you are loved.
The time has come and gone.
The time has come and gone.

I hope you're feeling wanted,
And that you're having a ball.
I hope you're where you want to be,
Or you're nowhere at all.

I hope you're feeling peaceful,
Someplace where you are loved.
The time has come and gone.
The time has come and gone.

I hope you're feeling wanted,
And that you're having a ball.
I hope you're where you want to be,
Or you're nowhere---

It's my birthday and this year I turn ten
It's my birthday and this year I turn ten
It's my birthday and this year I turn ten
Gonna have a party and invite over all 'o my friends

It's my birthday and Papa's in the cooler again
It's my birthday and Papa's in the cooler again
It's my birthday and Papa's in the cooler again
Gonna use my birthday cash to bail him out again

Mamma says no matter, I should love my dad
Mamma says no matter, I should love my dad
Mamma says no matter, I should love my dad
I already think he's the best I could'a had

It's my birthday and Papa's in the cooler again
It's my birthday and Papa's in the cooler again
It's my birthday and Papa's in the cooler again
Gonna use my birthday cash to bail him out again

When we paid the bail, gonna walk up on a snitch
When we paid the bail, gonna walk up on a snitch
When we paid the bail, gonna walk up on a snitch
Snag him in a snag, we're gonna hitch him to a hitch

Is there no pillow for my head to find repose, no hall of redemption where I lay down the sorrow of confusion?

The dreaming of memory is a very strange thing. I have been puzzled. Here is how. In my very early adulthood (if you can call it that)
I spent a fair amount of my time as a transient nomad who was on the lamb from the police. My memory of that time is fuzzy, but I do have a recollection of all the towns...
Except one.

I can see it so clearly in my mind, and have been on it's wintry main streets a few times in my dreams, for it was in the Autumn​ or the winter months that I traveled. I recall that it was so enchanting to me that I nearly stayed, though I was only passing through.

I, with my back pack, somehow was there on the main township road, and though I don't remember my mode of arrival it must have been by bus and I on a layover with some time to wander.

In my mind it feels I could have been coming back to Shreveport on a plane from the military.

It could have been on any number of exursions. I was always running and moving about.

What I remember was checking in to a local drop in center. I had been told to check my bag in one place on the street, perhaps at a traveler's aid, and I was given a cup of coffee, while I waited on a check-in at another location which was a hostile or shelter.

I meandered about the wide boulivard  that was edged with still melting snow.
The local youth hostile offered one free overnight stay.

I cannot remember if I stayed, or if I was able to be sponsored a bus ticket out of town, or met another kind stranger who offered a ride out of the town.

I cannot remember what State the town is in. I remember nothing else about it except I feel that I had been there twice, once with a traveling companion, and once again, later on my own, which was the time I recollect on the street thinking that this village might make a good home, should I ever want to begin again, if I could ever be afforded the chance, or really need a place to hide. That is if it weren't middle America in the early 1990's and very dangerous for a gay boy to be travelling alone in these towns.

Here is the part that makes no sense, except for why I cannot remember it. I can't possibly have ever been in such a place, for it is off the path of highway 55 on which I always travelled.

I thing I told myself I would go back to the town one day, when I was in need of a place to visit, but I cannot remember the name of the place. I cannot be sure it exists at all, but in my mind.

Still, the arcitecture of the buildings were different that the generic houses in Shreveport - almost like a New England town.

All I can fathom is that there are pieces of me out there that are somehow still lost, or that I chose to leave behind, rather morosely because a place so perfect and normal  could never be my home. I was but a visitor.

I cannot even be sure I was myself​.
Maybe it was all just a dream that I had about a dream I once had.

Maybe if I were to have the experience again, I would grab hold to something and anchor myself to such a beautiful place.

Maybe I wouldn't be so afraid to stop running, that I could stay a while and talk to some of the people. As I've said, it was cold, so nobody was out.

I hate these bittersweet moments of recall that I cannot decern fantasy from reality. All the same, I do not think I would choose to give them up. The minds is the greatest scape across which to gaze.

I wonder if there could be some sort of collective vagabond consciousness that allows us the peak into each other's experience whenever we are at some sort of life precipice? Sometimes I feel as though my thoughts are not my own.

Even insanity has it's moments of perfection.

I am going back to sleep.

Salem

'Round her bare feet, hear I go,
Tail twitching to and fro.
When it's time to take a nap,
I will jump on Tina's lap.

The life of a cat is quite contrary.
I am fickle when you're merry
If you wonder where that's at,
It's your priv'lege when you're a cat.

When I let you stroke my fur,
Do it right or I might stir.
Feed me good food, not just crap,
Something tasty for my cap.

The life of a cat is quite contrary.
I am fickle when your merry.
If you're a human who understands,
I might even lick your hand.

Round her bare feet, here I go,
Tail twitching to and fro.
Now I think I'll take a nap,
Hop across to Vicky's lap.

My words come back  
To me, speak
Of my house of cards,
My house of freaks.
How the danger
lingers near -
How she whispers
in my ear -
How the torture,
So divine -
Holy
Mother Valentine!

(hope you liked it)

Yes, I've had a kiss before,
But never a kiss like this.
Never a kiss, if you get the jist,
A kiss that gives me bliss.

Yes, I've had a kiss before,
But such a kiss I've missed
That jellies my bones and makes me this.
So, really I've not been kissed

From my chimney to my spout
All my senses steam about.
All the while love is in style,
I know nought but this beguile.
My walls tumble, boundaries crossed,
Wicked wiles, innocence lost.

Yes, I've had a kiss before,
But never a kiss to list
Till I gained from your two lips
A kiss that gives me bliss.

I am a town wherein nobody lives.
The residences have long sense been vacated.
The "Cah-caw" of the crow crying ******
Echoes through the crevices of my skeletal structures.
I am alone,
With only the tumbleweeds to move me.

I've got a pet daemon,
Every once in a while, I let him out of his cage.
I find it most beneficial,
If every once in a while the wise one gets to play.

I've got a bad desire.
I want to see you when you're out of your skin.
My bad thoughts are inspired
By the ugly, dark world I live in.

No matter what you believe,
No matter what you think you've been told,
There's nothing you know about me.
I have never been the one to be a tortured soul.

A bead of crimson forming,
I see it and my heart starts to throb.
The story few people know,
Is the tale of my midnight macabre

It's like a tale from Lovecraft, brother,
But I was never surprised to gaze upon my face.
And I have always known it.
To others, there was barely a trace.

I revel in self-adulation.
Your pleasure brings me such pain.
I look in desperation upon you.
I want to see your tears fall like the rain.

I understand my desires.
I know why I exist .
I suffer from no allusions.
Your soul is meat, I am a carnivore.

I've got a pet daemon,
Every once in a while I, let him out of his cage.
I find it most beneficial,
If every once in a while that wise gets to play.

My Dearest; Darkest Devotion,

Ah, but what a long time it's been!

And now, it is with a slender paled sliver of hope this letter finds you before I arrive at your chamber, for I must solicit your heart with the contents of mine.

This night I ponder upward to the twinklings amid the void and my thoughts do turn to that time we first met, before I knew you, and how you let me know you, and eventually I let you know...me.

Having learned the truth of my true vampyric nature, your reaction was not as open a reception as I would have it. I concede I have not been the same sense you drove that plank through my chest and deep into my very still heart. There stayed I until, alas...

A hapless young wanderer, a splendid morsel of a group of people on a retreat from the town, rummaging through nature to find kindling for a bonfire, took grasp of the parcel of wood that protruded from the shallow earth where I was left forsaken, and in his misfortune did un-stake me.

I assure you, at this very moment, I feel quite quenched of my thirst.
My hunger for the sweetmeats of revenge have yet to be satiated, however, I will see you very soon, My Pitch Blackness. And you. too, shall see me.

Eternally yours,

Vladimir Tepes.

P.S. Happy Halloween.

A star in  water
Washed upon the sunny shore;
Once wet, became dry.

I felt my world come crashing in.
All of your lies were paper thin.
Why did you have to go
And break my heart?

There is a full moon in the sky
Bigger than the hurt you left inside.
Luna, she knows
I was a fool for you.

I know it shouldn't be a shame,
That I have loved your life in vain.
You could never have been true,
No matter how close I kept you to me.

Your heart's been shattered like a vase.
The pieces, like tile, were mortered
back into place.
The slivers of your pain,
Like a window of glass stained.

Fragmented, and frail,
Contagious and strong,
Lacking conviction,
Can't help but be wrong.

Mosaic love,
You've turned your back on me.
Now I'm to blind to see
Just what I've got to do
To get myself over you.

I felt my world come crashing in.
All of your lies were paper thin.
Why did you have to go
And break my heart, again?

Hecate knows that I've been strong.
I should have seen it all along.
We were destined to fail in -
To each other's orbit.

How in the world will I
Get by with this lowly high?
Diana knows
All your changing faces,
Are a puzzle in the dark.

Mosaic love,
You've turned your back on me.
Now I'm to blind to see
Just what I've got to do
To get myself over you.

This is what it is to love,
And be loved,
By someone with a broken heart.

Never to complete,
The cycle does repeat,
Like a beam of moonlight
In a cathedral panel -

Night after night,
Night after night,
Night after night,
Night after night,
Never again to know
A day without a thought of you.

Mosaic love,
You've turned your back on me.
Now I'm to blind to see
Just what I've got to do
To get myself over you.

I felt my world come crashing in.
All of your lies were paper thin.
Why did you have to go
And break my heart, again?

Mosaic love,
You've turned your back on me.
Now I'm to blind to see
Just what I've got to do
To get myself over you.

This is what it is to love,
And be loved,
By someone with a broken heart.

Mosaic love,
You've turned your back on me.
Now I'm to blind to see
Just what I've got to do
To get myself over you.

Never again to know
A day without a thought of you...

I dreamt an Angel came to me,
To lead me like a child
Through a cement wilderness-
Through storms and weather mild.

Her skin was dark and wrinkled.
Her hair was sparse and grey.
Her hand held out, "Help me, honey."
Was all she had to say.

I passed her by without much care.
She would return to me.
To haunt my thoughts
And ease, someday,
My angst with her gris-gris.

I was tired of running,
And my fear was closing in.
She took me down, turned me around,
Then gave me life, again.

I fell in love with her.
She has a soul as black
As death on a sabbath morning.
Her eyes are deeply set in the astral-plane that is her facade.
She is the captor of the attentions of many.
She is not without agenda.
Neither is she not without heartache,
For the sun that shines the brightest is always the first one to burn itself out.
Tawny windblown streaks are waving in the  lavander twilight, as her arms would move to hold the sky.
She draws me closer to her.
I alone can see inside her,
And her secrets, I help hide.
It does not matter
That she does not love me.

Mr. Celest, won't you please entrance with your stories full of dropping names that I bet no one else could recall, even if the plausible is true?

Long men have a long time to build upon the craft of yarn-spinning , promising the archway, but never daring to get in touch with powerful ways of listening to others.

This prince has a story, too.

The crime of our age is how people live so long that they stop living to fantasize about the old days which were never as glamoruos as we recall.

The only thing you talk about is what you used the think about, when you  wished upon a shooting star that once trailed above the ocean blue.

This knave has a story, too.

An automatic pratter or the vocals in the air are not impressive to someone like me who has seen the sins and suffered wages of the ages.

The reason for your phonics is as empty as your wallet, but your name is never in the liner notes to the teary songs you try to sing.

This man has a story, too.

There is a beaker on the burner and it bubbles quite a lot, much like a festering boil, and the words that stream along are never ending.

You might learn there are surprises in the world still left to make you wonder, still there to give you feeling so you have enjoyment in your life.

This sage knows magic, too.

When I turn to you for help you are there whenever you can be.
When I've seen you are in need of aid,
I have been beside you - I have always.

But there's a limit to the trust
Between the two of us.
Don't take it the hard way,
We get through the hard days.

"If you get my back,
I'll get your back on payday.
When payday comes, maybe you
Can hold on just a little longer,
I swear next time my pay will be stronger.
I can catch you up by mid-month,
If I'm not too tired or busy."

Pay it back now while you still can.
I know what can go down.
We've all been there before.

Don't get mad.
Don't get offended.
If we borrow,
We pay as intended,
Or we don't need to borrow -
Not at all.

There is a different between a pack of smokes and thirty dollars.
I maby could write off five or ten,
But I can't afford to write of fifty.
And I'll never try to shark you.
I hate to have to run it down,
But I'm not The Giving Tree.
I don't want to cut off slivers.
And I don't want to give you shivers.
Don't get cold with me.

"If you get my back,
I'll get your back on payday.
When payday comes, maybe you
Can hold on just a little longer,
I swear next time my pay will be stronger.
I can catch you up by mid-month,
If I'm not too tired or busy."

Pay it back now while you still can.
I know what can go down.
We've all been there before.

When you finally catch up to me
On week number four and day three.

I know that much is going on.
But I've got a lot on my mind, too.
I don't ever want to make you sad.
But when it's time to settle up,
Don't have the nerve to come off mad.

Is it right to make me wait,
One more day when you are passing  by
Four times near my way today.
Longer and longer, I would wait.
Then you pay it back with a houndog face, and an silent plattitude.
and not even a word of thank-you.
No, not one word of gratitude.

To save what there is left to save,
Casual fruendly loans are done.
That doesn't mean I wouldn't save your life.
Look at all the ways you've saved my life.
Get your head out of your feelings.
Know that nothing petty would ever stop this love in my heart I feel for you.
But it's not worth the hassle or the dealing
When you take your sweet time,
Like plans do not matter unless they are yours.

"If you get my back,
I'll get your back on payday.
When payday comes, maybe you
Can hold on just a little longer,
I swear next time my pay will be stronger.
I can catch you up by mid-month,
If I'm not too tired or busy."

Pay it back now while you still can.
I know what can go down.
We've all been there before.

There's no reason I can think of you should think look me up for money, And I won't call on you.
That's the last thing I will do.

But, I'll always want whatever's best for you.

Regardless of my reagal remonstration, I remain a regular rodent in a rig.

I'm so sorry that it's been so long
Since I've written you a song.
I've been busy painting haze
And telling stories other ways.

I am here like, why is my awesome **** not trending...then I realized I posted two versions of the same verse back to back. I hope that with the title clearification it is not confusing to my readers.

I am the wind that is stirred by tiny wings.
I am a moth, and I am the flame.
I am the White Wolf.
I show my shimmering fangs.
I am the great hunter upon the earth who is, also, the prey.
I am the blazing sun
Whose light is seen within the pregnant moon.
I am a drop of rain that falls into the ocean.
I am the single grain of sand.
I am the universe.
I am eternal, but my consciousness is in a constant state of change.
I am nothing.
I am everything.
I am wind stirred by tiny wings.
I am a moth, and I am the flame.
I am the White Wolf.
I show my shimmering fangs.
I am the great hunter upon the earth who is, also, the prey.
I am the blazing sun
Whose light is seen within the pregnant moon.
I am a drop of rain that falls into the ocean.
I am the single grain of sand.
I am the universe.
I am eternal, but my consciousness is in a constant state of change.
I am nothing.
I am everything.

Yes, I know that
The sun is beating down,
Pounding your back with heat
As you're working.
You're working hard
Selling memories not to be forgotten.
You think you're grown now.
You are a man
It seems to you...
And it seems to you
Only fitting
That you do what you please.
Well, you think you're free now
Like you've never been free before.
You're just another boy on the bullivard.
But can you take it,
Ooh, the harshness of this lifestyle?
As you wait for them to come along
Will you come undone?
Your time,
Your time is running,
Running out.
What are you feeling now?
I split no hairs
About the little things.
I say only what is relevant.
I see
You need a warning.
You ride like the wind
Through the pages of your life.
They change like the faces in the night.
I know your lonely.
How could you not be?

It took one who was blind
To teach me how to see.
Someone who was cold
Thawed this heart in me.
I learned from the cruel
How to truly understand.
And when you walked away,
I learned to be my own man.

I learned from the lies
To recognize what is real.
From a stony hand,
I learn how to feel.
I have a new love
That reaches parts of me.
You never could touch.
You showed me who not to be.

You rode off into a bright and blue day.
I went into the dark to be saved,
You came back to lie to my face,
But I...
I Could not see past those trails that you blazed
And I'd...
I'd already found the love that I crave
You loose...
Now your head's in a haze.

Thing about it is -
The heart that you break is yours,
And the love that you take is from you.
The lies you believe are your own.
The suckerpunch you don't see coming
Is the very one you've thrown.

You know you were *****.
You know you were wrong.
I am not judging.
But I wouldn't be in your shoes for long.

Why don't you go and blaze another trail.

You say it's different this time.
But just like all the other times,
What's not different is everything is different.
I am different.
The only thing that is the same is you.

I wear my crazy on the outside and my genius on the inside.
I wear many masks.
My love is true.
Only the faithful have the key
To open up my mind.
Only they who understand
Can render benefit.
I bask in your glow.
I am only who I am because of you.

Thanks for it.

When I look into the abyss,
Is it just as confused as I?
What does the dark depth ponder,
When it gazes into me?
Am I impossible?
Can it not even
Fathom all my pieces,
Or how they fit?
How cool the wind will blow -
But is the western sand
Still hot when the storm claws at my face
To scratch out my eyes?
Am I a seat to be despised,
Deposed like a future convict
Railing at the charges held over my head?
Why is it judging me
For not playing along with the game I had no part in creating?
I conject no scheme of ill intent.
Peace, I bid Thee well.
I go my way.

The pebble doth not portend when it sinks to the bottom of the basin,
Neither doth the sparrow lie when it takes to flight.

It's hard to love your baby,
When you don't love your baby.
It's hard to love your baby,
When your baby don't love you.

Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

It's hard to love your woman,
When you don't love your woman.
It's hard to love your woman,
When your woman don't love you.

Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

It's hard to love your honey,
When you don't love your honey.
It's hard to love your honey,
When your honey don't love you.

Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh
Ooh ooh

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

It's hard to love your lover,
When you don't love your lover.
It hard to love your lover,
When your lover's been untrue.

I'm not the curious kind

I met you at the pub,
You were with your cuz
And I asked you, "What It Wuz?"

Was it on my face,
The invitation to come to my place?

You won't have to guess for long,
Once I get you home.
One sultry look in my eyes,
You'll know what's going on.

Give your love to me.
Open up and let me see.
I want to lay you down.
And kiss you all around.

It don't mean a thang,
If it ain't got that stank.
Do-***, Do-***- Do-wa-a!

How I hate - I hate it so,
Whenever you say "no."
Baby, let it go.
Why else do you think
I bought you all those drinks.
This buzz don't come for free.

I don't need to see
What's in this for me.
I've been here before
So, I already know what I want.
I'm not the curious kind.

Once I have you all the time.
You'll know that true love was on the line.
I'm not looking to play games.
I don't need your name.

I don't need to see
What's in this for me.
I've been here before
So, I already know what I want.
I'm not the curious kind.

I see I've met my match,
And your plan is bound to hatch
Because I know I'm a catch.

Was it on your tongue,
Right there on the very tip, when I stole your breath away from it?

Now, now it won't take too long
To find the beat of my song.
When I get you into the rhythm,
We'll have it going on.

Lips and hips are true,
My hands all over you.
Shoo- ***, Shoo-***, Shoo-wa-a!

For a moment I thought so,
But you didn't tell me "No".
Baby, let it go.
My investment's coming through.
You're gonna get yours, too.
This high don't come for free.

Once I have you all the time.
You'll know that true love was on the line.
I'm not looking to play games.
I don't need your name.

I don't need to see
What's in this for me.
I've been here before
So, I already know what I want.
I'm not the curious kind.

I'm glad we didn't change our minds.

We saw the whole thing through.
And glad it was with you.

I'm not the curious kind.
I've been around the block some times.
Experimenting's not what's on my mind.
I've long since left my doubts behind.
No-one here has need for shame.
No-one has to point out any blame.
No-one needs to be tamed.
We struck a match and lit a flame.

Once I have you all the time.
You'll know that true love was on the line.
I'm not looking to play games.
I don't need your name.

I don't need to see
What's in this for me.
I've been here before
So, I already know what I want.
I'm not the curious kind.

I see your lines.
I read between 'em.
Look in your eyes
And I want to drown myself
In the depths of your soul.
So close, I feel, to this dream of love.
I want to wrap it around me.
I want to wrap my arm around your waist.
Could I talk you into a moment?

I feel you against me
As we begin our sacroiliac dance.
We move to a rhythm of a slow song.
I want you to nuzzle my collar
As I feel the slink of your silky slip against my bare chest.
I want to let my breath
Be felt against your ear
As I whisper your name.
Could I talk you into a moment?

I pass my time
Reading all your loving lines.
I think you may be writing back to me.
The possibility that this is real
Is enough to make me shake with excitement.
I want to hold you forever,
Or maybe we just have this day.
It gets confusing sometimes.
I become disambiguated
With every line I read.
Could you love me, too?
As much as every morning's new?
Could I talk you into a moment?

My eyes are closed.
I am daring to dream of you,
And all the things we'd say and do.
Write to me another poem
And post it on my page.
Every time I read the love,
I can't help but hope
This is more than a flirtatious game.
I'm like a nervous schoolboy,
I'm giddy all over again.
I'm hoping one day
To show you that I'm a man
Who really loves you.
Could you love me, too?
As much as the sky is blue?
Could I talk you into a moment?

This is another set of poems i wrote that I have been trying to turn into a song. It's composed loosely, for that's the way I write - kind of from the center out, and I don't like to rework my words too much because I find that it alters the original intended feeling, so please forgive the grammarical errors and call it creative liscense.

I've been a fool,
I've been a fool, it's true
Now I live without you
Without you by my side
I can't go on
I don't want to go on without you

If at night you hear the wind is moaning
Your lonely soul is groaning
Think back, you'll find
I'm on your mind
There was a time when you were mine

Everytime the phone rings and there's a hang-up on the line
If you search for what is lost it's me you'll find
At the end of the mystery...

Though I'm a poor man,
And I'm tired
I'll never tire of loving you.

If you're alone and you can't stop crying,
cry,
cry for me, too.
I'll weep for you.
There was a time when you were mine.

Footnote: This was writen about obssession a long time ago, but now I think it's more about the subject just THINKING he was obssessed. And no, it's not about me but, in my writing I have always been able to empathize with various points of view.

You wouldn't welsh on a bet with your ******,
And you wouldn't go to bed with the mob.
You wouldn't mess with a street gang ****,
No matter if he's crab, or slob.

You wouldn't backstab a man on death row,
Cause you know he just might **** ya.
If you've got the gumption.
You wouldn't have it long,
If you cross Evil Nurse Sheila.

You shouldn't be like the fool who tried
To play games with her heart.
She left him a crushed, empty man.
Well, he was doomed from the start.

Sheila isn't a ******,
And you'd better not let her hear
You snickering about her at the social club.
You might not have time to fear.

Sheila's makes the headlines
Each time she tries to settle down.
She plans to live a carefree life,
But soon she has to leave town.

Everything she does
Is warped, but in the name of love.
Except when she hates your guts,
When it's Sheila you've run afoul of.

If you've never heard her story.
You'd best take this advise.
If you cross her path just keep walking,
You best not look back twice.

Evil Nurse Sheila's got a heart of stone
That looks like a heart of gold.
If you are responsible for it's tarnish,
There's no hope to which you can hold.

Sheila takes no prisoners.
She don't take any guff.
If she thinks to give you a warning,
You'd better not call her bluff.

You wouldn't want to rouse her wrath,
Because her fury won't be tamed.
She's restless, bold and beautiful.
She cannot be contained.

It seems things have been quiet.
She's been off the grid some time.
If she thinks that you might suspect her,
You may be her next crime.

Look at me with wide open eyes.
Know that I am not as I appear.
I never did mind the darkness,
Even though it frightens me so.

Sometimes, I fool even myself
Into thinking that I search for answers.           
                                             ­      
The truth is something more
Than I ever will display.

SATOR
AREPO
TENET
OPERA
ROTAS

And I awaken.

I speak for him,
I speak though him.

It does not matter the reason.

Never, never will I leave.

There was a crystal chalice
From which I used to drink.
There was a set of pricipals
On which I used to think.

And once the door is opened
The words begin to flow.
I am his brother, partner, lover.

I am the summate of his fears.

I am the solvant of his tears.

Sometimes all you have is yourself.

Sometimes all he has is me.

I make the decisions,
And take the actions
That are too difficult for him.

There are times I haved saved his life,
But I should never be mistaken for what I am not.

My venom is toxic.

There was a woman with an ecclesiastic body.
I found out I was just one member of its congregation.
She was a soothsayer when the lights were down,
When she proved she was a succubus -
But what the ****, I've never been a saint.
She put the screws to me.

She used to belong to another man.
Now she's putting me through my paces.
If I had paid attention to the signs,
I could have seen my fate before it happened.

There was this dude I knew who was hard pressed.
I thought I might could offer him a place to crash for awhile,
So he could get his **** together.
Apparently demons have an appetite for gutter ****.

They took a ride in my ride,
And didn't forget my checkbook.
They didn't neglect to clean my house
Of nearly everything inside.
It was just a reminder,
Cause it really ain't no surprise.

That there's a burning lake
And gnashing on flesh,
Yeah, it's nothing but any empty, cold black well.
It's a Godless place,
You're on your own.
There ain't no honor among thieves.
Remember this,
There are no friends in Hell.

There are accusations to bring me down,
It's like I'm already dead.
They throw down their gauntlets,
They make every pledge.
I don't trust a word they say.
They're liers and deceivers.
All they want is whatever they can get.

They prey on fools and their believers.
They'll prophesy, then pass you by
Unless you've got an edge,
The dusty demons, dryer than a dessert segde.

They took a ride in my ride,
And didn't forget my checkbook.
They didn't neglect to clean my house
Of nearly everything inside.
It's just a reminder, but it really ain't no surprise.

That there's a burning lake
And gnashing on flesh,
Yeah, it's nothing but any empty, cold black well.
It's a Godless place,
You're on your own.
There ain't no honor among thieves.
Remember this,
There are no friends in Hell.

She never failed to cause me woe.
But, I'm not an innocent soul.
I guess what goes around,
Comes back around.
When it's harvest time, they'll know,
They done ****** with the wrong one.
Everybody reaps what they sow.

They took a ride in my ride,
And didn't forget my checkbook.
They didn't neglect to clean my house
Of nearly everything inside.
It's just a reminder, but it really ain't no surprise.

That there's a burning lake
And gnashing on flesh,
Yeah, it's nothing but any empty, cold black well.
It's a Godless place,
You're on your own.
There ain't no honor among thieves.
Remember this,
There are no friends in Hell

There is no such thing as kindness here.
I'll save troubles for another day,
They only multiply.

The more I see, the more I know
That strumpets belong with urchins.
They never will know,
Until they are each other's paroxysm,
But even then, they won't care.

No good deed is without a price to pay.

They took a ride in my ride,
And didn't forget my checkbook.
They didn't neglect to clean my house
Of nearly everything inside.
It's just a reminder, but it really ain't no surprise.

That there's a burning lake
And gnashing on flesh,
Yeah, it's nothing but any empty, cold black well.
It's a Godless place,
You're on your own.
There ain't no honor among thieves.
Remember this,
There are no friends in Hell.

Talk about the way I loved you
Once upon a time!
I will always be kind to you,
But keep your valentine.

What good would come of an empty notion?
I won't sop in your love potion.

Keep your hearts of candy handy,
You might need a snack.
Wrap it up in cellophane,
Send your entreaty back.

We had our time, you had your shot.
Let's just be friends, or maybe not.

I can't think of reason one
That I should take the chance
On trusting that you'd ever change,
No, I am not entranced.

Learn the meaning of good-bye.
Walk away on down the line.

Don't look back, don't dwell upon it.
Give it no second thought.
To be clear,  I'm not mad with you,
But feelings can't be bought.

At the close, there's this to find -
I don't want to be your valentine.