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290 · Feb 2019
The Arachnid
Sarah Feb 2019
The Arachnid
A spider crawled into my life
And frightened for my own
I squished it underneath my hands
This was its final tomb

Its corpse remains wilting away
I am a ****** to its decay
Too afraid bury it, yet
Too scared to let it stay

Perhaps this spider was no good
But who was I to say?
For I know not the things it's done
And only pain remains
#spider #fear #death #pain #suffering #judgement #loss
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289 · Jan 2019
Womanhood
Sarah Jan 2019
Womanhood
I remember being a little girl
Spending late nights on the couch with my mom
Dozing off to Dancing With the Stars

I remember being a little girl
Playing dress up with my brother and sister
Without a care in the world

I remember being a little girl
Thinking I could be whoever I wanted
Knowing I could have whatever I dreamed

I remember growing up
Realizing the world isn't all sugar and spice
Certainly not everything nice

I remember growing up
Age 12 is the first time someone called me a woman
From their car racing past me

I remember growing up
And now instead of being a little girl
I just feel like one
#girl #woman #feminism #womanhood
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284 · May 2017
Habits
Sarah May 2017
Habits
I used to have a nervous habit
Biting my nails
I tried everything to stop
I was embarrassed about it
The other girls had beautiful nails
Always colorful
Always long
Mine looked like stubs
Shame kept me from biting them again
But then I started biting my lips
I replaced one bad habit with another
This time it was worse
My lips wore anxiety like a neon hat
Telling everyone
“Hey look here! She’s weird!”
Shame- and a lot of chapstick- kept that from happening again
But one habit ends and another begins
My body is still a victim of my  emotions
Now I reach for a blade
But only in places where people won’t see
Except I’m trying to stop
It’s just who knows what I’ll pick up if I do?
#habits #bad #depression #anxiety #shame
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281 · Oct 2018
Canvas
Sarah Oct 2018
Canvas
I wish I knew how to take ink to paper
Before I took blade to skin
But sometimes I just feel nothing
So that's what write
#im #sorry #for #being #so #worthless #all #the #time
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279 · Mar 2019
L’appel du vide
Sarah Mar 2019
L’appel du vide
I lose all sense of time and space;
suspended weightless i drift
towards you.
Always,
towards you,
never ceasing to desire your gentle hands,
one last time.
I hear your heart,
beckoning from somewhere I do not know;
but i do know that once I find you,
I will be
home.
#love #lost #lonely #alone #pining #home #sad
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279 · Oct 2018
infiltrated.
Sarah Oct 2018
infiltrated.
i dont want to write another poem about you
i dont want to be thinking about you
i dont want you inside my head
but how could the best thing that's ever happened to me
hurt so bad?
#i #am #trying #to #let #go #please #me
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273 · Jul 2018
Hypocrite.
Sarah Jul 2018
Hypocrite.
I could never live in a world without you
Many times I have been forced to imagine this
You tell me that you can no longer go on and my stomach fills with acid
I’ll carry the world for you
But at the same time I tell you this
I think about my own quiet exit
I know it would not be quiet though
And I know I am a hypocrite
But if you stay for me
I promise to stay for you
honestly im a hot mess but that’s what a best friend is for
#depression #suicide #friends #love
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272 · Feb 2019
i never said i was okay; you never asked
Sarah Feb 2019
i never said i was okay; you never asked
a thousand dreams dance through my mind tonight
a million words on the tip of my tongue
hundreds of tears shed that all of this
will always stay mine
i build walls
hoping they will come crashing down
but they never
do
#alone #sad #depression #anxiety #tired #scared #lonely
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271 · Jan 2019
Into the Night
Sarah Jan 2019
Into the Night
Gentle moonlight caressed you and me
The night beckoned us with her enchanting dance
So we went willingly into the darkness

Things were fine with you by my side
Yet as we wandered we saw we were lost
And we blindly stumbled through

Eventually I slipped. I fell. I cried out your name.
But all I heard was you tip-toe away.
#lost #forgotten #darkness #alone #lonely #depression
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268 · Feb 2019
Recipe for Disaster
Sarah Feb 2019
Recipe for Disaster
Shrink me
Cut me into bite sized pieces
Anything to make me palatable
Make me who I am not
And then we can both move on
#i #am #such #*** #depressing #mess #honestly
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267 · Jul 2019
Fireflies
Sarah Jul 2019
Fireflies
The summer breeze has me thinking of you,
In the crystal dark of night.
The fireflies are imitating the stars
In their celestial and temporary dance,
Their own galaxy of the moment held dear.
And I realize that I need you closer to me,
So I can hold you. Until I have to let go.
#love #joy #missing #you
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264 · May 2017
A Scene of Summer
Sarah May 2017
A Scene of Summer
My brother plays with a girl across the street
My dad and sister mow the lawn
The sweet scent of grass fills my nose
Birds chirp from afar
This is what I live for
Summer means swimming in the pool
Laughing until my belly aches
Walking to the ice cream shop
Eating myself into a sugar high
The sun’s out more often than not
And it gently warms my skin
Games of spin the bottle on camping trips
Stealing kisses and running outside till the stars are out
I’m still young and the days are still long
Summer is the time when nothing seems wrong
#summer #fun #freedom
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257 · Feb 2019
waiting has never gotten me anything but it's all i know to do
Sarah Feb 2019
waiting has never gotten me anything but it's all i know to do
I look into your kaleidoscope eyes  
And am taken aback by your beauty
I wait with bated breath
For something
Anything
To spark between us
Having already fallen for your bait
Now all that's left
Is to hope you fall for mine
#am #i #in #love #or #just #insane
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255 · May 2017
The Edge
Sarah May 2017
The Edge
I’m standing on a cliff
Peering over the edge
About to go over
If I fall
What will happen to me?
Can it somehow hurt more than this?
Uncertainty stops me every time
I fear I may regret
An action whose consequences I cannot see
I stay in a cycle
I can’t break out of it
I can’t stop it
I can’t leave it
I can't
I fantasize two conclusions to this story
One I end up happy
And one I just end everything
I don’t know my future yet
But whatever it holds
Will get better
Even if I must take matters into my own hands
#here #i #go #again
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250 · Jun 2017
1 am
Sarah Jun 2017
1 am
It’s 1 in the morning
I stepped outside
I’m sure the air is nice
But I can’t breathe
Stars twinkle above
I can’t even find the beauty in that
All I see is my own unimportance
If I died right now
Nothing would change
I am meaningless
Because as I huddle outside
Alone and sobbing
I realize I have been here many times before
I don’t think I can ever get better
Life wasn’t supposed to end up this way
But look where I am
#what #is #keeping #me #here
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247 · Aug 2018
Aftermath
Sarah Aug 2018
Aftermath
You listen as blood-stained lies tumble from my lips
Skin splits and rips apart as I keep a tally of every time I've broken my promise to you
My weary eyes watch my life from afar and all I can see is impending disaster
Too many times I've wanted to disappear from my own life
SO I do not understand why you haven't left me yet
I drift in and out of my own consciousness when thoughts of losing you consume me
Heart beats grow faster and breaths grow shallower
I falter often in this world
But you are the only mistake that I haven't made
selfharm depression loss selfhatred
#i #wish #could #give #you #the #world #as #deserve #it
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246 · Sep 2019
eternal
Sarah Sep 2019
eternal
oh, how you make my heart soar!
i never knew such a love could exist
much less that i should be do lucky to possess it
promise me that we can be permanent
for you already make me feel eternal
#love #romance #lovers #romantic #eternal
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243 · Jul 2018
performance art
Sarah Jul 2018
performance art
i came to you because i trusted you
but all you told me was
by putting my pain on display
i was making this performance art
you stared at blood that had flown from my wrist
and smiled
any critic of taste would give this 5 stars
#trust #selfharm #pain #depression
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238 · Sep 2018
unrequited
Sarah Sep 2018
unrequited
why do i have to fall for you
when you decide to leave me
i know that im a lot to handle
but all i wanted was a chance
you captured my heart
please just stay
you were never mine but oh how i wish you were
#unrequited #love #friend #heart #heartbreak #loveless #hopeless #broken
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238 · Mar 2020
The Night Sky
Sarah Mar 2020
The Night Sky
I used to look into the sky and see
Just how small this world is.
Each twinkling star seemed a dazzling place to be
And I longed to one day dance with the moon.
Every wish I made was to just get away from here.
But I wondered then as I wonder again now-
How could anyone sleep, when there is just so much to see?
But now, it is the stars in your eyes that I gaze upon at night
And I realize that I have finally found a galaxy made for me.
My infinity will not last forever,
Yet I know I want to spend my forever with you.
#love #romance #sky #universe #star #galaxy #romantic
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233 · May 2019
Awake
Sarah May 2019
Awake
the sun will always fall away
beneath the horizon.
it will give way to the night, which upon entering, you will hear the melancholy song of the isolating darkness.
listen.

the dim light of the moon shines softly down upon the rolling grass.
yet the sky knows the earth is not enough and so she painted herself with stars.
portraits so obvious you might miss them.
promise me you won’t miss them.

when you stay awake at night wondering if the next morning will come remember.
the next morning will always come.
and even the nights offer beauty and wonder.
you just have to be awake to see them.
stay awake for me.
#lonely #depression #anxiety #love #heartbreak #morning #night #nature
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232 · Sep 2018
memories
Sarah Sep 2018
memories
i forgot what happy felt like
until you came and reminded me
#short #happy #love #friendship #memory
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230 · Mar 2019
within.
Sarah Mar 2019
within.
Each morning leaves me gasping for air,
still choking on the blood from last night.
One day, I fear, people will know who I am.

They’ll gaze into my shattered looking glass and recoil!
Scared of what they see.

A broken image of a broken girl-
all that’s left of my broken soul-
then they’ll turn around and leave.

For what’s to love of a devil like me?
I’ll try to care, but I am not tender.
I try to reach your heart, but once in my grasp, I’ll tear it out.

For your sake, I suggest you leave.
Please
let me choke alone.
#fear #anxiety #depression #alone #loneliness #ugly
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224 · Jan 2019
For Who I Once Was
Sarah Jan 2019
For Who I Once Was
Hush now- dry your eyes.
Wipe those tears, baby girl
For what's done is done.

Let my lullaby lead you away
From all that is evil and all that is over
Fill your head with my voice- instead of yours

Because your voice is so cruel!
Clanging and clashing inside of your mind;
I can hear the cacophony from here.

Believe me when I tell you that all is well.
The universe has stars set aside just for you;
If only you promise to reach out and touch them.
#content #peaceful #depression #growing
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224 · May 2018
what makes me pretty
Sarah May 2018
what makes me pretty
i have 10 fingers
to pick flowers with
to pet dogs with
to grasp other fingers with

i have 10 toes
to curl into the sand with
to feel the soft grass with
to carry me home with

i have 2 eyes
to see the world with
to watch birds fly with
to sometimes cry with

i have 2 ears
to listen to music with
to hear my friends laugh with
to spy through doors with

i have 1 stomach
to laugh with
to fill desserts with
to one day grow life with

i have 1 heart
to spread air with
to exercise with
to love with
#selflove #love #beauty #healing
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223 · Jan 2019
(Don’t) leave me here
Sarah Jan 2019
(Don’t) leave me here
I’m so tired
Tired of trying
Tired of falling
Tired of never getting back up again

Everyone I see
Is only a better version of me
Prettier
Softer
Marketable

So I spend another night restless
Tearful and alone
Only to wake up once again
To realize how much I hate myself again

Some days I just can’t help but think
If I’m so easily replacable
Why the hell would anyone ever miss me?
#sad #depression #anxiety #alone #lonely
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217 · Sep 2018
what i learned from behind the wheel
Sarah Sep 2018
what i learned from behind the wheel
stop lights change color
no matter who is watching
or if nobody is watching
so don’t you think for a second
that i need you
to tell me when to i’ve changed
#change #growth #acceptance #loss #heartbreak
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215 · Dec 2018
Thoughs from a Teenage Wasteland
Sarah Dec 2018
Thoughs from a Teenage Wasteland
It eats me alive to think
i was given this life
and nothing will be made of it

i waste away hating myself
and wait for the day when people say
“What a shame. Think of what could have been...”

The truth is
this world is not made for us all
and some people are destined to be nothing more than background noise
#sad #depression #waste #teen #angst
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215 · Feb 2019
things i'd never tell you
Sarah Feb 2019
things i'd never tell you
i love you with all of my heart and soul
it kills to watch you drift away from me
only to come back for a moment
just to leave me alone once again

why did you get to be okay?
why did i have to be the one to fall apart?
why doesn't my heart listen when i try to cut it out?

i want to scream at you
i want you to notice that i'm dying without you
i want you to love me again

i want you again
god why am i such a mess
#mess #depression #alone #lonely #love #pain #suffering
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214 · Jan 2019
Ending
Sarah Jan 2019
Ending
Some days, I think about how I could disappear.
Who would notice? Who would care?
I could slip away quietly in the night,
only to be found under a new name.
I promise that I'll forget you if you forget me.
But who's to say you haven't already
left me dangling?
Waiting for me to untie myself from you.
I'm on to different things. Destined things.
Hopefully less dreadful things. At least that's what I say.
But what I really want-
and what all of us need-
is an ending.
#ending #depressed #alone #lonely #forgotten #sad
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213 · May 2019
Roses Grow Thorns for Girls Like Me
Sarah May 2019
Roses Grow Thorns for Girls Like Me
Sometimes I feel
An inescapable loneliness
Only to be taken off my mind
By the seductive nature
Of pain
#depression #pain #selfharm #lonely #alone #loneliness #fear
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204 · Dec 2018
When Worlds Collide
Sarah Dec 2018
When Worlds Collide
Give me the ocean
Make me feel endless
Make my love deep
Leave me breathless
Entirely submerged in your ecstasy

In return I’ll give you the sky
Make you gaze in awe
Make your love infinite
Leave you falling
Entirely love with me
#love #sky #ocean #world #nature #water #earth
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201 · Oct 2018
untitled
Sarah Oct 2018
untitled
"don't you feel it?" i ask
doe eyed
young and lost
"don't you feel the world closing in on you?"
you smiled at me
your hand brushed my face
"so let it close in," you say
"just don't let it close you out"
#all #i #know #is #that #love #you
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198 · Oct 2018
Force of Nature
Sarah Oct 2018
Force of Nature
The mighty oak bows to the gentlest of breezes
The pale birch loses his leaves

Streams that are running refuse to be frozen
But icy death takes his toll

Summer is losing her grip on the earth
The whole world holds its breath

Frosty mornings and frigid nights
Replace the autumn sun

But this loss will last forever not
And the cycle begins again

The rain will go and the sun will stay
As warm beams birth a new day
our love is seasonal
it comes and goes
#love #seasons #nature #summer #winter #autumn
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194 · Jul 2019
Moments
Sarah Jul 2019
Moments
Oh, how I could just disappear every time you hold me!
I want to melt into you and your world and stare into those beautiful eyes forever-
however long that may be-
and not a moment less.
#love #romance #romantic #happy
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189 · Jun 2018
Fates
Sarah Jun 2018
Fates
I was young the first time I heard
“a fate worse than death”
I thought what could be worse than being gone?
Now I am older and I see
It’s living an invisible life
#short #sad #depression
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160 · Jan 2020
Thor
Sarah Jan 2020
Thor
He is the calm that rests before me.
And I, perpetually the storm.
Yet it is always me brought to her knees to please this God of thunder.
For with every gentle lighting strike,
He reminds me of his power.
And what kind of sinner would I be to deny this simple prayer?
#love #lust #romance #god #thunder #storm
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156 · Jul 2018
State of Mind
Sarah Jul 2018
State of Mind
Here I find myself lost again
Reaching for something that I’ll never grasp
Watch you- and everyone- drift away
I can’t say I blame you
I wish I could drift away from myself too
I want to leave this body
Leave this mind
Leave this world
Nobody sees though
I locked myself too deep and these chains are my own doing
I am the reason for all my pain
You were always a false hope
I should have known from the beginning
It’s just a shame I have to wake up now
Dreaming was much more bearable
#loss #depression #pain #suffering
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154 · Sep 2018
In the Moment
Sarah Sep 2018
In the Moment
I don't want to live in a future where
I
Am alone with only
Myself
My thoughts
And my Fears
But that is the only future I see
Either that or one where time is cut
Short
The tick-tick-ticking clock is stopped for me
But that would be too painful
Yet still too easy
I just wish I could give this fight up
I want to cry out "Enough!" but
My voice is gone
There is no audience anyway
I am stuck between past mistakes and future anxieties
That will become past mistakes to fuel future anxieties
I can never live in the moment
Because to do so
I would have to actually live
#depression #loss #heartbreak #anxiety
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151 · Aug 2018
Space.
Sarah Aug 2018
Space.
i ask what i am doing wrong
you tell me you need space

i give you what you ask for
and you disappear forever
im losing friends and my mind
this is just a short one
#loss #love #friendship #lost #depression
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— The End —