Sure.
You can do that.
Just a flower,
Small,
Insignificant.
It can't change the world,
You say.
So you can get away with it.
You can get away with
Stepping on it,
Pulling the petals off one
By one.
Just a flower.
Only a flower.
One out of
Millions.
What is one dinky flower
In comparison to the
Capability you have to give?

You can give,
You can take,
You can build,
You can break.
Just a flower.
Does a flower matter?
Beat it,
Break it.
Ignore the perfect imperfections,
Ignore the hurt you cause.
You say you will give back,
Some way some how,
So you don't mind,
It's only a flower.

The flower has one question:
What do you have to give?

For me, and most people I've met,
Actions speak louder than words.

But the difference is that words are still deafening.
Especially since I seldom lie.
(exaggerate sometimes but…).

They are my strength or my bane.

The words spoken to me by people I care about stay with me the longest.
Those words you spoke…
Scars on my mind or flowers under my feet.

Never to be forgotten.

Bones melting
Teeth
Chattering. I...
Fading fast.
Crying behind the mirrors
Where dust and dirt is hidden.
Can't... they... see... through this mask...?
an empty heart groans,
Softly echoing.
There's only skin and bones,
now a skeleton.
Another cry.
Will it repeat again?

I slip...

Now I
                     Know
                           That you meant
                      Every word
         You said.
               Why did it
          Take me
  So long to
                    Realize I
                                              Love you too?

Oh, angel darling,
Protect me from the night sky,
The stars glare on the beauty of the
First full moon.
The sun envies
The softness of the glow,
When bolides crash down
To find the eastern glow.
Where are you now,
Dreaming in the dark?
When you left me it turned off
All the light.
But I don't mind--
I love the feeling this night,
As the moon slips sleepily,
I am left alone.

Alone.
Why can't I get use to that?
Maybe because the stars have their kind,
And the sun has a family--
Why am I like the moon?

The night is colder,
But I don't mind,
Tonight I love the night sky.

Today was just one of those days
Where you know
Everything will go wrong.

Your hair is a mess,
Your clothes don't fit,
There's frost on your car,
Your fingers are numb,
Your words aren't quite right,
They think you're dumb,
And you are just an embarrassment.

You just can't pick up the slack.

Morning has awoken
But still in evening dress,
Betting once,
Then maybe twice,
But China still too far.
I look again at shattered crystal
And toppled chandelier--
Frozen again I remain at the door.

I'm suppose to be strong,
To rise above my fears,
To turn the other cheek,
And take the beating.
Told tears were weakness,
Don't show emotions.
Plaster the smile back on
For happiness is strength.
It doesn't matter that I'm alone
Right?
Trusting only one,
Everyone else… I was broken by everyone…
It doesn't matter. I don't…
But to keep going.
All I need is strength today, tomorrow.

His eyes were the black pools of a shadowed night
Drinking in all the light.
His eyes were metallic--
Silver,
Yet thicker than steel,
So that he could no longer feel.
The lies they told,
Heartache was caused
His eyes hid the pain--
To my pain were they blind--
But it was too late when he saw.

How to save a life?

                          Eyes.

You say you want us to write.
Write about our feelings, locked inside,
But nothing deep.
But feeling is deep
Unless you're shallow.
Problems ruin people's lives,
Judgment is just discrimination against
People different than you.
There is not enough paper
Nor time enough
To write all I want to say about the world.

I had hot chocolate for breakfast.

You say write about yourself.
Here are the things everyone knows about me:
I'm a helpless romantic,
Wishing on a shooting star.
I eat ice cream in the winter,
And my dreams are bigger than the moon.
I try my luck in sticky situations and
I smile all the time
And love to laugh at things
But not at people.
What people don't know about me:
Too much.

Sometimes I wonder,
If I disappear,
Would anyone notice or care?

I'm not scarred
Like those homeless,
Like those abused,
Like those starved.
I'm not broken,
I'm not beaten,
I'm not dead.
But sometimes I feel that way.
There are too many people
Walking down this same rainy street.
They feel so alone while others walk right by.
It feels so lonely to walk down a
Rainy street in a crowed.

So many people dream,
Waiting and wanting to be noticed.
Some give up on their dreams,
Their resolutions falling victim to
Substance,
Drugs.
Some stronger than they
Fulfill their childhood pastimes.

Will I ever be enough?
That question plagues those that
Walk this world.
Is "enough" a set point
Or always just above our heads--
Out of reach?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a horrible person.
Yes, I think so.
I'm glad you disagree.
There are too many people like me.

Fleeting love,
Back to normal again.
Smiling:
A fitting mask for my face.
They can't tell how broken I became--
How broken I am--
Why show them?
I will heal from this eventually.
It will be okay.

You may shiver at words,
They are the interpretation
Of all pain, fear,
Love.
But as the leaves fall like ash
From a charcoal sky,
It is known that there may be no more days
To admit my love for you.

Right beside me,
A support,
My other half,
My crying shoulder.
You’ve been here next to me
More willingly than any human
Has before.

I trust you,
Happier in your arms than
Any other place I’ve been.
Even when the tears overtake me
Or the numbness starts to seep in.
You've been there for me and
With me
Through the pain.

You are genuinely interested,
Loving me though you know my
Deepest sadness,
Broken trust,
Worst mistakes.
I don’t know why you do,
But I am incredibly grateful
You Love me
Despite myself.

Eternity
With you
Cannot be put into
A simple wonderful.
It is more grand than
Any word ever known by mankind.

It would take a million years to count all the stars,
And I've been counting them for 18 years.
I ran away from everything and lost them all--
Now alone in the darkness.
Silent,
Weightless,
Free falling,
Lost, alone, scared.
I released my grip on reality,
Letting go of the only thing holding me to the ground.

My sadness is introverted,
My smile is fake,
The second I turned away
You couldn't see the wet glitter
Littering my cheek.

Drip-drop, drip-drop,
Color filtered through,
Tainted with the remnants of
Tears,
Depression,
Heartache.
Stained with grey.
Irregular,
Morphing back the one best forgotten.
I live on in the
Heavy clouds.
Losing again what an honest smile,
Confidence,
Looks like.
Numb... and alone.

Think back to what you said...*

People live in dark realities,
A grim fairy tale of
Hope and heartache.
People always try--
But then again,
People always fail:
Is it better to question your potential,
Or falter in a better place?

Some give in,
Trying to fill the wallowing gap in their chest.
#heart.
Ending up heartless on street corners,
The scams begging for money to
Buy their drugs,
The ones who really need help suffer.
Their first mistake:
Setting out to fail.

Others let it gather,
A dreary storm in their eyes,
Clouding their perception
While every friend turns hostile:
Fiends consulting the enemy.
Let the storm blow over--
Don't give in.

You
left.
not that I blame you, it was beyond your control.
Now I'm here,
Fighting my demons, again on my own,
Clinging to the hope that
I'm strong. I can get on. This will work out.
as the echoes return.
Drowning out these voices is impossible.
Remembering how your
voice
Was the only thing that calmed them.
…Tears running down my cheeks every hour.

I feel like I will lose…just like I lost you.

Limitless I think you are
Until you build a wall.
I have too many myself,
Help me make them fall.

Do you stare a little too long or
Tease a little too much?
Do you like me?
Could you love me?

Or do you never think of me?

Old memories past before
And the blows are still sharp-

Were you in such a rush
To throw me away?
The hand outreached to rescue me
From drowning,
Quickly pulled away.

The bruises and scars are here
And the new cuts
Crust over
With frost and ice,
Eager to reopen them.

All I ask for is a heart full of love.
All I've ever wanted is a smile in your eyes.

Seeing you stand there
It makes me stop and stare,
Remembering how we once were.

You said you wouldn't ever leave.
Calls stopped and who knows how long
It has been since you've forgotten me.

This life-- It's tough
With you in a bad disguise.

When I play with your hair
You just don't seem to care
That we are no longer sure.

What I want is more than a brother,
One who will pick me up when I fall
Who will know my song and hold me.

When you want to stay or go
Think

Why does it take so long to fly?
To bust into color
And let your spirit soar.
Why do we hold each other down,
Telling ourselves we can't when
We haven't even tried?
Why is love so hard
When it is suppose to make us better?
To heal our scars and lift us up,
To make us fly again?
Why doesn't the world make sense,
Constantly contradicting itself
'Till all we have left is ash and
Burning wings of hope to cinders?

Love is such a trivial thing:
Fluttering, Stuttering,
Beautiful, Ludicrous,
Falling,
Falling down with broken wings.
Bleeding hearts cry out,
Crying to sticks and stones.
But they don't help,
They harm.
My heart cries out for more,
But there is no more.
There is no one here.

I thought once there was one,
A glimmer shone through.
But the sparkle was black
And it played to the tempter's old tune.
I fell so hard and slowly,
There is no way I had any hope.
Hope for better,
Hope for kindness,
Hope for love.
Hope? There was no hope for me.

The ink in my pen runs freely,
Staining the wood with new varnish,
Changing what was once beautiful
Into a blossoming masterpiece.

Seeing the world with more than words,
More vibrant than hues and pigments,
Feeling the depth of human hearts,
And testing the pull of currents.

My mind holds out on that last word:
Valor.
I am not brave,
I cannot change a country,
End world hunger,
Stop abuse.
I cannot make a difference in the
Big scheme of things.
I cannot win a silver star.
In complete honesty
I am not brave.
But I am not a coward either.
I strive to make a difference,
Help people cope,
Take the time to listen,
Strive to do what's right.
I've heard it said that
A hero is made when
People make the right choices.
Bravery comes when good it done.

Hold fast to this word:
Valor.

To myself, never let go of this:
Courage.

To everyone:
I am not brave,
But I am not a coward.
I will live up to tomorrow.
I will partake of the consequences of my actions.
I will change.
I will become.
I will be brave.
The change comes today.

Valor.

In these poisoned days,
Arms to hold, smiles, love, comfort,
More than I could ask.

Cottonwood falling,
A snow in July,
Filling the air with fluffy flakes
And covering the world with
White fuzziness.
We're riding,
Just as fast as we can,
Racing,
Stirring up the drifts
While the wind blows the avalanche closer.
I feel warm,
Being so close to you and the sun.
A warm snow--
Don't you think that's ironic?
I love the snow,
I love your heat.
My heart is going as fast as we are,
Fifty, Sixty, Seventy miles an hour.
I embrace you closer,
This thrill of a panicking soul,
It's magic.
Keep me in this illusion of a
Peaceful time.
Lift me sky high,
Let me fall in warmth like this
Snow in July.
I feel so free,
So young and bright eyed,
A naive star
In a Hollywood movie.
Let's get out of this small town,
Let's make new memories together.
I want to see the world,
I want to see the highlight,
With our song,
The one where we sing along.
Tonight,
Our love is a song,
A soundtrack to
A snow in July.
We can see the world
Together.
No need for others to ruin our
Loving silence.

The water is icy cold
As I press the sharp blade--
A dagger given to **** a curse,
And to take my love for you.
The thought bites,
So does the silver,
Burying itself into flesh.

How could I do this?
How could they ask me?
Why would I **** my true love?

The ones that gave me this burden
Were more like me than you could ever be.
After the deed is done,
When you look down on me,
Will you see me for what I've done?
I can't bear the thought.

I say my last farewells,
Bubbles and a kiss to the night air,
Then I step willingly through the door.
Better I go than
Destroy your future.

You look up one last time
Before the curse shatters my
Bleeding heart.

I am the red rose on the counter
slowly wilting, rotting away.
The life inside me is vanishing,
Drifting away,
Lukewarm.
Is this depression that I'm slipping into?

I
Gave
Up the fight.
Now
will you?


Would you call it cowardice
To kick someone who
is down and
surrendered?

But I was never enough...

If I was more...
Oh gosh, if I was more
I could be amazing,
Wonderful,
Exhilarating,
Someone you would never want to forget,
The one you would always remember.

But you've already forgotten...

Last night--
You just being there.
I never want you to leave.
Kind,
Strong,
Gentle,
Amazing.
I trust you,
Completely.
The only one I do.
Making me forget who I was,
You make me better than I am.
I can't give you my pain-- It would hurt you.

Don’t try to pretend that you were in my place...
The circumstances... yours weren’t mine...
being emotionally abused by the only one i felt like i could trust
who made me think he trusted me.
being sexually assaulted and then living with that FEAR.
Constant.
Pressssssssing.
learning that my temptation to cut is a need for adrenaline,
Not a need to cut the pain away.
what does cut to the core is
After I learned all of this about myself,
You let me know
“you hurt me and everyone around you”
“your tendency to lash out prevents trust”
THIS is different than depression
Even if the symptoms are similar.
I needed to trust someone who was safe then,
But no one was emotionally available for me.
Not even you.
When you sat typing on the computer and calling me annoying.
i was crying out for help.

please don’t pretend now.

Drown out my own thoughts
With music and pain--
I can't stand myself.
Being the monster inside of my head
Has changed my perspective.

Never was I kind, good, beautiful.
Selfish-- yes.
How could I expect to be anything else?
Ugly to the core,
Scared of what others thought of me.
I needn't to...
They never thought of me.

I was only a pretty face to talk to
When everyone else was missing.
Never belonging anywhere,
Absorbed by the background,
Hiding from my memories,
The happy ones that could take me from this misery,
But those things happened too long ago to

Help.

I need you,
My mind is screaming,
The monster is winning,
I am becoming nothing but
Dust.

Some things are better left unsaid,
Unsure of what I did,
I hurried, ran, and from you hid,
And took a long road,
Knowing not where it lead.

I feel I'm there, without your lies,
When you took her hand, butterflies,
Then you kissed her lips and then her eyes,
I could feel my tattered heart
Breaking inside.

How could you feel the way I do
When all she wants to see is you
I see you here and then I go,
Staring blankly at my shoes.

I can't seem to find a love like yours.
I only find thistles and thorns.
The roses of paradise trampled by boars,
Without you caring, my heart is torn.

This is my postiche redemption,
An artificial avoidance of the only thing I know.
Heartbreak paints the tension of my soul,
And love is the heart's suicide goal.

I am scared to ask.

Patience, waiting.
That is what I have learned in this trial.
The need for constant guidance.
I try to learn more of how to reach out,
Reach up!
Feeling the pain,
Agony,
Bring me to my knees.
I receive strength from Thee.
But receiving the answer I am searching for,
Waiting for,
Praying for...

Feels like too much at the moment.

How do I develop that Kind of Faith?
Sometimes I feel I have the faith of Peter,
Thinking that I can walk on the stormy sea.
Then why,
Why!
Is the answer that I want,
The answer I need,
Too hard to ask for?
I sink down into the water.
To be healed, like
The blind man,
The *****,
The woman, with an issue of blood for twelve years,
I've only waited two so far.
Will I need to wait ten more? Or greater?

I have faith that I can be healed by Thee.
But I am scared of reaching out and touching the robe of my Savior.

Maybe...
Maybe...
maybe...
I should start by praying for the courage to
ask for an answer.
For then I will have strength enough to
Ask for the answer He has for me.

Empty words fill
Empty spaces,
Wasting our time and
Using our efforts to
Impress an empty audience.
The words are normal,
Effortless,
Sleepy.
Tedious and tensionless
They sweep the imaginary landscape:
Wasteland.
They speak with easy access to
Shallow hearts.
Slight stabs hold no pain--
The blade is too dull.
This bore sickens me;
These words hold no pull.
Goalless structure has
No gold.
Wasted breath on nothing.

Now change:
We are the words that make life worth it...
                    ...Poets.

Don't leave.
I'm desperate for you to hear my secrets.
You can't imagine what I've been through.
You don't know about the tears
That cascaded down my
Rosy cheeks,
But you also don't know how I feel
When I'm with you.
Have I told you how
The roses long to be cradled by
The western wind?
Hold me fast while the breeze turns harsh
And cold.
Take my hand and my heart,
Dance with me endlessly.
We could be the shadows on the walls.
Treasure me:
I am fragile and breakable.
The earthquakes tear this soul apart.
I keep trying to hide behind glass and makeup.
Is it working?
Can you see who I really am?
Forever,
I want you to wait for me.
Find me,
Lost in the darkness.
You left me,
Was my mask too much,
Or my heart too little?

I live in an imaginary house,
Full of imaginary doors and
Imaginary people.
They tell me about the imaginary world,
Beyond the imaginary walls
Of this imaginary house.
I believe them
In my own imaginary way.

My imaginary cares are carried off by
An imaginary wind.
I dance the night away with my
Imaginary friends,
And hope that my imaginary sleepless night
Will never end.

My imaginary heart still wishes for
Imaginary love,
Which is now an imaginary wish,
Lost in an imaginary darkness.
I wish I was imaginary too.

If you are the       W
                                             I
                                                      N
    ­                                                            D,
­                          Am I a
                                                                ­         Rose
             Or the
                               Dust
                                                          ­                               You kicked up
                                                              ­  As you passed by?

There is too much tension here,
The anxiety is getting worse--
Crashing waves,
Frigid and gray,
Sweep the dust--
Once a heart--
Away.
I cannot deal with another deception today.

Can you be my needed wall to lean on,
Or the warm embrace I'm lacking?
And still I feel
My existence is
A burden-- to you, to me,
To those I once called friends.

Would the world continue in its
Unfailing course
If I disappeared?
If no one could remember me...

...I am easily forgotten besides...