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Today,
I will give up.

All of these problems and struggles,
I've had enough.

I don't want this weight
on my shoulders,
I want all of this to be over.

My strength  is thin,
and I'm beginning to fall apart within.

Today,
I want to give up.







But I don't.



I don't want to give up.
But do I have to?
Most of my time now spent thinking what might have been If she were here with me still how different life would
be
I wouldn't have fallen so far from grace as have since she's been gone trying to deal with every day
survival
Fallen apart I'm constantly fighting my way back In order to cope with her loss
with every passing
day
Just becomes much harder
I guess It Is In truth that Helen and I were never meant to be apart
from each
other
Johnny walker Aug 30
I Haven't always done everything In life quite
right made many
mistakes along the way
to many to mention or
maybe I just don't
care
Many a dreams turned
Into ashes hopes and
fears lay shattered on the
bedroom floor like fairy
dust that glistened with the
light
I've had my share of dreams and dissapointments to many to mention but somehow I always seem to recover and  will make It through
to the
end
Johnny walker Aug 19
If I never awake again to the morning light have to ask myself the question would I really be
truly
satisfied
In my time here and have
I done enough and will I leave this life but most Importantly with
no
regrets
Having never really ever been ambitious enough
to ever even discover my
possible potential quess I'll never
no
Johnny walker Aug 11
In the two years since my sweethearts been gone for I
finaly lost her to Heaven after many years struggling
with ill health Helen finaly passed
on
And In the two since she left
It seems I'm now struggling
too Helen and we're so close
I have developed a lot serious problems Helen had I now suffer as she
did
One day It will **** me too for most of what Helen had wrong with her I now have as well and cannot be reversed far too late for
that
But I don't really mind for I never won't to reach an age that  I'm totally dependent on others to get me through each and every
day
So I'm  just sort of hanging waiting killing time till the day I'm with my wife again
and we can live again without the pains of
life
I'm sat watching the world go by that all I seem to do these days for I have no desire to do anything
anymore
For life Is just not the same as it was once with my sweetheart but she gone now I accept that but it this emptiness
Don't think this feeling will ever go away and that the problem every day a struggle but have
to carry
on
Know one know just how
I feel for Im losing all track on what we know as life reality bitter sweet my life so far has
been
The sweet being Helen the birth of our son the bitter being abused as a kid seems that Im content just lay here writing
poems
and letting the world pass me by not really wanting or feeling the need to do anything but to wait my time to be together again with Helen
all I've ever learned from love

is

in the trying is the finding out
of the
all about,
losing battles to find yourself,
a war-won victor and a long term loser,
making the process new, expensive
the event expertise training
acquired to shoot your foot straight,
laugh about it when you do it again
and again

for the relearning is the crown jew-el,
that jesters rob from their kingly masters,
pride in love is the fall season preceding
Canadian winters, always thinking
you know better, be better at keeping warm,
this time which is the next time

you cannot learn from love,
cause it’s twice, two times,
never the same,
past lessons ain’t no prologue,
the body is maybe in the wafers,
sometimes vanilla,
sometimes chocolate


and the epilogue is
100% of the
poem~songs that I love writing
and hate remembering
Johnny walker Jul 28
And when I'm called and Its time for me to go I only hope I've done enough In my time here always tried hard thoughout my life to
do my
best
So when I'm called my turn to go and leave this life hope
I've done enough leave with no regrets and have left nothing unfinished
behind
So when they call and Its time for me to go I'll leave with dignity and I'll be left
to
enteral rest only hope I've earned a right to die In
peace
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