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The flower cared.
Too much, some would say,
Too naive, too loving and innocent.
Easily taken advantage of.
They were right.
Yet the flower didn't believe them.
She wanted to care too much.

The flower knew the snail,
A brown snail with its home on its back and a hard shell.
A shell that spiraled up to a point.
The slow sad snail that sallied its way across the garden every day.
The snail said it would be salted one day,
Or slowly baked in the sun,
Someday soon,
If it couldn’t have a bite of the flower’s pedals.

The timid, naive, caring flower
Believed that brown snail
And stood still as the snail slunk it’s way up the stem
To the precious pedals.
At first the snail was kind,
But when the days wore on and the flower grew weaker,
He hemmed and hawed and hurt the flower with his words
Complaining at the scars and hurt.
The ones that were only there because of him.
He became obsessed, demanding more,
Demanding everything.
She gave him as much as he wanted,
Begging and pleading for him to stop,
And trying not to give any more.
The flower grew weak and nearly died.
If flowers had knees she’d be weeping and trembling on them.

A gentle hand reached down and gingerly touched the crumbling flower.
The hand was worn and weathered, streaked with dirt,
A gardener's hand.
The gardener got his shovel and
Put the flower in a ***.
He watched after the flower daily,
Watering, nourishing, healing.
He did not blame the flower for attracting the snail,
His only thought was to heal and help.
He saw the potential in the flower and knew how to renew it.

She began to heal.
  *   *
*  O  *
  *   *
    | _
    |  /
    |/
    |
The feeling that someone slammed the door in my face. memories…echoes…

Rejection was never
Easy. even for me… so many times.
and Always because you.

Why let you in more?
Why do you even care—
—you don't. Right.

Don't worry. I'm easy to get over.
Forgive me for shooting you in the foot. You shot me in the heart…and watched me bleed.
What I tell myself while
Asking,
Covering my tracks that
Show I'm suicidal,
The pretty lies that cover up
The cuts I caused myself.
Wanting to cease existing
To the point no one remembers my name.
Hate and Numb
but i'm fine.
Please I just need to talk
I say to the darkness, It ignores me. You ignore me.
You were Always
never
There.
If you are wondering, I am fine right now, I promise.
...
Where have you gone?
No light in your eyes and no voice in your words.
Everything is gone,
This isn't the one I thought I knew...
Invisible...
       What am I,
    If not for you--
                         Someone to hear me through?

No--
     They can't understand
  And neither can you.
            Sometimes it is better
        Not to be remembered.

                            Deny what you said--
                      Hold these shaking hands,
                               Dry my tears,
                         Shape my heart.

        I'm sorry----
                   I'm more drama
            Than I'm worth in reality.
Uredo: Burning feeling of skin.
I told you.
I told you that if I showed you what's inside
You'd throw all my **** back.
That You would toss me back
Into the chilly mud and garbage
And turn your back.
Leaving me alone,
Helpless,
Scrambling in the filth to find
What I hid and trusted you to hold.
You promised you wouldn't let go.
And I hoped! And trusted.
Oh how I trusted.
Through pain and through time
I trusted, waiting and loving you
For the brilliant man you are
And knew you could become.
Knowing if anyone could hold my heart
I would choose you,
The one I trusted most.
that's when you started to
feel how cold and heavy it is... that heart...
Ebbing away at your warmth and strength...

Oh how I wish I could have kept it hidden from you.
Poem from last October
Fighting a battle in myself that has already been lost... And trying to pick up the pieces as I go.

The torment I put myself through.
Can he see it? How with his every word, every action.
I. am. the. one. to. tear. myself. apart.

long distance relationships are the pits.
i can understand that.
i lived it with you.
when will you be strong enough to really let me go..
To let me free fall and hit the pavement HARD.
It wouldn't be more damage than you've already caused me.

i blame myself for every pain you have.
i know it's my fault that you hurt yourself and then
cheated on me, to try and make yourself feel real again.

you say it didn't work. i say it's better than hanging around for me.
ill be a disappointment anyway.
Poem from January, I was broken. I am doing better now. Lost in the moment, but I've lost your moment.
Adrift.
Without a grip,
Without a choice of slipping under the current
eventually.
Limbs limp,
Body spent,
The water rushes over my face.
She hates me,
He's left me,
I am alone in the
Emptiness of my mind.
Alone with my memories of breaking others
And remembering every time ive broken..
Would it be terrible if i broke more?
he said i wasn't special enough.
i agree.
Bones melting
Teeth
Chattering. I...
Fading fast.
Crying behind the mirrors
Where dust and dirt is hidden.
Can't... they... see... through this mask...?
an empty heart groans,
Softly echoing.
There's only skin and bones,
now a skeleton.
Another cry.
Will it repeat again?

I slip...
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